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Love and Dating: How to Attract and Win the Heart of an INTJ None
Old 04-14-2008, 12:25 AM   #1
curiousjane
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MBTI: INFP
Join Date: Mar 2008
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OK people,

According to Jezebel's stats for the forum's 6 month anniversary not so long ago, the most popular key word searches that bring new people to the forum is anything to do with dating, love, relationships, and romance.

In addition, I've noticed that the General Sociology area is one of the most popular, and a lot of specific dating advice is being discussed currently. For instance, the threads such as
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or
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and
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.

So, I propose that we start a thread specifically to address what works for you ... as a reference for the prospective interested parties out there, how could an interested somebody attract your attention, and then work his or her way into your heart?

I'm talking love and genuine interest here. Not lust. (Idealist, here! Hello!) If somebody else wants to know what gets you into bed, let that person start another thread. I'm just suggesting we discuss what makes your heart wake up and tell your brain that you want to spend more and more time with a particular somebody, even ... perhaps ... the rest of your life?

With so many searches being made on the topic, you might just help out INTJs everywhere with their love life, because somebody, somewhere, is brave enough and interested enough to Google "intj love" or "dating an INTJ" or "INTJ + ___fill in the MBTI blank here___". Who knows, maybe that searcher will read this thread, take the advice into consideration, and make an INTJ somewhere very, very happy.

Somebody once made a reference to writing a manual to explain himself on the first date. Well, here you go. Have at it. Type away ...

With that long introduction, please identify:

1) Your gender
2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

This should be interesting. I'm very curious to see if anybody answers ...


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Old 04-14-2008, 12:45 AM   #2
TheLastMohican
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MBTI: ENTJ
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Posts: 7,586
 
I am probably entirely unqualified to respond, but I'm sure you will be happy to get an answer.

It seems I am not a romantic type, but I assume that the same guidlines would refer to normal friendship. I at least know that I would not consider marrying a person with whom I could not be friends.

I am a 17-year-old male. I do not know the types of any people outside my family, but I am not bad at guessing. Trouble is, I don't know many people well enough to guess.

But, I can generalize the traits I am attracted to. For me to get along with a person, probably the N is most important. S just doesn't think similarly enough.

I also prefer I over E. E livens up conversations, but gets tiring and annoying very quickly. I would want someone who is capable of being quiet.

I would prefer T over F, but I have found that F with IN is not at all bad. I would find it most irritating when paired with S. Yikes.

Finally, J and P don't matter much at all. They both have strong and weak points, and are fairly equal in my opinion.

Therefore, I guess I would be most compatible with INxx types. In the forum conversations, I find INTJ's are good for debates and deep thinking, with an intense aura. INFP's are charming, but possibly difficult in serious conversations, considering their different processes.

There are many different ways in which a person could attract my attention. Common interests are pretty important. However, noticing that someone has a common interest will not make me want to approach the person. I think that is minor. It will only help in providing conversation material once we start talking.
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Old 04-14-2008, 01:07 AM   #3
Aoiluna
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"Each of us A cell of awareness Imperfect and incomplete"
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 191
 
18-19 year old female.

I have yet to experience love and I'm not exactly sure what someone would need to do to steal my heart. Its odd, usually when i'm attracted to someone its instantaneous, not something acquired. That has recently changed a bit however, which has left me completely confused...but anyways.

The types that im attracted to vary from intp, intj, entp, entj, intj, and infp. I like the idea of having a complex NT. For me, I prefer a guy who is complex, or one that I cant figure out in one conversation. Someone that will keep me guessing and wanting to figure him out/spend more time with him. Someone interesting that no one else really notices. Someone that will engage in sarcastic and witty arguments with me instead of just staring blankly. Obviously must have a sense of humor and intelligence. I want someone who is not clingy, and can respect my need for space. I don't want a guy who will give up everything for me, he needs to have a spine and be able to live for himself. I absolutely do not want a guy who is more sensitive and emotional than I.

To win my heart.....hmmm. Still thinking on this one. There are random things in my mind that I consider romantic and nice, but i find cliche romantics too predictable and kind of....annoying I guess. Keep it original and spontaneous. Keeps it exciting. I would LOVE to have a guy who I couldnt predict.
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Old 04-14-2008, 06:58 AM   #4
Homini Lupus
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Me ne frego.
MBTI: INTJ
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Posts: 1,228
 
I think I've seen it from both sides of the hill (a woman or two trying to date with me and I tried to date with a woman who behaved quite like me ergo quite like an INTJ)

I'm male and quite happy about of it (wich means I'm too full of myself for most of the womans who nowadays often prefer less masculine behaviour and generally don't understand the implications of my individualism).

