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EchoFlame

It is your name, not your social security number.

46 posts in this topic

So I won't pretend it happens often. But maybe once every few months, someone I meet gives me a fake name or refuses to give me their name.

What am I, some sort of soul-snatching demon? I hate when I'm with a group of people I know and there is one person on the periphery who does not make eye contact and acts awkward. So rather than ignore each other, I tend to go up, mention we never met before, give my name and offer them a handshake. Just the way I always have introduced myself. 

 

A few few months ago, someone for no apparent reason gave me a fake name, and later got embarrassed when they saw me a few days later and I called them by it and said they gave a fake name and told me their real one. 

And then just yesterday, someone flat out refused to give me their name while giggling. Both men so it wasn't like it was a girl thinking I was into her.

 

I just thought the behavior was bizarre as hell. Is it some sort of modern, silly joke? Is it just something about me? Am I over-analyzing it?

 

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That is so weird! That's never happened to me. I can't wait to see the stories in this thread!

:popcorn:

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I know it is barely a pattern with two instances and not exactly alike. I shrugged off the first one because maybe he was just doing it as a joke and he genuinely seemed embarrassed when explaining he gave a fake name. I should have asked why but I didn't care at the time and was in a hurry.

 

But it then someone flat out refusing? Come on. I turned to someone else in the group and got the name and didn't press it further. But it sort of bugged me because it made me wonder, for to happen twice, if something was going on. I can't for the life of me fathom it. I mean, maybe it was a handshake being too formal? But these people are professional adults, and even if they weren't, a handshake isn't odd.  

But I also must remember that just because everything I do has a specific intention, does not mean other people are as planned.

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I've given out a fake name to mess with people once or twice, but I come clean within that meeting usually. 

 

Maybe they just don't have manners or you're being sabotaged. 

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Of all the labels we wear, the one with the strongest resonance is the name.  I've given fake names in the past to people I wanted to remain strangers with.  Back in the day, the last thing I wanted from a chosen (never accidental) one night stand was a jolt of familiarity at the sound of my name.   I was raised by an emotional and physical sadist. Like most of her kind, to create distance she objectified me by calling me names or "it."  Later in life I changed my name, yet a male BPD/ASPD and female BPD/NPD in my life still won't use it...they either call me by my old name or pretend not to remember, pointing and calling me, "you." I understand the psychology behind the passive aggressive behavior and see no need to get into a piss fight, though at times I will give a knowing nod and smile, which pisses off the female visibly.  Last week, my nod and thumbs up as I corrected her usage of my old name at a meeting got her so frazzled she did the same with a Meeghan (Megan) and a Theresa (Triza) immediately and got corrected. I clammed up until she composed herself. After I allowed her to usher me out of the building to give her back her dignity.  

Heisenberg: Say my name.

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On 12/12/2016 at 10:45 PM, EchoFlame said:

So I won't pretend it happens often. But maybe once every few months, someone I meet gives me a fake name or refuses to give me their name.

That's quite often.

Quote

And then just yesterday, someone flat out refused to give me their name while giggling. Both men so it wasn't like it was a girl thinking I was into her.

 

I just thought the behavior was bizarre as hell. Is it some sort of modern, silly joke? Is it just something about me? Am I over-analyzing it?

I have never in my life seen this happen nor done this, so someone is weird, either you or them. Without seeing the interaction it is hard to know which.

Edited by Cockney Red

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What are you doing walking around asking people their names?

So you just go up to people shake their hands and ask for their names?

How old are you? What are you selling?

 
 
...... added to this post 1 minute later:
 
On 12/12/2016 at 5:45 PM, EchoFlame said:

I hate when I'm with a group of people I know and there is one person on the periphery who does not make eye contact and acts awkward. So rather than ignore each other, I tend to go up, mention we never met before, give my name and offer them a handshake.

Are they not making eye contact and acting awkward to keep handshaking-smalltalkers away?

 
 
...... added to this post 3 minutes later:
 
On 12/12/2016 at 5:45 PM, EchoFlame said:

And then just yesterday, someone flat out refused to give me their name while giggling. Both men so it wasn't like it was a girl thinking I was into her.

I just cannot understand why you are approaching people asking their names unnecessarily.

This is so weird to me, I just cringe thinking about someone coming up to me asking me my name for no reason. Even if they introduce themselves first. I dunno, mate. I wouldn't tell you my name. I don't think I'd make one up, but I certainly wouldn't tell you my name. Not because I'm concerned about you stealing my identity, rather because why are you talking to me.

I know it's harmless and you mean well, but wtf dude.

Edited by Cak

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13 minutes ago, Cak said:

What are you doing walking around asking people their names?

So you just go up to people shake their hands and ask for their names?

How old are you? What are you selling?

 
 
...... added to this post 1 minute later:
 

Are they not making eye contact and acting awkward to keep handshaking-smalltalkers away?

