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Borntothink

What makes us happy & well-balanced people ?

42 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Is an optimistic human being a happy person ? 

In my opinion a person who can be grateful & hold on to an inner joy is a happy person . A person who can look at the positive no matter what but still uses his/her realism & comment sense to keep an equilibrium & themselves in constant check is well-balanced or at least attempts to be !!! 

Is happiness a constant struggle or does it come natural for some ? 

Does economic security guarantee more happiness ? 

In my opinion happiness is within us & understanding / sensing our connectivity to the universe or something bigger than us is essential . Socializing & admitting to oneself "people do need people" is a healthy dose of realism in my opinion. The big question is how close to socialize , in what way & with whom ? Can I simply socialize by engaging with the person at the checkout lane or the cashier to make them smile & then go off my merry happy way ? This might make each other's day & suffices to feel happiness  for that entire day & to see beauty around us .

I believe my happiness comes from feeling connected to nature & the universe ... to be able to make people smile for an instant in time brings me  joy & it's free . Great joy is also to be able to learn & to always see  how something could be so much worse by thinking immediately of ten other scenarios which would be far worse gives me gratitude & keeps my happiness in  check !

What do you consider traits & what kind of thinking / action necessary  to make up a happy & well-balanced individual? 

Edited by Borntothink

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5 minutes ago, Borntothink said:

Is an optimistic human being a happy person ? 

What kind of optimistic person are you referring to?

There are two kinds of optimistic persons. A realistic optimistic person is a person that objectively consider real facts and datas, and tries to see the positivity in them, without disregarding the negative side that those facts or datas have. In this case, the answer to your question tends to be no. Being a realistic optimistic person doesn't necessarily imply being happy.

While if you were referring to the most common (but incomplete) acception of an optimist, the obtuse optimist, the answer tends to be yes. This kind of optimistic person refutes any objective data, and tries to find positivity even in objectively negative facts and datas, making them more prone to be happy.

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Posted (edited)

4 minutes ago, Neus said:

What kind of optimistic person are you referring to?

There are two kinds of optimistic persons. A realistic optimistic person is a person that objectively consider real facts and datas, and tries to see the positivity in them, without disregarding the negative side that those facts or datas have. In this case, the answer to your question tends to be no. Being a realistic optimistic person doesn't necessarily imply being happy.

While if you were referring to the most common (but incomplete) acception of an optimist, the obtuse optimist, the answer tends to be yes. This kind of optimistic person refutes any objective data, and tries to find positivity even in objectively negative facts and datas, making them more prone to be happy.

I think personally with the life I lived & looking at data & facts is an essential part to my happiness . So we might be able to say a grateful optimist  with a sense of realism can be considered  an individual experiencing a happy feeling ! 

Edited by Borntothink

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Posted (edited)

14 minutes ago, Borntothink said:

So we might be able to say a grateful optimist  with a sense of realism can be considered  an individual experiencing a happy feeling ! 

Yeah, certainly. It dipends by the person, however.

Just wondering; What country are you from?

Edited by Neus

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Posted (edited)

Germany @Neus did I get things mixed up ? Lol 

I have lived in the US now for over half of my lifetime 

Edited by Borntothink

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Posted (edited)

17 minutes ago, Borntothink said:

Germany @Neus did I get things mixed up ? Lol 

Yes, but it is perfectly normal. I make grammatical errors too, since I am from Italy, but the most important thing is to make understandable the content of the post.

Unless you will make an incomprehensible post, users on this forum will not correct your errors.

Don't worry xD.

Edited by Neus

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3 minutes ago, Neus said:

Yes, but it is perfectly normal. I make grammatical errors too, since I am from Italy, but the most important thing is to make understandable the content of the post.

Unless you will make an incomprehensible post, users on this forum will not correct your errors, as far as I know xD.

Thx I have to read it over quite a bit to catch my errors . Seem to love leaving out words . Do you live in Italy ?

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Just now, Borntothink said:

Thx I have to read it over quite a bit to catch my errors . Seem to love leaving out words . Do you live in Italy ?

Yes, I do.