I'm 24 and probably too old for this dating stuff (the more times passes the more problem is haing 0 experience with actual relations).

Things I find romantic:
-Titanism (a form of fight against fate)
-Carl Orff's version of the Catulli Carmina
-The figure of the rebel
Endearing:
What is endearing to common people bestows upon me the berserker rage
Interesting:
-On the short run, I can get interested by anything wich is outside mainstream point of views.
-Women with an agenda are more interesting than those without.
-Some women know how to have an interesting look (without exposing more than a few square centimeters of skin)
-The relationship with non-human animal life is an important parameter by wich I judge people.

I don't use MBTI categories on others too often but I'll make some general considerations.
I is more interesting than E, but some kind of Es (NTs) are quite good company. Also, men are generally required to act more E than their partner and since I'm a false extroverted I can fulfill this better with Is.

I probably would get along better with an S woman since that would help me not to get lost in my own mental mess. But I understand N people better.

Every word sopken in an F way is automatically excluded by my brain and considered as not spoken: meaningless things have no right to exist. I guess that could cause quite a lot of misunderstanding with F people, but an IN would at least give some common ground.

Relation with Js is more challenging but more rewarding. I guess Ps are a better long term investment or at least a good minmaxing strategy.
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Old 04-14-2008, 07:42 AM   #5
Antares
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MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
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1) Your gender
2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?
4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

^ I need to keep this there as a reference. My life is easier that way.

1. Female
2. 15
3. I find a vast array of things romantic. In romance stories, I find these types especially touching:

- Human vs. Fate (Romeo and Juliet etc)
- Hard Choices
- Love-hate relationships
- Challenge; a battle of wits
- Intense emotions

I think I've only truly fallen for one person; an ENTP. I became infatuated with an INTP (guess) as a fifth-grader and we were very good friends (but I wansn't INTJ then. More of an INFJ or an INFP), but he left and I felt next to nothing afterwards. I didn't fall for the ENTP because of his looks; sure, it mattered a bit, but ultimately, it was our strange past and relationship that drew me to him. We hated each other as children and I guess our personalities made the difference; I was sick of his revolting sense of humor and his 'mean' streak and he found my hostile retaliations tiring. Two years ago, I saw him in a whole new light; at first, it was simply the longing to see him and the excitement, but then after a while, I realized that I've fallen for him; I was appalled. For the these two months, we were on good terms, but I guess I subconsciously maintained that two months of half 'friendship' doesn't erase four to five years of bad blood (thus my enthusiasm for love-hate relationships in romance stories. I identify a lot with these). After that school year, we stopped talking again (we never did talk much), and this year due to seating arrangements, we became more friendly with each other, but I think I've gotten over him. I would consider him a 'friend' if only he didn't try to piss me off so much
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4. I find these personalities attractive: ENTP, INTP and ENTJ. Not sure about INTJ; as our conversations quickly deterioate into nothing if we agree on most matters (and in this case, being the same type, we usually do). I like extroverts due to my low I preference, and I don't mind introverts as long as they're not boring. My ESTJ friend and I can talk on for hours and still enjoy the converstation, while with my INTJ and ISFJ friend, we can have some meaningful exchanges that last only minutes then return to silence. I prefer intuitives over sensers and thinkers vastly over feelers. I had a crush on an ESTP before, but none of them were an F type. I've never been attracted to Js and although I like order, I'd probably like Ps better.

F people, when face with a dilemma, rank feelings as much, if not more than logic. That's something I can't stand, and if we can't work out a compromise, which we won't because I won't consider emotions for the most part, then our relationship will go nowhere.

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Old 04-14-2008, 07:44 AM   #6
Chimerical
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MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 319
 
1) Your gender
*unzips pants and looks down*
I'm a male.

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)
*searches for his birth certificate*
24 1/2. Booya!

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

Being understood works wonders on me. Someone who's smart. Someone who can play music [template: someone who does something I'm interested in] and would be able to have a conversation about music theory with me. Someone who will play strategy games with me on the same level as I do or within a close enough range.

