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Borntothink

What makes us happy & well-balanced people ?

42 posts in this topic

Happiness is a state of mind brought on by a sense of purpose.

The happiest person I know is an old bat (70+) who still works 80 hour work weeks and a miserable shit to the vast majority of our co-workers. The guy is an absolute joy to be around if you know him intimately, like an elderly sage who's willing to share his wisdom to anyone who wants to listen.

Setting realistic goals and accomplishing them combined with embracing the good while not stressing the bad is the way to go. If being optimistic and positive makes you a happy person, you should embrace it and do your best to fulfill that role everyday. It doesn't have to be about those traits though. 

Contrary to popular opinion, internet trolls are very often happy people. Inflicting pain and suffering upon people does make some beings happy. I'm not saying it's right, but it is what it is.

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12 hours ago, Unicornkitty said:

How is an optimistic person delusional??

It seems to me like optimism indulges in illusion, while pessimism entails navel-gazing and wallowing in self pity; one must remain reasonable. Rationality precludes these meaningless labels that do nothing but further entertain self-confirming delusions. A world wherein simple reasonableness is worthless is both an a) intangible world, and b) a world that is doomed to end abruptly.

Rationality seems like the most effective tool with which to generally deal with 'life'. 

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Sajman said:

Happiness is a state of mind brought on by a sense of purpose.

The happiest person I know is an old bat (70+) who still works 80 hour work weeks and a miserable shit to the vast majority of our co-workers. The guy is an absolute joy to be around if you know him intimately, like an elderly sage who's willing to share his wisdom to anyone who wants to listen.

Setting realistic goals and accomplishing them combined with embracing the good while not stressing the bad is the way to go. If being optimistic and positive makes you a happy person, you should embrace it and do your best to fulfill that role everyday. It doesn't have to be about those traits though. 

Contrary to popular opinion, internet trolls are very often happy people. Inflicting pain and suffering upon people does make some beings happy. I'm not saying it's right, but it is what it is.

I agree that having a purpose is the core of someone's happiness . We all need a purpose . What sad existence it would be if nobody would even miss you not showing up ..... or if you die ....all alone & nobody would notice ....

I do believe some people derive pleasure in torturing people but I do not think it can be called happiness . It's almost like they are driven to make people feel bad .... I had 20 - 30 years to observe .... there is even occasional guilt just for them to do it all over again !

Edited by Borntothink

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On 07/01/2017 at 9:08 PM, Borntothink said:

What do you consider traits & what kind of thinking / action necessary  to make up a happy & well-balanced individual? 

Death

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WOW to the people that I think need to be loved & hugged & if you are truly that unhappy don't make comments. 

I think there are people that do get off on making rude comments & seeing others unhappy. There is a word for these people & yes I have also had my personal experiences with them like you have @Borntothink I know we have exchanged in these in other topics & yes I enjoy our conversations as I do think we have had similar experiences & that we both are trying to work on & become better people. That is my goal in my life. I've been dealing with this all for a solid 4 years & I'm glad I am dealing with it all, But mostly the biggest issue is being abused as a child. It is really why a person picks the narassis as we have both talked about before. It's why my depression sneaks back in on me. But I am open to more information, That's why I joined this site was to gain more info on myself & on how others think. 

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On 1/7/2017 at 5:04 PM, Borntothink said:

I have lived with "unhappy " people for most of my life & what they all had in common was a lack of gratitude  & thinking their plight was so much worse than their fellow human beings . 

This is it in a nutshell.  People who are happy are those who are grateful and not entitled.

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Definitely not caring about what makes us happy and well-balanced human beings.

Free yourself, make decisions, this is not a decision - it's cage.

 

Edited by zetturn

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On ‎1‎/‎7‎/‎2017 at 2:08 PM, Borntothink said:

Is happiness a constant struggle or does it come natural for some ? 

Does economic security guarantee more happiness ? 

