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sircockburn

Is this gross?

91 posts in this topic

:stunned: How's it working out?

It's actually working well for him at the moment, third longest relationship he's had out of....many. I've a prediction that when she herself grows up is when the relationship will be severed though.

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^ This. Relax, if it isn't serious (but you mentioned that he cares for her a lot so I'm going to assume that it is) then she is probably just experimenting, but from what you've said they seem to be happy with each other..

I dated a 35 year old last year when I turned 21, and it was fun for both of us. The reason I went for it was because I wanted to have the 'older guy' experience and try something different. It was initially a conquest thing for both of us, but then he wanted to get serious. I was out of the door at that point because he was more emotionally immature than most of the guys I've dated who are my own age. Go figure. Anyway, I knew what I was doing and I was in control of my actions. Lots of young girls want to experience something out of the ordinary. Let her live her life.

(Oh, and my guy was a hot Indian too..!)

It's very interesting how intentional your experience was. Very 'J' of you!

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It's very interesting how intentional your experience was. Very 'J' of you!

Well, I suppose it is now that you mention it :laugh: What can I say.. If I'm interested in learning about something, I will pursue it!

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Indians stink and yes they are gross. Seriously, I don't get why age matters.

<---- smells herself to make sure. Hhhmm. Need a 2nd opinion.

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<---- smells herself to make sure. Hhhmm. Need a 2nd opinion.

Someone explained it to me that it was a (cultural?) thing that some easterners don't shower that often, except for like... traditional or religious reasons? Anyways, I've only been close to indians my own age and didn't notice anything, but can't say the same for their parents...

Also, I think a lot of people who experience indians in my area are grad students... and they don't have time to bathe anyways!

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Yes, its cultural. From the food they eat, the amount of times they wash themselves,and etc.

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If there's no abuse going on, I see no problem.

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Yes, its cultural. From the food they eat, the amount of times they wash themselves,and etc.

I haven't whiffed any B.O. or funk smell from him, but then again, I've never gotten up as close as needed to make sure. :suspicious:

I'm not sure when to bring up the question, "hey does your lover stink?"

But he wears a SHIT TON of cologne. I could trace him by scent to the exact location he bought that stuff, it's so ridiculous.

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I haven't whiffed any B.O. or funk smell from him, but then again, I've never gotten up as close as needed to make sure. :suspicious:

I'm not sure when to bring up the question, "hey does your lover stink?"

But he wears a SHIT TON of cologne. I could trace him by scent to the exact location he bought that stuff, it's so ridiculous.

Didn't you also say you have a ludicrous sense of smell though?? :p

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Someone explained it to me that it was a (cultural?) thing that some easterners don't shower that often, except for like... traditional or religious reasons? Anyways, I've only been close to indians my own age and didn't notice anything, but can't say the same for their parents...

In some cultures, people do not bathe as much or as well because of lack of water or lack of clean water. In addition, some cultures view body odors to be natural and might find the well washed and scented person to be rather strange and even suspicious or bad smelling.

It is also true that our noses are familiar with and often even more positively oriented to the smells of our own culture, and that includes the foods that are common in our culture and the body odors they result in. Asian people often comment on how westerners stink very badly....and vice versa. The noses of the former are often assaulted by the smell of dairy products and meat that we consume, the smell of which we do not notice in the air around us or coming from one another. The noses of the latter maybe assaulted by odors from fish sauce, kimchi, and other fermented foods as well as a different fruits and vegetables and a higher proportion of them in comparison with meat.

What we like and enjoy is in part cultivated by culture.

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In some cultures, people do not bathe as much or as well because of lack of water or lack of clean water. In addition, some cultures view body odors to be natural and might find the well washed and scented person to be rather strange and even suspicious or bad smelling.

Yeah, I'm sure some people find us Americans with all these chemicals smeared all over us to smell funky.

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Well beautiful lady Cockburn, I assume you are young, in your early twenties. Certainly not a mature woman in your 30s, and so it might seem incomprehensible to you that two people with a significant age different can be madly in love.

Well, stranger things have happened :)

Lady Cockburn, when you sexually peak in your 30s, the age difference will matter less to you; in fact, it will seem irrelevant. During my first marriage, I was married to my college sweetheart, who was the same age as I was, whom I met at UC Berkeley before we divorced 11 years later. I learned a lot from that first marriage. We both hung on for dear life, never spending any time together. After we finished, I felt liberated- and traveled to Africa to do volunteer work. It made me realize that I had gotten married for the wrong reasons- and made me question what I wanted.

When you're ready for a serious relationship, it matters less what is written on your résumé, but what will be written when you're together. With my first wife, I think she was leaving behind her abusive father and needed stability in her life. I fulfilled that role for her.

1. Don't talk to me like that, this post sounds creepy. :suspicious:

But yes, I'm in my early 20s. But what I'm wondering is not why my friend is into him (I asked her, she said she likes his "intellectual competence" and his honesty).

