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Qjiggy

"Head hunter" aka recruiter

So I've been adding recruiters on my linkedIn and to my surprise, someone has messaged me for a lunch meet. Having never done this before and seeing the movie "friends with benefits", i don't want to disappoint myself rather get ahead of myself; so easily done by us long-range thinkers.

What would be an appropriate response? I'm happy enough at my current job, but I can point out negatives that will out-weigh the positive. I will be changing career in the near future, maybe this could land me a lead? I could totally mess this opportunity then have my boss find out about the meeting and ruin my current work. Or i'm Justin Timberlake and she's my Mila Kunis and we'll live happily ever after - lol!

So what would you do, if your in the same situation. Lunch does sounds interesting; especially if she's paying. But who really pays, or do we go dutch on the bill?

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Why would you meet with a recruiter if you aren't looking to change jobs?

I get recruiter contacts every week. Just reply and say thanks, that you aren't actively pursuing new opportunities at the moment.

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Ask her. Tell her you can't do it if word will get back to your boss.

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Why would you meet with a recruiter if you aren't looking to change jobs?

Well it says right on my profile that I'm not looking for opportunities. I'm leaning towards meeting with her for free lunch and chance to practice my small talks with a stranger. But how do I address who pays the bill?

---------- Post added 05-02-2012 at 03:45 AM ----------

Ask her. Tell her you can't do it if word will get back to your boss.

Oh I'm not worried about my boss haha I taunted him weeks ago to fire me. The job isn't what I expected but again it could be worse, I had expectations. Even though they aren't being met, it pays the bills and still enjoy the job. But really if he finds out I had a meeting, maybe he can address some issues that I have or find someone else. He'd be doing me a favor if he does so; and I say that in the nicest way

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Well it says right on my profile that I'm not looking for opportunities. I'm leaning towards meeting with her for free lunch and chance to practice my small talks with a stranger. But how do I address who pays the bill?

E-mail or telephone her saying that you would like to schedule a meeting sometime after your next pay day. Mention vaguely that you recently made some big purchase, so you're being proactive with regards to your budget. At that point she would clearly mention that lunch is 'on her' if indeed it is...

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If you are interested in seeing what you're worth, go right ahead with it, there won't be any negatives, just don't let your current workplace know about it.

I get cold calls monthly from recruiters via LinkedIn, it's a good indicator that you're valuable :)

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Yes, this is called networking - it's always good to maintain connections to well-connected people.

I used to have a good connection that found me plenty of work, but he moved on to different fields, so I had to get very good at finding/forging my own connections.

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Alright this is what I have

"Your invitation sounds interesting. I just recently enrolled myself to UTSC and not actively looking for new work but my days tend to repeat itself so a break from it doesn't sound bad at all. I can meet you sometime next week after Thursday unless lunch is on you?"

Does that sound okay? I haven't sent it yet. I just don't want to sound like a jerk and yeah my networking skill is poor :(

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I don't understand why a random person you didn't already know would contact you on LinkedIn, asking to go to lunch, when you aren't even looking for a job.

Does them existing on LinkedIn somehow imply they are a safe and worthwhile person to randomly meet under no specific premise?

I'm honestly baffled by this entire interaction.

As far as calling this "networking" -- it doesn't work like that. To follow the network metaphor, establishing a link between effectively random nodes is pointless, and in fact counterproductive, from the standpoint of both trust and relevance networks.

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I've read her profile, she's a female or else I wouldn't give it a second thought. And it's true my days are repetitive, so little outside interaction isn't bad at all. Lunch is common among business meetings. Dinner is too informal. It's not like she's inviting me to her place to have lunch lol. It's gonna be in the public.

And I have no idea how this works. I've only heard stories, seen on movies, mostly I'm on the otherside if the table going after HR people and convince them for a job. So I'm treating this like a once in a blue moon thing. I need help what to say, and maybe hopefully from someone who has had same encounter.

---------- Post added 05-02-2012 at 11:31 AM ----------

I don't understand why a random person you didn't already know would contact you on LinkedIn, asking to go to lunch, when you aren't even looking for a job.

Does them existing on LinkedIn somehow imply they are a safe and worthwhile person to randomly meet under no specific premise?

I'm honestly baffled by this entire interaction.

As far as calling this "networking" -- it doesn't work like that. To follow the network metaphor, establishing a link between effectively random nodes is pointless, and in fact counterproductive, from the standpoint of both trust and relevance networks.

Btw linkedIn is probably the most underrated network site to many peoples eyes. Most of my connection I met face to face, some I met because we have a common goal and interest. I use it all the time at my work, use it as my new business calling cards. I'm sure others have found ways to make great use of it, mine is just a sample, and I'm constantly evolving into other ideas. it's not like Facebook, by far it's not. To those who think it is, better not bother spend time on it

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It may sound paranoid, but having some link to people you know and trust is pretty important both from general social and career perspectives. Especially if it's sort of a freelancing headhunter, not affiliated with an organization you have good reason to trust.

