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the501st

Conflicted INTJ

29 posts in this topic

I've taken the test multiple times over the course of several years, and have always come up as INTJ, specifically INTJ-T.  Initially I hesitated at accepting the designation; I guess because my personality and emotions are strange compared to others. Being called a weirdo or gonzo and trying to fit in is a good way to sabotage oneself.  But the more research I've done on INTJ the more I'm able to understand myself and come to terms that how I behave aren't flaws, but just a unique set of qualities belonging to my personality. I know that one MTBI type is not better than the other; we all need each other.  Problem is, I've found myself fascinated with the E personalities, especially ESFJ and ESFP.  I find myself drawn to wanting become an Extrovert.

However it's like there's a barrier that prevents me from doing the things that I desire.  I love how the E types dress nice and have style, yet I can't seem to match colors or pieces of clothing.  In fact, it seems rather boring to do so, but I find myself admiring from afar and wishing I was like that.  I love being in monochromatic colors, and know that I can add flair to what I am able to put together, but it doesn't seem to be worth the time.  I drive a car that usually boys drive and I picked it because of the practicality and how it fit my lifestyle, only to find myself wishing I had a nice sedan.  I wish my house was Little Sally Homemaker's, but it lacks even basic decorations; all the walls are blank and I find it looking bare and super organized with occasional areas of clutter.  I'm trying to find out why...is it laziness, or lack of interest in décor?  I've now worked my way up to where I make a large amount of money but I'm pulling a Walter Mitty; it's just sitting in my account and I don't know how to spend it.  When I go shopping I'm too busy analyzing my purchase and wondering the long term ramifications of the purchase; usually I can't justify spending money and I put things back on the rack. 

When they are smiling and charming I stand back and watch and wonder if I can change my aloofness and disinterest to where I can have more friends like them, because they seem extremely happy in their little groups, laughing and talking about nonsense.  Only I love solitude more than people and like to keep people at a distance.  I have a select group of close friends, very close, like "besties" as they say, but they are all mature and wise, not young women like myself filled with drama and excitement, and I wonder if my life would be more exciting with a group of people like that.  Only when I am around the E type personalities, especially the ESFJ I find myself deliberately doing a door slam because they don't know how to give me space.  And then I regret approaching them in the first place.

Logic tells me that because I am surrounded by a sea of humans that I shouldn't be alone and that I should be lonely because I'm not swimming with people.  But I like my little life raft drifting away from people. People say we are robots, however I find my emotions running strong and its confusing.  Jealousy, envy, sadness are present and I think it's being fueled by this discontent of me not liking really who I am because I feel different, only logic tells me it doesn't matter.  I am intelligent, and my friends really do like me, and in our deep conversations they give me expressions of appreciation and gratitude.  Yet I feel at a loss because my life isn't brimming with excitement.   Have any INTJs ever felt this conflicted?

Edited by the501st

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This topic was posted yesterday.

Sound somewhat familiar?

Your problems are very common to most deep thinking types. INTJs typically need a passion, they need a goal to work towards otherwise they seem lost and often get depressed. My uninformed opinion, is that it seems like that may be your problem. You look at your 'homemaker' friends and you see how happy they are and how obsessed with the little things they are, and you crave that. It's not that your interested in homemaking, it's that your interested in having a narrow minded goal and developing a plan to work towards it.

I'll offer you the same advice that I offered the other poster, just keep going. You're not weird and many others have been in your position. Eventually, you will find something that truly interests you and you'll be very good at it. Until then keep your head up and realize that every hobby that comes up that may appear to interest you but your brain keeps you from doing is an activity you wouldn't have enjoyed in the long run anyway. INTJs are perfectionists and you will find that perfect passion.

 

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Actually no. My issue isn't goals or follow through. My issue is dissatisfaction and thinking the grass is greener on the other side regardless of how illogical it is to feel that way. I have hobbies that I have been working towards for the past couple of years and they are progressive. 

