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EchoFlame

It is your name, not your social security number.

46 posts in this topic
18 hours ago, QuickTwist said:

Address your concern with dignity. If that doesn't work, set a boundary.

Severely unhealthy narcissistic disorders share in common the inability to understand, respect and adhere to boundaries. That's why those individuals tend towards antisocial conduct within society.  My default boundary is No Contact, except with individuals I have to interract with like the lady above. Here's a cheesy joke for you:

Question: Why did the Narcissist cross the road?

Answer: Because she thought it was a boundary.  :curtain::cheesy:

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Introductions aren't crossing boundaries in society. It is literally step one of socializing. Heck, we even have a subforum for new members to introduce themselves so it even applies on the internet. YouTube even has intro videos. It is common as dirt.

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8 hours ago, EchoFlame said:

Introductions aren't crossing boundaries in society. It is literally step one of socializing. Heck, we even have a subforum for new members to introduce themselves so it even applies on the internet. YouTube even has intro videos. It is common as dirt.

You described going out of your way to target a person who was making physical signals at you that they didn't want to interact with you: 

Quote

 I hate when I'm with a group of people I know and there is one person on the periphery who does not make eye contact and acts awkward. So rather than ignore each other, I tend to go up, mention we never met before, give my name and offer them a handshake. Just the way I always have introduced myself. 

If you understand that their body language is telling you that they want to be left alone, and you force them to interact with you, why are you surprised when the reaction you get is less than positive? A simple introduction isn't crossing a boundary as long as it's done in an acceptable way, that makes the person you're introducing yourself to comfortable, and confident that telling you their name is a good idea. When you do things like this, that obviously make the people you're talking to uncomfortable, it shouldn't be a shock to you that they don't want to respond positively. 

Quote

Maybe I'm just jaded from handing out my name thousands of times (my old job required I introduce myself a good few dozen times a day to strangers, handshake and all) but I still don't see what the fuss is about. 

I guess I will just have to make one up for them until they feel like correcting me if this ever occurs in the future. 

Doing something like that for a job is not the same as doing it in other real world situations. There are different types of interaction that are deemed acceptable for different circumstances, and it sounds like you're trying to apply one type of interaction to a circumstance that doesn't fit with it.

Instead of 'making up' an excuse for all of these other people and their behavior, maybe you should focus on what you yourself are doing wrong. It seems pretty simple, that if you keep doing the same thing and getting the same results, eventually you might want to change your tactic.

It's like the little kid who keeps trying to shove the square block into the circle shaped hole. At first he gets mad at both the block and the hole, for not doing what he wants, then he comes to the realization the he himself is the problem by trying to force something that was never going to work in the first place.  He changes his tactic, starts trying the square shaped block in the triangle hole, and when that doesn't work he eventually figures out that the square shaped block fits into the square shaped hole. 

Do you really want to be the kid, struggling with the square block and the circle hole, assuming that the hole must be broken, or the block must be defying his wishes, for the rest of your life? Or do you want to start experimenting with other options until you find something that actually works? 

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I can't tell you why this guy from the conference refused to give you his name, but it stands to reason that you rubbed him the wrong way somehow. 

Good luck. 

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guilty.

sometimes i do this bc i don't want to give out my name:

- gave my name to them a minute ago and they're asking me again;
- they look like a salesperson or recruiter;
- they are a telemarketer;
- they're going to keep saying my name as they talk to me;
- they're going to spell it wrong on the cup anyways;

& w/e other reasons.

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On 12.12.2016 at 11:45 PM, EchoFlame said:

What am I, some sort of soul-snatching demon? I hate when I'm with a group of people I know and there is one person on the periphery who does not make eye contact and acts awkward. So rather than ignore each other, I tend to go up, mention we never met before, give my name and offer them a handshake. Just the way I always have introduced myself. 

This behavior looks like the other person WANTS to ignore you and you're not letting him. Hence the weirdness. People always act weird when you call people out. By going up there and introducing yourself when the other person was passive-aggressively trying to ignore you means 1. you noticed their avoidant behavior 2. you chose not to honor that. It's sort of like a teacher calling on you specifically because you did NOT raise your hand and was religious studying your thighs to avoid eye contact. It causes all kinds of weirdness.

Or maybe that person's religious cult has always prophesized that the Antichrist looks like EchoFlame. Who knows.