Someone with a sarcastic sense of humor. Someone who doesn't care what other people think about her. A girl who avoid unnecessary bullshit and it up front with me about things.

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted
INTJ, ENFP [like a drug], INFP, INTP are the only ones I've confirmed. Until recently I haven't been the best at discovering someone's personality. I'll let you know the most significant MBTI's once I discover the MBTI of the girls I wanted to be with the most.

Right now the two I felt the most for and really desired to be with were both INTJ. Then there were two I never figured out, that I liked [but not as much as the INTJ's]. Then there was and ENFP I liked. The INFP I liked as well, but that's because I always learned something when I was around her.

Notable was an ESFP I dated. I dated her because I felt bad for her, there was no one in my life at the time, and I cared about her as a friend. So I figured I could be there for her, find her a boyfriend, hook her up, and conveniently break up with her. I liked her as a friend but dating her and being too close annoyed the crap out of me. Once I found her a guy I never missed dating her, but I decided I would NEVER date anyone like her again.

Later on she took a personality test and told me she was an esfp, which gave me a guideline of what to avoid.
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Old 04-14-2008, 10:03 AM   #7
geonerd
Member [03%]
Here. It's all up here...in my noodle.
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 128
 
27/F. I'm going to make this brief. I want someone who is:

1) insatiably curious
2) has common sense
3) has ambition
4) capable of handling my bluntness
5) supportive of my goals
6) respectful of my independence
7) not into MIND GAMES

So basically, I want to date me with a penis. How's that for narcissism?

As for types...I'm not really keen on all of them, but I know I click better with intuitive types better than sensing types. I can handle F ok, but they often times cannot handle me.
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Old 04-14-2008, 10:51 AM   #8
DrEast
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MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 713
 
INTJs aren't really at home with lust either. N! Not S! We live in our heads, thankyouverymuch. Note that when I refer to INTJ from here on out, I'm really just trying to give people a guide to dating ME, and it may not be universally applicable. I've never not been me.

1. Male

2. 25

3. As an INTJ, I generally approach love in much the same way an INFJ would, but with less invested in it overall. This isn't to say that the idea of love isn't important to me... it very much is... but I am willing to go without it rather than try and approximate it with consistent lust. This is the initial hurdle that prospective suitors must overcome.

This lack of investment can come across as a lack of interest. Be assured that this is not the case! However, INTJs must judge someone as acceptable before committing to a long-term relationship. And there's really no such thing as an acceptable short-term relationship.

So, here's a quick-and-easy guide to INTJ courtship:

Step 1: Realize that you have fallen in love with a nerd, despite the commonly held
American middle-to-high-school idea that this is impossible. You do, however, have my condolences.

Step 2: Study your nerd carefully. Your nerd will have several interests. Pick several and learn about them, enough that you can converse about them casually. True expertise is not required (your INTJ will enjoy elucidating you and you can capitalize on that to make them enjoy your company), but a basic vocabulary is recommended. Don't worry, your nerd is safe from competing courtiers who have not taken the time to invest in overcoming that first hurdle.

Step 3: Your nerd may hold a set of social mores and values. Make sure you learn about these early as well, and at least pretend to hold similar social mores. You may be amazed otherwise when attempts to seduce drive away rather than attract your nerd, especially if you are an S-type personality. With time you may well be able to argue your INTJ out of the ones you disagree with.

Step 3.5: Speaking of arguing, take some time to learn the most common flaws in logic and how to spot them. Nothing impresses and attracts an INTJ like being able to correctly identify flaws in logic. More interestingly, INTJs often take shortcuts in logic themselves when attempting to sway an audience, being poor communicators of internal logic and more interested in the result than the process of debate per se. Making your INTJ expand his arguments can make him into a better person and earn you some respect.

Step 4: You have now rendered yourself acceptable, being able to fit into your INTJ's long-term plans about how the world should work. Now you must insinuate yourself into the INTJ's world! With a little effort, you can make it so that to him or her, long term planning must accommodate you to be acceptable. At this point the INTJ will be in love with you, but it may take some time for them to realize this.

Step 5: Flirting. INTJ's can not easily identify flirting directed at them. They are not P's, however, so this is easy to overcome. Simply tell them, as clinically and casually as possible, that you find yourself attracted to them and would like to try dating. If the INTJ is unattached, they should respond well to this. Attempting to turn flirting into a subtle dance of hidden meaning will leave you intensely frustrated.