I'm basically asking if there are any intjs that deal with loneliness or wondering what it would be like to not be Intj. Do you try to change your personality and develop extroverted qualities? Does it lead to feelings of jealousy ?  

BTW I love homemaking. I'm very good at cooking but just not decor. 

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aaahhh, well I tried. What's the favorite meal of choice in your household?

 

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1 hour ago, the501st said:

I'm basically asking if there are any intjs that deal with loneliness or wondering what it would be like to not be Intj. Do you try to change your personality and develop extroverted qualities? Does it lead to feelings of jealousy ?  

BTW I love homemaking. I'm very good at cooking but just not decor. 

Loneliness is becoming an epidemic which is just getting worse. I think many INTJs are actually quite adept at dealing with the phenomenon - possibly a lot better than we think.

It's quite erroneous to believe that INTJs don't want deep love and naturally gravitate to "alone-ness".

I'd love to be permanently extroverted, but it's an effort. I just look at it as a social necessity I can live with. It doesn't kill me to be the warmest and friendliest guy in the room - it's great when people respond similarly.

Funny that you mention jealousy. It's been the bane of my existence, yet I rarely if ever feel jealousy myself. I just don't understand how it takes over people - seems like a really silly thing. Or maybe I'm just too damned self-absorbed and self-satisfied to even go there LOL

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I just started learning to perfect green beans...I use 6 cans, 5 slices of center cut bacon, 1 can chicken broth, 3 tablespoons of pepper, 2 tablespoons garlic powder, or minced garlic, and then simmer for about 20 min on a low to medium flame. My friends make me bring them to every party. I used to make spring mix salads, super colorful with all the toppings...but I got tired of being the practical salad girl.  I've learned to make whipped mashed potatoes, and have even given cooking lessons to some of my friends...I make a mean lasagna. I create recipes too...made brownies topped with roasted marshmallows with a peanut butter marshmallow frosting I made from scratch. I just like to cook and I'll cook anything. 

 
 
...... added to this post 8 minutes later:
 
1 minute ago, rickster said:

Loneliness is becoming an epidemic which is just getting worse. I think many INTJs are actually quite adept at dealing with the phenomenon - possibly a lot better than we think.

It's quite erroneous to believe that INTJs don't want deep love and naturally gravitate to "alone-ness".

I'd love to be permanently extroverted, but it's an effort. I just look at it as a social necessity I can live with. It doesn't kill me to be the warmest and friendliest guy in the room - it's great when people respond similarly.

Funny that you mention jealousy. It's been the bane of my existence, yet I rarely if ever feel jealousy myself. I just don't understand how it takes over people - seems like a really silly thing. Or maybe I'm just too damned self-absorbed and self-satisfied to even go there LOL

Perhaps it's completely external then, to feel lonely, caused by environmental factors rather than internal. I don't know I'm lonely until someone or something reminds me.

Sometimes I feel guilty for loving my solitude as if I'm supposed to be sociable. I love the quietness a little too much.

However I know an Intj-a who has made extreme effort to be sociable. Yet when her Intj comes out its quite scary.  Her forcing herself to be around people leads to thoughts of wishing everyone would disappear.

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10 minutes ago, the501st said:

Perhaps it's completely external then, to feel lonely, caused by environmental factors rather than internal. I don't know I'm lonely until someone or something reminds me.

Yep. I just tell 'em that if I feel lonely I remind myself that I haven't made any plans or done any outreach worth mentioning in a very long time.

I worked long and hard to get the life of quietness I always wanted. Very happy with what I got.

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Through circumstances I ended up in sales at a very young age. It forced me to act like a very extraverted person although I was quite the opposite. It was theater then and it still is.

If you were to meet me in person, you would probably think of me as an extroverted, maybe even charming man. Most people I meet do. So don't think you can see or understand what goes on in other people's minds.

