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irini

What is the number one reason for men to choose women?

53 posts in this topic

I think men on average care most about physical attractiveness when it comes to choosing a sexual partner. 

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Personality. There are plenty of good looking women, but I am absolutely repulsed by shallow or superficial women. 

A woman can be 500 pounds and Ill prefer to be around her instead of a shallow woman. Being shallow is worse than intense body odor. It really is absolutely intensely revolting. Like absolutely completely repulsive.

And what gets me is that other men are ASTONISHED when they get into arguments with shallow or superficial women. Really? What the hell did you think was gonna happen? 

Being ignorant/shallow is so repulsive that its similar to when a guy walks by and you smell the intense scent of shit. Like somebody who doesnt understand how to wipe their own ass. Thats how absolutely immensely repulsive it is to me. 

On the other hand, its very difficult for me not to like women who are smart or nice. And I intensely dislike men who walk all over these types of women. Because WHY? What the fuck? 

 

 

 

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9 minutes ago, Doggzilla said:

Personality. There are plenty of good looking women, but I am absolutely repulsed by shallow or superficial women. 

A woman can be 500 pounds and Ill prefer to be around her instead of a shallow woman. Being shallow is worse than intense body odor. It really is absolutely intensely revolting. Like absolutely completely repulsive.

And what gets me is that other men are ASTONISHED when they get into arguments with shallow or superficial women. Really? What the hell did you think was gonna happen? 

Being ignorant/shallow is so repulsive that its similar to when a guy walks by and you smell the intense scent of shit. Like somebody who doesnt understand how to wipe their own ass. Thats how absolutely immensely repulsive it is to me. 

On the other hand, its very difficult for me not to like women who are smart or nice. And I intensely dislike men who walk all over these types of women. Because WHY? What the fuck? 

 

 

 

I can put up with shallowness for a few hours. Morbid obesity, definitely not.

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"Deciding love" (by Andrew trees) looks at attraction from an evolutionary human development and economic behavior viewpoint.  

If it's not too scientific for you, it's excellent.  

(Despite my 2 infp friends interest in the information, they "couldn't get into it" Personally, I couldn't put it down.) 

 According to those theories and principals women and men differ in their top three qualities desirable in a mate.  

1. Warmth/loyalty

2. vitality/ attractiveness   However attractiveness doesn't entirely mean looks, it has to do with signaling, for example if you want a man to approach you, make eye contact and smile at him 35x/hour.. (Men need a lot of signaling.) 

furthermore men find average features most attractive.

3. status/resources.

Studies show men put more emphasis on attractiveness provided intelligence is at least average, and women put slightly more emphasis on intelligence, desiring above average and resources than attractiveness.

 

 

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I find it rather presumptuous to assume that men choose women when the reality is..........it's the other way around. In my several experiments with men, I've found that they "think" they've made the choice but find out in the end that I made the choice; the arrogant ones who are so dominant to the point of smothering and who think their shit don't stink are easy to play with and walk away from and the ones who are so fucking passive that they can't even buy themselves a pair of shoes even though they clearly have the money. 

 

Many men make hasty assumptions or simply misunderstand a female just being nice and pleasant because she's just a happy person irrespective of the external shit around her.

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For me, if I am trying to find someone for a relationship, I try to see if they are someone who can understand me. If they can, its a huge turn on.

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I'd say... That earlier in human history, women weren't doing that much critical work.

Thus, the bias towards attractiveness as one of the main judgment criteria.

-

Nevertheless, I have decent people instincts and my instinct for judging attractiveness usually centers in intelligent (or unusual) women.

Models for example... Usually Bleh.

(Although I think that fashion models... May be more aligned with women's concept of feminine beauty rather than ours.... Since you use them to sell to women)

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For a 1-night stand? Looks.

For a date? Looks and conversation.

For a relationship? A nice personality. Sex is great. But no matter how hot the person is, you can't live with someone who drives you insane for long.