 
 
...... added to this post 11 minutes later:
 
On 14.12.2016 at 4:41 AM, NSchet said:

I couldn't care less when interacting in meatspace. Unfortunately, in my case, my name attracts unwanted attention due to cultural ties. I'm an Arab with an obscure Arabic first name and a European middle name. It gives out too much information, in my case, and is a frequent predicate to irksome social interaction that involves a multitude of questions about my personal life. But I've gotten used to it; as I said before, I couldn't care less, but I can see why some wouldn't want to simply hand you the one piece of information that is self referential to who they are. 

I don't do this with my name but with my nationality. I'm a Chinese who was raised in American culture and has a strong American accent. But I am not an American national and didn't really grow up in America either. When I tell them one thing or the other I always get asked: "Wow how is your English so good" (If I tell them I'm Chinese) and if I tell them I'm American, "How come you look Chinese" and then ask some other question that would require me to either give them my life story or shut them down and walk away. Look. I don't really want to talk about it. Go away.

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So they decide to ignore the rules of social engagement in a social situation but I'm at fault? Okay then. 

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6 minutes ago, EchoFlame said:

So they decide to ignore the rules of social engagement in a social situation but I'm at fault? Okay then. 

You also ignored the rules of social engagement if there can be said to have any rules.

Rule 1: It's polite to introduce yourself

Rule 2: If people shows they do not want to interact with you, you do not interact with them.

The other person broke Rule 1. You broke Rule 2.

And yes rules can conflict with each other. There's nothing to suggest that our Ape brains can come up with a comprehensive and perfectly coherent system of rules that never contradicts itself.

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That's so silly. To work with someone for hours while not wanting them to know your name  or talk to you even though you have never met them before and have no reason to be rude. That's not a rule. It sounds like someone is either just rude or has some sort of extreme social anxiety. 

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5 hours ago, EchoFlame said:

That's so silly. To work with someone for hours while not wanting them to know your name  or talk to you even though you have never met them before and have no reason to be rude. That's not a rule. It sounds like someone is either just rude or has some sort of extreme social anxiety. 

How do you know that you weren't rude to them in some way? Why do you refuse to consider that your actions might have led to, or at least contributed to the situation? You very easily could have said or done something that made the person uncomfortable, or distrust you, without you realizing it. 

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6 hours ago, EchoFlame said:

That's so silly. To work with someone for hours while not wanting them to know your name  or talk to you even though you have never met them before and have no reason to be rude. That's not a rule. It sounds like someone is either just rude or has some sort of extreme social anxiety. 

Why put so much emphasis on something as if your entire life and livelihood hang on it, as if knowing their names place you at the precipice of the cliff which determines life or death to you?

There is this tradition within my Asian families where on the day of the festivities adults are required to give money in small packets to the children including the teenagers. My default mode as always is to simply write the nicknames based on how I recall them most, and some of my cousins' kids I simply write "(cousin) A's 1" to 2 to 5 in accordance to how many kids they have. If there is suddenly a baby (and I didn't know they have had the latest kid) I simply write on a new packet "Baby 1" etc etc.

I think after many many years this attitude of mine has been accepted (albeit not easily by them for many years before this) because they finally have accepted that there is no way I will change my way just to accommodate people and make them feel better. After all, there are so many other things I think about everytime so why should full complete names be such a huge priority. The fact that I am at least ready to remember the individuals using whatever names most related to them  (bearing close resemblance to their names as I recall them) is indicative of some efforts already.

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A handshake and an introduction have symbolic meaning to most of the Western world. Ignoring it is like spitting in someone's face level of rude in my opinion. 

You argue I might have offended them somehow? By walking into the room? Breathing perhaps? It is not rude to exist. 

But the fact that so many people do not see the rudeness of the action and have so many excuses shows to me that it is not bizarre to ignore an introduction, so I suppose I learned something and that it was not as uncommon of an action as I thought.

 

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I will give a fake name when I am in a situation where I wish to remain semi-anonymous, particularly due to the sketchiness of the circumstances.

Perhaps it is bad habit from when I was living a double-life?

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A sketchy situation or a situation requiring anonymity makes sense. But you have to admit, in a situation where a name can be discovered in like five seconds, the introduction is purely symbolic and so is the refusal.

It is like introducing yourself to someone wearing a name tag on the first day at a job. 

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2 minutes ago, EchoFlame said:

A sketchy situation or a situation requiring anonymity makes sense. But you have to admit, in a situation where a name can be discovered in like five seconds, the introduction is purely symbolic and so is the refusal.

It is like introducing yourself to someone wearing a name tag on the first day at a job. 

