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irini

What would be the most important reason for a man to commit himself with a woman?

44 posts in this topic

It is obvious that physical appearance has great importance in order men to be attracted by a woman (according to their claims basically).  But I can't really believe that physical or sexual attraction would be the number one reason for a man to commit himself with a woman? Or is it?

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I can't speak for all men, but for me it is essential.

Beauty fades, I think we all get that. However I feel physical attraction is something that must be maintained. I wouldn't expect a 46 year old woman to look like she did in her early 20s, however I feel it's necessary that the woman I am with should maintain good eating habits and basic level of exercise to maintain a healthy weight and appearance.

It shouldn't be too much to ask for.

Physical appearance might not be a 'deal breaker' for a long term relationship, but for me I will go seek someone else for my sexual needs if things get out of hand and the physical attraction fades.
Intelligence and chemistry are what commit me to being in a relationship. Physical appearance is what will keep me monogamous.

Edited by demoniaco

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No, it's not just about physical/sexual attraction when it comes to committing or declaring exclusivity with one woman.  Subjectively, it may be the biggest factor among a host of factors and it certainly is very key in terms of getting the man to consider commitment, but alone, metaphorically,  it mainly has the power of a solid resume and will garner a woman an interview.

It also changes influence with age, as scarcity takes over, experiences with failed relationships that were more physically/sexually based are accumulated and priorities for the future change.

I believe that many men, actually many people for that matter, often long for that mindblowing physical/sexual attraction/chemistry from ghosts of relationships past and often get lost in the nostalgic search for it, fooling themselves into thinking that the heat came from some superficial attraction, when in reality the synergy often had more levels.  

As powerful and pleasant that the primal and instinctual rush that comes from intense physical attraction is, wisdom gives us the ability to see it for what it is and not do something stupid because of it. 

 

 

 

 

 

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Interesting. With women men found it hard to believe money isn't a defining factor in attraction and with men women find it hard to believe looks are a defining factor. Lol generalized of course but still funny to me how different we perceive the other gender to be relative to how they perceive themselves. 

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3 hours ago, irini said:

It is obvious that physical appearance has great importance in order men to be attracted by a woman (according to their claims basically).  But I can't really believe that physical or sexual attraction would be the number one reason for a man to commit himself with a woman? Or is it?

In mathematics we frequently talk about necessarily and sufficient conditions in order for something to be true. For most men I think attraction is necessary. But not sufficient. As such it's hard to say what's the number one reason for a man to commit himself with a woman. Personally I think the number one reason for a man to commit himself to a woman is if she has the right combinations of virtues and vices, namely virtues you really want or NEED in a relationship (like physical attraction) and vices that you can tolerate (different way of squeezing the toothpaste vs. stealing from old ladies). And taking care of one's appearance seems to be a necessarily but not sufficient virtue. I have not seen many men who commit to a woman by beauty alone. If she has a horrible character they "next" her all the same. Let's say a man needs more than 70/100 points to be committed to a woman. A woman's extraordinary beauty might give her 60 points (but let's say her mean spiritedness gives her -40 points) whereas a kind, compassionate, smart, and pretty (but not super beautiful) woman gets 90 points.

Of course how many points a woman gets for her beauty (in his eyes. beauty is in the eyes of the beholder blah blah blah) is dependent on the man evaluating her. With a wise man she might get fewer points. With guys like my cousin he'd commit to her regardless of her terrible personality.

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3 hours ago, irini said:

It is obvious that physical appearance has great importance in order men to be attracted by a woman (according to their claims basically).  But I can't really believe that physical or sexual attraction would be the number one reason for a man to commit himself with a woman? Or is it?

Just general enjoyment of her company really.  Does she have a good sense of humor, or at least one that matches yours? Does she give you the freedom to be the person you are, and do the things you like to do? Does she like to do some of them with you, and is she fun to do them with? Can you have interesting conversation with her?  Does she have similar goals in life?  It really just comes down to is this someone you'd want to be really good friends with for the rest of your life.  For a guy I don't think it's all that different than what he might look for in a good buddy, except cleaner and better looking.