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1 hour ago, Borntothink said:

Is an optimistic human being a happy person ? 

An "optimistic" human being is a delusional person. 

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Just now, NSchet said:

An "optimistic" human being is a delusional person. 

You don't believe an optimistic person can understand that in order for something good to happen that there will be bad as well to deal with . You don't believe things happen for a reason or it's what we make of it that makes it a bad or good thing . I survived emotional abuse & neglect for the past 30 years with this attitude & am determined to find a way to do something good or helpful with it . 

Maybe an optimist is just a grateful person in real life !!! 

I have lived with "unhappy " people for most of my life & what they all had in common was a lack of gratitude  & thinking their plight was so much worse than their fellow human beings . 

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Simplifying it, it's honestly about not giving a fuck. The less fucks you give, the more opportunities are given for you to enjoy yourself and you may accomplish something from this art-form. Only give a fuck for the necessary situations, people who don't give a fuck are often admired by others around them who do. 

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Posted (edited)

13 hours ago, Exelone said:

Simplifying it, it's honestly about not giving a fuck. The less fucks you give, the more opportunities are given for you to enjoy yourself and you may accomplish something from this art-form. Only give a fuck for the necessary situations, people who don't give a fuck are often admired by others around them who do. 

Well @Exelone I have met people with exactly this view on life & talked excessively to one of them . I did not see them/him being any happier by a long shot . Maybe those people accomplished that "humans" are not messing with them since it's "no fun" if one doesn't care but they are lonely individuals in my opinion. Setting healthy boundaries I agree with & not caring what most people think is a good thing but shutting out most everyone by having a wall up does not qualify  as happiness . It's overcompensation in order NOT to feel ! 

Edited by Borntothink

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Posted (edited)

21 hours ago, Borntothink said:

1. Is an optimistic human being a happy person ?  

2 Is happiness a constant struggle or does it come natural for some ? 

3. Does economic security guarantee more happiness ? 

4. What do you consider traits & what kind of thinking / action necessary  to make up a happy & well-balanced individual? 

You raise interesting questions.  I will attempt to answer your questions based off my personal experiences. 

1.  Generally, yes this is so.  However, I am not sure what the correlation between one being optimistic and also automatically being happy is. 

2. I have seen it come natural for some.  This may be due to life experience. 

3. I would say so at least for me. 

4. Positive thinking is a start. I am not sure there are specific traits needed for happiness?! This does not make sense to me. 

 

Edited by Locked Doors

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1 hour ago, Locked Doors said:

You raise interesting questions.  I will attempt to answer your questions based off my personal experiences. 

1.  Generally, yes this is so.  However, I am not sure what the correlation between one being optimistic and also automatically being happy is. 

2. I have seen it come natural for some.  This may be due to life experience. 

3. I would say so at least for me. 

4. Positive thinking is a start. I am not sure there are specific traits needed for happiness?! This does not make sense to me. 

 

Thx @Locked Doors. What would you classify as so called "traits" in people ? What makes a person selfish or more proned to depression ? I have spent most my life around people who seemingly could not find happiness often they turned to drugs etc .... 

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@Borntothink

Traits seem artificial.  I think everyone is born a happy person.  No one is, in particular, born unhappy.  No child one day says 'I want to be unhappy when I grow up.'  It is circumstances that push people over.  What I am saying is that you should not focus on traits.  Everyone has the ability to be happy if they chose to do so.  Happiness is inside you.  You are born with it.  Everyone is born with it.  Some choose not to remain happy or, as I mentioned, blame circumstances for thier unhappiness.  It is, you, who controls your thoughts.  No one can control your thoughts for you.  Thus, you, control whether you want to be happy or not. There is no specific trait I believe for happiness then.  If you are looking for a 'trait' in specific however, then I would say to be happy, one must be able to control their own thoughts.  By controlling your own thoughts, you can cherish the little moments that make life beautiful and hopefully attain happiness.  

