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Busboy

Narcissists get off on attention, positive or negative

96 posts in this topic

I think I always knew this, but it just "clicked" again. They process all attention as positive, and little distinction is made to the quality of attention, as long as "all eyes are on me."

Maybe I think this because I relate. Don't we all crave attention? Narcissism is a part of us, some more than others. But is it "unhealthy" to value and crave even negative attention? Is the narcissist our modern-day "class clown," who will stop at no evil to achieve his spotlight status?

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There's nothing "unhealthy" about being a narcissus! Haha...at least not inherently xD

Yes, we all crave attention.

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I have to be honest, I actively seek to annoy people into a reaction... and there is this deep rooted, dark part of me that takes some strange form of pleasure from people getting upset. It does have to be a very specific kind of upset... but that reward mechanism is definitely triggered for some reason.

Example: At Christmas this year, I wrote on the staff room bulletin board

"Let's all celebrate the birth of Christ when he would be celebrating Hannukah"

Well, it's a Church of England (Christian basically) School... and most people found it funny, but when some people took offence (the intended targets of the joke), I had this great feeling of satisfaction which lasted almost a week.

Anyway, yeah I agree there is a bit of narcissism in a lot of us. There definitely is in me.

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Is narcissism bad? I think not, but if you do invite people to have a small chat and end up giving a two hour talk about how you are special and important, irreplaceable individual, changing the world and struggling hard even though everyone is against you it might be a little too much.

Liking one self is normal. It would be abnormal not to seek attention and avoiding people or hating one self.

I think narcissism is when people seek attention and approval of people even if it is not necessary valid. It is like when someone does not do a good thing all day and still needs to seek attention and approval of others.

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Narcissism (in the pathological sense) goes well beyond seeking attention.

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Narcissists either want to be loved or feared. There are some forms of attention that a narcissist wouldn't want. Look up histrionic PD, histrionics want all forms of attention.

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narcissism doesn't just refer to a desire for attention. it's characterized by centralized thought patterns, behavior that is almost exclusively self-serving, a strong sense of entitlement, and lying (or at least twisting the truth to suit themselves). it's important to remember that one can engage in narcissistic behavior without being a narcissist. the difference is that narcissists can't not act or think in narcissistic ways.

to get some perspective on what it looks like in a narcissists head: http://thenarcissistsdiary.wordpress.com/page/3/

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There is a huge difference between self-confidence / attention-seeking behavior and narcissism.

Narcissists at their best, are self-entitled, over-confident and insufferable reality TV stars. At their worst, they are sociopaths who lack any empathic capabilities and kill their pregnant wives because they want to marry their mistresses. Narcissists are stuck at Maslow's first or second level because they are incapable of the kind of authentic intimacy (sexual, familial, fraternal) required to even *develop* self-esteem or confidence.

I don't know that I'd agree that "healthy narcissism" exists; there's an inherent limit in the inability to comprehend the world outside of yourself associated with that kind of solipsism. I've come across many narcissists in my life and I can't think of a single one who I would not describe as "immature." If you're that confident about your (legit) abilities and you're not immature, god bless you, you've probably won a pulitzer / nobel prize / Oscar because you're doing something (self-actualizing; recognizing the confines of the society in which you live) right.

But, in the words of Oscar Wilde, "I'm not young enough to know everything."

---------- Post added 02-17-2013 at 09:14 PM ----------

it's important to remember that one can engage in narcissistic behavior without being a narcissist.

Word.

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Eh... I don't know. But I hate attention whore women who tease and manipulate men just to keep them around enough for a good ego-boosting.

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"Narcissist: psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst; considered to be the manifestation of a dire mental disease whose successful treatment depends on the patient learning to love the analyst more and himself less." Thomas Szasz 1920-2012

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Eh... I don't know. But I hate attention whore women who tease and manipulate men just to keep them around enough for a good ego-boosting.

likewise, i hate attention-whoring men who do the same.

let's not pretend habitual sexual attention-seeking is an issue of gender. in case that's what you were doing there.

---------- Post added 02-17-2013 at 09:35 PM ----------

"Narcissist: psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst; considered to be the manifestation of a dire mental disease whose successful treatment depends on the patient learning to love the analyst more and himself less." Thomas Szasz 1920-2012

is the analyst the real narcissist here?