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Physical attractiveness is usually what attracts a man to a woman in the first place. What makes a man commit himself to a woman is simply love. How does a man fall in love you ask?

Well, there's probably a whole list of characteristics that are important but to name a few...

Trust is #1 for sure

Shared beliefs/goals/ideals ect. (AKA sharing a similar vision in life)

Quality time (You've been through things together good and bad)

physical attraction (Both parties should keep up with their hygiene, look etc.)

That's all I can think of for now but I'd guess that other things are up to personal preference. I don't think any man would disagree with the above list.

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2 hours ago, Seriously said:

Interesting. With women men found it hard to believe money isn't a defining factor in attraction and with men women find it hard to believe looks are a defining factor. Lol generalized of course but still funny to me how different we perceive the other gender to be relative to how they perceive themselves. 

Are there really that many men disagreeing with that generalization of how we view women?  It just doesn't seem like men are wasting any time kidding themselves and others on that subject.

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5 hours ago, irini said:

It is obvious that physical appearance has great importance in order men to be attracted by a woman (according to their claims basically).  But I can't really believe that physical or sexual attraction would be the number one reason for a man to commit himself with a woman? Or is it?

Physical appearance is/will always be important. To commit, I also need feelings (i.e. love), admiration of character, harmonious interaction and mutual understanding.

To sustain the relationship, all the above must be maintained + both parties need to be interesting to one another (i.e. if you want to keep the other party interested, you have to always be interesting). I think boredom is the biggest killer of relationships.

Edited by brainstorm

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1 hour ago, ischulte said:

Are there really that many men disagreeing with that generalization of how we view women?  It just doesn't seem like men are wasting any time kidding themselves and others on that subject.

No I'm saying women are disagreeing with it just like men disagreed with women.

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14 minutes ago, ischulte said:

Are there really that many men disagreeing with that generalization of how we view women?  It just doesn't seem like men are wasting any time kidding themselves and others on that subject.

I don't think we (or the rest) were kidding (our)themselves. We disagree because if money was AS important as claimed then, we'd just poison your sammiches to collect the life insurance. We (or rather I) select based on how a person makes a feel primarily and then other secondary factors are used as filters simultaneously. A person/female who selects primarily for money is actually turned on by money. They exist, but not in the numbers suggested. They are outliers. Just like I'm an outlier for getting turned on by the actual act of reading. It's probably why it's suggested that libraries are great places to pick up INTJs. We're already giddy and energized. Now, height there's one I can agree is a big selector. Under 6' need not apply. (But tall people have higher earning potential, so see what i did there i inadvertently selected money with it being mapped to height.) Anyway, we shouldn't ignore the fact that both men and women tend to select for looks within a limited range relative to their own. (and even for intelligence too within a range relative to their own)

What makes men commit? I'm not a guy but, in my anecdotal world, first loves are pretty powerful, dozens of cascading factors merging.

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Depends on the guy but how she makes him feel, including tingling in his nether regions and heart. For the extreme superficialists, how proud she makes him, when wearing her on his arm.

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Good question...um, physical attraction is definitely a start.  It's like...a job interview.  If you're attractive to the man you'll get the job, but are you a good worker?  If you offer nothing except looks (a good interview) then what use are you?  For me, other than being attractive to me, she has to be classy, down to earth, introverted (this is a big one), loyal, and enjoys having deep discussions.  I also like a pro active woman.  A cute smile goes a long way as well.

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14 hours ago, irini said:

It is obvious that physical appearance has great importance in order men to be attracted by a woman (according to their claims basically).  But I can't really believe that physical or sexual attraction would be the number one reason for a man to commit himself with a woman? Or is it?

On another site, the following was frequently posted by men:

Quote

Looks get a woman a first date. Personality is what makes men stay.

