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ENTJAria

Critique sought from INTJs: my dating profile

77 posts in this topic
1 hour ago, dai said:

I oftentimes wonder if people should abandon their date profile writings alltogether or at least keep it short and sweet, as the only thing that people might look like is the pictures eitherhow.

If she's the type who likes to write, then she'll want to appeal to people who like to read and write lengthy messages.  I had a quite verbose profile and I would get excellent lengthy messages from people who appreciated/enjoyed it.  I would have wanted to appeal to someone like me, not someone who prefers "short and sweet" and isn't interested enough in a person to read their entire profile.

She's a woman, so she can get away with a percentage of men losing interest in reading her profile.

--------------

OP, message boards are also a good way to meet significant others.  I met my INTJ boyfriend on a message board (not this one) and there are a number of couples who met here.  There were also a lot of couples on my old message board, which was fairly small - two of the couples got married this year.

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36 minutes ago, Holli said:

 

She's a woman, so she can get away with a percentage of men losing interest in reading her profile.

 

Kay.

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2 hours ago, Holli said:

If she's the type who likes to write, then she'll want to appeal to people who like to read and write lengthy messages.  I had a quite verbose profile and I would get excellent lengthy messages from people who appreciated/enjoyed it.  I would have wanted to appeal to someone like me, not someone who prefers "short and sweet" and isn't interested enough in a person to read their entire profile.

She's a woman, so she can get away with a percentage of men losing interest in reading her profile.

--------------

OP, message boards are also a good way to meet significant others.  I met my INTJ boyfriend on a message board (not this one) and there are a number of couples who met here.  There were also a lot of couples on my old message board, which was fairly small - two of the couples got married this year.

IMO, it's not about verbosity.  It's the staccato, disjointed flourishes that often juxtapose two and usually more items, that need smoothing out to create a more fluid profile. That and a little humbleness through self-deprecating humour and the application of inference, rather than outright listing her accomplishments, experiences and competencies.

The profile should read in a manner that describes who she is so I don't wish to rewrite it for her.  But this must be rewritten.

Quote

 

What I’m doing with my life

In a world more steeped with trauma than most want to admit, with mental healthcare costs sky-rocketing, I feel that what I do is akin to giving water to those dying of thirst.

 

Perhaps something like this:

In a world steeped with trauma where mental health issues and care are stigmatized, that's where I've chosen to focus my energy towards helping people who have nowhere else to turn.

This removes the messiah complex vibe since she's helping, rather than turning water to wine.

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The "having tea and a long conversation with the governor of Kandahar, Afghanistan" seems like a bit of an unnecessary and cringy "name drop" to me, like you're trying to sound impressive, which makes you less impressive.

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Yup. Rather than spilling it out as in 'I' did this that and the other thing, smooth it out, letting guys that she's communicating with through the dating site, find out a little at a time, the further they connect.

She appears to have some esoteric interests so she can expand a bit more about them and contract the number of topics. This way, she can attract the more esoteric leaning males and let them get to know her, the more they communicate.

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Drop the Slytherin reference. Referencing children's books doesn't go with the image you're trying to project.

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On 10/01/2017 at 5:12 AM, ENTJAria said:

 

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Profile summary

-I'm a romantic; a kind Slytherin; an ENTJ; I believe in cosmological holography and Sphynx cats make me go, "Awww."
-I like/subscribe to/whatever the Latin motto [include it] which means "nothing human is alien to me."
-I've gone from being an army strategist to a practitioner practicing/being a practitioner of an unusual mental health art. I would actually specify what the art is, so that if someone who knows a bit about your field reads your profile, they will get it, and those who don't can always ask. But I wouldn't start with phrasing that assumes that what you do is too obscure and incomprehensible to your readers to be worth specifying.
-I loved milking goats when I lived on a farm, and diving the Great Barrier Reef two months ago.
-Cuddling and emotional intelligence are seriously my jam.

I believe in an indifferent universe, that responds as mechanically as an echo or a gravity well to us, with impeccable though not necessarily immediate fulfilment. But I'm good about responding to messages! [or something that brings out the segue from the universe's responses to your own and makes it sound less like you're writing a book about mysticism]

I also don't believe it's possible to conduct a relationship over long distances or exclusively online or by correspondence --but writing is very important to me and I DO want a relationship that starts off with a period of correspondence.

I know that in our supposedly post-feminist society men are still tagged as the pursuers. I get that it's intimidating to shout long into the void. And I promise you that if you send a thoughtful message, I will write back.

