Welcome to INTJ Forum

This is a community where INTJs can meet others with similar personalities and discuss a wide variety of both serious and casual topics. If you aren't an INTJ, you're welcome to join anyway if you would like to learn more about this personality type or participate in our discussions. Registration is free and will allow you to post messages, see hidden subforums, customize your account and use other features only available to our members.

Ambra

What are things a boy can only learn from his dad?

37 posts in this topic
4 minutes ago, eagleseven said:

Grove City, which has expanded towards Columbus. Everyone calls it "Grovetucky" for a reason. 

Best part: I'm just a 20-minute drive from downtown Columbus via 71. Dunno why everyone wants to live on the north side.

 

...I had no idea this was all down here when I first moved to Columbus. Screw living in the ghetto.

The Kroger that's near Meijer? Hmm, I have never considered Grove City to be redneck.  We go there all the time, since it's nicer to shop around there than the ghetto/white trash mixture of people on S. High Street.

I guess they also call Groveport Grovetucky, which is where my boyfriend grew up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Spoiler

 

I learned different things from both my parents. Dad taught me about hard work and how to manage money by example. Mom taught me kindness, strength, and resilience through her example. Both taught me a ton about music. Dad helped me learn to shoot a basket and ride a bike. Mom taught me to keep my guard up even while sparring someone less experienced than me (she busted my nose really good one time, and it is one of my favorite stories). None of those are things related to their sex or gender or that couldn't have also been taught to me by the other parent had they possessed those qualities. I've never felt that the qualities related to my personality or character that I should possess would be different from someone with different genitals. Independence/self-reliance, grit, emotional and physical strength, stability, kindness, and integrity were the qualities I assumed all humans should work to possess. My parents were essentially blue collar hippies when I was born and thus created a unique environment for me and my siblings growing up.

Others may live in a cultural context in which gender roles are more important and linked more to their identity, however. While I simply needed good role models of any sex to figure out how to be an adult, some people are going to need more specific examples in order to feel whole and competent members of society. I often find that some of my more conservative and religious friends are the ones who struggle most with how to be a man or a woman. Their worldview denotes concrete, inherent differences between the roles of men and women and what these looks like are not always spelled out for them, particularly when the increasingly liberal, secular world continues to blur these lines. Speaking with them, some feel they are forced to locate a particular image of masculinity or femininity and adhere to it or risk isolation from their friends and family. People in this bubble will more often need gender-specific role models to avoid a crisis.

 

 

Long-winded, personal anecdotes above. 

The varying answers on this probably come down to whatever ideology the responder possesses rather than anything truly objective. I might hazard to say that if your worldview includes the presence of natural, universal gender roles you're more likely to find that there are certain things you can only learn from your same-sex parent. If your worldview is that differences between men and women are little more than genitalia and secondary sex characteristics, you're probably less likely to feel like there are things you can only learn from your same-sex parent. I welcome corrections or exceptions to this assumption from other posters here, however. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 minutes ago, Holli said:

The Kroger that's near Meijer? Hmm, I have never considered Grove City to be redneck.  We go there all the time, since it's nicer to shop around there than the ghetto/white trash mixture of people on S. High Street.

Stringtown road off 71. That area is a mixing-pot, with the rich living in new mansions further south, the rednecks from old Grove City (where I live), and minorities coming in to shop from Columbus. Best Walmart and Kroger I've ever seen, yes!

I often go to the Lowe's and Ollie's on South High, and you're right about it. I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to live there unless you have at least one facial tattoo or fake-gold grille. Speaking of which, the S. High street Lowe's on Friday is pretty much a Lesbian cruising location. 

 

Quote

I guess they also call Groveport Grovetucky, which is where my boyfriend grew up.

Indeed. It's one of those things you only see if you're not from the area: my Cleveland accent sticks out here pretty dramatically, and my neighbors have all moved here from further south (West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee mostly). Hell, the service-workers here all call me "Sweetheart" or "Darling" in that thick twang I can't replicate. Even the taco bell drivethrough.

 

But...us gays are also taking over. My banker here is very gay, Grindr is loaded with guys here, and I even saw a guy downtown with a flamboyant "Love Wins" shirt. Gun-toting truck-driving gays, but still :p

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

On 5/16/2017 at 3:01 PM, Ambra said:

Or a girl from her mom? A girl from her dad, or a boy from his mom?

Things my dad taught me:

1. How to wear a baseball glove

2. Not to panic if I wake up after a wet dream

3. How to Iron my shirt

4. How to put on a tie (not the Windsor Knot, a fellow colleague taught me that)

5. Not to get married (He looked so unhappy, I figured out that marriage isn't a wise thing to do)

6. Not to have kids (I couldn't imagine raising myself from birth to college)

7. My dad did teach me that marijuana was ok to try but to be careful not to do it the night before a midterm (lol...my dad claimed that when he walked into the midterm the essay question seemed so complex to his stoned mind that he just "dug the question" and sat there for 2 hours not writing anything because it was such an amazing question (essay question 1 of 5).

 

What did my mom teach me?

1. she made me memorize the astrological personality traits

2. she taught me a little spanish (la colita means "little tail", "pedo-pedo-beep-beep"...was a fart joke she taught me in spanish)

3. she taught me the Beatles song "girl" if you listen to the part where John Lennon sings "a giiiirrrrllllll...." (that pause after the dot is someone sniffing cocaine)

4. she taught me that Neil Diamond and Barry Manilow are great singers

 

Funny, I don't really remember her teaching me all that much.  She did encourage me to think in my own weird unique way.  She often asked me a lot of open-ended questions and seemed to use me to entertain her and I loved to please her so I'd always take the bait and start singing, running around screaming or doing whatever to make her laugh.

Edited by ENFPEACE
added the section on what mom taught me...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What are things a boy can only learn from his dad? The endurance of a first-hand experience, and the unexpected little yet keen insights those provide.

Same as learning from a veteran tradesman than someone who read about in in a book once long ago, I suppose. But results may vary on individuals.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The major thing I learned from my mother that only she could have taught me was to respect women as she was a competent professional who has valuable thoughts on any issue that comes up.

The major thing I learned from my Father is that I felt like I had an answer to the question "How to be a man". He was a realistic role model.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A father can teach his son that he (son)belongs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

What are things a boy can only learn from his dad?

Exactly how his mother likes to be touched.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, thod said:

Exactly how his mother likes to be touched.

D:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The typical don't make the same mistakes and personal/deep struggles in his life.
How to treat women which i didn't listen,but in the other hand most women in my life have more higher outlook than his neutral aproach (but i know he dated women who were mental cases maybe it's the reason why he reach with his conclussions).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Roughhousing.

Don't be afraid of that thing.

Be tougher than that.

Run!

Hey check this out!

Let's make this thing (I guess there are male and female versions of this).

Hit that target.  Aim better!

 

Not exclusive to men, but it's a matter of degree.

Edited by Paul Siraisi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now