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INTJ-ENTP Relationships None
Old 03-13-2011, 05:19 PM   #1
GettingBetter
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So much is written about how intjs and entps are a good match. So few postings on this forum are intj/entp problems. The threads don't last long.

Does this mean that intj/entp don't pair up IRL? Or does it mean that the relationships are so smooth that no one needs to write in to complain about things? Or that once things get started, do they do a better job at working things out between themselves?
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Old 03-13-2011, 06:08 PM   #2
Ilara
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For my part, I don't bother posting any threads about my relationship with an ENTP because we don't have problems that I need to seek forum help for. That's not to say that we don't have our problems, but for the most part our relationship is very smooth. We don't need outside help.

On the other hand, I also think that there is relative scarcity. I haven't noticed many INTJs here saying that they're in relationships with ENTPs.
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Old 03-14-2011, 12:15 AM   #3
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I'm in a relationship with an ENTP. ENTPs and INTJs are like bizarro version of each other.

ENTP: Ne Ti Fe Si
INTJ: Ni Te Fi Se

The wonderful thing about it is that we have the same order of dominance in our judging/sensing functions, but tend to express them in different ways. For example, we are both abstract thinkers and approach issues logically, but those strengths manifest differently for each of us. I'm amazed by how many different (sometimes foolish) ideas he generates and how much he thinks through them and in turn he's impressed by how quickly I solve and optimize complex problems. I love that he makes me think about stuff like "noticing & caring about other people's emotions in social situations," and he enjoy my personal Fi independence and force of personality. (And we're both total sensetards.)

It's fun to pick out the different ways we express each of the functions, and in turn I learn a lot about different perspectives in a wholly understandable (logical) way.



That said, the most important element of any relationship isn't MBTI compatibility so much as emotional maturity in both parties. Insecure types have a tendency to lash out at anything different from themselves, so obviously in that case an INTJ/ENTP pairing wouldn't work.
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Old 03-14-2011, 05:06 AM   #4
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I get the feeling that you're referring to romantic relationships between INTJ's and ENTP's, but I think that the INTJ/ENTP relationship dynamic on both the romantic and platonic ends of the spectrum are interestingly trouble free.

A number of my friends have taken the test recently, and it came as no surprise at all to me to find out that my five closest friends are INTJ's. We have the easiest, most open, and stimulating relationships out of anyone I know. Nothing is an issue, because it never gets to a point where it's an actual "issue", you know?

If I'm being annoying, my INTJ friends will just say straight up, "you're being really annoying", and vice versa. I'm extremely difficult to offend, in that I don't take anything personally - but at the same time I'm pretty good with the social skills, so I word things in a very specific way, because I KNOW my INTJ friends will over-analyse it.

When I think of the five INTJ's I know, there's very little misunderstanding. And if there is misunderstanding, it's very easily resolved by just a little more explaining. Also, all of the ENTP's I know, myself included, are impossible to offend. I don't know why. I could probably go into more detail there, but I'm not sure if it's entirely relevant to your post.

Not to say I don't fight with them. Sometimes if I'm angry, it can be explosive. They'll usually go off and think about it, and come back when they're ready. I think that mutual respect of each other's need for space helps. Both ENTP's and INTJ's are very independent, so it's not seen as "ignoring" or "giving the cold shoulder".

I'm not sure if this rings true for everyone, but that's what my experience has been.
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Old 03-14-2011, 06:11 PM   #5
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I've met a couple INTJ females recently. I can see how things would work out long-term for me and one of them.
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Old 03-28-2011, 11:06 PM   #6
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The INTJ/ENTP relationship is definitely odd.

My husband is an INTJ (married 5 months) and our relationship has been a roller coaster ride to me and probably a slow uphill battle to him.

Getting through his shell was tough on my part because of my insecurity and the fact that he's very attractive but what helped was that I could ask him if he liked me and he would just simply say yes. I had to ask many times in many different ways but he was always reassuring. Out of nowhere, he said he wanted to be exclusive with me and it was very reassuring but also surprising because he didn't show his emotions at all. Then, before we got engaged, we rationally discussed the idea of marriage and agreed it would be a good decision. He still did a huge proposal thing but we had no problem with talking about it ahead of time (with my encouragement).

Anyway, do we work well together? Yes. A million times over yes.

The problem areas however, include that he is much more career-centered than I am, we sometimes have trouble communicating when fighting but somehow it works out in the end, and I like to pick fights when I'm stressed. Usually he points out that I'm wrong and I admit defeat.