In my opinion happiness is within us & understanding / sensing our connectivity to the universe or something bigger than us is essential . Socializing & admitting to oneself "people do need people" is a healthy dose of realism in my opinion. The big question is how close to socialize , in what way & with whom ? Can I simply socialize by engaging with the person at the checkout lane or the cashier to make them smile & then go off my merry happy way ? This might make each other's day & suffices to feel happiness  for that entire day & to see beauty around us .

I believe my happiness comes from feeling connected to nature & the universe ... to be able to make people smile for an instant in time brings me  joy & it's free . Great joy is also to be able to learn & to always see  how something could be so much worse by thinking immediately of ten other scenarios which would be far worse gives me gratitude & keeps my happiness in  check !

What do you consider traits & what kind of thinking / action necessary  to make up a happy & well-balanced individual? 

Yes, I think happiness is a struggle, and must be, otherwise it wouldn't be appreciated for what it is.

Economic security is necessary to a point - for basic needs and some wants, but beyond that not really.

Each person is different, but for me personally, I need a balance of solitude and socializing.  And I also love knowing a variety of people of different ages, nationalities, beliefs etc.  Still, to feel really connected with someone, we both need to be on the same page for some issues. 

"Gratitude is not just a good virtue, but is the parent of all virtues."  Everything's relative - often I've compared my worst to others' best - but that's not a fair comparison.  Really, we each are too unique to be compared.  I think a happy person doesn't compare him/herself to others, but only to their previous self.

A well balanced individual constantly considers goals in a variety of areas - psychologically, financially, socially, spiritually, physically, practically, intellectually.

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Subjective freedom and control over your own life, rather than being buffeted around by externalities.

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Well.. Being able to do what you want to do, without being disturbed or interrupted.

Not needing to fear for your existance ?

While still getting input from people you respect.

Basically "Maslows pyramid of needs" in a nutshell.

And a little bit of the hedonic treadmill.

As long as you don't mess up both you should be golden I guess

 
13 hours ago, Distance said:

Subjective freedom and control over your own life, rather than being buffeted around by externalities.

Oh yeah, or just use one sentence. *Bows, smiles, leaves*

Edited by dai

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14 hours ago, Distance said:

Subjective freedom and control over your own life, rather than being buffeted around by externalities.

You beat me to the punch. I saw this topic in the feed, and my immediate thought was 'autonomy'.

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I was on this page, and it set up three colons: victim, survivor and thriver. I think the thriver's list is great written feed to see what makes us happy and well-balanced. I'll add the list here. 

Thriver

Spoiler

Gratitude for everything in life.

Sees self as an overflowing miracle

Gratitude for new life

Oneness

Proud of Healthy Self caring

Was wounded & now healing

Grieving at current losses

Living in the present

Faith in self & life

Understands that emotional pain will pass & brings new insights

Beyond telling their story, but always aware they have created their own healing with HP

Lives with an open heart for self & others

Protects self from unsafe others

Places self first realizing that is the only way to function & eventually help others

Creates peace

Finds joy in peace

Seeing the humour in life

Uses healthy humour

Healthy boundaries around toxic people, incl. relatives

Lives in the Now

Enjoys personal relationship with the God of their understanding

Sees reality as their projection & owns it.

Feels authentic & connected, Whole

Aliveness

Source: http://www.havoca.org/survivors/

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21 hours ago, Borntothink said:

I like that . Thx @Amore

You're welcome, glad you liked it.

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On 1/11/2017 at 0:34 PM, MissJ said:

I was on this page, and it set up three colons: victim, survivor and thriver. I think the thriver's list is great written feed to see what makes us happy and well-balanced. I'll add the list here. 

Thriver

  Reveal hidden contents

Gratitude for everything in life.