To address your second question, I don't know what makes people prone to depressIon, honestly.  This is a very vague question and would depend on the individual.  I, personally, have never been depressed, so I cannot offer much anecdotal experience.  My mom has faced depression before and has taken medication for it.  She, however, stopped within months because she felt embarrassed. She is doing much better know and has not taken any medication for over ten years.  I infer that people who go through depression have extreme circumstances in their personal lives that affect them deeply.  

You also mention: 'what makes a person more selfish?'  I don't know.  Therefore, I will not just make up an answer to please you.  I don't know why you have used selfishness  in the same sentence as depression though in your post.  Are you inferring that selfishness and depression are somehow tied?  I don't see the connection, but, then again,  I know very little about this subject matter.  Maybe you can broaden my horizon.  

I, too, have spent my life around people like these although many would not outright admit they were unhappy; however, the actions of these individuals would clearly show.  I left quickly from these people because they brought me down with them.  I could feel their negative energy.  Maybe this had something to do with selfishness you were referring to.  They, too, turned to drugs.  One of my friends from high school started using heavy drugs at a very early age.  

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Posted (edited)

5 hours ago, Locked Doors said:

@Borntothink

Traits seem artificial.  I think everyone is born a happy person.  No one is, in particular, born unhappy.  No child one day says 'I want to be unhappy when I grow up.'  It is circumstances that push people over.  What I am saying is that you should not focus on traits.  Everyone has the ability to be happy if they chose to do so.  Happiness is inside you.  You are born with it.  Everyone is born with it.  Some choose not to remain happy or, as I mentioned, blame circumstances for thier unhappiness.  It is, you, who controls your thoughts.  No one can control your thoughts for you.  Thus, you, control whether you want to be happy or not. There is no specific trait I believe for happiness then.  If you are looking for a 'trait' in specific however, then I would say to be happy, one must be able to control their own thoughts.  By controlling your own thoughts, you can cherish the little moments that make life beautiful and hopefully attain happiness.  

To address your second question, I don't know what makes people prone to depressIon, honestly.  This is a very vague question and would depend on the individual.  I, personally, have never been depressed, so I cannot offer much anecdotal experience.  My mom has faced depression before and has taken medication for it.  She, however, stopped within months because she felt embarrassed. She is doing much better know and has not taken any medication for over ten years.  I infer that people who go through depression have extreme circumstances in their personal lives that affect them deeply.  

You also mention: 'what makes a person more selfish?'  I don't know.  Therefore, I will not just make up an answer to please you.  I don't know why you have used selfishness  in the same sentence as depression though in your post.  Are you inferring that selfishness and depression are somehow tied?  I don't see the connection, but, then again,  I know very little about this subject matter.  Maybe you can broaden my horizon.  

I, too, have spent my life around people like these although many would not outright admit they were unhappy; however, the actions of these individuals would clearly show.  I left quickly from these people because they brought me down with them.  I could feel their negative energy.  Maybe this had something to do with selfishness you were referring to.  They, too, turned to drugs.  One of my friends from high school started using heavy drugs at a very early age.  

@Locked Doors The correlation between selfishness & depression might come from my experience & observation of the inability of the people in my life who either were depressed , drug addicts , or narcissists to be grateful with what they had while still pursuing their goals.  They seem to have a take on life that they got dealt a rotten hand &  everyone else has it better or easier . Nothing was ever good enough . Maybe happy people have the ability to be more open to have a compartmentalized thinking that allows to see all secenarios . Kinda like a big picture thinking while being able to skip steps while keeping our main initial core of our thought in the center of our mind . Being grateful comes easy when you can actually truly see other people's perspective & plight while still keeping our focal point in the center of it all .

The question now is what is selfisness ? Only seeing his/her own  plight and putting his/her suffering above all others .....and being ungrateful & disregarding the positive aspects & people  in his/her life . 

Edited by Borntothink

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22 hours ago, Exelone said:

Simplifying it, it's honestly about not giving a fuck.

 

9 hours ago, Borntothink said:

 I have met people with exactly this view on life & talked excessively to one of them . I did not see them/him being any happier by a long shot .