Edited by Robbie07

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13 hours ago, the501st said:

I've taken the test multiple times over the course of several years, and have always come up as INTJ, specifically INTJ-T.  Initially I hesitated at accepting the designation; I guess because my personality and emotions are strange compared to others. Being called a weirdo or gonzo and trying to fit in is a good way to sabotage oneself.  But the more research I've done on INTJ the more I'm able to understand myself and come to terms that how I behave aren't flaws, but just a unique set of qualities belonging to my personality. I know that one MTBI type is not better than the other; we all need each other.  Problem is, I've found myself fascinated with the E personalities, especially ESFJ and ESFP.  I find myself drawn to wanting become an Extrovert.

However it's like there's a barrier that prevents me from doing the things that I desire.  I love how the E types dress nice and have style, yet I can't seem to match colors or pieces of clothing.  In fact, it seems rather boring to do so, but I find myself admiring from afar and wishing I was like that.  I love being in monochromatic colors, and know that I can add flair to what I am able to put together, but it doesn't seem to be worth the time.  I drive a car that usually boys drive and I picked it because of the practicality and how it fit my lifestyle, only to find myself wishing I had a nice sedan.  I wish my house was Little Sally Homemaker's, but it lacks even basic decorations; all the walls are blank and I find it looking bare and super organized with occasional areas of clutter.  I'm trying to find out why...is it laziness, or lack of interest in décor?  I've now worked my way up to where I make a large amount of money but I'm pulling a Walter Mitty; it's just sitting in my account and I don't know how to spend it.  When I go shopping I'm too busy analyzing my purchase and wondering the long term ramifications of the purchase; usually I can't justify spending money and I put things back on the rack. 

When they are smiling and charming I stand back and watch and wonder if I can change my aloofness and disinterest to where I can have more friends like them, because they seem extremely happy in their little groups, laughing and talking about nonsense.  Only I love solitude more than people and like to keep people at a distance.  I have a select group of close friends, very close, like "besties" as they say, but they are all mature and wise, not young women like myself filled with drama and excitement, and I wonder if my life would be more exciting with a group of people like that.  Only when I am around the E type personalities, especially the ESFJ I find myself deliberately doing a door slam because they don't know how to give me space.  And then I regret approaching them in the first place.

Logic tells me that because I am surrounded by a sea of humans that I shouldn't be alone and that I should be lonely because I'm not swimming with people.  But I like my little life raft drifting away from people. People say we are robots, however I find my emotions running strong and its confusing.  Jealousy, envy, sadness are present and I think it's being fueled by this discontent of me not liking really who I am because I feel different, only logic tells me it doesn't matter.  I am intelligent, and my friends really do like me, and in our deep conversations they give me expressions of appreciation and gratitude.  Yet I feel at a loss because my life isn't brimming with excitement.   Have any INTJs ever felt this conflicted?

I think lots of INTJs and lots of even extroverted NTs feel that way. 

It's the yearning to develop your inferior functions. In Jungian terms, your soul is longing to become complete. Hence the desire for traits like ESFPs and ESFJs have. ESFPs have Extroverted Sensing and Introverted Feeling. And ESFJs are very competent material managers of their lives. 

If I could make a suggestion it would be to add some new friends who are NTs but with more developed Extroverted Sensing and Introverted Feeling. It would help you merge your NT-ness with Sensory/Feelery life accoutrements in a way that demonstrates they don't have to be either-or. You could pick ENTJs; we're a little more materially developed because those functions are higher up the stack for us.

It makes sense that you wouldn't quite be able to follow through on acquiring these things because, as I remember when I was developing my Se, it takes awhile for one's own "taste" to develop. Taste being like a combination of what you like and what fits your life; it's the difference between saying "ooh pretty/impressive" and "I'm getting/doing this because it suits me and I love it."

