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jphreud

Opposite Gender Friendships

31 posts in this topic

I get on better with the opposite gender. 

Growing up a had a small group of girls and a small group of guys as friends that were often separate, but both as close and we are still in touch. With the guys their girlfriends were often suspicious, but then they tended to date either younger insecure girls or bunny boilers because they lapped up the attention.

Work wise I've always much prefer working with guys too.

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Hmmm interesting question.

My sample sise is way too small. I have more same gender friends (female), but I assume it is because easier aproach - there is little need to explain "I just want to be friends". However I long for oposit sex friends. I think it is because I have a brother. I like his company a lot and want that sort of company and am able to both imagine and handle a completly non-romantic oposit sex friend.


There is a strange thing though, when I am friends with a guy I did'n even fancy a bit before becoming friends, after getting to know him and obviously liking his personality I end up seeinng him as more attractive. This happens to those guys too who are not really my friends but my friends boyfriend and I was wondering what the hell they see in them. Don't get me wrong this is far from the "would sleep with" level just some mild appreciation.

The other strange thing is I would be more inclined to hug a person if I'm 100% that they are just my friend and do not have any behind hopes.

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I tend toward more male friends, and knowing the biological push they endure, find it beneficial to be open about it - an honest conversation about it, toward gaining a mutual understanding of what each expects. I have one friend in particular that I had this conversation with where friendship was considered more important than anything 'more' or 'deeper'. Honesty has gained me more, in more areas, than anything else. Hard? Yes. But worth every bit.

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Distinct types of friendships form with regards to female friends (same gender) and male friends. 

I'd prefer not to be the shoulder to cry on if a male friend has a relationship problem with a long-term partner, it just seems that such depth of emotions, closeness and vulnerability should be reserved for his partner and him (or a trusted relative, etc, the very last on this list or not on it at all is the unrelated female). There might be exceptions if the guy was gay, but this is hypothetical, I don't have a close male gay friend at the moment. Also, I'm happy to be part of a circle of friends that includes males and females. 

That being said, growing up, it was much easier to chat and build friendships with guys because it was less taxing to not have to sugarcoat/ put disclaimers about it not being personal/ filter with diplomacy, arguments. And most males I've befriended say it like they see it, and are generally confident enough to defend or adjust their opinions. 

These days, I count only females among close friends and confidantes.. Ah well.  

 

 

Edited by zonsop

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On 1/6/2017 at 2:48 PM, Tito said:

Romantic relationships can definitely form as a friendship develops, but its safer to be friends first and lovers second.

Plenty of studies of opposite sex friendships conclude that usually a guy has the desire to sleep with all the females he has a friendship with. The females, on the other hand, tend to be naive of the guy's hidden desire which would lift to the surface if the right opportunity arises. This also make many of the females succeptible to being seduced if the guy friend decides to react on his deep desire. 

Generally speaking, and ignoring friendships that developed before puberty; guys don't befriend a girl he doesn't want to sleep with. If they are friends, he either wants to bone her or he already did, perhaps are exes that ended amicably.

The fact that guys already have sexual desires towards his female friends makes the whole being friends first and lovers second a real possibility.

This is cynical and, I think, overly limiting to men.  Some men ARE capable of having non-sexual relationships and maintaining them.  This is an observable fact.

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I have more male friends than female friends because of similar interests. I am trying to actively make more female friends. But, I am kinda afraid of women lol :p jokes aside I never had romantic interest in any of my male friends. But yeah most of my relationships have started off from being friends though the romantic interest was obvious from the start.

Edited by Soulassassin110

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