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Thank god, I'm not a narcissist after all. From now on when I jack off to myself in the mirror, I jack it to myself without shame. Also, I only care about the rare folk who share my temperament, rare as adjuncts of our being bred to be dumb enough to breed, but it's ok for me to feel this way because I dislike attention. Zombicide = no longer a narcissist.

Edited by Zombicide

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I think I always knew this, but it just "clicked" again. They process all attention as positive, and little distinction is made to the quality of attention, as long as "all eyes are on me."

Maybe I think this because I relate. Don't we all crave attention? Narcissism is a part of us, some more than others. But is it "unhealthy" to value and crave even negative attention? Is the narcissist our modern-day "class clown," who will stop at no evil to achieve his spotlight status?

If people are going to start craving negative attention, I hope they are wearing a cloak of vanity.. just to fend off the sanctimonious.

---------- Post added 02-18-2013 at 08:37 PM ----------

Ahhh Thomas Szasz.. one of the very few Anti-psychs I solemnly respect. True quote.

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I would say that I that I don't particularly care for or desire attention from others as other people's opinions mean very little to me but I do have an unrealistically high view of myself along with a high level of arrogance. It's taken a long time to tone down my narcissism.

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Narcissism is not something that is in any way healthy. True narcissists are incapable of having any meaningful relationships. Their thought process is skewed, and they can wreak havoc in the lives of people with whom they come into contact. Especially when those people try to give them the benefit of the doubt or make an effort to help them. I'm speaking from personal experience here having worked with one. It's not something that is an admirable trait and quite frankly is somewhat sad to watch in action.

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I think I always knew this, but it just "clicked" again. They process all attention as positive, and little distinction is made to the quality of attention, as long as "all eyes are on me."

Maybe I think this because I relate. Don't we all crave attention? Narcissism is a part of us, some more than others. But is it "unhealthy" to value and crave even negative attention? Is the narcissist our modern-day "class clown," who will stop at no evil to achieve his spotlight status?

Well, I don't know if narcissists specifically seek attention so much as they seek validation. My opinion on narcissism is that it is when the ego (beliefs about self) are unhealthy and they seek external validation from other people.

Now, I do agree that some people seek positive and negative attention. I can't remember what this is actually called. But basically, if someone wants/needs attention and cannot figure out how to get positive attention (compliments, affection, praise) they will tend to become dramatic and destructive and whiny so that they will receive negative attention (pity, scorn, et cetera) which is also a form of validation. "I feel shitty about myself and you're reinforcing that by giving me pity".

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likewise, i hate attention-whoring men who do the same.

let's not pretend habitual sexual attention-seeking is an issue of gender. in case that's what you were doing there.

Just referencing an experience I had with a hellcat a while back. Lots of contempt for her.

Edited by SnakeMXIM
Fixed quote tags.

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I think I always knew this, but it just "clicked" again. They process all attention as positive, and little distinction is made to the quality of attention, as long as "all eyes are on me."

Maybe I think this because I relate. Don't we all crave attention? Narcissism is a part of us, some more than others. But is it "unhealthy" to value and crave even negative attention? Is the narcissist our modern-day "class clown," who will stop at no evil to achieve his spotlight status?

No buddy, we don't all crave for attention. I speak from experience.

Often times we simply want to be left alone, but some narcissists thinks otherwise. Argh!!!

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narcissism doesn't just refer to a desire for attention. it's characterized by centralized thought patterns, behavior that is almost exclusively self-serving, a strong sense of entitlement, and lying (or at least twisting the truth to suit themselves). it's important to remember that one can engage in narcissistic behavior without being a narcissist. the difference is that narcissists can't not act or think in narcissistic ways.

to get some perspective on what it looks like in a narcissists head: http://thenarcissistsdiary.wordpress.com/page/3/

Thank the universe I read this blog and got an insight on their thought process this morning. Afterward, ran into a narcissist on Facebook today who immediately displayed behaviors very consistent with those writings, especially complimenting and trying to become that person. And when I ignored the narcissist's comments (mostly because I had to charge my tablet in the middle of the chat), they went berserk and ended up telling me to die of cancer after shortly before that telling me such poetic statements while I was offline.

