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therrirl

Do you Intimidate people?

56 posts in this topic

I noticed that when I get into even plesent social situations that people around me act nervous and uncooperative. In short they seem intimidated. Do you notice that as an INTJ that you naturally intimidate people? I do note that I can turn on the "fear" factor quite well with glares and other non verbal aspects and often get the expected response without too much effort. Comments?

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Yep, it happens to me a lot... I am getting used to it. To make it easier I try to smile more.

I am always very focused and deep in thoughts. My facial expression usually is very stern; quite rapresentative of the so called INTJ death stare. Some people are quite sensitive to it and look like intimidated even if I am not looking at them.

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I get told (jokingly) to stop thinking because I'm going too fast!

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Absolutely. It goes with the territory of having the desire to know what you are talking about IN DEPTH....also the fact that we have a tendency to see the systems behind things and redirect our actions towards the most efficient response. It never ceases to amaze me how many people will do things inefficiently (incorrectly) time and time again.

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I think so, still. It seems to have gotten better with age, though. I've not been able to become any more emotional, but have become much, much warmer and more attuned to others' feelings.

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I do notice that I can tune into others feelings very easily . . . I can almost completely see their perspective without difficulty . . . I take it this is the Intuitive side working instead of sensing?

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I do notice that I can tune into others feelings very easily . . . I can almost completely see their perspective without difficulty . . . I take it this is the Intuitive side working instead of sensing?

Same here ... I do find this trait very valuable, and was thinking that it might be helping me in this matter lately; I really wasn't quite so tuned in even 10 years ago.

I still intimidate certain people, those whose thoughts trend superficially. I'm prone to be the one who takes a group conversation down a few levels, where I suppose some feel uncomfortable having to concentrate too much. In the course of back-and-forth talking I do it without thinking. Sometimes it just ends up being a time-sensitive way to weed out those with whom I would not "click."

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My ISTJ best friend calls this my negative aura. He has a much better kindness and "wink and a smile" trate for some reason. Makes people feel better around him?

Superficially, really, so others tend to be more immune to our "stare?"

yes, i also use this to weed out those I'm not really interested in talking to.

The other day I was in a sporting goods shop talking to a man at the counter. he was showing me wares and another gentlemen came up and started to talk to him as if i was not there. I said only "Please" as I stopped talking and gestured for the inturrupting fool to continue his exchange. he suddenly stopped and got this awful look of fight or flight fear in his eyes then abruptly became embarressed and walked away dispite my attempts to have him at least finish his conversation. This happens so much to me. Just look at people and they almost run. I was escourted out of a hospital at the time of my son's birth because the doctors and nurses thought I was a threat despite me not touching anyone or making any threats verbally?

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Yes. It is really fucking annoying, but it allows me to become good friends with other people like myself so I will trade all the people it has scared away from me in exchange for the small group of people who are just as (whatever it is that causes me to be intimidating)

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For sure, it happens to me pretty much exactly the way you described it. I used to not understand it, but I realized it's in my facial expressions. I must normally look upset because people randomly ask me if I'm alright or say cheer up or something of that sort and I always wondered why they would say that. It's funny too because I'm rarely upset, I just always have this determined and focused look on my face that people seem to take the wrong way. I've gotten used to it now though, also it's kind of a plus that they tend not to talk to me as much for it since I would rather it that way anyway. =)

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I wonder how do you (in general) know you are actually intimidating someone. I've never been told that I was intimidating or I've never seen someones reactions towards me that leads me to say their intimidated by me. It just seems like intimidating some one would have to be done intentionally or otherwise you wouldn't pick up the fact your intimidating someone. Now I can pick up a child being intimidated by me because I'm superior but between two adults I don't see where intimidation would come in unless I acted a certain way and was expecting them to react a certain way and basically that person was weak. But I do hope the day come where I can really spot where I intimidated someone. Its not fair, maybe its an INTJ power that hasn't fully developed yet:thinking:

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I can intimidate my own family without even trying. I'm learning to take it down a few notches by smiling and making my body language less intense.

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I wonder how do you (in general) know you are actually intimidating someone. I've never been told that I was intimidating or I've never seen someones reactions towards me that leads me to say their intimidated by me. It just seems like intimidating some one would have to be done intentionally or otherwise you wouldn't pick up the fact your intimidating someone. Now I can pick up a child being intimidated by me because I'm superior but between two adults I don't see where intimidation would come in unless I acted a certain way and was expecting them to react a certain way and basically that person was weak. But I do hope the day come where I can really spot where I intimidated someone. Its not fair, maybe its an INTJ power that hasn't fully developed yet:thinking:

I guess I know I'm intimidating someone by both their facial expressions and body language of fear, mistrust, and how they reactive completely negatively to me. I see this alot in the service industry. I was a cashier for nearly 7 years of my life (college and school days) so I know how someone should take care of customers. I won lots of awards and had continuous raises for my performance. When I get into these other lines . . . it's like hell has frozen over. I get no respect at all and abosultely no real service. When I try to ask for the most basic of performance, I get this "anger managment" look from people . . . and realistically I'm not even frustrated YET.