Step 6: Communication. The INTJ's basic form of communication is the logical argument. Engage them in it, expounding on the argument yourself if you agree or attempting counter-argumentation if you disagree.

Step 7: Physicality. INTJs are not physical people, but must be acclimated to touching. Start small, with hello or goodbye hugs, and expand from there. To an INTJ, staring into your eyes is the equivalent of making out, without so much mess and bother. An INTJ will but rarely initiate physical contact. If you are a physical person, it may be some time before you can get your INTJ to act accordingly.

4. N's generally, but everyone has something to offer.
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Old 04-14-2008, 11:46 AM   #9
pallasathena
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MBTI: intj
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 263
 
1) Your gender - FEMALE

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much) 44 IN MAY



3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

I am a LOT older than most of you, so here's my opinion. Romance to me is a lot different than most women I know. I took that Love Language test on this site and I scored highest in Quality Time and Acts of Service. Many people say "I love you", but their action don't match their words. What I find romantic is a man who is intelligent down-to-earth, considerate, thoughful, honest, brave, witty, passionate, and most of all, a generous spirit. I want someone who encourages me to be the best person I can be. I want someone who makes me better than I would be alone; I want someone who changes me in some way. If you're with someone who has no effect on you, you might as well be alone. Men never fully get to know me because I think a woman should always keep a part of herself for herself. A woman should always keep her inner mystery. Looking back on my romantic life I find that most men were initially attracted to me because they couldn't figure me out; they felt I was a challenge. I wasn't trying to be-that's just me. I never felt I needed a man to "complete" me-I'm already complete. I made a man cry once, but he deserved it at the time. He insulted my intelligence and that pissed me off. These days, I am happily a "singleton". I'm dealing with some "grown-up" issues like taking care of an aging parent, which leaves me very little energy or interest in dating anyone. But I'm OK with that. My life is so full without a man that if I met the ideal one today, he's just be the "cherry on top of my already scrumptious ice cream sundae".
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THE END
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Old 04-14-2008, 11:54 AM   #10
TehBeefah
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o.O
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 62
 
I'm a 20 year old male, for the record.

I've had three and a half relationships so far, two of which I can honestly say that I and the girl I was dating were in love. The 'half' was a girl who was in love with me who I knew I couldn't maintain a relationship with, but for all intents and purposes we were a couple for a while. The third relationship was.. kind of pointless, and ended mutually after a few months. In both of my "long-term" relationships, (7 months and 1 year, respectively) I was extremely attached to my girlfriend. In participating in this forum, I feel kind of different from the rest of the INTJ community, in that I gain immense satisfaction out of being in a relationship. I do love my own independence, sure, but I feel as though it is wasted if I can't support someone else as well. I need someone who needs me, basically. I suppose I have a savior complex, because all of my past relationships involved me stepping in and assisting her in getting her life back on track. After showing success, I was dumped. But that's another story. I always thought that women were the "gatekeepers of relationships," and that almost any girl (with some exceptions) could have almost any guy they could possibly want. My ex girlfriend and I used to argue about who would have the harder time if we were both single, and I postulated that she could have knocked on any door on my dorm hall and started a relationship with whoever was inside (pending they weren't already in a relationship). I digress, but my point is that there was a time, until recently (when I discovered this forum), when I thought any nerd like myself would be lucky to have any decent girl at all.

That being said, I am convinced that we are not really that hard to seduce. I actually am a rather touchy-feely person, but that may be because I've been involved in drama departments for the last eight years or so. And you know those drama kids. I also agree that I can't identify flirting unless it beats me over the head, so the best way to start anything with an INTJ is just to be direct. I would respond very well to basically being asked out on a date. I would get the impression (unless there was substantial contrary evidence) that if a girl asked me to get dinner or do something, and it was just the two of us, that she would be interested. By far, the best way to communicate to me that you're interested is to place yourself close to me, look into my eyes, and smile while you talk. Holding my hand while watching a movie, all that sort of cheesy mess really does work for me. I remember when my ex girlfriend and I first started realizing we were interested in each other, we were watching Star Wars (Another HUGE plus, by the way, is an interest in science fiction) on my futon with a few friends, and we discretely began touching pinkies under a blanket, which eventually progressed to hand holding. Later, we both confessed having no interest in watching the movie, and all our mental energy was focused on making exactly precise movements with our fingers to give the proper impression that we were interested without being too forward.