I think the biggest concerns are that both people have to be mature and have to be adaptable in their communication styles. I have seen a lot of people complain that these two types could never work out because when they go wrong, they go very very wrong. It's true, they can bring out the best in each other or the worst. But it can be a wonderful combination between the right people.
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Old 03-28-2011, 11:13 PM   #7
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I think INTJ/ENTP is a pretty good combination. You just have to remember that you're both Ts, which also means that our emotions such as they are, are complicated little things that we don't always understand well. Nevertheless, being honest, and openly caring and expressing your love more when you're not under stress... should be good.

(So that you both know that even though you can express some odd frustrations when stressed, that that's not really how you feel)

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With an ENTP, you're more likely to find that intellectual equal, but maybe not that softness that your heart occasionally wants to feel. Not sure you really need some of those really soft feelings.
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Old 02-17-2012, 12:11 PM   #8
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fwiffo - you could be describing the relationship between me and my entp. I think you hit the nail on the head in terms of highlighting the maturity factor. I think, to a certain extent, that is true regardless of type. Aside from personality, personal development derived from the greater range of experiences gained with maturity and a drive to refine oneself seems to be something that is essential for my relationships to be functional. That drive is something that is inherent in my entp partner - certainly one of his best qualities.
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Old 02-17-2012, 01:12 PM   #9
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Shadow relationships can be amazing! They encourage growth and assimilation of shadow functions. But during those out-of-synch times, hold onto your hats, 'cause it's gonna' be a rough ride.
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Old 05-10-2012, 12:40 PM   #10
Kuroneko
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Good match in my experience. Of course I talk about healthy ENTPs and not nutty ones but that applies to any type.
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Old 05-10-2012, 04:49 PM   #11
mieu
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MBTI system is a good ballpark, maybe a good guideline, but it's way too weak to predict anything with absolute certainty. For example, you'll see a few very vocal people denounce ESFxes as being 'the worst thing ever.' I know quite a few ESFxes, some of them quite intimately, and they're great. I also know INTJs (I suppose the aforementioned whiners come to mind, here) that are repulsive. The best thing that MBTI can tell us is how a person perceives the world and roughly how their values (whatever they are) are applied to it...from there you can use to potentially foresee potential communication issues (things that can be worked with a little bit of effort).

It all comes down to value systems, maturity and attachment style. Everyone has something to offer if they're willing to actually put it into the relationship (as opposed to take away and give nothing in return).

EDIT: Holy necro, batman
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Old 05-11-2012, 11:44 PM   #12
FemmePetite
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  Originally Posted by sunshiner424
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The INTJ/ENTP relationship is definitely odd.

My husband is an INTJ (married 5 months) and our relationship has been a roller coaster ride to me and probably a slow uphill battle to him.

Getting through his shell was tough on my part because of my insecurity and the fact that he's very attractive but what helped was that I could ask him if he liked me and he would just simply say yes. I had to ask many times in many different ways but he was always reassuring. Out of nowhere, he said he wanted to be exclusive with me and it was very reassuring but also surprising because he didn't show his emotions at all. Then, before we got engaged, we rationally discussed the idea of marriage and agreed it would be a good decision. He still did a huge proposal thing but we had no problem with talking about it ahead of time (with my encouragement).

Anyway, do we work well together? Yes. A million times over yes.

The problem areas however, include that he is much more career-centered than I am, we sometimes have trouble communicating when fighting but somehow it works out in the end, and I like to pick fights when I'm stressed. Usually he points out that I'm wrong and I admit defeat.

I think the biggest concerns are that both people have to be mature and have to be adaptable in their communication styles. I have seen a lot of people complain that these two types could never work out because when they go wrong, they go very very wrong. It's true, they can bring out the best in each other or the worst. But it can be a wonderful combination between the right people.

You married an INTP? #sits-back Dear God! That is the ultimate partner for debate! I am not surprised by the description of your relationship as a "rollercoster". INTPs like to argue for arguing sake. INTJs like being correct, and will continue to argue their repeated points until the other person gets it. They both have done extensive research on the matter. They both will not leave an argument until one is said to be correct in some part of the argument. Just a mess.........my brother is an INTP.

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Old 05-11-2012, 11:49 PM   #13
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  Originally Posted by FemmePetite
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You married an INTP? #sits-back Dear God! That is the ultimate partner for debate! I am not surprised by the description of your relationship as a "rollercoster". INTPs like to argue for arguing sake. INTJs like being correct, and will continue to argue their repeated points until the other person gets it. They both have done extensive research on the matter. They both will not leave an argument until one is said to be correct in some part of the argument. Just a mess.........my brother is an INTP.

I like that though, and most of the time I have no problems conceding defeat if just for the sake of peace.