Hope that helps and welcome 😉

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4 hours ago, Robbie07 said:

Through circumstances I ended up in sales at a very young age. It forced me to act like a very extraverted person although I was quite the opposite. It was theater then and it still is.

If you were to meet me in person, you would probably think of me as an extroverted, maybe even charming man. Most people I meet do. So don't think you can see or understand what goes on in other people's minds.

Interesting how you refer to it as theatre. I've worked in customer service for almost 20 years. It's the only type of jobs I could ever land, most of it included teaching people or training. I've taught myself to mask it; as soon as I walk in the door the mask goes on. Yet ppl wonder why I refuse to make friends or hang out after work. I prefer to eat lunch alone. I've tried small talk but it interferes with me eating, or reading while I'm eating. To me the job serves a purpose of taking care of my needs and nothing more. I don't want to clutter my life with extra friendships that could later complicate me getting the job done...I don't like to blur those lines. I currently work in dispatch with over 100 drivers. You should see me smile over the radio.  I laugh a lot because I really enjoy my job, but I hardly smile compared to everyone else and most ppl comment on how quiet I am all the time. Makes me keenly aware that I'm different. Yet at the same time I don't feel like an Extrovert just because I'm cheerful and helpful with a crowd of ppl. I still feel like I'm struggling to find my place. 

 
 
...... added to this post 10 minutes later:
 
4 hours ago, ENTJAria said:

I think lots of INTJs and lots of even extroverted NTs feel that way. 

It's the yearning to develop your inferior functions. In Jungian terms, your soul is longing to become complete. Hence the desire for traits like ESFPs and ESFJs have. ESFPs have Extroverted Sensing and Introverted Feeling. And ESFJs are very competent material managers of their lives. 

If I could make a suggestion it would be to add some new friends who are NTs but with more developed Extroverted Sensing and Introverted Feeling. It would help you merge your NT-ness with Sensory/Feelery life accoutrements in a way that demonstrates they don't have to be either-or. You could pick ENTJs; we're a little more materially developed because those functions are higher up the stack for us.

It makes sense that you wouldn't quite be able to follow through on acquiring these things because, as I remember when I was developing my Se, it takes awhile for one's own "taste" to develop. Taste being like a combination of what you like and what fits your life; it's the difference between saying "ooh pretty/impressive" and "I'm getting/doing this because it suits me and I love it."

Hope that helps and welcome 😉

I currently have a friend who is ESFP and I love her and her bubbly personality but she's making the stupidest decision in her life that goes against all logic. While I love her traits I'm thinking of cutting her off because that decision. And I know an ESFJ that I would love to see disappear because she's so annoying and manipulative, quite passive aggressive too.  I'm married to an ENFJ who appears to understand me and is adorable but he doesn't help me be an extrovert. I could ask him to help me now that I think about it. He's quite the social butterfly and very popular. I have yet to meet an ENTJ.

 
 
...... added to this post 12 minutes later:
 
4 hours ago, ENTJAria said:

I think lots of INTJs and lots of even extroverted NTs feel that way. 

It's the yearning to develop your inferior functions. In Jungian terms, your soul is longing to become complete. Hence the desire for traits like ESFPs and ESFJs have. ESFPs have Extroverted Sensing and Introverted Feeling. And ESFJs are very competent material managers of their lives. 

If I could make a suggestion it would be to add some new friends who are NTs but with more developed Extroverted Sensing and Introverted Feeling. It would help you merge your NT-ness with Sensory/Feelery life accoutrements in a way that demonstrates they don't have to be either-or. You could pick ENTJs; we're a little more materially developed because those functions are higher up the stack for us.

It makes sense that you wouldn't quite be able to follow through on acquiring these things because, as I remember when I was developing my Se, it takes awhile for one's own "taste" to develop. Taste being like a combination of what you like and what fits your life; it's the difference between saying "ooh pretty/impressive" and "I'm getting/doing this because it suits me and I love it."

Hope that helps and welcome 😉

And how did you develop your Se?

