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castalia

Fear of love

Does anyone else here have an inherant fear of being in love with another person? I seem to fear being in a loving relationship. My problem is that I am somewhat of a nihilist and, while I crave love and the associated feeling, I do not believe that I will ever achieve real love because love is not unconditional.

If love comes with conditions, chances are that no one will ever be fulfilled by me or I with that person. I have observed that I have a subconscious need to find some fault with my past relationships and tend to break them off without an explanation, leaving the guy baffled.

Is it possible that I suffer from some undiagnosed personality disorder or am I just a nihilistic INTJ?

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Well, i could probably help you get to the bottom of this, but it requires answers to some rather personal questions that you must answer honestly. If you are interested, you can PM or we can do it right here.

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Well, i could probably help you get to the bottom of this, but it requires answers to some rather personal questions that you must answer honestly. If you are interested, you can PM or we can do it right here.

Hehe. Let's PM then. Send your questions.

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I could benefit from this as well. Please keep it open if that were at all possible. I also have my own perspective to contribute.

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There's a book for that. He's Scared, She's Scared by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. It's an easy read and you can get through it in a day or two. Changed my life, though I did read it when I was in therapy and I'm sure that helped too.

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Does anyone else here have an inherant fear of being in love with another person? I seem to fear being in a loving relationship. My problem is that I am somewhat of a nihilist and, while I crave love and the associated feeling, I do not believe that I will ever achieve real love because love is not unconditional.

If love comes with conditions, chances are that no one will ever be fulfilled by me or I with that person. I have observed that I have a subconscious need to find some fault with my past relationships and tend to break them off without an explanation, leaving the guy baffled.

Is it possible that I suffer from some undiagnosed personality disorder or am I just a nihilistic INTJ?

I consider myself clearly INTJ and don't relate to either aspect of what you've described.

First, my romantic desires basically center around wanting to have somebody who I love as a companion. Needless to say, as a practical matter, that scenario isn't going to happen (or last, anyway), if my partner doesn't also love me. But being loved isn't a big deal for me. I don't "crave love" (as you put it) in the receiving sense.

Second, far from demonstrating "a subconscious need to find some fault with my past relationships," I'd say that, if anything, as long as I'm feeling the love and there are no major conflicts going on, I arguably err on the side of thinking too little about whether the relationship is all it should be. I fall in love rarely, and am more likely to be the rejector than the rejectee in the context of whether there's a first date, but in the context of an ongoing relationship, I'd say I'm less likely than average to be the one who instigates the breakup.

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If you want unconditional love, buy a puppy. Problem solved.

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