I agree with @Exelone and @Borntothink but I want to merge these ideas. It's not about "not giving a fuck", it's about letting go of what you cannot control. Not my monkeys, not my circus. Once you do that, then happiness is much easier to achieve. At the same time, taking the "I don't care" to an aggressive level implies that you wish you could care. So there's a difference in how you engage in not caring.

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1 minute ago, JadeDeLair said:

 

I agree with @Exelone and @Borntothink but I want to merge these ideas. It's not about "not giving a fuck", it's about letting go of what you cannot control. Not my monkeys, not my circus. Once you do that, then happiness is much easier to achieve. At the same time, taking the "I don't care" to an aggressive level implies that you wish you could care. So there's a difference in how you engage in not caring.

@JadeDeLair I was referencing the "not caring" to real life people I have met . My problem has been of caring  too much so it was not about my belief but the belief of others . "Not caring" is not in my opinion understanding what you cannot change but I agree it's easier to let go if you don't invest emotions and to feel less !!! 

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41 minutes ago, Borntothink said:

I was referencing the "not caring" to real life people I have met .

I'm sorry, I understood that this wasn't personal. My use of "you" was in the general sense.

I used to care too much a long time ago but once I realized that I was worrying about things I couldn't control, I learned to let go. It gets exhausting after awhile.

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, Borntothink said:

@Locked Doors The correlation between selfishness & depression might come from my experience & observation of the inability of the people in my life who either were depressed , drug addicts , or narcissists to be grateful with what they had while still pursuing their goals.  They seem to have a take on life that they got dealt a rotten hand &  everyone else has it better or easier . Nothing was ever good enough . Maybe happy people have the ability to be more open to have a compartmentalized thinking that allows to see all secenarios . Kinda like a big picture thinking while being able to skip steps while keeping our main initial core of our thought in the center of our mind . Being grateful comes easy when you can actually truly see other people's perspective & plight while still keeping our focal point in the center of it all .

The question now is what is selfisness ? Only seeing his/her own  plight and putting his/her suffering above all others .....and being ungrateful & disregarding the positive aspects & people  in his/her life . 

You ask an interesting question.  What is selfishness? I believe this question has no answer, for the answer is very subjective and would depend on the person.  The answer would also depend on the person's mentality, given at the time, and other qualities such as, age, experience, and other relevant life experience.  I do see the correlation you discussed.  I have seen this happy many times.  But, let's not forget that there are also many depressed people who have accomplished much in life and have rooted away in selfish interests of theirs. 

Honestly, there could be a whole book written on what is selfishness, and after reading the whole book, you still probably would not understand what selfishness is.  I don't know how we shifted gears to selfishness and depression now; I do, however, agree that a selfish + depressed person is probably a recipe for disaster.  In other words, to answer your question in the most frank way, yes, this person would generally be unhappy.  However, I only infer of this matter because we only discussed whether depression correlates with selfishness.  Whether depression + selfishness now leads to unhappiness is a whole new issue which could stand on its own and has nothing to do with depression correlating with selfishness.

I do see your resemblance between selfishness and depression, however.  It sounds like an interesting theory which would make a lot of sense! Good for you :]

Edited by Locked Doors

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What is most important to me to be happy (and not saying I have all this - it's just my ideal):

 

1. To love someone else and have someone who loves me (can be more than one person, but for me one person would be enough)

2. To have something in my life that gives me a sense of meaning, such as a job I enjoy

3. Financial security - I do not need to be wealthy, but I need to be in a position where I don't have to worry about basic necessities and have some money left over for things of enjoyment such as a holiday or going out to eat.

4. I need something to look forward to (can be as simple as planning to go out to a movie and dinner, or something larger, just needs to be there in the future)

5. Good health

 

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Posted (edited)

@Borntothink love the Topics you bring up! That being said I may throw the monkey wrench into this. I'm an optimistic person & happy, but have had major childhood trauma, & suffer from depression, & didn't grow up wealthy.  I think these were the biggest things that caught me. 

And not sure who said it but  Not giving a fuck really to me sounds harsh. And makes me wonder if you just don't feel?  Or is this a protection?