 
 
...... added to this post 3 minutes later:
 

I just cannot understand why you are approaching people asking their names unnecessarily.

This is so weird to me, I just cringe thinking about someone coming up to me asking me my name for no reason. Even if they introduce themselves first. I dunno, mate. I wouldn't tell you my name. I don't think I'd make one up, but I certainly wouldn't tell you my name. Not because I'm concerned about you stealing my identity, rather because why are you talking to me.

I know it's harmless and you mean well, but wtf dude.

This. When people come on too strong, and out of nowhere, it sounds alarm bells in my head. 

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I

13 minutes ago, Cak said:

What are you doing walking around asking people their names?

So you just go up to people shake their hands and ask for their names?

How old are you? What are you selling?

 
 
...... added to this post 1 minute later:
 

Are they not making eye contact and acting awkward to keep handshaking-smalltalkers away?

 
 
...... added to this post 3 minutes later:
 

I just cannot understand why you are approaching people asking their names unnecessarily.

This is so weird to me, I just cringe thinking about someone coming up to me asking me my name for no reason. Even if they introduce themselves first. I dunno, mate. I wouldn't tell you my name. I don't think I'd make one up, but I certainly wouldn't tell you my name. Not because I'm concerned about you stealing my identity, rather because why are you talking to me.

I know it's harmless and you mean well, but wtf dude.

I do it all the time. You don't just walk up and introduce yourself, you interact with them, and after you've been talking a bit, introduce yourself.

Maybe they all give me fake names and I'm just too stupid to realize it!

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Just now, AesSedai said:

I

I do it all the time. You don't just walk up and introduce yourself, you interact with them, and after you've been talking a bit, introduce yourself.

Maybe they all give me fake names and I'm just too stupid to realize it!

Or maybe you're an attractive woman and they don't mind telling you their names. 

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18 hours ago, Ahnma said:

Of all the labels we wear, the one with the strongest resonance is the name.  I've given fake names in the past to people I wanted to remain strangers with.  Back in the day, the last thing I wanted from a chosen (never accidental) one night stand was a jolt of familiarity at the sound of my name.   I was raised by an emotional and physical sadist. Like most of her kind, to create distance she objectified me by calling me names or "it."  Later in life I changed my name, yet a male BPD/ASPD and female BPD/NPD in my life still won't use it...they either call me by my old name or pretend not to remember, pointing and calling me, "you." I understand the psychology behind the passive aggressive behavior and see no need to get into a piss fight, though at times I will give a knowing nod and smile, which pisses off the female visibly.  Last week, my nod and thumbs up as I corrected her usage of my old name at a meeting got her so frazzled she did the same with a Meeghan (Megan) and a Theresa (Triza) immediately and got corrected. I clammed up until she composed herself. After I allowed her to usher me out of the building to give her back her dignity.  

Heisenberg: Say my name.

Address your concern with dignity. If that doesn't work, set a boundary.

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2 minutes ago, AesSedai said:

I

I do it all the time. You don't just walk up and introduce yourself, you interact with them, and after you've been talking a bit, introduce yourself.

Maybe they all give me fake names and I'm just too stupid to realize it!

See that seems different to me than what EchoFlame was describing. The way he made it sound is like he's just marching right up to people with an extended hand. Like out of the blue.

Edited by Cak

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Just now, paranoidfembot said:

Or maybe you're an attractive woman and they don't mind telling you their names. 

Maybe, but 90% of the people I talk to are other women.

I am not very threatening...

 
 
...... added to this post 6 minutes later:
 
2 minutes ago, Cak said:

See that seems different to me than what EchoFlame was describing. The way he made it sound is like he's just marching right up to people with an extended hand. Like out of the blue.

Maybe it is. I imagined a group of acquaintances doing a group activity and there being someone there who I didn't know. I absolutely would introduce myself in that situation. If it's just some rando on the street, I would talk to them first, but I still would ask their name if we talked for more than a couple of minutes.

When I was in Boston I didn't know what INTJRyan looked like, so I went up to some dude who had been standing by the Apple Store waiting because I thought that may be him. We talked for almost 45 minutes while he waited for his bus. He said his name was Paul, but now I wonder...

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The guy who gave me a fake name was standing next to a friend of mine at a conference chatting and we all started talking and our mutual friend went to get coffee and left us for a minute and so I asked. In the latter scenario, I was at a review session for some school material and I know 2/3 people at our table whereas my acquaintances seemed to know him. He never introduced himself and we were about to work with each other for the next few hours so it seemed natural for me to introduce myself. 

I don't think I was at fault or weird.

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1 minute ago, EchoFlame said:

The guy who gave me a fake name was standing next to a friend of mine at a conference and our mutual friend went to get coffee and left us for a minute and so I asked. In the latter scenario, I was at a review session for some material and I know 2/3 people at our table whereas my acquaintances seemed to know him. He never introduced himself and we were about to work with each other for the next few hours so it seemed natural for me to introduce myself. 