What I’m doing with my life

In a world more steeped with trauma than most want to admit, with mental healthcare costs sky-rocketing, I feel that what I do is akin to giving water to those dying of thirst. [This does sound a bit self congratulatory. Most people feel that what they do is important in some way, so if you assume that you're talking to someone who also does valuable work, what would you say to them? Helps to imagine your reader here.]

I’m really good at

Being on time. Being responsible. Making French cuisine for special occasions. Target shooting at 50 paces.

Favourite books, movies, shows, music, and food

I should put something here but it would become an encyclopaedia... Again, this is one of those things that most people you'd find interesting also probably are on the same level. So maybe something about how you have a tough time picking but you'd like to find common ground? Or maybe these things aren't as important to you as shared visions, or maybe you are into them and like discovering new ones... anything that gives the other person an invitation to conversation.

The six things I could never do without

What I most appreciate, like Kipling said, are "both sides of my brain."

I spend a lot of time thinking about

I like thinking about how people and situations I encounter fit into and expand my continually-growing internal pattern libraries of "how everything works" and imagining very detailed futures. I cut out the imaginary conversation stuff because you're posting this to get into real ones.

On a typical Friday night I am

Driving somewhere listening to music that makes my heart sing; going out to a quiet little dinner.

You should message me if

If you hate the tyranny of religion we're halfway there; if you believe in universal laws we're probably nearly home.

If you desire a life of high fulfilment, high achievement (whether "traditional" or not as long as we accomplish something and feel ourselves well-satisfied) with ever-decreasing latent inhibition then you're golden to me.

If you're a romantic, kind INxJ seeking a good conversation over some or no kind of unique drinkable. Having trouble parsing "no kind of unique drinkable."

 

I took a shot at editing/commenting within the draft. I think the main thing is to look at it as an invitation to conversation, not a resume or list. The impression I get from this is that you already have a very clear imagined person in your head and are waiting for that person to manifest. There's nothing that communicates that you're willing to be emotionally adventurous or let someone surprise you. Most of all, I don't get the sense that you're writing this to anyone you perceive as an equal.

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On ‎1‎/‎10‎/‎2017 at 11:12 AM, ENTJAria said:
 

Profile summary

-I'm a romantic; a kind Slytherin; an ENTJ; I believe in cosmological holography and Sphynx cats make me go, "Awww."
-I have a personal Latin motto which means "nothing human is alien to me."
-I've gone from being an army strategist to a practitioner of a rare (and very effective) mental health art.
-I loved milking goats when I lived on a farm; having tea and a long conversation with the governor of Kandahar, Afghanistan; and diving the Great Barrier Reef two months ago.
-Cuddling and emotional intelligence are seriously my jam.

And I feel a bit vulnerable sharing all this, to be honest.

I believe in an indifferent universe, that responds as mechanically as an echo or a gravity well to us, with impeccable though not necessarily immediate fulfilment.

I also don't believe it's possible to conduct a relationship over long distances or exclusively online or by correspondence --but writing is very important to me and I DO want a relationship that starts off with a period of correspondence.

I know that in our supposedly post-feminist society men are still tagged as the pursuers. I get that it's intimidating to shout long into the void. And I promise you that if you send a thoughtful message, I will write back.

What I’m doing with my life

In a world more steeped with trauma than most want to admit, with mental healthcare costs sky-rocketing, I feel that what I do is akin to giving water to those dying of thirst.

I’m really good at

Being on time. Being responsible. Making French cuisine for special occasions. Target shooting at 50 paces.

Favourite books, movies, shows, music, and food

I should put something here but it would become an encyclopaedia...

The six things I could never do without

What I most appreciate, like Kipling said, are "both sides of my brain."

I spend a lot of time thinking about

I like to mull things, like a fine wine. Like thinking about how people and situations I encounter fit into and expand my continually-growing internal pattern libraries of "how everything works." Like having imaginary conversations, and imagining very detailed futures.

On a typical Friday night I am

Driving somewhere listening to music that makes my heart sing; going out to a quiet little dinner; petting a cat that doesn't belong to me until it's full of kitty ecstasy.

You should message me if

If you hate the tyranny of religion we're halfway there; if you believe in universal laws we're probably nearly home.

If you desire a life of high fulfilment, high achievement (whether "traditional" or not as long as we accomplish something and feel ourselves well-satisfied) with ever-decreasing latent inhibition then you're golden to me.

