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Tito

What would be a reason for a guy to remain single for life?

95 posts in this topic

We've all read the threads asking what makes a guy stick with a woman, but what about those that never marry and in the end live most of their life as singles?

What can lead a person to choose a solitary existence? 

This past summer I was presented a husband-wife couple that are both mutes. I have no idea how they communicate (no sign language), but they are definitely in love and committed with each other. Since then I have been thinking about this on and off for quite a few months.

I also have an uncle that never married and has spent decades without a girlfriend. We also know that he's not gay, so the downlow life is out of the question. 

What can possibly lead a person to be single for life?

Are you willing to live such a life?

Edited by Tito

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The freedom to do whatever you want, when you want to do it. To pursue your own interests without consideration of a partner's desires. Yes, I am willing to live such a life. It brings a peace of mind. Woman are best in small doses, maybe because I am an introvert.

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My cousin is 46, single, and hetero. He simply prefers a quiet life, and has never desired a relationship. No mental or physical issues, he just likes his life a certain way and does not want anything to mess that up for him.

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1 hour ago, Scardy84 said:

Thru hiking. 

Can always snag a fellow through hiker... my SO is going to join me on the trail.

As far as remaining single, not finding someone that is better than being alone. I like LDR, support of a relationship with most of the advantages of being single.

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6 hours ago, Tito said:

We've all read the threads asking what makes a guy stick with a woman, but what about those that never marry and in the end live most of their life as singles?

What can lead a person to choose a solitary existence?

Yes. And all of these of these dumb threads assume a hetero-normative coupling imperative. As you have done.

Even if you insist on framing your questions within a non-inclusive framework of hetero-normativity you might still be able come up with two or three reasonable and inclusive answers:

1. He makes a wise choice - informed or otherwise.

2. He finds women repugnant.

3. He was unable to find a suitable mate.

And then there's still no justifiable reason for making the issue gender-specific.

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As someone who has pledged this, it was always in my nature. I tried very much to have a normal dating relationship, but it's just not me. In the process I found the closest things to the loves of my life, and still, I couldn't be a decent partner. For reasons I'd rather not mention. I didn't decide to be single for life, rather came to the realization, I wasn't built for relationships, and I very much do not prefer the vulnerability it takes to be open to one. 

I'm, however defected, very much happy alone. And I've seriously had a taste of loving people, being loved, and still. I prefer to be alone. As amazing as it is, it is fleeting, and I have interests that require more time than the maintenance of a relationship can allow. 

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because of the work they choose to do,

and they harm it would bring to loved ones from those looking for easy targets.

 

take Julian Assange Wikileaks founder for instance.

Quote

WikiLeaks is a site which was founded on 2006 by Julian. Since then Julian is the chief editor of WikiLeaks and has been involved in a number of cases such leaking of important data though there is no evidence that he has committed such a crime. Anyways it is said that according to rumors, Julian is set to be in a relationship. However it is completely false. Julian has said to our sources that he is currently not interested to get into a relationship because of his ongoing cases. He also said that he would like to solve the ongoing allegations and then would think about getting into a serious relationship. His mother, Christine Ann Hawkins, also said that her son would only get into a relationship until he settles down and gets his life together so it would not affect his family.

 

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1 hour ago, Ambra said:

As someone who has pledged this, it was always in my nature. I tried very much to have a normal dating relationship, but it's just not me. In the process I found the closest things to the loves of my life, and still, I couldn't be a decent partner. For reasons I'd rather not mention. I didn't decide to be single for life, rather came to the realization, I wasn't built for relationships, and I very much do not prefer the vulnerability it takes to be open to one. 

I'm, however defected, very much happy alone. And I've seriously had a taste of loving people, being loved, and still. I prefer to be alone. As amazing as it is, it is fleeting, and I have interests that require more time than the maintenance of a relationship can allow. 

Good for you Ambra. :thumbsup:

Garbage culture has become quite efficient at dismissing the dignity of bachelorhood for men when it ought to be respecting bachelorhood for all genders. As a state - not a pitiable condition.

Perhaps people need to look at their own insecurities around alone-ness and loneliness rather than picking at those who aren't coupled...by accident or design.

 

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Not meeting the right mate. Being single is better than being miserable with the wrong person. Single never married sounds worse than divorced or separated in our society, but when you think about it, it is not.

I'm open to being married but not just for the sake of it. The fact people look at marriage as a life goal like graduating high school or something is why so many marriages fail imo. If i meet the right woman I will possibly get married, if not, I won't.

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I'm a aromantic (doesn't feel romantic love, or a yearning to be with someone romantically, but still cares for family and friends like most do) and asexual (does not experience sexual attraction, meaning the urge to bone someone)

 

The logical path for aromantic asexuals is to remain single for life, though with society's obsession with pairing it may be a little rough getting one's love and belonging needs met as one get's older. 

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1 hour ago, True Rune said:

The logical path for aromantic asexuals is to remain single for life, though with society's obsession with pairing it may be a little rough getting one's love and belonging needs met as one get's older. 

That's right Rune - the issue cuts across all genders and sexual preferences. And you're on the money when you finger fear of old age loneliness as the elephant in the room. Breeders certainly assume their choices are an insurance policy against it, but the truth of the matter is that nothing's guaranteed...abandonment by family I'd see as one of the bitterest pills to have to swallow if you'd assumed a different outcome.