To sum up, be direct. I believe many INTJs (myself included) are very reluctant to make the first move, and tend to assume that someone is not interested unless they can find obvious evidence which suggests otherwise. INTJ are very proud people, and do not accept failure easily. So, naturally, they avoid taking risks which could end up embarrassing them, such as asking a girl out. They prefer to wait until circumstances are obviously in their favor before making a movie, and have the ability to rationalize missed opportunities as someone not really being interested. If they were, of course, they would have said something.

I also believe the N trait is very important to INTJs. S can be viewed as a waste of time, because as details are fleshed out, the INTJ can get very frustrated as they can't communicate the idea of the "big picture" to the S. E can can also get tiring, and it would take a very specific kind of E, one who understood the internalized nature of the INTJ and was willing to accept that they couldn't draw energy from their partner and in social situations. My first girlfriend I'm inclined to believe was an ENFP. Her N traits were very obvious, and it was appealing to me to see how somebody with such a pronounced intuition could be so outgoing, but maintain her individuality. My last girlfriend was an INFJ, like my mother, ironically. She and I connected on many levels which I hadn't known before, but I could never really understand the emotional closeness that she required until recently. I suppose even us INTJs have areas to work on.

Sorry for the long post.
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Old 04-14-2008, 01:20 PM   #11
ElstonGunn
Core Member [167%]
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 6,708
 
Interesting ideas so far. I'll keep mine short, partially to make things easier, and partially because I don't know what I'm talking about beyond a few things.

It's very simple with me. I'm 22 and male. If you're interested in me, I won't notice it. I assume that no one is interested in me, so don't be surprised if I act accordingly.

All you have to do is be as unlike me as you can, in most respects. I'm a cold, heartless, argumentative, sarcastic, cynical bastard with no feelings. I don't want someone like me. I'm like me. That's as much of me that I'll ever need. So I'm attracted to the warm, sweet, caring, feminine types.

Also, don't expect me to make any moves. It is three times more likely that you'll win the lottery, get struck by lighting, and find ten four-leaf clovers all on the same day, then it is that I will not only notice that you might possibly not be completely disinterested in me, but that I'd also stop second-guessing that long enough to figure out a halfway decent thing to say to you to convey my own interest in you. It's a lot easier for everyone if you just engage me in conversation and try to keep talking enough for me to stick around. Or better yet, just tell me that you think I'm alright and you'd like to go on a date with me or something to that effect.
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Old 04-14-2008, 02:55 PM   #12
Richard0612
Member [08%]
"There are known knowns... there are known unknowns..."
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 322
 
I'm a 15 year old male to start with, and I'm not really that interested in relationships [although that prob. has something to do with finding the right person].

I value:
  • Intelligence
  • not 'touchy-feely' [at least not too much]
  • has common sense
  • is able to tell me what is going on without sugar coating things and...
  • is able to take the same from me
  • not into 'romantic gestures' that have no meaning
MBTI: preferably INTJ, ISTJ, ENTJ, ISFJ

Yes, I am rather picky, but hey, relationships don't have to rule your life. What's wrong with being single?!
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Old 04-14-2008, 03:49 PM   #13
Kotetsu
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MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 140
 
I'm a 16 year old male. Things I look for/consider:
  • Intelligence (not just academically, though that counts for something).
  • Isn't obsessive about her image (the only girls I've ever asked out don't wear obviously visible make-up daily).
  • Does not expect me to be extraverted and/or popular.
  • Is open to my directness and tries to be so herself.
  • Is interested in and understands my thoughts/feelings/ideals/fears.

MBTI: My current interest has INFJ preferences I think. I prefer IN types (Es can be scary and are often frustrated by me, and I get frustrated by Ss daily), but I could be malleable, I think.
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Old 04-14-2008, 04:21 PM   #14
sriv
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"We need to be the change we wish to see in the world." -Gandhi
MBTI: IxTJ
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,865
 
Male in the teens.
My ideal partner would be honest, and would not hold off on early judgements. She would have to be mentally strong and have good values. She would also treat me as I treat her. There should be an equality between us intelligence-wise and workload-wise.
I would most prefer an ENTJ with not too strong of an E, because it would do well to counteract my I. Other than that I would not mind an ENTP or any other introvert that does not have too strong of an S. I do not think that strong S's in general mix well with INTJs.
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Old 04-14-2008, 04:26 PM   #15
Dystopia
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MBTI: INTJ
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Posts: 54
 

  Originally Posted by ElstonGunn
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I'm a cold, heartless, argumentative, sarcastic, cynical bastard with no feelings.