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Most of the men answers here I guess explain why women pay so much attention to their appearance in general. No matter how hard we are trying to deny it, we, women do deal with our image a lot. What clothes we are going to wear, what shampoo we are going to use, how much we are going to pay for cosmetics or nails fixing.

But guys, it is not our fault. If men do give so much importance to appearance, that only oblidges us to deal with it more and more in order to be competitive, or at least competitive enough.

Still, I just have to ask. What happens after you have sex with a woman? Let's say that you find a woman very attractive physically and you have sex with her. What happens after that? Good sex and physical attractiveness is good enough for you?

I can't really believe that physical attractiveness would be the number one reason for men to "choose" a woman cause that trully sounds very shallow! And yet this is the case!

But I would try to clarify things a bit...

If you guys believe that the number one reason for a man to choose a woman is physical attractiveness and appearance then I have to ask you what would it be the second reason for a man to commit with that woman?

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That smile on your pretty face will draw my eyes.  The words that come out of the mouth that makes that smile will draw my brain.

Edited by Fishism

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6 hours ago, irini said:

Most of the men answers here I guess explain why women pay so much attention to their appearance in general. No matter how hard we are trying to deny it, we, women do deal with our image a lot. What clothes we are going to wear, what shampoo we are going to use, how much we are going to pay for cosmetics or nails fixing.

But guys, it is not our fault. If men do give so much importance to appearance, that only oblidges us to deal with it more and more in order to be competitive, or at least competitive enough.

I don't think this is on men, to be honest. Coming from a woman. I have never met a man who really cared how your nails are done, for instance. I think what many men are not mentioning is that you must be attractive, but nobody ever said you had to be perfect and immaculate, ready to grace a magazine cover or go down the runway. I think sometimes women get competitive with magazine covers rather than other real women though. I don't think you have to put in a lot of effort to be competitive. My experience is that a man has to find you attractive enough, not that you have to be perfect or always be the hottest.

Being enough is not really hard. Wear feminine/attractive clothes. Have good hygiene. Smile. I've asked my boyfriend (and exes) for things like nails advice in the past. They look at me like: "are you kidding? What makes you think I would have an opinion on THAT?" I don't even think they care about make up all that much. Once I asked my boyfriend which color of chapstick I should get. He was visibly annoyed. I told him to pick. He just went in there, picked out a random color and was like "THERE. Now can we leave?" So I would say they really care about the big picture but not the minutiae. In fact the only time my boyfriend has ever raised an opinion about my appearance was the brief spell I took to wearing baggy shirts and sweatpants everywhere. The obsessive perfectionism is something we do to ourselves though.

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1 hour ago, Antares said:

I don't think this is on men, to be honest. Coming from a woman. I have never met a man who really cared how your nails are done, for instance. I think what many men are not mentioning is that you must be attractive, but nobody ever said you had to be perfect and immaculate, ready to grace a magazine cover or go down the runway. I think sometimes women get competitive with magazine covers rather than other real women though. I don't think you have to put in a lot of effort to be competitive. My experience is that a man has to find you attractive enough, not that you have to be perfect or always be the hottest.

Being enough is not really hard. Wear feminine/attractive clothes. Have good hygiene. Smile. I've asked my boyfriend (and exes) for things like nails advice in the past. They look at me like: "are you kidding? What makes you think I would have an opinion on THAT?" I don't even think they care about make up all that much. Once I asked my boyfriend which color of chapstick I should get. He was visibly annoyed. I told him to pick. He just went in there, picked out a random color and was like "THERE. Now can we leave?" So I would say they really care about the big picture but not the minutiae. In fact the only time my boyfriend has ever raised an opinion about my appearance was the brief spell I took to wearing baggy shirts and sweatpants everywhere. The obsessive perfectionism is something we do to ourselves though.

Some do.  My boyfriend will nag me about painting my toenails if the color fades and he'd happily pick out new colors for me to wear.  He'll also tell me that I need to cut my nails if any white is showing on my fingernails (or toenails).  He hates fingernails with any sort of length on them (on anyone, not just women).  He's lucky that I prefer to keep my nails short because otherwise it'd be "Tough luck, dude".  He'll also get horrified by my eyebrows if I don't keep them regularly groomed/plucked, joking "Aren't you embarrassed to go out in public like that?"  <---- I'm really bad at maintaining anything (outside of just showering and brushing my teeth), because I don't care.  I haven't had a haircut in forever, either.

