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PugNinja

Cheating ..

73 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Are there any positives that come out from cheating ..

Edited by PugNinja

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Not in my experience.  My ex-H was a cheater.  All it got us was a lot of damaged trust and...a divorce.  I'm not sure if you're thinking of doing it or someone has done it to you but it is not worth it.  I should have left sooner because it also got me some wasted time.

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Posted (edited)

I'm guessing it's the appetite for this kind of short-term thrills that destroys a long-term relationship. 

 
 
...... added to this post 3 minutes later:
 

There's the other debate about whether open relationships work or what they tend to imply. But I'm guessing that's a tangent to the specific activity of cheating.

Edited by zonsop

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9 of 10 divorce lawyers agree that cheating has great effect on your relationship! Just listen to those testimonies...

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Snickersbaryo said:

Not in my experience.  My ex-H was a cheater.  All it got us was a lot of damaged trust and...a divorce.  I'm not sure if you're thinking of doing it or someone has done it to you but it is not worth it.  I should have left sooner because it also got me some wasted time.

No, I am on a MBTI group and we were all debating what pros / cons can come from it .which made me think,.Open ,not personally my thing ,but I find it a interesting topic.

Edited by PugNinja

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Depends on the perspective, as always. 

Short term:

As the cheated you could realize the cheater isn't worthy (assuming the cheated see it as wrong).

As a cheater, well, you get to do what you want irrespective of the contract/agreement.

As a third party: you get content to gossip about.

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No, absolutely not. Please don't cheat, you will regret it and you will cause much pain.

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Nope, or at least none that justify the cost.

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It's not that black and white always.  Sometimes a relationship is so far down the tubes, and you've gone so far down the tubes with it that you can't even recognize that you're in a dysfunctional and ultimately soul-killing cycle of abuse.  Sometimes the only thing that can wake you up is another person showing you it isn't supposed to be that way.

In a perfect world, you could pull the trigger on a relationship without having the support of someone else, but, alas, we aren't living in a perfect world and we aren't perfect people.  

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3 hours ago, Jack-Joseph said:

No, absolutely not. Please don't cheat, you will regret it and you will cause much pain.

1. I am single.

2 am debating this with another group ..

3.i think it can be painful ,and tho I am not saying it's right ,as I'm not , I think it can be worked as a positive , long term or short as long as communication keeps flowing ,some people are cheaters for cheatings sake ,until they want to change themselves ..hands up ,just my thoughts ..

 
 
...... added to this post 2 minutes later:
 
35 minutes ago, Maeven said:

It's not that black and white always.  Sometimes a relationship is so far down the tubes, and you've gone so far down the tubes with it that you can't even recognize that you're in a dysfunctional and ultimately soul-killing cycle of abuse.  Sometimes the only thing that can wake you up is another person showing you it isn't supposed to be that way.

In a perfect world, you could pull the trigger on a relationship without having the support of someone else, but, alas, we aren't living in a perfect world and we aren't perfect people.  

I see that .

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Posted (edited)

Since my ex sorta cheated on me (will never know the full story or what is true or not), I can't see how cheating has a beneficial side to it. The cheater will always be left with that burden and shame on what they did. Even if the other forgives them, they will still be left with the feeling of being unworthy and having done that one awful ultimate thing. I'm glad I never cheated, it must be an awful burden to bear. Because, when you add to it: Only imagine that you have to doubt yourself from that point on when it comes to deep relationships and still being able to fuck up eventually? Hell no, not me! 

Anyway, there's many things in life that we can judge and say: Oh.. that will never happen to me, or that is never something I would do. However, I believe with the ''right'' combination of bad things happening in life, or a combination of factors that lead you into some specific situation - anything can happen really (not limited to cheating). 

But yeah, what i'm trying to say I guess; even if you forgive a lover for cheating, they can still collapse on themselves for that burden that they created for themselves and feel very worthless and unworthy, and they leave still. It is out of your own control, when it happened it happened. You can try to accept and live with it but it has to come from both sides, and then I guess it is still a very tough piece of 'history' to deal with.