Haha, I had to join this thread when I saw that expression. I always thought that I was the only person who would come out with a sentence like that. I guess I have come home. That's the same reason I have trouble with women.

I should introduce myself. I'm James, and new to this forum. Small talk over.

I am in the unusual position of having dated my own type and my opposite type last year, so perhaps I have something useful to say. I dated an ESFP and an INTJ last year.

The ESFP relationship was obviously a disaster from the start. There was some initial attraction, of the "opposites attract" kind, then disaster quickly followed. Perhaps there was some attraction to my decisive self-confidence, and her "P" mentality decided to just go with the flow. And my logical side thought that perhaps I had all the typically male characteristics, and her all the typicall female ones, so we would be the missing parts of each other.

In the end, her extrovert side resented me for being too solitary, I failed to fit in with those social rituals that "S" types seem to love. And her "P" indecisiveness irritated me to the point where I would rather she just told me where to stick in than have my heart torn out by her "I don't know, let's see how things pan out, I don't have enough information to make a decision" torture.

My failure in an INTJ-INTJ relationship came down to the fact that when she got stressed out, she would display a very immature "S", which totally "sensed" things wrongly.

I think my least favoured type is anything with an "S" in it. ESTJs and ISTJs especially irritate me for their love of those pathetic social rituals, and scanning to see if I am "normal" enough. At least the *S*Ps are indecisive enough to be persuaded by my strength of character, but in the end they'll never know what they want, so it's all pointless.

I want a woman to realise that if I am being blunt and honest, it is because I respect her enough to feel that I am able to speak my mind. It is only strangers and casual acquaintances that I feel the need to hide my true self from.

I hide myself from strangers, not because I want to fit in, or because I'm afraid of what people will think, but because it is the "path of least resistance." I have no problem emphasising what I have in common with people and hiding the differences, to maintain functional work relationships, for example, so long as I don't have to lie or compromise my principles. Aside from that superficial compromise, you stay out of my business and I'll stay out of yours.

A woman should understand from me that if I feel free to speak my mind, as insane as it might sound, it is the greatest possible compliment she could have. However, most women are far more carried away by men who tell them what they want to hear.

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Old 04-14-2008, 06:32 PM   #16
Melotch
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MBTI: INTJ
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1) Female

2) 19

3) I find genuine kindness to be incredibly attractive. It sounds weak, but genuine goodness is a courageous attribute.
Somebody who pays attention to what I'm doing is attractive to me. I'm subtle, and I don't like to overstate things; I appreciate it when people care enough to get what I'm saying. I don't communicate much-- When I do, I do for a reason.
Intensity is good, as is intelligence. Actually, I think both are essential to me. Those are the interesting things, and being interesting is more powerful than being endearing.
A good laugh and a good smile go a long way.
Guys who don't expect me to guess how they're feeling are a vast relief. I like bluntness in everybody, but especially in someone where there is an emotional connection.
Uncompromising in their own moral law. Even if it clashes with mine, it's more important to me that you've got enough integrity to keep a clean conscience than to break that and follow me to impress me. That's not the same as being pig-headed, though. Keeping an open mind is important.

4)
IN types, generally. More inclined towards INT types. Those with a strong feeling preference tend to follow my lead, and I don't like feeling too dominant-- it's disturbing to totally trounce a guy, especially unintentionally. INTxs keep things challenging. Extroverts tend to leave me passive; when I don't have to interact, I don't. They generally find me dull anyway.
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Old 04-14-2008, 06:41 PM   #17
ethsar46
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MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 213
 
1) Male

2) 23

3) One of the most important things i look for is a girl who sticks up for themselves and doesnt take crap from people. I had this friend who took all sort of crap from her B/F at the time, she lost all my respect.
Other wise, i mainly looking for someone like me. Or i should say im not sure what i want.