If you're a romantic, kind INxJ seeking a good conversation over some or no kind of unique drinkable.

Replace "Profile summary" with "Bourgeois dragon preying for INxJ lunch", that should sum everything up.

Careful, you are the lunch, but fortunately, INTJs are allergic to the bitter-sweet odor of dragon carcass.

You shall have the lamb.

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I don't get why anyone looking for a serious relationship asks for criticism on their profile.

Obviously the person who you are looking for would be someone who is happy to look over your entire profile and is interested. As long as what you put in is true it should be fine.

I understand that a profile for someone who is looking for hookups would want to optimize but that's not the case here.

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12 hours ago, Melchizedek said:

Drop the Slytherin reference. Referencing children's books doesn't go with the image you're trying to project.

Disagree. Better to project a multi-faceted image of yourself, and the HP reference goes in that direction.

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On 11/01/2017 at 2:49 AM, realitycheque said:

I spent a lot of time reading other people's online dating profiles and thinking about / working on improving my own profile. I like your second version much better than the first (much more personal, positive, intriguing Information).  Here are a couple of comments, hopefully constructive, some pedantic, for your consideration:

- I suppose I am In the minority as being an INTJ not so concerned with being on time, and is okay with "just a little late" (either myself or others)

- there are two references to felines in your profile; I would drop the second (do you really want to convey that you prefer petting others' cats on Friday nights?)

- what are the other four things that you could never do without?

- to "mull" a fine wine would be a travesty; how about changing to "I enjoy savoring concepts and the nuances of life experiences....."

Thank you for posting this, and to the commenting forum members; I like to hear other ideas and perceptions.

Well, I do pet other people's cats on Friday nights, and not in a *wink wink nudge nudge* kind of way... but cats = spinsterism = the idea of a house smelling of cats and sadness and old musty wedding dresses... good point.

Also good point on the wine. Though I did horrify a slightly self-serious ENFP sommelier date by telling him "not to worry, if I don't like [the special wine you saved for me] I'll just put some Splenda in."

Asking me what I could never do without without specifying context (in a muddy trench? at a fancy dinner? during a seduction scenario for a shy person?) is like asking me to cycle logistically through every possible life scenario that could befall me and identify the tools that keep popping up. 

And I believe the general dating public would be horrified if this list read: "lube, rebar, a corset/ballgown, the poems of Rilke, deep eye-gazing and both sides of my brain, as Kipling said." (Technically, due to the corpus callosum, both sides = one brain). 

On 11/01/2017 at 4:12 AM, Monte314 said:

I'm a Boomer, so my perceptions are dated, but here goes:

1.)  I don't feel any "femininity" in the profile.  It reads like a Linkdin bio... only more vague.

2.)  Since you are looking for a "life partner", how do you feel about marriage and children?  Do you have any pets?  Do you ever leave your house?

3.)  You are clearly an intelligent, professional person who writes well.  

4.)  You have some kind of "religion" thing going on.

5.)  Are you human?  French cuisine, target shooting, and "soaring" to music suggest "yes"... but the only *specific* passions I detect are for your work, and your "religion" thing.

 

I'm curious and I'm not trolling you: what would demonstrate femininity?

I'm open to the idea of children. I'm agnostic about marriage due to my belief that the commitments we make to one another are more important than a piece of paper... but there's also my abiding belief in the compelling power of vows.

On 11/01/2017 at 0:04 PM, Avenicci said:

That is a terrific introduction, started off very eloquent, and then crashed instantly by mentioning religion as a cause of tragedy, instead of belief systems. The rest reads as fatal romance.

Religion is a course, not a system. Religion isn't founded anywhere, its in motion, its in you.

Religion isn't in me. It may be in you, if you like. :-)

On 11/01/2017 at 7:38 PM, Red84 said:

It's interesting that in the very last line, you state you're interested in a romantic guy, yet all the previous statements sound like love for you is a purely intellectual thing, a concept - no magic involved whatsoever. 

Falling in love is a "meeting of true minds" for me. 

I was going to write you a summary of my ideal romantic encounter in text-based RPG form, but I believe it would be considered "too sincere." But what the hell:

Spoiler

 

dark Knight (sword-mage class, race human, height slightly above human normal) rides toward you. He is mounted on an air car and carries a mace, a throwing knife, and an extremely small but unabridged version of Aurelius' Meditations. He has a large sword somewhere about his person, which is never mentioned until such time as someone needs to be slain.