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Join.

Something.

Club, group, clatch, circle, church... something that brings you together with others around some activity or interest. The activity bears the weight of any social pressure, i.e., you don't have to "make the interaction work".

This will give you several things:

1.  some social time where someone else is handling the logistics for you.

2. "low-risk", time-limited, bounded-commitment interactions. You can walk away at any time.

3. Group focus selects for a specific type/interest.

4.  provides a place for you to observe and practice social skills and techniques

5.  Gives you a chance to "audition" candidates for more extended social interaction.

6.  It will make your Mom happy.

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26 minutes ago, the501st said:

Interesting how you refer to it as theatre.

How so?

26 minutes ago, the501st said:

Yet at the same time I don't feel like an Extrovert just because I'm cheerful and helpful with a crowd of ppl. I still feel like I'm struggling to find my place. 

That's just about what I said.

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1 hour ago, Robbie07 said:
1 hour ago, Robbie07 said:

How so?

That's just about what I said.

Its interesting because until now I've never thought of it as theatre.  But it's certainly is a fitting illustration.

I guess I'm thinking that you are fortunate to look charming, ppl can still see me looking a little lost. I have yet to master charm and honestly I wish I could. For instance when I smile and laugh, ppl say oh look, she looks happy, as if I'm a puppy so cute...Awww. then later, why are you so serious...loosen up. I am loosened up. I can't help having the Intj stare plastered on my face.

 

 
 
...... added to this post 13 minutes later:
 
1 hour ago, Monte314 said:

Join.

Something.

6.  It will make your Mom happy.

OK so basically putting myself in any structured social setting will help me to develop Se?

And the last line made me laugh. 

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19 hours ago, the501st said:

this discontent of me not liking really who I am because I feel different, only logic tells me it doesn't matter.  I am intelligent, and my friends really do like me, and in our deep conversations they give me expressions of appreciation and gratitude.  Yet I feel at a loss because my life isn't brimming with excitement. 

Hello! I'm not an INTJ but I'd like to share my thoughts as a fellow human being :) What I'm gonna write now is what came to mind reading your text. I may have a tendency to project, so just make of it what you want :)

About the jealousy towards wanting what others have but deep inside not really caring for those things, for me I believe I have these "longings" because they were values my parents showed me would be important for my worth as a human being, while in reality I don't really care for these values. I feel that for me feelings of "no excitement" and "loneliness" come from the fact that I do not have a stable identity, the cause being that I was not able to develop myself as an individual because of my upbringing. Not being able to sit with myself and just enjoy myself and my life as is, is for me a sign that my reality about myself and the world is distorted. If you don't like who you really are, you must have a inner critic who instills this belief? I believe inner critics come from negative parenting messages. 

Your logic says it doesn't matter, but your feelings tell you a different story right? They are trying to make you aware something is missing. I believe this "something" is probably love and acceptance towards yourself. I also feel that "excitement" tends to distract us of our "numbness", which is why I and others with a negative and distorted view of ourselves and the world would want it. My numbness's job is to hide my deeper feelings of pain and emptiness, resulting from my past. So the excitement would work as a distraction from this deeper pain. 

Just remember that you are not alone in this confusion. I think maaaany people feel conflicted in who they are and what they want. I suppose everyone has their unique stories and we'll go through life at our own pace :) 

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32 minutes ago, the501st said:
 
 
...... added to this post 13 minutes later:
 

OK so basically putting myself in any structured social setting will help me to develop Se?

And the last line made me laugh. 

You can't win if you aren't in the game.  

When you participate in some regular, structured activity, you can control your level of engagement, and still participate.

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@the501st

With age I started fitting into the extroverted world just fine but I had to do it my way or the INTJ way if you want to call it that which varies from most ordinary ways accepted by the majority.  I am still an introvert but found a way to socialize, be completely visible & reap the benefits of pure & "free" joy . 