4)Ive dated mainly INT's and ESF's and EST's
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Old 04-14-2008, 06:46 PM   #18
Pinkie
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MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 274
 
I'm a nineteen year old female. My ideal man is:
  • Intelligent (and not just in an I-memorised-a-book way).
  • Dry in terms of humour.
  • Not afraid to make fun of me.
  • Not afraid to let me make fun of him.
  • Not overly concerned about appearance... but not a slob, either.
  • Direct, because I hate people who don't say what they mean.
  • Adept at challenging me to improve myself. I need to have goals to be happy.
  • Not particularly tactile.
  • Capable of giving me a lot of time to myself.
  • Able to acknowledge that I prefer not to lean on other people.
  • Able to see that actions speak louder than words. And that they also speak louder than crappy teddy bear gifts that I'm going to chuck away as soon as he's not looking.


I really can't compromise on most of those items. They're all rather important to me. I go for INTJs or ISTJs in the main but my biggest preference is for I. Then T. N/S and J/P are negotiable. Just about...
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Old 04-14-2008, 07:00 PM   #19
azelismia
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Hostes alienigeni me abduxerunt. Qui annus est?
MBTI: INTj
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,657
 
37
f

What always made me take notice was intelligence, the ability to recognize when I am baiting an argument and resist it or counter it wisely rather than just biting at the bait. love of debate. Basically just recognizing that a person was my equal was very exhilarating.

When I was younger and still dating I had a number of tests that I put guys through. Honesty: Was he able to stand up for himself and tell me what he really thought or would he say what he thought I wanted to hear? Instant dismissal if he pussed out.
Would he let me rail road him? Instant dismissal if he pussed out.

I tended to end up with Entj's entp's Intp Intj and Infp. I dated an Enfp once and it was torture. S types have never held my interest. Too alien.
Most F types seem to be occasionally alien and occasionally very good to be around.
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Old 04-14-2008, 07:40 PM   #20
alexxq
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  Originally Posted by Aoiluna
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18-19 year old female.

I have yet to experience love and I'm not exactly sure what someone would need to do to steal my heart. Its odd, usually when i'm attracted to someone its instantaneous, not something acquired. That has recently changed a bit however, which has left me completely confused...but anyways.

The types that im attracted to vary from intp, intj, entp, entj, intj, and infp. I like the idea of having a complex NT. For me, I prefer a guy who is complex, or one that I cant figure out in one conversation. Someone that will keep me guessing and wanting to figure him out/spend more time with him. Someone interesting that no one else really notices. Someone that will engage in sarcastic and witty arguments with me instead of just staring blankly. Obviously must have a sense of humor and intelligence. I want someone who is not clingy, and can respect my need for space. I don't want a guy who will give up everything for me, he needs to have a spine and be able to live for himself. I absolutely do not want a guy who is more sensitive and emotional than I.

To win my heart.....hmmm. Still thinking on this one. There are random things in my mind that I consider romantic and nice, but i find cliche romantics too predictable and kind of....annoying I guess. Keep it original and spontaneous. Keeps it exciting. I would LOVE to have a guy who I couldnt predict.

This sounds alot like what most women your age would say.

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Old 04-14-2008, 07:47 PM   #21
INTJCanuck
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Male, 22. I've never had a serious relationship before through no one's choosing but my own. This is going to come out as a random montage of sentences. I hate talking love, but here goes...

I am attracted most of all to anyone who can hold a deep, meaningful conversation about anything non-superficial. It doesn't even have to be about anything I'm interested in, although any girl that can talk to me about music, the outdoors, calculus, or graph theory will for sure score extra points. I can do off-the-wall conversations as well, since I have a bizarre, sarcastic sense of humour. I admire anybody that is brave enough to drag me out and do something, even if I don't necessarily like their personality. If done sincerely, I will truly admire them. I've only encountered a couple girls so far that have done this. I'm told it's partly because I'm somewhat handsome, and partly because I give off a strongly intimidating aura. So any girl that musters up the courage to get past those two obstacles to talk to me will, if nothing else, gain my respect [which is half the battle], or drive me insane in the best way possible if I know it's not in their nature to go after someone [I'm thinking of one particular girl I never got the chance to meet, and would still kill for an opportunity to, but that's a story for another time].