I'm wondering why an attractive, affluent older man would want to date her, since she's so young? He's not just picking the cherry tree, he's also very "present" in her life.

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I'm wondering why an attractive, affluent older man would want to date her, since she's so young? He's not just picking the cherry tree, he's also very "present" in her life.

Perhaps he adores her? Maybe it's her youthful spunk and optimism. From the otherside, I've read of women dating younger men because of this. They are still energetic, not jaded and bitter, bright-eyed, eager and adventurous.

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In some cultures, people do not bathe as much or as well because of lack of water or lack of clean water. In addition, some cultures view body odors to be natural and might find the well washed and scented person to be rather strange and even suspicious or bad smelling.

It is also true that our noses are familiar with and often even more positively oriented to the smells of our own culture, and that includes the foods that are common in our culture and the body odors they result in. Asian people often comment on how westerners stink very badly....and vice versa. The noses of the former are often assaulted by the smell of dairy products and meat that we consume, the smell of which we do not notice in the air around us or coming from one another. The noses of the latter maybe assaulted by odors from fish sauce, kimchi, and other fermented foods as well as a different fruits and vegetables and a higher proportion of them in comparison with meat.

What we like and enjoy is in part cultivated by culture.

huh. Maybe that's why I tend to hook up with East Asian guys. I'm not a big fan of meat myself. And dairy grosses me out, I don't eat it unless it's in trace amounts for recipes, etc.

My boyfriend is though, as a paleo enthusiast, but he smells great.

The WORST offender ever was this British guy I messed around with. How a (then) 20-year-old ISTP smells like diaper butt cheese is beyond me.

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And once again, the most popular response is "he just want to nail her" (because what else has a woman, not to mention a young woman, ever brought to another human being except for her body ?) - "she just wants his money" (because frankly, what else are women interested in ?).

Oh no, I'm sorry, there's another theory going around : "perhaps she has Daddy issues". How insightful.

Sometimes I forget the misogynistic world I live in. Sometimes I'm remembered.

I thought I have a pretty stern response to the nonsense. =(

I suppose I should have been more forthright, and not relied on a parable-esque analogy...

But I am curious why you only see misogyny here, there appears to be equal amounts misandry in the trends you've identified. Why do you only see one side of the equation in your diagnosis?

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Oh, btw almost forgot to mention - they've been sleeping together this whole time.

Two consensual adults are having sex, what's the problem here? Sure, the guy's nutsack may be a bit dangly but with a football helmet's chinstrap, a belt and a few heavy duty rubber bands that can be taken care of. :thumbsup:

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I thought I have a pretty stern response to the nonsense. =(

I suppose I should have been more forthright, and not relied on a parable-esque analogy...

Oh no, your response was fine. It's just some others were so... :stunned:

But I am curious why you only see misogyny here, there appears to be equal amounts misandry in the trends you've identified. Why do you only see one side of the equation in your diagnosis?

I think both these well-known clichés are misogynistic in nature.

"Guy's only in it for sex" classically evokes a relationship where the guy "has his way" with a girl who "gets screwed". The guy gets what he wants while the girl is "used". The guy may be considered amoral by some, but the girl is considered pathetic by many.

"He's her sugar daddy" evokes a rich guy who showers a girl with gifts. Once again, the guy has the good role - he's generous and if he's rich, who cares what he does with his money ? On the other hand, the girl is a superficial slut who trades her body for money. Instant contempt.

To sum up, the girl is either dumb, a gold-digger, or both ; whereas a man is just a man who wants sex, like pretty much everybody on this planet.

This thread just illustrates a vision of relationship dynamics that has been going around for hundreds of years ; I was just apalled to see it surface so fast and so loud.

Of course, I'm only talking about certain posters. Others have made good points.

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I don't know if you intend this, probably not, but I feel I am at least entitled to my own feelings and expression of them, and I must say that your opinion is something that I find to be deeply offensive.

It is as if you completely ignore the fact that those human beings with penises are human beings as well...

How can you say that it's ok to suggest that "guy's only in it for the sex" is not hurtful, and demeaning? It is hurtful, and demeaning to me in a very real way. I have had many women assume this about me purely because I am a male in my life, and it has always been extremely hurtful to me. The latent idea is that men really AREN'T human, they're just these kind of lesser beings, that are purely brutish, and incapable of experiencing true emotions.

I am highly offended by this, and have suffered from such latent notions indirectly.

"He's her sugar daddy" implies again that the only value those with penises can have is money. Of course, since men aren't allowed to be emotional, indeed, you earlier presupposed that men AREN'T EVEN CAPABLE of having emotions...this attitude assumes something truly hateful about men.

Again, I have suffered from such perceptions quite often.

