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cfmike

I'm an asshole.

94 posts in this topic

So I have this problem - I come across as an asshole, even if that isn't my intent.

Some of the things I am told on a regular basis include:

Lighten up!

Why are you so serious?

What's the matter?

Why are you pissed off?

The issue is that this isn't how I'm feeling at all. My normal, relaxed position apparently looks "intense", and my common interactions (paying for something at the grocery store, getting a haircut) lack any sort of emotion whatsoever (I have a very hard time pretending to care about stranger's day-to-day issues)

Anybody else get told similar things? How do you make yourself appear more relaxed and carefree (even if that is what you feel on the inside anyway?)

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All the time. Whenever I'm not smiling, apparently I look angry, smug, or aloof. I'm occasionally smug, often aloof, but rarely angry. I tell them that they will know when I'm angry, and this ain't it. Doesn't seem to help.

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That's funny, I used to get that all the time too. But as I have gotten older people have just ceased to care or they accept it. Or I have ceased to care that they care. I used to care, but now I don't care, I just accept it.

Oh, what I have been doing is smiling at how shit life is. If I am walking down the street and something crap happens I just smile to myself. The number of times someone else has looked at me smiling and then smiled back, haha, and then I smile again because I think how they think I am enjoying life, and how ironic that is that we both got smiles because of something crap.

Oh, sweet irony, you fuck my shit up!

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I usually have a blank stare on my face. I was told (twice) that I show no emotion. And I always wear sunglasses. What I noticed sometimes are people smiling at me, and recently I noticed someone squinting at me. Most of the time I feel like I'm almost invisible.

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Hell yes, I used to always get this.

"Why are you always so serious?"

"Are you upset?"

"Why are you mad?"

"You look mean!"

"You're good looking, you should smile more"

"Why are you so mean"

I wear sunglasses all the time and it doesn't help me look any nicer. Funny thing is when people get to know me, then their preconceived ideas fail them and they realize that's just my at rest face. It also doesn't help that I have a sharp tongue, am honestly blunt, and of course am not an "F".

Just stop caring and move on with life.

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The best response to any of that... at least, in my experience... is...

"This is my happy face."

:-)

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Any effort that you put into "looking more relaxed and carefree" will come off as just that: trying to be something that you are not. You'll just smack of fake-ness which doesn't help you at all. Stop caring; be yourself. Those who are worth your while will stick around.

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*shrug* Knowing my personality, I'll just preface statements that I know will illicit a negative reaction by saying "I know it makes me a prick but..." and that seems to make it come off as enough of a joke that people can laugh rather than getting uncomfortable.

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Well, congratulations.

Here's a fucking smiley face sticker. JUST FOR YOU.

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I notice being called this and other names when I'm being logical (almost always). I usually just try to explain to calm them down.

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People used to but everyone I'm around got used to it. My mom even used to pay me to smile every time I walked into the living room after x-amount of time(wasn't any real time only when she felt that a certain amount of time had passed.), she also paid for me smiling in school(my teacher reported back to her if I smiled or not and how much\long). Think the reason for that was that everyone else in my family used to smile all the time like some sort of clown.

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People often ask me: "Why are you so serious?" or "Why are you upset?". I tell them that's what my face looks like. My friends told me I seemed either distant and unapproachable (by two ISTPs) or uncaring and cold (by an ESFJ). Whatever that means.

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"The meaning of the communication is the response you get"

Now you know what meaning others place upon your behaviour, in turn means that you now have a choice about what you do about it. It is up to you, remember flexibility of behaviour is a very powerful tool, at first it seems difficult and false, but after a while it comes readily and easily. "If you always do what you've always done, the you'll always get what you've always got" - Love yourself and be happy.

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....at first it seems difficult and false, but after a while it comes readily and easily.
Love yourself and be happy.

Now I'm no expert, but this smells like contradiction.

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You can learn to smile more.

Really, I don't think INTJ are happy or peaceful. Even when supposedly relaxed, there is stuff going on inside and at a higher pace than a normal person.

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Welcome to your authentic identity as an INTJ.

That is how we look, and this is who we are, and too bad if all you other MBTI types don't like it.

We don't ask those other types to change to suit us, so I think it's fair that we get equal consideration.

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The minority doesn't get to make demands on the majority :p

But seriously, its about being at peace.

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I always thought I was the villain in EVERY situation and along the way somewhere I've come to terms with that. Use what people perceive of you as an advantage. Talk very calm and very rarely. Do these two things in combination with the undertone of being serious and/or angry and you'll be the guy that people will turn to because you only say what is important. I'm sure the best friend you have is loneliness right now but INTJ's are the rarest and the most easily annoyed. So learning to cope is the first step. Remember you have to play the game before you change the rules.

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The best response to any of that... at least, in my experience... is...

"This is my happy face."

:-)

I'm like this so are 2 of my kids. One is my kids is a 5 year old blond haired beauty with blue eyes. I hear "she's so cute what's wrong with her?", "is she tired?", "is she mad?" to which I respond no she's fine that IS her happy face. I also say trust me if she were mad you'd know it. LOL!! They still don't listen and try to "cheer her up" anyway. Ugggg....

It's annoying enough to hear it about ME now I have to hear it about my kids as well.

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Just joined this forum the other day, and I have to say this place is amazing. I am in the same boat with the rest of you. I have always gotten the asshole remark before and usually i shrug it off, because it comes from people I don't care about.

I don't get the you look mad often because I developed a smile that doesnt look fake (which took a long time to develop3-5 years).

The only time I get the "You look angry" comment is when I'm deep in thought.

I have just learned to accept it that most people will have the first reaction of me and I usually tell them that if you stick around me long enough that you learn that its just me, as most of my friends already know.

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I like it when they call me an asshole and get worried when they don't..

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Though I haven't been called 'asshole', people assume I'm not happy because I'm not smiling and tripping over rainbows and unicorns, and my mothers says I look like I don't want to be bothered sometimes.

I've been recently trying to come to terms with it and live.

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