Arguing with an INTP is hard work believe me I know, but it's also very intellectually rewarding.

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Old 05-12-2012, 07:27 AM   #14
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I just can't do the E thing. E's just cause me to be more tense and high strung, whereas I's calm me. I don't feel the need to have to entertain them give them stimuli. I realized I just always find the I's. I've dated an ISTP, an ISTJ, an INFJ, and now an INTJ (ha! I guess I just love myself).

I know it's been said that E's and I's are a good balence for each other, but to me, I like the idea of two I's that normally keep these deep thoughts to themselves deciding to share them with one other person, just one other (their love). I just find it to be an extremely deep bond.

But to introverts that can deal with (And enjoy) the constant presence of an E... all the power to them!
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Old 05-12-2012, 08:42 AM   #15
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  Originally Posted by GettingBetter
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So much is written about how intjs and entps are a good match. So few postings on this forum are intj/entp problems. The threads don't last long.

Does this mean that intj/entp don't pair up IRL? Or does it mean that the relationships are so smooth that no one needs to write in to complain about things? Or that once things get started, do they do a better job at working things out between themselves?

It means that while some MBTI types compliment one another relationships come down to human traits not MBTI ones and some relationships don't work. Period.

I constantly hear and read about ENFP/INTJ matches and as an INTJ female I have to say that every ENFP male I've met I want to punch in the throat. Not that fond of the female ones either though there are at least exceptions.

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Old 05-13-2012, 02:39 AM   #16
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  Originally Posted by JustMel
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It means that while some MBTI types compliment one another relationships come down to human traits not MBTI ones and some relationships don't work. Period.

I constantly hear and read about ENFP/INTJ matches and as an INTJ female I have to say that every ENFP male I've met I want to punch in the throat. Not that fond of the female ones either though there are at least exceptions.

What about ENFPs gets you going?

What about ENTPs do you INTJ females find the most appealing? I've heard debates and the placing value on interpersonal abilities, what else?

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Old 05-13-2012, 11:44 AM   #17
JustMel
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  Originally Posted by Frenetic Tranq
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What about ENFPs gets you going?

What about ENTPs do you INTJ females find the most appealing? I've heard debates and the placing value on interpersonal abilities, what else?

I dislike most feelers completely. They annoy me. Most feelers come with touchy feely tendencies and I dislike that. Plus I'm not one to much care if I hurt someone's feelings beyond my children so when they say "That really hurt my feelings" my response is generally "I don't care, it's truth deal with it". High Es bother me because I like peace and quiet and they need to be loud, bouncy and overall annoying. My husband is an ExTJ but his E is closer to 50% so he's balanced and is never always "on" and he needs his down time too and understands mine.

I can tolerate NTs, even if they're Es better than I can almost anyone who is a P. My oldest daughter is an INTP and her "rose colored glasses, see the best of everyone" makes me nuts. She's so blunt and to the point most of the time but then she slips into the "but mom you have to give people time to change" mode
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. No honey, if he hasn't had a job for more than six months in the last three years he's not likely to ever get anywhere in life. Let him go. "mom he just needs to find himself". No, he needs to get a job. The only thing she's not like that about are bad parents/ill mannered children.

I dated a guy that was a FP and he let people walk all over him and make him feel guilty about saying no, etc. I finally asked him why he let them do that to him and he said "I don't want them to feel bad". Rho and I figured out a long time ago that I (most times unintentionally) rip feelers and romantic guys to shreds because I'm just not that kind of girl. Other INTJ females maybe able to deal with those kind of people, I cannot. That's why I say relationships are more about human traits than MBTI traits.

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Old 01-31-2014, 05:28 AM   #18
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I know this thread has been dead for a while but I just discovered it. I've been in a 7.5 year relationship with an ENTP that I'm marrying later this year. We are definitely bizarro versions of each other, as FWIFFO noted above. We've definitely had our issues - especially when it comes to worldview & life purpose. With that said, we've never needed outside help resolving our differences. Ultimately the ENTP personality seems to fit well with the INTJ's need for understanding. And us INTJs care so little about people that when we do, we really do so we don't give up - keeping in line with our laser focus in other ways. It also doesn't hurt that we're both logically/rationally driven Thinkers with an ability to control our Feeling functions (though they seem to understand these so-called "feelings" better than us). We both recognize that the pros of being with the other balance us out better & outweigh the cons. My ENTP makes me understand people better (or tries at least). I make my ENTP more practical & problem-solving/solution-oriented. At the end of the day, despite our different principles & driving forces, we're both straightforward types - & one such person always appreciates the hell out of another.
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