I guess the feeling on this forum, and perhaps the rest of the world, is that as someone who has a penis I am not entitled to my feelings (which I am apparently incapable of having...); maybe it isn't even noticed, but I find these things to be extremely hurtful, and demeaning to me, and I think that I have some right to at least state my feelings and make them known.

It worries me more that this is totally ignored, because this is a very real problem, whereas someone having an archaic opinion about old/young couple pairings hardly poses any real threat to anyone.

I am truly saddened. I hope that at least one person might see someone else standing up for what are real, valid feelings, and take them into consideration.

As a male, I have tried my best to appreciate how these things could be taken as hurtful and demeaning to women...why the equal courtesy is not extended to me as a male is baffling, and truly painful since I feel I made, if not the best attempt, at least an honest effort to see why such things constitute misogyny in addition to the misandry that hurts me as a male.

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Purely my opinion but it appears to me that there are major control issues within substantial age gap relationships (>10 years) or they're utilitarian in purpose.

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I don't know if you intend this, probably not, but I feel I am at least entitled to my own feelings and expression of them, and I must say that your opinion is something that I find to be deeply offensive.

It is as if you completely ignore the fact that those human beings with penises are human beings as well...

How can you say that it's ok to suggest that "guy's only in it for the sex" is not hurtful, and demeaning? It is hurtful, and demeaning to me in a very real way. I have had many women assume this about me purely because I am a male in my life, and it has always been extremely hurtful to me. The latent idea is that men really AREN'T human, they're just these kind of lesser beings, that are purely brutish, and incapable of experiencing true emotions.

O_o

I'm very sorry to have hurt you and can assure you it was indeed not my intent.

I think I failed at communicating what I meant.

I don't agree with those clichés. What I meant when I explained them that way, is that this is how most people see it. Most people think that men can have sex without emotion, more than women. I didn't mean that it was what I thought.

"He's her sugar daddy" implies again that the only value those with penises can have is money. Of course, since men aren't allowed to be emotional, indeed, you earlier presupposed that men AREN'T EVEN CAPABLE of having emotions...this attitude assumes something truly hateful about men.

Re-O_o

That is again absolutely NOT what I think. This is precisely what I was criticizing. That people automatically assume that the woman is only interested in money, and not, you know, being with the guy because she loves him, and has talks with him and so on.

I can assure you that I am not hateful about men. I love and respect men.

I feel that we have missed each other's points, because what I was trying to say - and obviously not doing a very good job :laugh: - is that it is very possible that these two people just love each other, or at least have a emotional or intellectual connection, and automatically assuming that they are "in it for the sex" or "for the money" was ridiculous.

I am still convinced that this stems more from misogyny that misandry because that is what I have seen in my experience. Most people who say this kind of thing are male and they are in general more severe towards the woman than the man. That's all.

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Fuck man...maybe they just really like each other? Who gives a fuck, really? If they are happy and doing well the psychological labeling shouldn't even matter. I fail to see why this has to become about a bunch of fucking semantics.

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1. Don't talk to me like that, this post sounds creepy. :suspicious:

But yes, I'm in my early 20s. But what I'm wondering is not why my friend is into him (I asked her, she said she likes his "intellectual competence" and his honesty).

I'm wondering why an attractive, affluent older man would want to date her, since she's so young? He's not just picking the cherry tree, he's also very "present" in her life.

Yes, ma'am. No offense intended there, pretty lady. :)

As I said before, people can have chemistry together whether or not there is an age difference. However, I do have to say that people in the past had said the same thing about people from different religions, nations and ethnicities.

It's not really up to us to put a value judgement on the chemistry/ attraction of people outside of ourselves. We can speculate all we want, but they are adults, and this isn't a child-adult relationship.

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Why would a younger "piece of ass" as you so eloquently put it be a much higher sexual value than a woman his age or is that simply your own observation about your relationships?

When guys say things like that I immediately suspect deep dishonesty in the form of ultra-PC posturing. Because the answer is self-evident. Or maybe you're like the guy in a recent House, M.D. episode - that would be exculpatory.

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maybe they just really like each other? If they are happy and doing well the psychological labeling shouldn't even matter.

I agree. I was thinking earlier today that part of the reason that many easily jump to negative conclusions about the motives for mixed-cohort couples is that it might be more of a reflection of why the perceiver would date the person if in the same situation. When we lack empathy to imagine the possibilities of others, we are often left with only our own personal desires, reasoning, and experiences as motives for the behavior of others.

What is the value of a 21 year old woman? Of a 44 year old man? Depends upon your perspective.....and part of that perspective is whether you know them personally or not.

Maybe they simply really do like each other and maybe they will handle it well. I personally know a couple of lasting marriages with partners who are far apart in age, but fit each well and love each other very much. Sometimes we just find that person who helps us continue to become a better person and they happen to be older....or younger than ourselves.

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