I go dancing to see local groups play . I don't drink so the bartenders hand me water now when I walk in . I am in front of the band dancing up a storm not caring what any other person thinks because I am in my own world . I spot people who look lonely or they don't have the courage , I pull them on the dance floor .... also completely focused on that one incident . I love SMILING, so I seem to have many smile back . I take selfies on the spot with people and now kinda "promote" the groups . It made me feel good to engage but I am still in my bubble while doing it but with a bunch of people around me thinking I am one of the most extroverted people they have met . Lol . My life circumstances forced me to get out . It brings me mental & physical health & who knows it might start a trend ...... after all it's not what is considered the norm !!! 

How I dress has logic behind as well but I dress colorful, super comfortable , stylish but also my way . 

I am originally from Europe , and never could see the benefit or logic to walk in exercise clothing . So before dancing I walked . Since I lived in an "awful home" environment I needed to be able to leave quickly as well so no time to change ... etc. I love dresses & skirts  !!! I have multiple tops  in the same color often solid so I can interchange easily . In the winter I add tights and boots & hats . Love sweater dresses as well . One of my staples is wearing colorful scarfs . I love the feeling on my neck . So what I am trying to demonstrate is there was logic to my clothing but yet it's very comfortable ,affordable , and it's happy !!! Bright colors give me joy :)

Hope this helps a little . We can be our introverted self living in an extroverted world and still fit in or stand out perfectly fine and even inspire while everyone assumes we are the most extroverted person out there . The irony of not caring    what others think ...... 

With age I have also become a hugger .... have to get them somewhere .... for mutual & emotional well-being :)

 

Edited by Borntothink

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10 minutes ago, MissJ said:

Your logic says it doesn't matter, but your feelings tell you a different story right? They are trying to make you aware something is missing. I believe this "something" is probably love and acceptance towards yourself.

I think you are right with me not liking who I am, and I think that's compounded with wondering why I am not a certain way and what is the reason, and why do I desire to be a certain way.  Good point!

I am comfortable being an INTJ because I love how I am able to think.  But my thinking patterns and reactions seem to prevent me from developing different qualities that I wish I had. 

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21 hours ago, the501st said:

I've taken the test multiple times over the course of several years, and have always come up as INTJ, specifically INTJ-T.  Initially I hesitated at accepting the designation; I guess because my personality and emotions are strange compared to others. Being called a weirdo or gonzo and trying to fit in is a good way to sabotage oneself.  But the more research I've done on INTJ the more I'm able to understand myself and come to terms that how I behave aren't flaws, but just a unique set of qualities belonging to my personality. I know that one MTBI type is not better than the other; we all need each other.  Problem is, I've found myself fascinated with the E personalities, especially ESFJ and ESFP.  I find myself drawn to wanting become an Extrovert.

However it's like there's a barrier that prevents me from doing the things that I desire.  I love how the E types dress nice and have style, yet I can't seem to match colors or pieces of clothing.  In fact, it seems rather boring to do so, but I find myself admiring from afar and wishing I was like that.  I love being in monochromatic colors, and know that I can add flair to what I am able to put together, but it doesn't seem to be worth the time.  I drive a car that usually boys drive and I picked it because of the practicality and how it fit my lifestyle, only to find myself wishing I had a nice sedan.  I wish my house was Little Sally Homemaker's, but it lacks even basic decorations; all the walls are blank and I find it looking bare and super organized with occasional areas of clutter.  I'm trying to find out why...is it laziness, or lack of interest in décor?  I've now worked my way up to where I make a large amount of money but I'm pulling a Walter Mitty; it's just sitting in my account and I don't know how to spend it.  When I go shopping I'm too busy analyzing my purchase and wondering the long term ramifications of the purchase; usually I can't justify spending money and I put things back on the rack. 