Another way is when my friends tell me how intimidating I am or was to someone. I point out that It wasn't intentional.

---------- Post added 04-04-2011 at 11:45 AM ----------

I can intimidate my own family without even trying. I'm learning to take it down a few notches by smiling and making my body language less intense.

I've broken off most realtions with my family do to lack of understanding on thier part. I'm now just a black sheep and live with that concept. Oh well.

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I can make people feel lost/intimidated due to my intelligence/superior knowledge, which can be annoying. However, I'm not very assertive, and am very polite, so it's never intentional.

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If I'm spacing out, people think I'm intimidating, because I get the blank INTJ stare and become really quiet. I can also intimidate people with the depth of my understanding in certain subjects.

Normally I don't get seen as intimidating though.

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Yeah in the past, and maybe still today. I was told in that past (year or two) that I am intimidating because I am quiet. I am usually quiet due to pensiveness. I'm sure all the other INTJ traits also play a role in intimidation such as being unemotional and having that "INTJ death stare" look on the face when I'm probably thinking of something deeply profound or silly possibilities.

---------- Post added 04-04-2011 at 12:22 PM ----------

Just to add: when I am around people I'm fairly comfortable with (such as my place of work for the past 2.5 years) I'm not intimidating, I usually extrovert there the most and seem more outgoing. But in class, I probably am since I'm very quiet, my thoughts are engaged in the lecture and most likely have that pensive INTJ look on my face, and will chime in answers confidently when I know them (95%) of the time, and only state answers in a question (as in I'm just guessing: 5% of the time). If I don't know I usually just sit down and shut up.

Edited by 8iii8
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Yes I intimidate people but I never notice it. It's usually my friends who tell me, "Person would like to talk to you but they're scared you must say something mean".

I guess this is why I only have a few real friends in this world, people are just too afraid to say hi... :undecided:

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All the time. It's probably due to a combination of mental focus and lack of emotion. This is why I like people with strong personalities (they can handle it).

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If I'm spacing out, people think I'm intimidating, because I get the blank INTJ stare and become really quiet. I can also intimidate people with the depth of my understanding in certain subjects.

Normally I don't get seen as intimidating though.

Yes I can see me probably being intimidating because of my quietness. I think thats why I got picked on sometimes in school because when you have the popular kid or the one who likes to get everyones attention and your just sitting there minding your own business, not laughing at their stupidity, you probably give off an intimidating vide to them because then they'll get the class to pick on you along with them to reassure themselves from within that they have nothing to worry about.

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I wish!

...well...

...I can be intimidating, I suppose. I was quite so in high school. But I've learned how to make people comfortable and that's almost second nature now. I prioritize people opening up over respecting me, because the respect comes easily when you're open.

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I noticed that when I get into even plesent social situations that people around me act nervous and uncooperative. In short they seem intimidated. Do you notice that as an INTJ that you naturally intimidate people? I do note that I can turn on the "fear" factor quite well with glares and other non verbal aspects and often get the expected response without too much effort. Comments?

I'd say that I do. It's a combination of a few things: I have a lot of visible tattoos that some (wrongly)perceive as intimidating, my friends know that I can be emotionally unstable in regards to anger management, those friends also know of my history with karate and boxing, I rarely show positive emotion on my face, added to the face problem is the stare (people say I have crazy eyes, I think it's because of the anger), and I tend to be rigid and proper in public. I walk at a faster pace than most but never out of necessity, so I never look anxious to be somewhere. People tell me that how I walk makes it look like I'm trying to find and kill someone.

Once people get to know me better they realize that I'm not trying to be intimidating and I'm actually a decent guy most of the time. They know the truth behind most of those surface characteristics. The anger problems I keep to myself, and if I'm feeling like it'd be a bad night for my anger management I'll almost always just stay home and deal with it by myself. My friends know that the fact that I'm even out doing something generally means they don't have to worry about my anger problems.

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I'm actually very pleasant in person, but, when I am deep in thought I tend to do the blank emotionless face many here do. I really weird people out at the lab sometimes because I'll be walking the halls immersed in my mind with the death-stare on, but when someone speaks to me, I'll light right up... smiles, warm greeting, and all. Catches them off guard. I get the "I didn't want to speak with you because you looked like you were ready to kill me" line a lot.

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I'm actually very pleasant in person, but, when I am deep in thought I tend to do the blank emotionless face many here do. I really weird people out at the lab sometimes because I'll be walking the halls immersed in my mind with the death-stare on, but when someone speaks to me, I'll light right up... smiles, warm greeting, and all. Catches them off guard. I get the "I didn't want to speak with you because you looked like you were ready to kill me" line a lot.

Your avatar looks most inviting.

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Those who are close to me say I intimidate people because I 'tell it like it is and do not bullshit around.' I guess I'm blunt and honest, sometimes too honest they tell me. I do not see it I try and act friendly and smile but I guess people see right through my fake facade and feel intimidated still.

Maybe it's just me, but being female I feel as if I'm pressured more into smiling than say a male would. My peers tend to be the ones that avoid me the most.

It's amazing the effects smiling has on a persons first impression.

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I don't think I am intimidating at all. I should work on this.

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