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mcdonn123

Are other INTJs generally attracted to ENFPs?

73 posts in this topic

I've never dated an ENFP but my mom one and she drives me crazy. I love her but I can only spend a few hours with her before I start looking for the exit. SHE TALKS SO MUCH! She cheerfully and obliviously takes the life out of me and then just keeps on pushing for more... Picture an enthusiastic child with a kitten that she loves so much that she's killed it but doesn't notice, just continues to hug and carry the lifeless carcass around in bliss.

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I so often fall for ENFP's. It's their brightness on life which is so attractive. Sadly none seemed interested in me, oh well.

Enfps are great. Smart without being snobby, emotional without being annoying. In my experience enfps like us just as much as we like them.

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As Moxiie has noted, there are a few theories out there that point to ENTPs and ENFPs being the "ideal" match for an INTJ. Both types have extroverted intuition as their dominant function, which pairs up nicely which our introverted intuition.

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From my experiences with the ENFP relationships in my past (more than 1, less than 10), I've come to the conclusion that what we see as "rigidity" in our lives, they see as confidence and conviction. I believe the ExFP suffers from being unsure of themselves. They don't have low self-esteem, but they really don't know why they like themselves and why others like them. They crave reasons and accuracy and the bluntness of the INTJ offers that. For a type that lives an optimistic, social, "small-talkish" and "fluffy" life, they crave the quiet reality and perceived depth of the xntj. We WILL tell them the truth, even if they don't like it. We will be interested in things they are not and they will gravitate towards that.

Also, they're fixers and caregivers and we are damaged and immediately become fixable, training projects. To them, an INTJ just needs a little "live, love, laugh" condensed and injected directly into the bloodstream to become a full functioning ENFP!!

This is the reason why my husband (INTJ) and me (ENFP) are still together...

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Before I discovered MBTI, i had ENFP friends and i must say i'm naturally attracted to them. You all know the reason why :)

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ENFPs completely wreck me. They just need to look at me and smile and I'm toast.

:3

They are my kryptonite. Damn them to Hell.

:3

INTJ's are our kryptonite. It's true, we can't ignore each other, sometimes for GREAT and sometimes for not so great. I think much depends on the levels of E/F and maturity though that can determine the degree of attraction. It's true enough that there are quite a few threads dedicated to it.

Many MBTI resources say it's the best pairing....I find it to be very true. Although if the J is too high that can be problematic. But usually the overall attraction can be pretty intense betwixt the two.

Plus we like the gooey insides of the INTJ which you guys go to great lengths to deny exists, we call bullshit on that immediately. :)

+1

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^Troll. lol

I have had similar experience with a friend I got to take the MBTI test. We balance each other well but I would assume it really depends on the culture and maturity of each person.

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Of the ones I've met, they're pretty cool. They're not abashed to talk to me. Much appreciated.

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I'm curious about this too. I suspect my mom and coworker of being ENFPs; I like that they're so exuberant, but I can only take so much of them at a time, though, before I run back to my cave.

---------- Post added 05-09-2012 at 07:13 PM ----------

PS, is there any way that you can tell if a man is an ENFP? In case I ever wanted to date one.

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Like the test thingy says, i need to recharge my batteries. I like ENFP's from an observation point, but don't put me in a car, or make me do a presentation with one, or work with one. Mostly, if ya can't do the shit the way i want it done, then we gots some problems. I have had to do prjects with a few in school years back, but it was okay. On a relationship level, it comes down to every INTJ themselves. I look at them in a relationship as the balancing point of an INTJ who is willing, or dumb enough to be with one. Somethimes things just work out. I have heard other ENFP's here say that they would like to "Unravel" us, discover what is behind every layer. I don't mind that, infact i am willing for an ENFP to try, try. I wouldn't mind someone trying to peel back the layers of an onion that is called myself.

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Regarding the title, yes. I feel I don't have to recharge when I'm around with them.

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Is there any way that you can tell if a man is an ENFP? In case I ever wanted to date one.

They're only 1% of society, so they're a bit difficult to find, but not that hard to recognize. Usually they're very nice, super compassionate, interested in children, and may not come across in ways that strike one as stereotypically masculine (which is not to say they're not manly, of course). You'll find a lot of them are clergy (I've known two, no less), and a lot are social workers, from what I've seen. They're very enthusiastic about whatever interests them. Best wishes! ;)

Edited by firebee
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I had to google what an ENFP even was just now... and based on Wikipedia probably no.