 

 
 
...... added to this post 12 minutes later:
 
On January 7, 2017 at 5:57 PM, NSchet said:

An "optimistic" human being is a delusional person. 

How is an optimistic person delusional??

Edited by Unicornkitty

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15 hours ago, Borntothink said:

Well @Exelone I have met people with exactly this view on life & talked excessively to one of them . I did not see them/him being any happier by a long shot . Maybe those people accomplished that "humans" are not messing with them since it's "no fun" if one doesn't care but they are lonely individuals in my opinion. Setting healthy boundaries I agree with & not caring what most people think is a good thing but shutting out most everyone by having a wall up does not qualify  as happiness . It's overcompensation in order NOT to feel ! 

So are you implying it's noteworthy to give a shit about the unnecessary situations too? People tend to worry about shit that won't matter in 5 days time. The moment I cared less about dumb shit it was the moment I became more generous to myself. Not giving a fuck isn't to be mistaken for lack of caution of self-preservation.

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Posted (edited)

8 hours ago, JadeDeLair said:

I'm sorry, I understood that this wasn't personal. My use of "you" was in the general sense.

I used to care too much a long time ago but once I realized that I was worrying about things I couldn't control, I learned to let go. It gets exhausting after awhile.

I so understand and surrounding ourselves with people who do not "intend" to hurt others or have the need to control is essential . Caring about the right people, caring about what matters in the long run & letting go in understanding the "why "people do what they do/did in my past life has recently become my center of my emotional life but I agree caring about ourselves first is a must . Yes , I concur self preservation is a must but how far do we carry this plight . @Exelone Not sweating the small stuff is of course a must to being well-balanced & content but how much of a wall do we build to let others not in because finding a true equilibrium takes knowing when to care & when not might be one of our greatest challenges after all  we have seen & felt what humans are capable of . Believing in individualism might make us an easier target to be "played" with because after all we were more than tolerant at some point just to find out that often it does not go both ways . It's tons of work no doubt to find peace of mind & just knowing when to let someone in , when & if to care and when to walk away . If life would be easy wouldn't we all be clones of each other but rejecting all in my opinion is still overcompensation because we have been severely hurt at some point !!! 

Also, if we are all tied together in some way since we do share a world , small gestures of kindness might be a key to make a difference in this world in the smallest possible way . Because happiness is also giving back something good to others & in my opinion it can be as small as checking up on someone, saying hi to someone with a smile or engaging in a conversation just to connect with someone for that moment . If happiness is about connecting to something bigger than us and a sense of belonging , I found touching people's life for a brief moment & "caring" for that instant in time gives us that sense of belonging & still keeps our self-preservation in tact . I know now who ever I let in my life next will have to earn it & it will take time . Little be little I will watch to see if their words & actions match & if they are capable  to accept me even if they cannot grasp my thinking !!! And yes walking away if they do not have my best interest in mind is essential . I am still learning but I refuse to shut my heart off completely & join so many by only putting ourselves first & no longer caring.......

@Unicornkitty I also experienced trauma as a child .... it was more passive than aggressive abuse  as a child & easily missed but I knew something was wrong  ... emotional neglect can have a huge impact on our psyche . I think accepting that this was just part of our life is the first step but most essential since I have been a master in repeating history by marrying abusive people (one passive & one aggressive ) to find the source of my  "hole in my heart" . Being traumatized and being able to get through it in my opnion takes a journey & the courage to relive it in our minds &  to feel it ALL no matter how excruciating painful it might be. Because once we shrink that hole we can finally let go off the loss we experienced . Emotional or physical abuse, losing someone , illness, accidents & experiencing bullying all require the grieving process in my opinion because someone or life took something from us. Loss is one of the hardest things to overcome !!!  We think we dealt with it but if we find ourselves making poor choices and picking the wrong people or allowing the wrong people to pick us we have not dealt with our past loss sufficiently. The irony of life we want nothing more than to get away from a bad situation but we always choose a path right back to it because we haven't healed from the inside out . I found mind over matter when it comes to this only numbs but does not heal !

Edited by Borntothink

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