I'm super lazy about my appearance.  I wear jeans and men's t-shirts.  I pull my hair back, wet.  And, still, I've never had problems attracting men.

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7 hours ago, irini said:

Most of the men answers here I guess explain why women pay so much attention to their appearance in general. No matter how hard we are trying to deny it, we, women do deal with our image a lot. What clothes we are going to wear, what shampoo we are going to use, how much we are going to pay for cosmetics or nails fixing.

But guys, it is not our fault. If men do give so much importance to appearance, that only oblidges us to deal with it more and more in order to be competitive, or at least competitive enough.

Still, I just have to ask. What happens after you have sex with a woman? Let's say that you find a woman very attractive physically and you have sex with her. What happens after that? Good sex and physical attractiveness is good enough for you?

I can't really believe that physical attractiveness would be the number one reason for men to "choose" a woman cause that trully sounds very shallow! And yet this is the case!

But I would try to clarify things a bit...

If you guys believe that the number one reason for a man to choose a woman is physical attractiveness and appearance then I have to ask you what would it be the second reason for a man to commit with that woman?

I agree with your analysis however I don't think you've got the whole picture. Like I stated on the first page, physical attractiveness is what first attracts a man (hence the importance of female beauty) but after that, there's a whole list of things that are checked before a man falls in love/ commits etc.

 

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10 hours ago, irini said:

No matter how hard we are trying to deny it, we, women do deal with our image a lot. What clothes we are going to wear, what shampoo we are going to use, how much we are going to pay for cosmetics or nails fixing.

Jesus, way to reinforce the perceptions of the guys here who think women are in denial about... well basically about everything when it comes to attraction, sex and relationships.

 

edit: nieh

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10 hours ago, irini said:

Most of the men answers here I guess explain why women pay so much attention to their appearance in general. No matter how hard we are trying to deny it, we, women do deal with our image a lot. What clothes we are going to wear, what shampoo we are going to use, how much we are going to pay for cosmetics or nails fixing.

But guys, it is not our fault. If men do give so much importance to appearance, that only oblidges us to deal with it more and more in order to be competitive, or at least competitive enough.

Still, I just have to ask. What happens after you have sex with a woman? Let's say that you find a woman very attractive physically and you have sex with her. What happens after that? Good sex and physical attractiveness is good enough for you?

I can't really believe that physical attractiveness would be the number one reason for men to "choose" a woman cause that trully sounds very shallow! And yet this is the case!

But I would try to clarify things a bit...

If you guys believe that the number one reason for a man to choose a woman is physical attractiveness and appearance then I have to ask you what would it be the second reason for a man to commit with that woman?

Sexual attraction and commitment are distinct issues, even though, generally speaking, there's overlap.

Men don't 'make us' do squat.  Many of us do it to feel attractive and that it can be fun when in the mood, which differs from being forced to do it by men. Women don't have to do anything they don't wish to do. Some women do it to compete with other women whether over male attention or simply to compete.

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Most men don't really know how to vet women. Usually doesn't go further than she's hot and laughs at my jokes. 

For relationships, I do look for women who embrace themselves naturally. And they tend to look good without much makeup. I dated someone with self-esteem issues once and I won't do it again. Though now I have to deal with a girlfriend who thinks I body shame myself, but its an upgrade. Self-esteem doesn't always have to correlate with attractiveness. There are plenty of perfectly good looking girls who "try too hard," but at the same time there are girls who genuinely enjoy makeup as a hobby. It's complicated.

 

Good communication will always be number 1 for me though. 

 

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On 11/30/2016 at 1:00 AM, irini said:

I think we can all be curious of what reason people choose a mate. Now there might be differences between men and women. Let's try to find out first about men.

What would be the number one reason for a man to choose a woman?