Whether or not it's a real issue, socialized systems prefer older couples. A couple pension is less than two single pensions. A couple can be housed in much the same premises as a single. A partner is the most likely and cost-effective carer. Maybe singles can spook themselves into thinking they're going to pay later for their singleness.

 

 

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I like both lifestyles. But marriage would prevent me from rotating between coupledom and singlehood.

There are great advantages to being single, primarily because you don't have to compromise on nearly everything. You can be much more selfish with your choices, which is very appealing. But there will always be another lonely day coming up around the corner where I think, "Hmm, maybe dating was the better option."

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5 hours ago, rickster said:

T And you're on the money when you finger fear of old age loneliness as the elephant in the room. Breeders certainly assume their choices are an insurance policy against it, but the truth of the matter is that nothing's guaranteed

Darned right. Most old people rarely see their kids. They move off to another city and focus on their own families careers. They cost an arm and leg to raise. Studies show that having kids decreases happiness and it only increases again when they leave home. There is not much argument for it. People do it out of convention. They say "oh but the kids make me so happy", well they were happy as a childless student too, happier.

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Some people recognize that they simply are not fit for the orthodox dating game/relationship dynamic. Others would rather focus on their work, hobbies etc. These individuals can still satisfy their urges (if they do experience them) whilst also foregoing the traditional monogamous relationship system. 

Others simply feel constricted when they're in a relationship; they prefer solitude. They don't want to feel pressured by their partner or any potential kids they might have. 

Religious reasons might be a key factor into considering one's celibacy.

I might imagine some pursuing such a life out of pure rebellion (although this is probably extremely rare). 

 
 
...... added to this post 10 minutes later:
 
15 minutes ago, thod said:

Darned right. Most old people rarely see their kids. They move off to another city and focus on their own families careers. They cost an arm and leg to raise. Studies show that having kids decreases happiness and it only increases again when they leave home. There is not much argument for it. People do it out of convention. They say "oh but the kids make me so happy", well they were happy as a childless student too, happier.

Would you mind citing one of the studies in question?

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Being a loser with low self esteem and/or poor social skills.

Of course, in this case, singlehood it's not a direct choice.

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10 hours ago, myname said:

Not meeting the right mate. Being single is better than being miserable with the wrong person.

I'm not so sure about that.  Well, I mean, being single is better than being miserable because you picked somebody who's completely terrible for you.  But what about picking someone who's okay for you?  People have a tendency to look at the extremes when thinking about these kinds of questions.  Like if you can't find someone who's perfect for you, the only other options are people who would be awful for you. 

There's gotta be a middle ground, through, right?  Someone who you generally get along with, even if no one is going to mistake you for the couple in some Hollywood romance story.  I can't say I'm sure that that's worse than being alone.

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Woman is a source of purpose. Man is power to do things. Well, it used to be so and social convention still more or less remains so.

Kid's are kind of awesome, but you let her handle it until they learn to walk. Then you teach them stuff like handling a knife or carving a fiddle.

Man loves woman. Woman loves child. Child loves man.

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3 hours ago, ElstonGunn said:

I'm not so sure about that.  Well, I mean, being single is better than being miserable because you picked somebody who's completely terrible for you.  But what about picking someone who's okay for you?  People have a tendency to look at the extremes when thinking about these kinds of questions.  Like if you can't find someone who's perfect for you, the only other options are people who would be awful for you. 

There's gotta be a middle ground, through, right?  Someone who you generally get along with, even if no one is going to mistake you for the couple in some Hollywood romance story.  I can't say I'm sure that that's worse than being alone.

Its rare things are perfect but yes at least good for me is a must. 

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He might recognize that he would make a terrible father

He may have a very low or non-existent sex drive

He may know that he is unable to compromise on anything

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If there weren't so much pressure everywhere to find a partner, I imagine more people would be leading a single life. With breakups and divorce the normal outcome of most relationships, it seems reasonable to not invest oneself unless the pros significantly outweighed the cons. Unless you really want bio kids or need a partner to offer support with shared resources, there really isn't much benefit left beyond keeping each other company, the latter of course only worth it if you genuinely like the person. So either none of the above apply, or such people just haven't "found the right one." 

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I can get friendship and/or sex with women outside of a relationship.

Having sex with the same woman repeatedly loses it's appeal after a while, I crave variety and I don't want to cheat.

I want to live my life completely how I wish, free of compromise and relationship obligations.

I've met too many married men who tell how much they envy my expendable income and copious amount of free time. I've got a good thing going, why throw it away by "committing". A mixture of short term relationships and being single is ideal for me.

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Nobler goals in life. Women are nothing, but distraction to world domination and achiving perfection.

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1 hour ago, Cacao said:

Nobler goals in life. Women are nothing, but distraction to world domination and achiving perfection.

Is that "achieving" perfection or "archiving" perfection? As a  hybrid word it works if it covers both!

I experienced a rush of INTJ shorthand when shooting the breeze with the guy next door on the subject of A Man's Basic Guide to the Rich and Full Life. Already bored, I figured I'd wind it up with "Just avoid pussy, booze and needles - works for me".

He thereafter forbade his teenage son to come anywhere near me. :laugh:

 

 

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