I hate surprises, most especially if lots of people are involved. Birthday parties? Forget about it. But I would love it if a girl surprised me away from everyone else, say with a clever gift, kind words, or something like that. That would really mean a lot to me. There goes that "deepness" again that I mentioned earlier. Someone who doesn't need a crowd of people to feel confident or comfortable, and who could sit with me and watch the sun set or listen to me play guitar. I'm also a sucker for a great smile.

So, it sounds like I'm really leaning towards an IN**, although an EN** may work, too. Real talkative people drive me crazy, so anyone who is more than a mild extrovert is out. And I simply have a hard time conversing with anyone who is an S as well. When I talk with an S, I can't really explain it, but it's like we're on a totally different wavelength [I'm new to this MBTI stuff, but within 5 seconds of talking to a new person, I can immediately pin down if they're an S or N]. Feeling types don't bother me too much since I think much of my family are *SF*'s, and because I encountered so many of them back in high school. I've developed ways to speak and deal with these kinds of people. Of course, a T would be preferred though. I'm indifferent between J's and P's, I think.

I guess I've narrowed it down to an INT*. Fat chance of meeting someone like that, I guess. But still I wait for her, Everlong...
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Old 04-14-2008, 08:00 PM   #22
Kaethus
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MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 21
 
With that long introduction, please identify:

1) Your gender

female

2) Your age (or age range, if you don't want to reveal too much)

25

3) What you would find romantic, endearing, and interesting. Even if you have not yet experienced love, describe what you would consider the ideal way another person could win your heart or, at the very least, attract your attention. What would your ideal partner be/act like?

i have a boyfriend right now. and i will tell you what i find romantic. effort. deep concerted effort is so hot. also, if you do something without me telling you to do it first, that's great too. he doesn't do either much, slacker... but aside from those things i like several things about him. a) he listens and asks me about my day. if i don't tell him about my day he will ask me again. b) he's sarcastic. c) he's funny, like me. d) he likes to cuddle while we watch tv. e) if i ask him to call me when he gets home, he will call me the moment he turns off his car. i got the call and heard him press his auto alarm. then i heard him walk up the steps to his porch. he's VERY punctual with phone calls.

but i'll tell you what made me drop my in the first place defenses. his obvious to me yet subtle to everyone else, actions. he acted about as shy as a man possibly could. he touched my hand gently, but he wouldn't look at me. anyway, the point is that he didn't have the "player" look to him. i don't want anyone who could potentially have a girlfriend on the side. if you're too cocky and your getting calls from your childrens' mothers, i don't want anything to do with you. also, my bf had an accent (not one i could place) and could speak two languages well while having working knowledge of two more. he also has two masters degrees (he was 27 when we met). i was impressed.

4) For scientific purposes, list the MBTI types to whom you find yourself attracted

I don't know what anyone was. But I like I's more than E's, N's more than S's, you can be either T or F, but I would prefer a J over a P, because not having a resolution to things is aggravating.
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Old 04-15-2008, 09:10 AM   #23
creativeRhino
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MBTI: INTJ
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Female 48,

First up "meeting of minds" is key.

so must be

endlessly curious,
able to argue (a point of view, not about trivia)
have a sense of humour (irony, absurd etc)
have many areas of expertise
enjoy real world adventures
not just a tech-head
comfortable/secure in themselves
able to look after themselves physically/emotionally
letting me be me (eg nerdy girl, not girly-girl)
able to leave me alone from time to time (and work out when this may be, and if not, then accept my wishes).


Lots of it, then maybe the bodies will meet.

my main/longest life relationship was with a great ENTJ. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and unfortunately he got his wish. He died way before his time.

I get on really well with other INTJs (platonic).
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Old 04-15-2008, 10:34 AM   #24
Aoiluna
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"Each of us A cell of awareness Imperfect and incomplete"
MBTI: INTJ
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 191
 

  Originally Posted by alexxq
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This sounds alot like what most women your age would say.

hmm it does doesnt it.... maybe im being too general. because my taste in guys is remarkably different than most females (that I know) that are around my age.

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Old 04-15-2008, 01:01 PM   #25
OneBadMother
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MBTI: INTP
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Posts: 639
 

  Originally Posted by INTJCanuck
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I guess I've narrowed it down to an INT*. Fat chance of meeting someone like that, I guess. But still I wait for her, Everlong...

Considering how many INTXs there are on this forum, I'd say your chances are actually pretty good. :P

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