So no, besides all the pain and disgust it creates, it just leaves an impossibly complex burden to deal with in a relationship. One caused it but you both share in the burden I guess. 

Edited by Nicoloco90

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No. Sabotaging the most important relationship in your life is never a good thing.

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Posted (edited)

You could get a new girlfriend that way.

You could realize that your actual girlfriend is really dysfunctional and the other woman doesn't treat you like a meal ticket or emotional tampon.

You could discover a new STD that is previously unknown to science and have it named after you.

You could have a bastard child as a backup heir in case your legitimate children turn out to be total screw-ups.

Your girlfriend could find out, lose her shit and go to therapy, then finally get help for all the other mental problems you have been telling her to get therapy for.

You could find a new hole in the wall restaurant that is really good that you didn't know about before.

Taylor swift will write a song about you.

Your brand new ex will angrily and loudly admit to cheating on you for the last several months

Edited by JetBlastJoe

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Posted (edited)

On 6/16/2017 at 0:24 AM, PugNinja said:

Are there any positives that come out from cheating ..

Lots of benefits come out from cheating. First and foremost, if "cheating" is in any way analogous to other sexual related "crimes," then the vast majority of perpetrators are never caught; meaning there is a guaranteed, in the moment thrill with a low chance for all the cry-baby drama that the previous posters brought up.

Also, have you ever tried breaking up with someone? It's not exactly uncommon for women to internalize blame; they start needlessly crying, start nattering about what's wrong with them, ask what they can do differently, tell you that they can change, insist on learning specific reasons cited for the breakup, try and argue against cited reasons... any which way you look at it it's an absolute nightmare and if you're a normal person who's in any way motivated to avoid this conversation then all you have to do is cheat. This action makes it that much easier for women to externalize the blame and make YOU the bad guy. Any which way you look at it, cheating can help make life just that much simpler for everyone.

Edited by Deprecator

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15 minutes ago, Deprecator said:

Lots of benefits come out from cheating. First and foremost, if "cheating" is in any way analogous to other sexual related "crimes," then the vast majority of perpetrators are never caught; meaning there is a guaranteed, in the moment thrill with a low chance for all the cry-baby drama that the previous posters brought up.

Also, have you ever tried breaking up with someone? It's not exactly uncommon for women internalize blame; they start needlessly crying, start nattering about what's wrong with them, ask what they can do differently, tell you that they can change, insist on learning specific reasons cited for the breakup, try and argue against cited reasons... any which way you look at it it's an absolute nightmare and if you're a normal person who's in any way motivated to avoid this conversation then all you have to do is cheat. This action makes it that much easier for women to externalize the blame and make YOU the bad guy. Any which way you look at it, cheating can help make life just that much simpler for everyone.

Have have you been cheated on...

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On 2017-6-16 at 8:24 AM, PugNinja said:

Are there any positives that come out from cheating ..

If you're not happy, then split up or be honest, because in the end, you will look like the worst one.

 
 
...... added to this post 0 minutes later:
 

How times have changed...

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8 minutes ago, Jack-Joseph said:

If you're not happy, then split up or be honest, because in the end, you will look like the worst one.

It's a hypothetical .. Nothing about me , a discussion I was having .,

 
 
...... added to this post 4 minutes later:
 
23 hours ago, Nicoloco90 said:

Since my ex sorta cheated on me (will never know the full story or what is true or not), I can't see how cheating has a beneficial side to it. The cheater will always be left with that burden and shame on what they did. Even if the other forgives them, they will still be left with the feeling of being unworthy and having done that one awful ultimate thing. I'm glad I never cheated, it must be an awful burden to bear. Because, when you add to it: Only imagine that you have to doubt yourself from that point on when it comes to deep relationships and still being able to fuck up eventually? Hell no, not me! 

Anyway, there's many things in life that we can judge and say: Oh.. that will never happen to me, or that is never something I would do. However, I believe with the ''right'' combination of bad things happening in life, or a combination of factors that lead you into some specific situation - anything can happen really (not limited to cheating). 