 

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coz everybody else wants her! passive aggressiveness through the medium of success, glory and sexual selection set on difficult mode.

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Ah, I've heard a lot of this before. First we try to get what we want, then when we get what we need we throw it all away and end up getting what we deserve. The kids love it too as mom and dad go through several rounds of revolving door relationships. Holidays are the fun part as some go here and some go there. It's always the same as Hoffer pointed out-there is a difference between having nothing and wanting something opposed to having something and wanting more. It's the childish condition of always needing something new. it's ok for the user but bad for the used-the children I mean. But alas, we live in a throw-away culture so if the kids end up in jail we just get a new relationship.

Edited by Ray9

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23 hours ago, Seriously said:

Interesting. With women men found it hard to believe money isn't a defining factor in attraction and with men women find it hard to believe looks are a defining factor. Lol generalized of course but still funny to me how different we perceive the other gender to be relative to how they perceive themselves. 

Same old questions:

Man: I'm earn $100,000 a year. She's earns less than half that. So how could she turn me down? Must be a lesbian.

Woman: I'm a "10". Everyone wants to sleep with me. Why isn't he trying to sleep with me? Must be gay.

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You're right. Appearance is not the main driver behind committing to long-term relationships. Of course it is a key part in determining who to commit to, but why commit at all? Why not just go through life looking at beautiful people? What is it that people get from committing to one long-term relationship that they don't get from not being in one?

I think companionship is the main driver. Few people want to be alone. A sense of accomplishment is also generally associated with long-term relationships. Many of us have been conditioned to view long-term relationships as success stories and long-term singlehood as failures. And I think our minds/egos love the feeling of being wanted/needed in return. So...companionship, sense of accomplishment, and wanting to be wanted.

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What would be the most important reason for a man to commit himself with a woman?

mutual love, respect, and commitment.

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On 12/15/2016 at 3:12 AM, irini said:

It is obvious that physical appearance has great importance in order men to be attracted by a woman (according to their claims basically).  But I can't really believe that physical or sexual attraction would be the number one reason for a man to commit himself with a woman? Or is it?

Physical's nice but that only gets the dick hard and long.  However, if shes a bore, the looks have no significance over the (no pun intended) "long" haul (the other "long"...).  A man can't be seduced all day and all night long right?

Things that keep me committed to her is how comfortable she makes me feel when we are alone and away from the noise.

Edited by ENFPEACE

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On 12/15/2016 at 5:12 AM, irini said:

It is obvious that physical appearance has great importance in order men to be attracted by a woman (according to their claims basically).  But I can't really believe that physical or sexual attraction would be the number one reason for a man to commit himself with a woman? Or is it?

It is (as the initiating factor and withthe end goal of procreation), with the stipulation that the woman is also someone you mentally and emotionally are attracted too as well.

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On 12/15/2016 at 6:12 AM, irini said:

But I can't really believe that physical or sexual attraction would be the number one reason for a man to commit himself with a woman? Or is it?

Of course not. This issue has many layers to it. It's a dance between our culture and biology, all in the pursuit of happiness and self-preservation.

Most men find the majority of women sexually attractive enough for a LTR. Intelligent men highly value loyalty, mental stability, character, and purity in long-term relationships throughout human history. After all we entrust women with the most biologically valuable thing we have - our children. The issue of superficial value, when it becomes more than just mere desire and turns into a blind and culturally damaging obsession, arises when serious men can't find serious women. Why look past the superficial, and think with our big heads instead of our little heads, when in western culture virtually every woman we'll come across has already thrown away that which we value the beyond the superficial? So what is there to look past then?

They've virtually all spent the most valuable years of their lives sleeping with a bunch a of guys for fun, virtually all are too culturally babied, immature, self-centered and jaded to properly care for someone else, and by the time they are ready to "settle down" they are past their parenting prime.

So the superficial it is.

Edited by MGTOW_Falcon

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