Welcome to INTJ Forum

This is a community where INTJs can meet others with similar personalities and discuss a wide variety of both serious and casual topics. If you aren't an INTJ, you're welcome to join anyway if you would like to learn more about this personality type or participate in our discussions. Registration is free and will allow you to post messages, see hidden subforums, customize your account and use other features only available to our members.

Uriel

Females and the Age of Pregnancy

46 posts in this topic

Unless it's myself or my daughter that's pregnant I don't have an opinion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
A 35 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Got a steady job.

Getting a bit late. Parents will be more strict with the child due to the age difference.

I don't think this is true. As I said above, my mother was 37 when I was born. I was the only one of my friends in high school who never had a curfew. I was allowed to drink alcohol in high school. My mother never cared about my grades or if I wanted to be truant from school to go shopping. I probably had one of the most lenient mother's ever.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
"Here are four very nebulous hypotheticals involving fictitious women at varying ages. Now give me your judgment calls." What possible use could this discussion be used for?

An opinion does not necessarily equate to a judgement call. I want to see if anyone can make an opinion without passing judgement on the individuals involved. If someone says an opinion means a judgement call, what does that say about them?

Example:

17 year old.

The baby might be healthy based on the mother's age. 17 seems a bit young to be a parent, but then again, is there really an appropriate age to be a parent? Being married is not a prerequisite to being a parent. If they know how to live frugally, they can probably live on the boyfriend's job. Or the wife can start looking into making money online without compromising care for the child by being physically absent for a traditional 'job'. Hopefully the parents of either party can provide financial help or general advice should the need arise.

25 year old?

35 year old?

45 year old?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
What are your opinions on:

A 17 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Barely out of high school.

A 23 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Barely out of college.

A 35 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Got a steady job.

A 45 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Got a steady job.

None of them are married to their boyfriends.

They both stay together and take care of the child.

Fill in the blanks as you see fit.

ADDENDUM:

They can be both intentional or unintentional. You decide.

The boyfriend is the father.

I don't have too strong an opinion on this, being both single and possessed with a live-and-let-live outlook, but I will admit, that seeing someone not at least in their early twenties pregnant/with children does tend to rub me the wrong way. I have nothing against the individuals themselves, I just find the situation worrying, I suppose.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

there are separate risks and dangers inherent in each scenario.

without the specifics, it would be hard to nail down my personal opinions.

if i were to be very general, i would say that the child's health issues are an increasing concern as the mother ages; and the child's mental health issues are a greater concern as the mother "gets younger." ...again this opinion is qualified as being terribly general, to the point of irrelevance.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 41 and pregnant for the first time. I am so glad I waited. I am far more happy and patient now than I was in my 20s and far less anxious than in my 30s. I have a wealth of knowledge and experience for perspective in maintaining the big picture. I will be able to focus on parenting. I won't be wondering what else I could have accomplished in life while being tied to this bundle of helljoy because I have already lived life. I met another INTJ through eharmony and married him. We created life for love and logic. It would be a diservice to humanity for two INTJs not to do so.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know someone who was 18 when she started having children - but she was married to a very wealthy man who paid for daycare/nannies/all sorts of stuff and the woman finished not only her Bachelors, but her Masters degree. In her 30's, she's done having kids AND making more money on her own than I might be at the same age.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
What are your opinions on:

A 17 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Barely out of high school.

Adoption. Too young.

A 23 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Barely out of college.

Marry the guy. Raise the kid.

A 35 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Got a steady job.

Marry the guy. Raise the kid.

A 45 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Got a steady job.

Can you do math? That kid will graduate college when you're 67 at the earliest. You sure you can get up every two hours to feed the kid? (Consider adoption?)

None of them are married to their boyfriends.

They both stay together and take care of the child.

Fill in the blanks as you see fit.

ADDENDUM:

They can be both intentional or unintentional. You decide.

The boyfriend is the father.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

marriage vs adoption... gee... what an enlightened world you live in.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
marriage vs adoption... gee... what an enlightened world you live in.

Responsibility is an indicator of maturity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Marriage does not necessarily = maturity.
Neither does adoption.

The combination of marriage or adoption, is just the classic representation of a tradition-bound, religious right-winger's view of the world where everything is black or white. Ever notice how the majority of immature youths think in black and white terms? Ever notice how new management types tend to cling to rules, since they lack the experience to make grey zone judgment calls?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Started over 35...never "married"...have a job.

Everyone's fine.

No coddling.

No overprotection.

No over scheduling.

No strictness.

No creaky old mom issues.

Some of the "this is what I think will happen" comments are amusing.

FTR, have eight friends of similar lifestyle. "Birds of a feather" and all that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 17 and do not want to be a parent any time soon, though I do think I would be able to handle the responsibility if I found myself in that situation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Every person's situation is different, and this really isn't enough information to decide if a child would be growing up in a loving, supportive family that can provide a stable, healthy environment with the right resources.

But here's my first thoughts:

A 17 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Barely out of high school.

Should not keep the baby unless there is strong parental support (i.e. they will do most of the work so she can continue in school and get a decent job). Not worth delaying and probably ending your chances at a college-educated career. If abortion is not acceptable, then put the baby up for adoption.

A 23 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Barely out of college.

23 seems a little young to me, especially with no career - but it's old enough for someone to make their own decisions. If she really wants to raise a child, and the boyfriend will support her until she can get her own job, then that's ok. I wouldn't do it.

A 35 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Got a steady job.

Nearly perfect! The only issue with this one would be if this was an entirely unplanned pregnancy, and the boyfriend is only sticking around because of guilt. That could lead to a very unhealthy relationship / breaking up. A 35-year-old with a steady job that she can return to after maternity leave seems like she could be an ideal mother (of course it depends on lots of other factors too).

A 45 year old pregnant female with a boyfriend? Got a steady job.

45 seems a little old to have a child - she would be 63 at the child's high school graduation, and 68 at her child's college graduation. Assuming she lives to 80 (average for American women), she will die when her child is only 35, meaning that she could be in a nursing home or have other age-related problems relatively early in her child's life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't think this is true. As I said above, my mother was 37 when I was born. I was the only one of my friends in high school who never had a curfew. I was allowed to drink alcohol in high school. My mother never cared about my grades or if I wanted to be truant from school to go shopping. I probably had one of the most lenient mother's ever.

My mom was 33 and also cool like your mom. Oh, and I was drinking in elementary school.

---------- Post added 02-19-2012 at 04:52 PM ----------

Oh and I think 17 is too young, 23 is ok but also kinda young, late 20's is better. If a 35 or 45year old doesn't have kids and she got pregs, of course she wants to keep it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Doesn't really matter from a Darwinian sense...as long as the kid pops out, then makes it to the general population where he can take his place with the other drones or as cannon fodder.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Generally people under 30 are far too young to raise children properly, so I'd be highly doubtful that the first two scenarios would work out. The second two are far more ideal.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't see anything wrong with any scenario, intentional or not. If only my mum was 17, we might have actually got on.

This. Mine was 19 and we get on fine.

I also thought I was unintentional for a long time, but turns out not. The reality was far stranger...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now