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NancyS

INTJ's reaction to betrayal

How do you react to betrayal from someone that you once trusted? Family / romantic / coworker / etc.

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Hmmmmm, usually I loose all respect I had for them and consider them dead to me in a way as I'll just put them out of my mind and my life. Generally I don't plot revenge or anything but I definitely don't go out of my way to help them and I do let their misdeed be known to others.

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This is especially relevant to me. Two months into college freshman year one of my roommates told my RA he thought that I was smoking in our bathroom. It was very confrontational and my other two roommates confronted me in the RA's room. I was completely blown back. In actuality I had smoked bud three times, each very discretely I thought.

I haven't talked to any of them in ..... six months now I think. I just totally ignore them. I despise the "holy than thou" attitude that the one that turned me in has towards me. I've pretty much just eliminated them from my life. Fuck them.

It's even more hilarious because the one guy is so easy to read. He thinks he's all stealthy with his emotions but he can be read like a book.

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It depends on the level of betrayal, but I tend to distance myself from people which have betrayed me as quickly as possible. In situations where it's not possible to immediately distance myself then I bide my time while I plot my exit. I may give slightly more leeway to close family and my SO, but there is a point at which no amount of familiarity will prevent a complete severing of all ties.

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I've had to cut my entire biological family from my life and it's the best thing I've ever done for my own well being.

Recent situation with ex-coworker who betrayed my confidence and I made sure everyone knew what he did and cut him off entirely as well. Of course, I burned some bridges in doing so although it needed to be done.

What makes some types betray people? I'm tremendously loyal and yet I seem to attract people who end up betraying me and then have to cut them entirely out of my life.

Do you see certain types betraying more than other types? I'm thinking it's the xSFx types?

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I try to understand how they thought what they were doing was right. I can usually do this after I settle down a bit and stop plotting ways to destroy them. Then its usually just a matter of avoiding misunderstandings, unless I deserved whatever happened in which case I need to work on myself.

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Depends on why I was betrayed.

If it was a result of something I did, I forgive and look into improving myself. If there wasn't a reason where I'm at fault, I disapear and never come back.

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It depends on the nature of the betrayal. I've been backstabbed deliberately a few times and those deserve no forgiveness, but sometimes things aren't so cut-and-dry. I've recently learned that it really isn't all that hard to forgive sometimes if things are important enough to you. It depends on whether or not the person can still be trusted. True, you would lose some of that original blind trust that allowed you to not see the betrayal coming, but hey; sometimes that's for the best and you can appreciate things more. It's a complicated subject for me, I guess.

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1. Damage Control

2. Complete (or near-complete) emancipation from the individual(s)

3. Live a happy life without them in it.

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1. Damage Control

2. Complete (or near-complete) emancipation from the individual(s)

3. Live a happy life without them in it.

Pretty much. I had to cut ties with my biological mother recently and the first thing she did was call every one in my family and try to spread lies and slander about me. Thankfully they all knew how crazy she is and didnt take her seriously.

Life goes on. Betrayal does hurt yes, we are vulnerable human beings with emotions. But life truly is better without some people in it. A toxic relationship is far worse.

I personally lack the maturity at this point in my life to forgive them. Maybe later on.

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