He is magical, in that electric-thrill-that-comes-out-of-nowhere-and-runs-from-the-soles-of-your-feet-to-your-spine sort of way. Or that could be plain sexual attraction due to his dark eyes and a certain sense of deeply pent-up carnal desire that radiates from him. Sort of a I-may-not-do-this-much-but-my-God-if-you-make-me-lose-control thing.

Or that could simply be the Axe. Not a cutting axe. The deodorant kind. 

He is evidently not luxurious in his deodorant choices (of course, for he is an INTJ) and may have been lulled by the advertisements suggesting that Axe results in one being plied with maidens. 

Or it could be Old Spice. Not a real aged bit of herbs in a sachet. The deodorant kind.

And who cares, really?

"I do this slightly boring-sounding thing that may sound overly granular and slow on first glance but actually it's part of a really long-range plan to significantly improve this one aspect of the world in a very tangible and extremely likely to work sort of way," he says.

"Do tell," you say. "Let's talk about that and other theories and plans." 

Option 1: You say, "Let's partner up and adventure together. Do you mind if my advantages are mainly are a combination of charisma, intelligence and an incredible bonus to stamina? And, no, that stamina reference was not purely innuendo."

"I'm just as much of a red-blooded male as any other of your acquaintance," says the knight. "And as such I require a more nuanced approach that leaves me in the position of initiator."

Option 2: You pause.

"I am looking for someone to whom I can give my heart," you say.

He appears taken aback, although it's hard to move an entire air car to denote emotion unless you have the really, really good thruster package. You lose a few moments pondering his thruster package.

"I believe I would be able to tell on sight if there was some sort of injury to the area," he says, simultaneously looking titillated and dismayed by the obvious immodesty of your gown. "Otherwise that sounds rather messy."

Option 3: You stand there. 

"I've been observing you for some time now," says the knight. "Actually I have been lurking out of range of sound in that bush over there, for like, three weeks. And I have been honing the edge of this... one joke that I've been intending to make in order to introduce myself, but then I was deliberating over whether or not you might be interested in some sort of contest of intellects which would be distinctly unwelcome although I do enjoy discussing ideas and probably wanted to firm up my understanding of your position on certain issues I consider key, although you've been alluring to me from the first.

So in other words I've been watching you for a while and if you find that creepy --wait, I'm not supposed to say that-- anyway, let's go out for iced cream."

"What is this dish?"  you muse.

"I'm from the future, baby. Get in my air car."

You comply.

 

 

On 11/01/2017 at 9:05 PM, ccd said:

This isn't a critique, as I'm not sure one can objectively evaluate a dating profile for quality, but impressions as a (self-diagnosed) INTJ given with the hope more data will help. This is from the perspective of a 20-something:

  • You mention cosmological holography - I hadn't heard of this theory; the very little I know of string theory in general did not include it. I could be wrong, but I doubt many others will have either. I think most people look for shared interests when browsing with intent for a long-term relationship. Theoretical physicists will no doubt be intrigued. I, personally, was temporarily derailed by a search for a term I'd never even heard in passing and then questioned whether I'd be able to hold my own in a conversation about something which I'm not knowledgeable. From what I understand, this is a common anxiety among INTJs especially. Of course, this isn't your problem, just my observation.
  • Your motto, on the other hand, did sound familiar. A search revealed it's attributed to Terrence. The word "personal" gave me the impression you created it. However, I doubt that was your intention, and it is a fine motto, although a very ambitious one.
  • You mention a gravity well later - is physics something that is important to you?
  • "writing is very important to me and I DO want a relationship that starts off with a period of correspondence" - by the usual stereotype of an INTJ this is a plus. Personally, I like writing as a low-pressure way to establish some rapport before the relatively more high-pressure face-to-face.
  • I was disappointed you didn't include at least a few books/movies/shows considering the emphasis you put previously on writing. Aren't you worried about literary compatibility? 

Overall, I think some could be intimidated or offended by what you've written, specifically the parts about achievement and religion, respectively. Of course, this is not a bad thing if done intentionally as a filter, especially considering the volume of messages women typically receive on dating sites. Stereotypically, INTJs are less likely to be fazed by those with atypical views or lifestyles. Personally, as an atheist, I agree partially with what you wrote. However, although I think they are all fantasy, characterizing all religions as tyrannical paints with too broad a brush. That's beside the point. If you're looking to target the NT types, I think making strong statements is a net positive.