It almost sounds like you're expecting this to be like a date.

Anyway, maybe there's more to this story, just my two cents. Good luck whatever you end up doing.

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Like I mentioned, I've read her profile. Her old job intertwine with my industry, she has done many work all around and right now her profile suggest that she handles projects for Rona, Staples and some others (I just named the ones maybe more familiar).

Haha damm straight I'll treat this like a date. A date I have rules and one of things I cannot talk about is my work. On this one, I'm guessing I CAN talk about work haha. It's not a date -.-

And I sent what I posted earlier. Who cares, I spend enough time thinking about that it doesn't mean much right now. Thank you all that helped out. Glad to see skeptics out here :/

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So what would you do, if your in the same situation. Lunch does sounds interesting; especially if she's paying. But who really pays, or do we go dutch on the bill?

If you're in it for a free meal (feels weird for me to say this because knowing how society works, there's no such thing as free lunch), she's paying. After all, she asked. Even in Hollywood, Mila Kunis wanted something from Timberlake in the beginning.

Headhunters in the right frame of mind know better than to waste a minute of their time on bad targets.

If you want to impress upon someone who may potentially benefit your career, treat. Have fun.

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Haha she hasn't responded, guess there goes the free meal :)

Yeah I didn't want her to waste her time on me as well. I think my reply was appropriate. The worse that anyone can do is give false hope. In customer service, many still embrace that notion, I myself from experience hate when given false information and lead me into bigger disappointment down the line. The saying "peel the bandage off quick rather than doing it slow", suggests the negativity quickly fades into the shadows if done quick as possible.

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I just remembered. My old boss would have people occasionally call and act like they were head hunters just to see if we where thinking of leaving. He wanted to test our loyalty. One of my peers did tell the caller she was interested in new opportunities. She wasn't there long after that.

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So I've been adding recruiters on my linkedIn and to my surprise, someone has messaged me for a lunch meet. Having never done this before and seeing the movie "friends with benefits", i don't want to disappoint myself rather get ahead of myself; so easily done by us long-range thinkers.

What would be an appropriate response? I'm happy enough at my current job, but I can point out negatives that will out-weigh the positive. I will be changing career in the near future, maybe this could land me a lead? I could totally mess this opportunity then have my boss find out about the meeting and ruin my current work. Or i'm Justin Timberlake and she's my Mila Kunis and we'll live happily ever after - lol!

So what would you do, if your in the same situation. Lunch does sounds interesting; especially if she's paying. But who really pays, or do we go dutch on the bill?

I think this thread should be moved to R&D.

If I was in the same situation? What do you mean? Is this a question about career or bill splitting?

If it was the former, that wouldn't be general its specific to your career consideration. Unless of course the whole point of the post is to see how career can get you to ask her out?

If it is the later, I'd invite the connection, as the connection is doing the work that is in my advantage.

Edited by SilentRequiem

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Alright this is what I have

"Your invitation sounds interesting. I just recently enrolled myself to UTSC and not actively looking for new work but my days tend to repeat itself so a break from it doesn't sound bad at all. I can meet you sometime next week after Thursday unless lunch is on you?"

Does that sound okay? I haven't sent it yet. I just don't want to sound like a jerk and yeah my networking skill is poor :(

Better:

Hi [Name],

I would defintely be open to meeting sometime soon to discuss opportunities. I am pretty busy at the moment (hence my reason for not actively looking for work), so this week might not be so good. How about sometime after next Thursday?"

-----

As for lunch, don't push the issue of who pays. Either she will pay for the both of you and expense it, or you two will be going dutch. It's not about the meal, it's about networking and finding a job, should you need one...

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I just remembered. My old boss would have people occasionally call and act like they were head hunters just to see if we where thinking of leaving. He wanted to test our loyalty. One of my peers did tell the caller she was interested in new opportunities. She wasn't there long after that.

Wow, that's some stone cold shit right there.

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I sent her another email, apologizing for me getting a big head and saying "i am extremely flattered...not actively looking for opportunity...after my certificate i have no plans...if willing to meet up; i'm down." This time i didn't mention anything about whos' expense it will be, other than from the initial apology sentence

i think @mogura gave the best response to make me realize of my action.

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Well this might be a bit late for an answer. But I would simply accept and be upfront about it. Ideally if you are scared of the restaurant cost you can suggest one yourself thats in the ballpark of what you feel good paying.

It can be nice to inform your employer, but It truly depend of your work culture and environement. I would not voice it clearly, but if anybody ask questions don't try to hide it.

Worses comes to worse it will be a nice networking opportunity and you can learn about a different workplace.

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