Sees self as an overflowing miracle

Gratitude for new life

Oneness

Proud of Healthy Self caring

Was wounded & now healing

Grieving at current losses

Living in the present

Faith in self & life

Understands that emotional pain will pass & brings new insights

Beyond telling their story, but always aware they have created their own healing with HP

Lives with an open heart for self & others

Protects self from unsafe others

Places self first realizing that is the only way to function & eventually help others

Creates peace

Finds joy in peace

Seeing the humour in life

Uses healthy humour

Healthy boundaries around toxic people, incl. relatives

Lives in the Now

Enjoys personal relationship with the God of their understanding

Sees reality as their projection & owns it.

Feels authentic & connected, Whole

Aliveness

Source: http://www.havoca.org/survivors/

Thx @MissJ very accurate description what I experienced to get from victim to survivor to thriver . I unconsciously / consciously  went through exactly those steps ..... to overcome a lifetime  with people who were addicts and/or/both narcissists . It took me 2 years to get to the level of thriver after leaving my marriage of 20 years . 

Edited by Borntothink

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10 minutes ago, Borntothink said:

Thx @MissJ very accurate description what I experienced to get from victim to survivor to thriver . I unconsciously went through exactly those steps ..... to overcome a lifetime  with people who were addicts and/or/both narcissists . It took me 2 years to get to the level of thriver after leaving my marriage of 20 years . 

Heck yeah!! That was super motivating to hear for me. I'm glad I shared this :p. I'm currently between victim and survivor. To hear you succesfully opened yourself to really enjoy life in two years is amazingly exciting to hear! I'm happy for you! And excited and happy for myself :laugh:   

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49 minutes ago, MissJ said:

Heck yeah!! That was super motivating to hear for me. I'm glad I shared this :p. I'm currently between victim and survivor. To hear you succesfully opened yourself to really enjoy life in two years is amazingly exciting to hear! I'm happy for you! And excited and happy for myself :laugh:   

I am cheering you on & know you will get there too !!! It's exhilarating when you reach certain bench marks .  It makes us stronger and ironically happier at the end because we have seen & felt the worst .... I have started a thread on leaving a NPD where at some point I  elaborate what sources & steps I took that helped me get through it within  the past two years . You might find it helpful

I do still have problems depicting the good guys out of the crowd & still attract the narcissists way too often but now I see it quicker & am running faster at the first signs ...Last hurdle to overcome !!! 

: @MissJ

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13 hours ago, Borntothink said:

I am cheering you on & know you will get there too !!! It's exhilarating when you reach certain bench marks .  It makes us stronger and ironically happier at the end because we have seen & felt the worst .... I have started a thread on leaving a NPD where at some point I  elaborate what sources & steps I took that helped me get through it within  the past two years . You might find it helpful

I do still have problems depicting the good guys out of the crowd & still attract the narcissists way too often but now I see it quicker & am running faster at the first signs ...Last hurdle to overcome !!! 

: @MissJ

Thank you for the encouragement! It is very hard at the moment. I was thinking how it's so... funny that once your mind starts to feel better and see more good, you'll actually become more pleasant a person and also attract more good to you! It's like you suddenly go win-win, and before it is lose-lose. So harsh! 

In searching for good guys, I have somethig which may be helpful. Here's a sheet from Lindsay C. Gibson's "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" on emotional maturity. The more boxes they check, the better integrated in their self, authentic, responsive and empathic they are. 

Assessing Others’ Emotional Maturity

Realistic and Reliable

__________They work with reality rather than fighting it.

__________They can feel and think at the same time.

__________Their consistency makes them reliable.

__________They don’t take everything personally.

 

Respectful and Reciprocal

__________They respect your boundaries

__________They give back.

__________They are flexible and compromise well.

__________They’re even-tempered.

__________They’re willing to be influenced.

__________They’re truthful.

__________They apologize and make amends.

 

Responsive

__________Their empathy makes you feel safe.

__________They make you feel seen and understood

__________They like to comfort and be comforted.

__________They reflect on their actions and try to change.

__________They can laugh and be playful.

__________They’re enjoyable to be around.

 

 

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