Your comments are really appreciated because it's totally that kind of person (sensitive, thoughtful about the implications of things) that I am trying to attract.

I'm more of a hard science fiction fan than someone who reads physics journals.  

I know, I should really include some books. Or music. There's just so many books. And such a variety of music. This is on my updates-to-make list.

23 hours ago, Fuji said:

Smart move to drop the "I'm looking for a life partner, and if we're not a perfect match right away I'm not interested." That's not a date, that's an interview. :laugh:

Your second draft is much better.

It's true. A lot of the things not to say are those that are already implicit. And nobody is a perfect match right away, I'd say. Unless one is extremely superficial. I'm only mostly superficial. :-)

On 12/01/2017 at 1:31 AM, dai said:

Well... I found it TL:DR, but... (as I dislike reading peoples self written testimonies, especially on dating profiles and those kinda sites... )

However

 

I think the WILL write back part might:

A) Impress  or   B) Chase away

It's a gamble, but I like it.

 

As for the first few lines I *did* read : Looked honest and upfront. I'd say that might be the way to go.

Later on it appears though as you try to slam a open up a door with a kick and unhinging it in the process aswell. (Might make some want to reflexively jump out of the nearest window)

 

EDIT: Casting that whole "dating profile business"-thing aside:

It is only an advert anyways. Most people buy because they were impressed due to other reasons.

I think you can only influence so much, as humans are one heck of incalculable/random beings (NT or not is no matter there... we are all fallible in that respect). Should probably not waste too much time on online profiles. Might eat your soul if you do. :awesome:

 

I oftentimes wonder if people should abandon their date profile writings alltogether or at least keep it short and sweet, as the only thing that people might look like is the pictures eitherhow.

Like: Hmm. A flattening-iron. Wait, is that permanent marker ? Oh look it's a panda shaped towelholder.

(People are visual after all. And while INTJs try to not be... we still are [yes. letters have shapes... but they tend to take longer to process, and we dislike being inefficient... at least I do])

I thought that guys especially --sorry, that is a stereotype-- would mostly look at the pictures. But my responses went way up when I posted the longer (and oddly, the more serious) profile.

23 hours ago, thod said:

So the "Being on time. Being responsible. Making French cuisine for special occasions. Target shooting at 50 paces." wasn't humour then? I reminds of the old Monty Python sketch "So what are your hobbies", "Strangling animals, golf, and masturbating", "Hmm well golf is not too popular around here".

I didn't really get any good vibes from the profile. Sort of got the impression that is somebody wrapped up in themselves and their own thoughts. Not a fun person, perhaps a depressive. I am interested in how being with this person would make me feel.

And those of us with ravaged faces, lacking in the social graces. Desperately remained at home. Inventing lovers on the phone. Who called to say "come dance with me" and murmured vague obscenities. Lol. Try being a bit more flirtatious and play with your readers. It isn't a job application.

I really dislike golf, myself ;-)

"The best lovers are the bad dancers" as a favourite band of mine likes to sing.

22 hours ago, toki said:

too much words, to reel in anyone but someone who will take advantage of you.

where are the pictures?

Most people are saying that it's barely human. Do you mean I have so much posted that someone would try to create a perfect avatar and take advantage of me?

Here are the pictures I have up currently:

Please login or register to see this link.  Can't live without art something something.

Please login or register to see this link.  La Blue Girl.

Please login or register to see this link.  Comfy army fleece is comfy. 

Please login or register to see this link.  I <3 nerds.

Please login or register to see this link.  Grumpy gus.

 

Here's an updated version for anyone whose brain is not already fried by the length of this post. 

Spoiler

My self-summary

A summary of my ideal romantic encounter in text-based RPG form:

A dark Knight (sword-mage class, race human, height slightly above human normal) rides toward you. He is mounted on an air car and carries a mace, a throwing knife, and an extremely small but unabridged version of Aurelius' Meditations. He has a large sword somewhere about his person, which is never mentioned until such time as someone needs to be slain.

He is magical, in that electric-thrill-that-comes-out-of-nowhere-and-runs-from-the-soles-of-your-feet-to-your-spine sort of way. Or that could be plain sexual attraction due to his dark eyes and a certain sense of deeply pent-up carnal desire that radiates from him. Sort of a I-may-not-do-this-much-but-my-god-if-you-make-me-lose-control thing.