Do you have a menacing vibe? People may be intentionally trying to avoid networking with you.

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No, people say I tend to act like a zen monk and never seem bothered by anything. Always calm and at peace. 

I've had someone try to "make me mad" because they found my calm annoying. Someone else made he monk comment. And someone else say I look like I would be good in a crisis. 

I don't feel that way of course but most of my reactions are in my head. I think I had enough people say things of that nature to know the impression I give off. 

Heck, I didn't even get mad about the topic of the OP until days after it happened. I was too focused on the review session.

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25 minutes ago, EchoFlame said:

A sketchy situation or a situation requiring anonymity makes sense. But you have to admit, in a situation where a name can be discovered in like five seconds, the introduction is purely symbolic and so is the refusal.

It is like introducing yourself to someone wearing a name tag on the first day at a job. 

So do your own 5 seconds investigation. And 'impress' them by saying "I know your actual real names already so let go of the pretense". Which is nonetheless creepy to hear. I would so run away. Albeit disappear.

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On 12/15/2016 at 6:02 PM, EchoFlame said:

No, people say I tend to act like a zen monk and never seem bothered by anything. Always calm and at peace. 

I've had someone try to "make me mad" because they found my calm annoying. Someone else made he monk comment. And someone else say I look like I would be good in a crisis. 

I don't feel that way of course but most of my reactions are in my head. I think I had enough people say things of that nature to know the impression I give off. 

Heck, I didn't even get mad about the topic of the OP until days after it happened. I was too focused on the review session.

I guess you're right, everyone else in the world is wrong and must be conspiring against you, coming up with an elaborate plot to prank you by not giving you their names. They see that you're 100% perfect in every way and they're just jealous or something. So no need to worry about your own actions. In fact, no need to consider any of the replies to this thread either. You just go on, keep being perfect, don't let any of the reactions you get out of people bother you, they're all in on the joke too, no worries.  

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So I introduce myself to dozens of new people a week but because every few months, for a grand total of two times, people responded weirdly, I'm at fault? The pattern highly suggest two oddities, whose motivation I'm trying to discover, over the vibe I give off. As I mentioned before, I've introduced myself to thousands of people who never gave me this reaction. 

So literally all the posts coming at me sideways are wastes of words. I know I'm not at fault, I'm looking for the fault in these two individuals to react to a stranger as such. Get over yourselves and either aid me in guessing or go away. Evidence based on thousands of examples suggests it isn't me. 

Plus I never mentioned a conspiracy. If I felt the problem was me, I might think in such a paranoid and self-conscious manner. I don't assume fault in myself in the face of ambiguity. Maybe that is your knee-jerk reaction when something odd occurs in your life, self-assumption. Stop projecting your own insecurities onto my situation. 

Hell, even if that was a possibility, then we write it on the board and move on. The fixation reveals a preoccupation with finding fault in me over discussing all possibilities. Which is not only unproductive but frankly rude. Hence my irate response.

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When we give you our best guess as to why it's happening, in an attempt to aid you, and you completely ignore it, then what else are we supposed to do?

Sorry it's not the answer you're looking for.

And, considering more people than just myself responded in a similar way, I doubt that it's just me who considers how their own actions might have effected an ambiguous situation. 

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2 hours ago, EchoFlame said:

So I introduce myself to dozens of new people a week but because every few months, for a grand total of two times, people responded weirdly, I'm at fault? The pattern highly suggest two oddities, whose motivation I'm trying to discover, over the vibe I give off. As I mentioned before, I've introduced myself to thousands of people who never gave me this reaction. 

So literally all the posts coming at me sideways are wastes of words. I know I'm not at fault, I'm looking for the fault in these two individuals to react to a stranger as such. Get over yourselves and either aid me in guessing or go away. Evidence based on thousands of examples suggests it isn't me. 

Plus I never mentioned a conspiracy. If I felt the problem was me, I might think in such a paranoid and self-conscious manner. I don't assume fault in myself in the face of ambiguity. Maybe that is your knee-jerk reaction when something odd occurs in your life, self-assumption. Stop projecting your own insecurities onto my situation. 

Hell, even if that was a possibility, then we write it on the board and move on. The fixation reveals a preoccupation with finding fault in me over discussing all possibilities. Which is not only unproductive but frankly rude. Hence my irate response.

No one is dissecting you for fault-finding motives. 

You appeared like wanting to turn what is merely a man-made social construct into a universal covenant. 

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I usually give them Obi, which is a shortified version of my first name, I don:t see the harm in giving the first name only.

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