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the501st

Conflicted INTJ

29 posts in this topic
1 hour ago, Brandugh said:

All INTJs have feelings, inasmuch as the human mechanism is itself fundamentally "emotional." Something I've thought about lately, during the few bouts of loneliness, is that finding someone to validate every part of my identity is unlikely. Therefore, having a robust network of connections that satisfies different parts of my feeling/doing-being seems to be the most effective course of action. Testing in progress :-)

 
 
...... added to this post 3 minutes later:
 
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We each have our own strengths, the things that identify us as unique. Listening to those things, and allowing space for them, is important. For me, composing music is one aspect of expressing this unique inner world of mine. Sometimes what I write is shared, but it tends to be simply a cathartic process. The only person that can validate everything we are, is ourselves.

 

I so understand trying to find a way to feel part of this world since I believe we are all connected somehow .... &  how to feel "understood" or even accepted has been an ongoing struggle throughout most of my life  . So often I have heard that I am too much work or I scare them ..... by people who found me to be a threat because our thinking is puzzling to them . How & when to express yourself is the key . Using different platforms for different ways to express ourselves is wisdom in my opinion. So often we might touch people's life & not even know . Our insight seems to take courage to express for so many because they don't want to admit to their own shortcomings. After all we will readily admit what we are good at & what we struggle with !!!

I think expressing ourselves is what makes us  truly  happy & not caring that it will be acknowledged or understood is a key factor . 

After been ostracized due to me leaving a bad situation, I now walk into places like I know everyone & I belong there even if I don't.......

If the truth can be twisted ...can we not alter the perception on how people perceive us by knowing we are just perfect the way we are & radiate it with all our might & smiling because we are happy we are completely comfortable being ourselves & now being equipped with the knowledge & awareness we fit just perfectly into a world that is connected !!!

Edited by Borntothink

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@the501st I felt a need to be a different person every time because it was my job to persuade foreign nationals, in a variety of languages, locations and circumstances, to undertake actions beneficial to the United States. It did NOT make me feel comfortable. Before going on stage in the theater I took two to twelve hours to "become" the character. Once I had become the character, I was comfortable with it. When it was over and I relaxed the pent-up discomfort and exhaustion came roaring through. That is why I did my best to take at least a full day off between different encounters.

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1 hour ago, Brandugh said:

All INTJs have feelings, inasmuch as the human mechanism is itself fundamentally "emotional." Something I've thought about lately, during the few bouts of loneliness, is that finding someone to validate every part of my identity is unlikely. Therefore, having a robust network of connections that satisfies different parts of my feeling/doing-being seems to be the most effective course of action. Testing in progress :-)

 
 
...... added to this post 3 minutes later:
 
  Hide contents

We each have our own strengths, the things that identify us as unique. Listening to those things, and allowing space for them, is important. For me, composing music is one aspect of expressing this unique inner world of mine. Sometimes what I write is shared, but it tends to be simply a cathartic process. The only person that can validate everything we are, is ourselves.

 

To be honest I don't really have a network.  I think I do have one but I hardly utilize it.  But now I'm going to do research on self validation based off what you just said.

 
 
...... added to this post 1 minute later:
 
5 minutes ago, byhisello99 said:

@the501st I felt a need to be a different person every time because it was my job to persuade foreign nationals, in a variety of languages, locations and circumstances, to undertake actions beneficial to the United States. It did NOT make me feel comfortable. Before going on stage in the theater I took two to twelve hours to "become" the character. Once I had become the character, I was comfortable with it. When it was over and I relaxed the pent-up discomfort and exhaustion came roaring through. That is why I did my best to take at least a full day off between different encounters.

Wow that's just crazy and amazing at the same time.  But yet you did it. 

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15 hours ago, the501st said:

I currently have a friend who is ESFP and I love her and her bubbly personality but she's making the stupidest decision in her life that goes against all logic. While I love her traits I'm thinking of cutting her off because that decision. And I know an ESFJ that I would love to see disappear because she's so annoying and manipulative, quite passive aggressive too.  I'm married to an ENFJ who appears to understand me and is adorable but he doesn't help me be an extrovert. I could ask him to help me now that I think about it. He's quite the social butterfly and very popular. I have yet to meet an ENTJ.

 
 
...... added to this post 12 minutes later:
 

And how did you develop your Se?

Your ENFJ partner has Se in the same place as I do and ENFJs adore passing on what they know to someone who truly cares about it; that is their bliss.

What did i do to develop my Se? :thousand yard stare: 😊

Shot a machine gun full auto.

Prepared to die in an overwhelming rush of enemy combatants overrunning the camp.

Used observational clues and projecting a compelling aura to talk my way into a top-level job at a Bn-dollar financial company.

Lived homeless in my car for a while.

Dated an ESTP biotech billionaire (paper billionaire, mind you) & travelled up and down the coast of California helping him pitch to the super-wealthy as investors.

Made out in an armoured vehicle during a rocket attack.

Got plural tattoos and piercings (none of which are highly visible.)

Left my job and traveled the world solo for a total of... 1.6 years. 

Perfected the art of bleaching my nearly-black hair (I don't do this anymore. But I did find the perfect chemicals to minimise damage/maximize gloss) .

Indulge in professional hair cuts and tasteful (hair) highlights that fluctuated in tone with the seasons.

Non-professionally dyed some of my hair blue.

Learn what makeup suits me and how to look lovely with minimal.

Got full-body waxing and experimented with fake blinged up nails (I discovered I like toenail polish but hate having things on my hands). 

Perfected the art of pleasuring men and women in bed.

Preceded by, kissed my best girlfriend.

Had a threesome several times.

Drove a manual-transmission sports car for a year.

Learned how to perfect a rolling start on my (manual) 1994 Tercel with the mystery busted alternator.

One of my favourites is, going from a perfume novice, to buying a few fragrances, to knowing exactly which notes and which designers I like and what wears well on my skin.

For a while I indulged in buying gold jewellery & discovered I actually like small tasteful silver/white gold/gem pieces better. Though I have a soft spot for good (not doublet/triplet) opals... although d/t's are everyday wearable.

Apprenticed to an ethical ESTP.

Now I practice a very hands-on, indigenous, experiential, Se-Ni if you will, mental health modality. 

I'm 32, by the way, and I was a classic nerd in high school. And through most of university.

I'm now working on Fi development, if anything. So if you're around my age it would be normal to work on Se development.

In not marrying your inferior functions, you've already avoided the biggest developmental pitfall :) Pardon my irreverence.

If you're in the Vancouver area it might be fun to hang out.

*Any* social gathering will develop your Se because that & Te are what you extrovert so having to extrovert will develop them.

But an artistic, athletic, adventure-oriented, or sensual social gathering (like belly-dancing, say) will do you better on the development front I'd say.

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