Or that could simply be the Axe. Not a cutting axe. The deodorant kind.

He is evidently not luxurious in his deodorant choices (being frugal, which is a good trait) and may have been lulled by the advertisements suggesting that Axe results in one being plied with maidens.

Or it could be Old Spice. Not a real aged bit of herbs in a sachet. The deodorant kind.

And who cares, really?

"I do this slightly boring-sounding thing that may sound overly granular and slow on first glance but actually it's part of a really long-range plan to significantly improve this one aspect of the world in a very tangible and extremely likely to work sort of way," he says.

"Do tell," you say. "Let's talk about that and other theories and plans."

Option 1: You say, "Let's partner up and adventure together. Do you mind if my advantages are mainly are a combination of charisma, intelligence and an incredible bonus to stamina? And, no, that stamina reference was not purely innuendo."

"I'm just as much of a red-blooded male as any other of your acquaintance," says the knight. "And as such I require a more nuanced approach that leaves me in the position of initiator."

Option 2: You pause.

"I am looking for someone to whom I can give my heart," you say.

He appears taken aback, although it's hard to move an entire air car to denote emotion unless you have the really, really good thruster package. You lose a few moments pondering his thruster package.

"I believe I would be able to tell on sight if there was some sort of injury to the area," he says, simultaneously looking titillated and dismayed by the obvious immodesty of your gown. "Otherwise that sounds rather messy."

Option 3: You stand there.

"I've been observing you for some time now," says the knight. "Actually I have been lurking out of range of sound in that bush over there, for like, three weeks. And I have been honing the edge of this... one joke that I've been intending to make in order to introduce myself, but then I was deliberating over whether or not you might be interested in some sort of contest of intellects which would be distinctly unwelcome although I do enjoy discussing ideas and probably wanted to firm up my understanding of your position on certain issues I consider key, although you've been alluring to me from the first.

So in other words I've been watching you for a while and if you find that creepy --wait, I'm not supposed to say that-- anyway, let's go out for iced cream."

"What is this dish?" you muse.

"I'm from the future, baby. Get in my air car."

You comply.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

-I'm a romantic; a kind Slytherin; I'm a Myers-Briggs intuitive; I believe in a holographic universe and Sphynx cats make me go, "Awww."
-I have a personal Latin motto which means "nothing human is alien to me"
-I've gone from being an army strategist to a practitioner of a rare (and very effective) healing art
-I loved milking goats when I lived on a farm; having tea and a long conversation with the governor of Kandahar, Afghanistan; and diving the Great Barrier Reef two months ago.
-Cuddling and emotional intelligence are seriously my jam.

And I feel a bit vulnerable sharing all this, to be honest.

I believe in an indifferent universe, that responds as mechanically as an echo or a gravity well to us, with impeccable though not necessarily immediate fulfilment.

I also don't believe it's possible to conduct a relationship over long distances or exclusively online or by correspondence --but writing is very important to me and I DO want a relationship that starts off with a period of correspondence.

I know that in our supposedly post-feminist society men are still tagged as the pursuers. I get that it's intimidating to shout long into the void. And I promise you if you send a thoughtful message I do write back.

What I’m doing with my life

In a world more steeped with trauma than most want to admit, with mental healthcare costs sky-rocketing, I feel that what I do is akin to giving water to those dying of thirst.

I know this is an incredibly pretentious way of putting it, so please take it to refer to my depth of commitment to my work and not a systematic devaluing of every other possible career. ;-)

I’m really good at

Being on time. Being responsible. Making French cuisine for special occasions. Target shooting at 50 paces. Masturbation, although I'm not very into golf. [Hat tip to thod; I figured I'd make it blatant... or at least surprising.]

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Hard science fiction, symphonic metal, quirky folk music, Sarah Slean, The Black List, OITNB, Thai, French, I am so failing at making this an orderly list...

The six things I could never do without

Asking me what I could never do without without specifying context [in a muddy trench? at a fancy dinner? during a seduction scenario for a shy person?] is like asking me to cycle logistically through every possible life scenario that could befall me and identify the tools that keep popping up.

And I believe the general dating public would be horrified if this list read:
-lube
-rebar
-a corset/ballgown
-the poems of Rilke
-deep eye-gazing and;
-both sides of my brain, as Kipling said.

(Technically, due to the corpus callosum, both sides = one brain).