But yeah, what i'm trying to say I guess; even if you forgive a lover for cheating, they can still collapse on themselves for that burden that they created for themselves and feel very worthless and unworthy, and they leave still. It is out of your own control, when it happened it happened. You can try to accept and live with it but it has to come from both sides, and then I guess it is still a very tough piece of 'history' to deal with.

So no, besides all the pain and disgust it creates, it just leaves an impossibly complex burden to deal with in a relationship. One caused it but you both share in the burden I guess. 

This is just me .. i think it can be beneficial ..

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In circumstances where a monogamous relationship is fundamentally broken, cheating can maybe be the wake-up call that leads someone to recognize that it's time to move on. Other than that I've never heard of a coherent reason why it would be beneficial that goes beyond crude rationalizations. 

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10 minutes ago, PugNinja said:

Have have you been cheated on...

Surely the question you're asking me is personal in nature, and considering how it's not remotely related to the original question asked it might warrant a new thread. Though on the off chance this is a roundabout way of asking how I'd react if I ever had been cheated on then I've already answered this question elsewhere on the forum.

On 6/2/2017 at 1:35 PM, Deprecator said:

By itself it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. With monogamy set as the standard, a "cheater" is just a derogatory way of saying that on paper you want to conform with the masses but in practice you're unable to. To this end, if half the rumors are to be believed then there are a lot of closeted non-monogamists. If I had a partner who "cheated" I'd interpret the act as them communicating that they want to go from a monogamist relationship to a non-monogamist one, something I'd be 100% okay with. 

 

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11 minutes ago, Nemesis said:

In circumstances where a monogamous relationship is fundamentally broken, cheating can maybe be the wake-up call that leads someone to recognize that it's time to move on. Other than that I've never heard of a coherent reason why it would be beneficial that goes beyond crude rationalizations. 

I think it's a wake up call for sure , but it can mean both parties can still love each other ,that stuck in a rut situation..that it can be a time to say goodbye or  two people change , so instead of being married once ,ur married two,three or more to the same person ,within one marriage .. But I think communication is key

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6 minutes ago, Nemesis said:

I've never heard of a coherent reason why it would be beneficial that goes beyond crude rationalizations. 

Yes well... just because the rationalization is "crude" doesn't mean it's any less valid.

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8 minutes ago, Deprecator said:

Yes well... just because the rationalization is "crude" doesn't mean it's any less valid.

I understand that..but all I'm saying if both can recognise it ..then it can be a wake up call to something better with two different people but the same .. If that makes sense..but each cheating scenario is different for different couples ..

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1 minute ago, PugNinja said:

I understand that..but all I'm saying if both can recognise it ..then it can be a wake up call to something better with two different people but the same .. If that makes sense..but each cheating scenario is different for different couples ..

Yes this makes perfect sense. For many people cheating has its undisputed benefits, but at the same time every couple is different and so the benefits may not apply to everyone the same way.

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9 minutes ago, Deprecator said:

Yes this makes perfect sense. For many people cheating has its undisputed benefits, but at the same time every couple is different and so the benefits may not apply to everyone the same way.

Exactly..

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Posted (edited)

20 minutes ago, PugNinja said:

I think it's a wake up call for sure , but it can mean both parties can still love each other ,that stuck in a rut situation..that it can be a time to say goodbye or  two people change , so instead of being married once ,ur married two,three or more to the same person ,within one marriage .. But I think communication is key

I'd also agree with this to an extent. I think the "moving on" part of what I said is a very broad thing and there's absolutely a lot ways that can play out ranging from breaking up, to resolving it somehow, to shifting into a non-monogamous relationship as deprecator mentined.  Relationships are messy things, so I hesitate in drawing lines that are too clean for things like this lol

19 minutes ago, Deprecator said:

Yes well... just because the rationalization is "crude" doesn't mean it's any less valid.

Maybe replace "crude" with "poor" if you want to get that pedantic, and yes crappy rationalizations tend to be less valid. Rationalizations are excuses. If you really want to argue for the validity of poor excuses... 

But I don't think we're really in major disagreement 

Edited by Nemesis

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