When they are smiling and charming I stand back and watch and wonder if I can change my aloofness and disinterest to where I can have more friends like them, because they seem extremely happy in their little groups, laughing and talking about nonsense.  Only I love solitude more than people and like to keep people at a distance.  I have a select group of close friends, very close, like "besties" as they say, but they are all mature and wise, not young women like myself filled with drama and excitement, and I wonder if my life would be more exciting with a group of people like that.  Only when I am around the E type personalities, especially the ESFJ I find myself deliberately doing a door slam because they don't know how to give me space.  And then I regret approaching them in the first place.

Logic tells me that because I am surrounded by a sea of humans that I shouldn't be alone and that I should be lonely because I'm not swimming with people.  But I like my little life raft drifting away from people. People say we are robots, however I find my emotions running strong and its confusing.  Jealousy, envy, sadness are present and I think it's being fueled by this discontent of me not liking really who I am because I feel different, only logic tells me it doesn't matter.  I am intelligent, and my friends really do like me, and in our deep conversations they give me expressions of appreciation and gratitude.  Yet I feel at a loss because my life isn't brimming with excitement.   Have any INTJs ever felt this conflicted?

Yes,

 I've felt like this and I do feel like this. still from time to time.

 

I think a lot of it has to do with INTJs living in the future..meaning we intuit an idea or vision of what we want in life and our mind and focus is there.

Read this comic strip and see if it makes sense... http://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy

 

For myself.. I've dabbled in MDMA/ecstasy and it helped me immerse myself in my sensing side (cognitive function of Se). This is what you probably refer to as the "E"s behavior you described above. Just living in the exact moment and responding to stimuli with your feelings or your senses.

Now I can often flip a switch or remove the wall when I want....between being (1) laid back, observing, thinking, unconsciously thinking (intuiting)... and (2) tuned into people and my surroundings.

 

I do still feel conflicted, because sometimes I'm left wondering since I CAN 'flip a switch', WHEN should I flip the switch........ Just have to go with it.. too much thinking and nothing makes sense anymore..

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13 minutes ago, Borntothink said:

@the501st

How I dress has logic behind as well but I dress colorful, super comfortable , stylish but also my way . 

Hope this helps a little . We can be our introverted self living in an extroverted world and still fit in or stand out perfectly fine and even inspire while everyone assumes we are the most extroverted person out there . The irony of not caring    what other's think ...... 

 

 

ok this is quite interesting.  to use your strength in logic to help you to become the person you want to be without sacrificing your INTJ personality; because it's very obvious from reading your post that you are definitely INTJ but you have mastered the art of being sociable and stylish according to the standards you have set for yourself. 

I think I'm going to change my entire wardrobe.

 

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@the501st, the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. It's been spray painted with toxic chemicals. Your life in your job is theater. High-end extraverts' entire lives are theater. And, since introverts draw energy from within, and extraverts draw energy from other people, be nice to them, but don't accept candy from them or get in their unmarked vans.

Monte is absolutely right. It might take five or six groups before you find the one that is for you.

There is nothing weird at all about you. You feel deeply, just don't manifest emotions the way extraverts do. 

I held a job for several years in which I was required to be a different person for each of as many as ten projects at a time. For as little as a few hours at a time through two consecutive weeks 24/7 I was usually an E-something, often NTP. Each person had a different name, many had a different nationality, all had different professions and interests. Mannerisms and speech patterns adjusted to each personality. That was theater on steroids, and was exhausting. However, it made me much more comfortable in my INTJ-ness.

Every time I've had a photo portrait done I've been told there will be one serious and one smiling. After the first shot I'm invariably told, "Now let's do the smiling one." That's what I thought the first one was.

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1 minute ago, the501st said:

ok this is quite interesting.  to use your strength in logic to help you to become the person you want to be without sacrificing your INTJ personality; because it's very obvious from reading your post that you are definitely INTJ but you have mastered the art of being sociable and stylish according to the standards you have set for yourself. 

I think I'm going to change my entire wardrobe.