 

It varies at different times for the strangest reasons.  I could become attracted to a woman for any of the following reasons with not one being more dominant over another:

1.  One time when posing in a photo, a woman randomly placed her hands on my shoulder and I was so stimulated by how she touched me, I nearly fainted.  I remember just prior the photo, I saw her and found her mildly attractive but I don't recall really being fixated on her looks.  But when her hand touched me (I was wearing a very thick and heavy p-coat) I have no idea, it was as if she breached my soul for a split second.  Her hands gently but firmly touched my shoulder as if those hands had known me all my life.  I never saw her again, but I still remember how it felt.  Since then, no other female on this planet has simply touched me in a way like that where it was as surreal.

2.  I recall once being at a family party and a friends daughter, I don't even recall what she looked like but her fingers were sooooo extremely sensual looking to me.  Again...it made no sense to me, but recall that I couldn't stop looking at her hands.

3.  A friend of mine got on an elevator with me (this is before we knew each other) and her hair...the waves were so perfect, I recall fidgeting until she got off the elevator to her floor.  Her energy was so attractive to me...I wanted to bury my nose in her hair.  I even recall she wore a thick pine green colored sweater that somehow accentuate her dark black hair.

4.  I once met a girl at a Christmas Party; she just started dancing with me and after we finished dancing we talked all night.  We just instantly got along.  We exchanged numbers and for a second, I thought she was the one.  But the next day, I called her and the chemistry we had when we met just didn't seem to be there anymore; so I hid her phone number from myself and never found it again we never spoke again.  With her, it was simply how well we connected in our conversation that night.

These were the first that came to mind.  Obviously, there are females who are physically attractive to me, but the ones I mentioned were of women who weren't as attractive physically (except for #3...she's a perfect 10 in my books) but as far as I was concerned they were 10's because of how they made me feel.

Edited by ENFPEACE

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On 11/30/2016 at 4:00 AM, irini said:

I think we can all be curious of what reason people choose a mate. Now there might be differences between men and women. Let's try to find out first about men.

What would be the number one reason for a man to choose a woman?

 

I think for a male to choose a female is as natural as it gets and should not change. Its un-harmful, its beneficial to procreation and proper balanced parenting.

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On 9. 12. 2016 at 0:09 AM, scorpiomover said:

For a 1-night stand? Looks.

For a date? Looks and conversation.

For a relationship? A nice personality. Sex is great. But no matter how hot the person is, you can't live with someone who drives you insane for long.

Exactemo!!!!

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On 12/3/2016 at 3:49 PM, AesSedai said:

 

This is an odd reaction to what I thought was a very valid question.

You say her physical appearance is the most important thing, more important by far than anything else. Your second thing was she has to be this thinker and can't be obsessed with clothes and material objects. Clothing has a big impact on a person's physical appearance, but you don't want her to think about that.

So this comment 

Is exactly what I thought when I read your post.

It drives me crazy when I see comments like this. Women don't just jump out of bed in the morning looking like supermodels. In general, women who look good care about their looks and spend time thinking about how to present themselves. And you can't tell what a woman has going on in her head just by looking at her. I wager you want women to take time to get to know you, it's strange that you base so many decisions on information that can be gathered without even talking to a woman.

But, hey, everyone is different. Good luck on your search.

lol

I think the balance between the two is crucial.

As for me, I think compatibility and personality, how long can you keep tolerating the other without cracking, OFC physical look plays a big part, at least at the start. As @demoniaco explained, she has to be fairly attractive, not necessary a super model, not wrinkled skin, nor crooked tooth, you know, the basic check list, each person is different, I personally prefer almost no make up.

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Hi there

Because nature programmed us from the beginning to reproduce and a man can only do that with a woman! (until science came along of course).

Regards

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Whether she has the emotional skills to get through my vast emotional defenses :p

 
On 12/15/2016 at 0:18 AM, irini said:

Still, I just have to ask. What happens after you have sex with a woman? 

I'm of the opinion that you only really know your feelings for a girl after having sex with her - once the desire has lessened.

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