I spend a lot of time thinking about

I like to mull things, like an inferior wine. Like thinking about how people and situations I encounter fit into and expand my continually-growing internal pattern libraries of "how everything works."

Like having imaginary conversations, and imagining very detailed futures. But now I'd like to start having some real conversations ;-)

Yes, I am a big nerd.

On a typical Friday night I am

Driving somewhere listening to music that makes my heart sing; going out to a quiet little dinner; talking with other Myers-Briggs nerds; [REDACTED].

You should message me if

If you believe that religion is best served dead despite its best efforts.

If (but not IFF) you're an INTJ.

"The best lovers are the bad dancers" as a favourite band of mine likes to sing.

If you'd like to start a correspondence. And you have at least some pictures so that I can tell you're not my long-lost uncle Murray or that meerkat I ghosted on the African savannah (I'm so sorry, Gary, I had to catch a plane).

 

Edited by ENTJAria
new damn profile

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3 hours ago, ENTJAria said:

Religion isn't in me. It may be in you, if you like. :-)

Then you're hollow, no surprise you're hungry for INTJ, because INTJ is not hollow. The dating profile is only for your amusement, because there is a critical meltdown in your reasoning, that doesn't naturally catch on with the caution of INxJ types. This profile doesn't effect because it is romantic — degeneration sprinkled with hedonistic "kindness", the correct humility is missing. Nevertheless, I shall applaud the witless champion, and especially the non-INTJ, that jumps into your fangs.

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You are gorgeous! Your avi pic is enough, the rest of the pics are redundant and seem a bit over stylized.  The RPG text seems too verbose for me but then again if your intent is to lure nerds, it may be just the ticket. Personally my eyes glaze from the overabundance of text but that is probably irrelevant as I am not your target market so take with a grain of salt. The photo combined with the obvious signs of N-ness should be more than enough to draw in the particular subset of men you are seeking.

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No doubt that the OP is beautiful... seems like a "deep well", too.

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I thought your first profile was the best, while the latest draft weirded me out a bit. The only criticism I would make, textually speaking, concerns your reference to MBTI. I suspect a lot of people who would otherwise be attracted to your profile sort of scoff at MBTI, so it might help to show less seriousness in discussing it.

The biggest issue is the photographs, which are uniformly blurry. Many guys aren't going to respond, regardless of profile text, if they don't have confidence in the photographs. I'd also scrap the one with red hair.

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57 minutes ago, Weltschmerzer said:

The biggest issue is the photographs, which are uniformly blurry. Many guys aren't going to respond, regardless of profile text, if they don't have confidence in the photographs. I'd also scrap the one with red hair.

I have to agree that some photograph that is less blurry and where the colors aren't altered would be nice. Your avatar seems better than the version where everything is blue for instance.

Same for the one with the red hair. I like red hair, but unfortunately it might get you negative attention (what with the red haired feminist who has been harassed by assholes online for years). Maybe a bit paranoid on my part though.

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7 minutes ago, Seablue said:

it might get your negative attention (what with the red haired feminist who has been harassed by assholes online for years

Was my first thought too, especially given the glasses.

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23 hours ago, Holli said:

OP, message boards are also a good way to meet significant others.  I met my INTJ boyfriend on a message board (not this one) and there are a number of couples who met here.  There were also a lot of couples on my old message board, which was fairly small - two of the couples got married this year.

I'm open to that. If anyone's thinking about contacting me, please do. Don't assume that because I'm an ENTJ I want to take the initiative in the relationship: I really, really don't. 

(I get that assumption a lot). I'm also not a dominant in bed, shockingly.

20 hours ago, vampyroteuthis said:

I took a shot at editing/commenting within the draft. I think the main thing is to look at it as an invitation to conversation, not a resume or list. The impression I get from this is that you already have a very clear imagined person in your head and are waiting for that person to manifest. There's nothing that communicates that you're willing to be emotionally adventurous or let someone surprise you. Most of all, I don't get the sense that you're writing this to anyone you perceive as an equal.

I appreciate your editing help and I've usually changed the profile at the points you bring up.

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The self-summary inside the spoiler shows femininity... you bet!

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1 hour ago, Weltschmerzer said:

I thought your first profile was the best, while the latest draft weirded me out a bit. The only criticism I would make, textually speaking, concerns your reference to MBTI. I suspect a lot of people who would otherwise be attracted to your profile sort of scoff at MBTI, so it might help to show less seriousness in discussing it.