 

Go for it @the501st you will have a blast with it .... I am sure of it :) 

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9 minutes ago, gunnerstahl said:

Yes,

 I've felt like this and I do feel like this. still from time to time.

 

I think a lot of it has to do with INTJs living in the future..meaning we intuit an idea or vision of what we want in life and our mind and focus is there.

Read this comic strip and see if it makes sense... http://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy

 

For myself.. I've dabbled in MDMA/ecstasy and it helped me immerse myself in my sensing side (cognitive function of Se). This is what you probably refer to as the "E"s behavior you described above. Just living in the exact moment and responding to stimuli with your feelings or your senses.

Now I can often flip a switch or remove the wall when I want....between being (1) laid back, observing, thinking, unconsciously thinking (intuiting)... and (2) tuned into people and my surroundings.

 

I do still feel conflicted, because sometimes I'm left wondering since I CAN 'flip a switch', WHEN should I flip the switch........ Just have to go with it.. too much thinking and nothing makes sense anymore..

Ah Oatmeal...I completely get them.  They are from my universe.

And you are right about too much thinking.  Too much thinking and analyzing can be paralyzing.  Prevents me from going anywhere.

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1 minute ago, the501st said:

Ah Oatmeal...I completely get them.  They are from my universe.

And you are right about too much thinking.  Too much thinking and analyzing can be paralyzing.  Prevents me from going anywhere.

The thinking also pertains to reflecting on your actions within the moment... Just refrain from it and keep on taking in stimuli/feelings and responding to stimuli/feeling. From my understanding and experience of it... that's the "FUN" other types experience.....and it is fun....

 

Having and developing both types of happiness/fun is a challenge, but it's rewarding and useful.

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10 minutes ago, byhisello99 said:

@the501st, the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. It's been spray painted with toxic chemicals. Your life in your job is theater. High-end extraverts' entire lives are theater. And, since introverts draw energy from within, and extraverts draw energy from other people, be nice to them, but don't accept candy from them or get in their unmarked vans.

Monte is absolutely right. It might take five or six groups before you find the one that is for you.

There is nothing weird at all about you. You feel deeply, just don't manifest emotions the way extraverts do. 

I held a job for several years in which I was required to be a different person for each of as many as ten projects at a time. For as little as a few hours at a time through two consecutive weeks 24/7 I was usually an E-something, often NTP. Each person had a different name, many had a different nationality, all had different professions and interests. Mannerisms and speech patterns adjusted to each personality. That was theater on steroids, and was exhausting. However, it made me much more comfortable in my INTJ-ness.

Every time I've had a photo portrait done I've been told there will be one serious and one smiling. After the first shot I'm invariably told, "Now let's do the smiling one." That's what I thought the first one was.

Oh my word that last sentence.  The story of my life.  It's true though, my feels run strong and deep, and sometimes I wonder what's wrong when those emotions take over a little bit and interfere with how I would usually handle things, sometimes to the point of irrationality.  The current situation I have with my ESFP friend is taking about a month to handle and I'm struggling with my emotions getting in the way of my usual decision making process.

Why did you feel the need to be a different person because that seems really exhausting.  And how did it make you more comfortable.

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All INTJs have feelings, inasmuch as the human mechanism is itself fundamentally "emotional." Something I've thought about lately, during the few bouts of loneliness, is that finding someone to validate every part of my identity is unlikely. Therefore, having a robust network of connections that satisfies different parts of my feeling/doing-being seems to be the most effective course of action. Testing in progress :-)

 
 
...... added to this post 3 minutes later:
 
Spoiler

We each have our own strengths, the things that identify us as unique. Listening to those things, and allowing space for them, is important. For me, composing music is one aspect of expressing this unique inner world of mine. Sometimes what I write is shared, but it tends to be simply a cathartic process. The only person that can validate everything we are, is ourselves.

 

Edited by Brandugh

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