Extroversion isn't terrible I like it in small doses, but the perception part would drive me up the wall if it really means they can't make decisions, I like order, a dash of predictability and focus. Why do people seem to think INTJ and ENFP is a good match?

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You'll find a lot of them are clergy (I've known two, no less), and a lot are social workers, from what I've seen.

But there are also quite a few entrepreneurial types, especially in businesses they feel reflect their values (e.g. matchmaking is probably one example.)

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They are my kryptonite. Damn them to Hell.

Its the eyes man, big, circular eyes that can detect smallest emotions and radiate the owners smallest emotion. Even if im able to resist them and stay cool, she will hold eye contact, look through my death stare and say "I know what you did last summer".. to the tough guy everyone else is scared of.

That was how i got picked up :)

AAaaaaaaah

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Its the eyes man, big, circular eyes that can detect smallest emotions and radiate the owners smallest emotion. Even if im able to resist them and stay cool, she will hold eye contact, look through my death stare and say "I know what you did last summer".. to the tough guy everyone else is scared of.

That was how i got picked up :)

AAaaaaaaah

Ahh yup, she (ENFP) did the same thing to me. She laughs at my death stare.

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I had to google what an ENFP even was just now... and based on Wikipedia probably no.

Extroversion isn't terrible I like it in small doses, but the perception part would drive me up the wall if it really means they can't make decisions, I like order, a dash of predictability and focus.

You may want to research the Perceiving functioning a bit more - but not all ENFP's are incapable of making decisions...in the same way that not all INTJ's are decision making machines. I think there are sort of "levels" of P and J.

Why do people seem to think INTJ and ENFP is a good match?

Similar functioning, different order. Both are Intuitive doms (INTJ/Ni - ENFP/Ne) The melding of the N functioning can be pretty spectacular. Both have Te and Fi so in the more mature types, who have realized both Fi/Te, there's a pretty good understanding. One is stronger where the other is weaker. INTJ's support stronger use of Te in ENFP's and ENFP's allow Fi deeper expression in INTJ's.

as I stated before though, much is dependent on the levels of T/F, I/E and J/P. I and E can be worked with because both types demand extreme independence so the INTJ is perfectly willing to let the ENFP go run around and be all E'd out on the world and the ENFP is perfectly fine with giving the INTJ alone time (it's that Fi/Te connection, we just "get" that about one another somehow)

This is applicable in platonic friendships as well as romantic relationships. Some of my best friends are INTJ's.

Also because INTJ's can be so misunderstood and well....prickly... ENFP's seriously don't pay much attention to that because we vibe with them so well and find it, well....funny and cute.

Of course there are always exceptions, I know a couple of ENFP's who can't stand INTJ's and vice versa. :laugh:

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I'm currently agnostic as to whether I am better suited to an ENTJ (per David Keirsey) or an INTJ (per Terence Duniho)...

I've never felt the intimacy or connection (or love) with an ENTJ I felt with a certain INTJ; but she dumped me when I began to really wish to lean on her during some health issues (surgeries)...ENTJs are much more of a "lean on me" personality than are INTJs, generally speaking...

I sometimes wonder if an INTJ who does not mind being someone's "rock" from time to time exists; if so, she might be my vision of perfection...

Incidentally, Keirsey is an INTP married (was married? He's @90) to an INFJ, I believe, while Duniho was an INFJ married to an INTP.

This is a good article:

http://www.typeinsights.com/FreeArticles/Relationships.pdf

A memorable ENFP/INTJ encounter:

Same INTJ with an INFP:

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ENFP's are one of the few types that appear so different from me but seem to misinterpret me the least and accept me the most.

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Some ENFPs I know are very cute.

One of the prettiest friends I know is an ENFP girl.

In terms of attraction - undecided at this point.

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ENFP's are one of the few types that appear so different from me but seem to misinterpret me the least and accept me the most.

This was my experience as well, and probably the only extroverted type I can tolerate for prolonged period of time. My ENFP co-worker is the only one who is not afraid of me and can tease me without making me feel defensive...

It's quite interesting that even though we do this flirty banter all the time (to the surprise of everyone who don't get to see this side of me often) and I feel good connection with him, I never has a slightest romantic feeling about him. And he always complains that women constantly take his friendliness for deeper interest and begin to chase him...

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As an INTP the biggest mutual attractions I've experienced were all with ENFJs. I am natuarally very attracted to INFJs as well. This is all based on personality, of course physical attraction etc matters as well... I do believe in the NTP-NFJ NTJ-NFP SFJ-STP etc pairings theory though, makes sense. :)

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