The biggest issue is the photographs, which are uniformly blurry. Many guys aren't going to respond, regardless of profile text, if they don't have confidence in the photographs. I'd also scrap the one with red hair.

Long response: I take MBTI pretty seriously. I've written a book on it, and I've done professional coaching based on MBTI. So I'm not going to date anyone who's going to scoff at something I've been heavily interested in for 18 years. 

Yup, I have new pictures coming but at least blurriness is you know, blurriness and not obvious Photoshopping or something.

You should be aware that the display resolution for Imgur is phenomenal compared to the dating site and in fact, the photos, with the exception of the red hair one, are probably blurry *because* I downloaded them from the dating site to put on Imgur. 

I also want to say this delicately if at all possible but remember that I'm more or less looking for feedback from INTJ men. Yes, I realise I didn't specify that completely clearly. I think this is particularly pertinent when it comes to things that are competitive in nature, like whether I appear too fond of myself in a profile, or aesthetic, like colour choices, when we know that men and women process visual stimuli differently.

Regarding aesthetics that red hair photo has gotten me (if you count this as a positive) hit on and pretty-clearly-sexually motivated work opportunities offered me on LinkedIn. I'm not saying this is desirable to me --which is why I removed the picture from LinkedIn-- but my experience is that it seems to create sexual interest which is a good thing in dating. In fact that's why I included it even though it's blurry.

Regarding my perceived view of myself, I've uniformly and overwhelmingly been told by other women that I'm too much, too arrogant, too fond of myself and too confident. This isn't the feedback I get from my male partners or friends, and also it's not true: I'm none of those things; if anything I lack self confidence sometimes. I don't think I'm better than others; I have had some unusual experiences and if that makes some other women feel threatened I can't help that.

(Well, I can help that as your friend but not on a dating profile as I'm not looking to date you, ladies).

The long and the short of it is that I will not step down and present a version of myself that is less sexually or socially threatening to other women.

I *am* an intense person; I do feel things strongly and I'm not "emotionally adventurous." I am emotionally steadfast and loyal. 

I *am* looking for exactly what I'm looking for: someone who matches me, who's into words as well as math, who's not afraid of me, who feels that I complement him and strengthen his position, his life, and does not feel that it's a competition.

It isn't. I'm willing and desiring to let my partner lead in all ways. All I need is to respect him. And I do set a high bar for that, but it's not an impossible one; it's only as high as the one I set for myself. ☺️

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Your pics look really familiar and no, I'm not being competitive and wasn't being competitive in my responses to you earlier.  Perhaps I've seen them on another typology site, possibly TC or even on INTJf.

You'll find that if your profile isn't drawing the target demographics that you wish, even though you're an attractive woman, then there's something wrong with your profile which is why I'm assuming you're asking for input. Input was provided where it's curious how you've accepted, thanked and rewritten your profile premised on other female input but are also trashing female input, lol.

Btw, welts is male. ;)

 

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51 minutes ago, ENTJAria said:

The long and the short of it is that I will not step down and present a version of myself that is less sexually or socially threatening to other women.

:facepalm: 

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1 hour ago, ENTJAria said:

Regarding aesthetics that red hair photo has gotten me (if you count this as a positive) hit on and pretty-clearly-sexually motivated work opportunities offered me on LinkedIn. I'm not saying this is desirable to me --which is why I removed the picture from LinkedIn-- but my experience is that it seems to create sexual interest which is a good thing in dating. In fact that's why I included it even though it's blurry.

Red lipstick will do that.

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I'm a woman, not INTJ but attract them like a moth to a flame. Just be honest and be yourself. Your profile seems try-hard and it lacks that much needed personality. You can sense your insecurity when you read it. Any man, INTJ or not, will pick up on it and either a) move in on you because they think you'll be easy or b) move on because they're bored. Be authentic. The least of your worries should be other women. Don't think about it too much. Just be you and you'll have better luck. 

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One final thing about your pictures: the fact that they all only show your face is probably costing you matches. The default assumption when someone on a dating site only posts close-up shots of her/his face is that s/he is carrying excess weight. If you are in at least decent shape, you would get more responses by making that clear in one or more of your profile pictures.

 
 
...... added to this post 6 minutes later:
 

About the red hair: guys might be perfectly willing to respond, but it will be based largely on thinking you're easy and/or a freak in bed (true for any obviously unnatural hair coloration). If you're comfortable with that, cool, but I think it significantly impacts the types of guys who will respond, for better or worse.

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