I'm thankful they worked themselves out of my life before they could leech on. I should screenshot their statements and show how quickly they went crazy. :-) Unfortunate people with empty souls.

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Narcissism (in the pathological sense) goes well beyond seeking attention.

Critical point. If we are talking about things like NPD we are looking at a preoccupation with self-aggrandizement that seeps into, and often impairs, every aspect of someone's life. The thing with narcissism on this scale is that it's usually used as a means to buffer against some serious self-loathing. As such, they go to very great lengths to maintain their fragile sense of superiority (subterfuge, manipulation, violence, lying, intimidation, etc.). They crave attention of either valence so far as they can warp it to reinforce their delusional grandiosity. But, if you tweak the right button and offer something that really shakes their ego that they can't spin in their own minds, these are also dangerous mofos. Out of all mental illnesses, the people that have a much higher chance of killing people are those with antisocial and narcissistic personality disorders. These two conditions have a pretty high comorbidity rate, and are (arguably) both facets of the broader construct of psychopathy.

Also, just like with any personality disorder, we all possess these traits to some degree... but in PDs these traits become hugely magnified and form the very basis of one's identity. A narcissist is not just an asshole, they are the whole ass. An interesting thing that makes these things virtually impossible to treat is that anything that reduces the pathological trait also makes the person feel like they are not themselves anymore and may push back harder. You see this in antisocial people who are somewhat responsive to treatments to reduce aggression. They no longer feel like themselves and may try lashing out harder to regain their sense of self-identity, or develop other problems (mood disorders come to mind). Same sort of thing happens with serious narcissists.

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Yes, the diagnosis for a true narcissist is not good. In fact I believe it is poor. They won't seek treatment and would not be prone to any self analysis if they did (or more likely were forced into treatment). Therefore, avoidance is best for those around them. Life is just too short to be around people with NPD. Honestly, their sense of self is so fragile that they become almost a side show to those who see them for who they really are, which is basically anyone who spends a decent amount of time with them on a daily basis. It's disturbing to say the least. If you don't have a strong sense of self and spend too much time with one, or even worse have any co-dependency issues, it can be devastating to your psyche.

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It isn't necessarily attention, it's what is known as "narcissistic supply." Narcissists use others to fuel their grandiose, false self-image. It is a defense mechanism. They want to be able to perceive themselves as larger than life, whether that takes a positive or negative reputation, it doesn't matter to most, though many probably would want positive attention if they have an option.

Ultimately everyone needs attention to some degree, but for narcissists, narcissistic supply is an addiction, a drug they can't live without. A narcissist without narcissistic supply can quickly degenerate into sever depression and even psychopathy sometimes. Some even commit suicide as a final act of self-aggrandizement.

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narcissism doesn't just refer to a desire for attention. it's characterized by centralized thought patterns, behavior that is almost exclusively self-serving, a strong sense of entitlement, and lying (or at least twisting the truth to suit themselves). it's important to remember that one can engage in narcissistic behavior without being a narcissist. the difference is that narcissists can't not act or think in narcissistic ways

Self-aware narcissists can curb the worst of their behavior in some cases. NPD is a personality disorder, which is to say, there is no cure. Behavior modification is the only option since the underlying psychological scarring that leads to narcissism as a defense mechanism can never be truly healed. A good example of a self-aware narcissist that has his condition under control would be Sam Vaknin, author of the book "Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited." He has some interesting YouTube videos too.

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"Narcissist: psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst; considered to be the manifestation of a dire mental disease whose successful treatment depends on the patient learning to love the analyst more and himself less." Thomas Szasz 1920-2012

LOL. Nuf said.

---------- Post added 02-18-2013 at 09:27 PM ----------

What percentage of INTJ's do you suppose would be labeled as narcissistic by their therapists? And what percentage of INTJ's actually are narcissistic?

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LOL. Nuf said.

Is that agreement or disagreement?

What percentage of INTJ's do you suppose would be labeled as narcissistic by their therapists? And what percentage of INTJ's actually are narcissistic?

Narcissism is not a thing. Its fake. Its scientism.

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