 

I would introduce myself in those situations. 

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21 minutes ago, AesSedai said:

I would introduce myself in those situations. 

I don't mean to sound rude, but why?

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If you are going to be with someone at a conference, it's an opportunity for networking. It personalizes communication as well.

Every conference I've ever been to had name tags, though. They would not let you in without them. 

In a group, if there is someone standing in the group but on the side, I want to make an opening for them to join in the conversation. Big groups are hard for some people, and I have this annoying desire to want to include everyone. If they don't want to be included, you can tell, they don't take the opening.

 

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5 minutes ago, QuickTwist said:

I don't mean to sound rude, but why?

Because they are in a group together. It's a normal thing to do.

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1 minute ago, AesSedai said:

If you are going to be with someone at a conference, it's an opportunity for networking. It personalizes communication as well.

Every conference I've ever been to had name tags, though. They would not let you in without them. 

In a group, if there is someone standing in the group but on the side, I want to make an opening for them to join in the conversation. Big groups are hard for some people, and I have this annoying desire to want to include everyone. If they don't want to be included, you can tell, they don't take the opening.

 

I understand. Unfortunately that is a different world from mine, but I understand it all the same (or I think I do). I feel extreme amounts of pressure to put on a good face in those situations and its annoying af.

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8 minutes ago, QuickTwist said:

I understand. Unfortunately that is a different world from mine, but I understand it all the same (or I think I do). I feel extreme amounts of pressure to put on a good face in those situations and its annoying af.

What do you mean, if I may ask? How is it a different world? What situations? Do you mean when a random starts talking to you, or conferences in general?

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Just now, AesSedai said:

What do you mean, if I may ask? How is it a different world? What situations? Do you mean when a random starts talking to you, or conferences in general?

Lets just say I am out of the professional sector, and leave it at that.

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I couldn't care less when interacting in meatspace. Unfortunately, in my case, my name attracts unwanted attention due to cultural ties. I'm an Arab with an obscure Arabic first name and a European middle name. It gives out too much information, in my case, and is a frequent predicate to irksome social interaction that involves a multitude of questions about my personal life. But I've gotten used to it; as I said before, I couldn't care less, but I can see why some wouldn't want to simply hand you the one piece of information that is self referential to who they are. 

People also do it to maintain a certain level of disassociation. It makes them feel more comfortable. Said person might've just been having a moment where they were under the influence of social anxiety. Anyway, it seems like you're making too many assessments that are based on too little information. The situation described might be akin to when people give half assed, dismissive answers to the "how are you?" question. In reality, no one really gives a shit about how you're doing. It's but an incessantly occurring social ritual that indicates familiarity, and aids a false impression of conveyed sympathy.

Edited by NSchet

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For my names, and according to the clans' [un]official history documenter(s), the elders of both sides [to whom my parents referred to during the ceremonial names selections event] referred to the moon, sun, tides, wind, positions etc, before they came up with a whole set of names each one representing the mixtures of races/nationalities of [both sides'] ancestors. But as always with the ones before me, in order not to be perceived as an entity bearing some functionally obsolete names, specific names were selected by my parents for the official papers. Even then, for constant ease of entry/exit into specific countries, specific names are used instead in the passports. Hence why for the passport meant to gain quick access into my ancestral hometowns in the middle east, the Arab names in the list become my official 'only' names. And why for other passports meant for Asia, other names are used. And for Europe, something else. Though due to my absent-minded nature and due to having to sometimes instructed to depart for specific country(s) at very short notice, and the passport handy in my handbag is meant for different sector, I can envisage already the 'nice and thorough' security checks that i will get at those airports. Which are sometimes fun too because then I get to play guessing games with my own instincts so as to see who wins. 

During conferences, similarly I tell the organisers in advance which names i wish to use for the name tags. At times i just tell them to place an acronym, and that tends to stick out and it's usual having people point to it and once i give them my business cards with some of my names on it, the discussions will always stray to talking about names, including issues at passport controls, and security checks experiences. 

Thing is, names are never an important prerequisite for me especially in events like conferences where for me with my "out of sight out of mind" principle.  I seldom bother to remember people's names anyway, preferring instead of to recall their unique facial structures if they do stand out in my mind due to aspects such as how they manage to gain my attentions from their speech, or their topics of discussions, their unique ways of approaching issues and matters spoken at length..basically they themselves as an individual instead of narrowing their entire individuality/personhood into something as commonplace as Names.  Those who truly stand out in my mind, we usually have a wonderful mutual rapport and it's usual by end of the first day knowing each other, we end up having a nickname for each and everyone we feel extremely like-minded with. 

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Maybe I'm just jaded from handing out my name thousands of times (my old job required I introduce myself a good few dozen times a day to strangers, handshake and all) but I still don't see what the fuss is about. 

I guess I will just have to make one up for them until they feel like correcting me if this ever occurs in the future. 

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