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Maayan

INFJ and ENFJ: Similarities and Differences

40 posts in this topic

The title says it all. What are some of the key similarities and differences between INFJs and ENFJs?

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The title says it all. What are some of the key similarities and differences between INFJs and ENFJs?

In person ENFJ are warm, friendly and very approachable. INFJs are the opposite, they appear cold and intimidating.

Online, ENFJs like to talk in quick quips, and get bored with too much detail- whereas INFJs seem anal and have to argue every single point.

That's been my experience anyway! :)

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I believe ENFJs are effectively more likely to "inflict" themselves on others, for better or worse. My sister's interests are constantly projected outside herself - she is very self-improvement oriented, but she always wants to ...um, assist other people to do as she feels they ought. She's like a skinny, white Oprah. I think she feels most fulfilled in life by this kind of interaction.

I'm not sure I actually know any INFJs in person... but I'd assume, based on other I types, that they are quite a bit less engaged/invested/focussed on what & how other people do.

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I think rara avis is onto something. ENFJs will impose their vision, and INFJs are probably more like to smugly sit back, "knowing" that you're wrong, and feeling self-righteous when you don't take their advice, especially if what you did choose didn't work out - but even if it did, their way was surely better anyway.

At least in my experience. But, like I've said elsewhere, we have personality conflicts. I'm sure they're lovely in their own way, yada etc.

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I'm not really good with people who have dominant Fe. Most of them are manipulating control freaks. If they're introverted then they are passive aggressive manipulating control freaks. They are great as friends and coworkers but if you're closely related to them, they'll make a project out of you and have expectations and stuff. This is a generalization, there are exceptions.

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Okay, and now for a more objective response. INFJ's and ENFP's have a lot in common. Both our types like to connect, need some downtime, and dislike being controlled. Both types love to play with ideas and to help people reach their dreams and potential.

Where we differ seems to be along the extrovert/introvert scale. As an I, I need a lot more alone time. 4 rl social get togethers per month seems to be my absolute limit and it's that high only because I'm self employed and work from home.

It seems INFJ's pay more attention to the logic of something; if it seems to not work as envisioned, we will very quickly change things so it either does or we find another solution. We are also more reserved in our outward expression of emotion than ENFP's.

Another example of how we differ is how the two types overall reacted to the Easter wallpaper. It is totally baffling to me how anyone could love that, but most of the ENFP's who posted about it did. LOL

I'm sure there are more differences; but I need to perosnally know ENFP's more deeply to do a more thorough analysis.

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My ENFJ sister is also of the very interesting (purely theoretical and biased) opinion that Introverted NFs are unnatural creatures. It doesn't make sense to her that you could be an NF and not crave and thrive on lots of interpersonal interaction. She says it makes sense to her that a thinker would need lots of independent time, and that a feeler would need lots of interpersonal stimulation.

I think I've posted this before, but I like the metaphor, so I'll repeat myself - She has told me that for her, Extroversion means that spending time alone is like swimming underwater - she can do it and enjoy it, but she feels the whole time as if she's holding her breath, feeling the pressure, struggling a little - and it's always a relief for her to surface back into the air and sunlight and take a deep breath - among people again.

Getting to be alone again after a stretch of interaction feels like the relief of surfacing, to me.

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Another example of how we differ is how the two types overall reacted to the Easter wallpaper. It is totally baffling to me how anyone could love that, but most of the ENFP's who posted about it did. LOL

I actually liked the color scheme of it, though I didn't care for the design at the top.

Anyways, I think a major difference is that, at least for me anyways, I love people a lot, but they really drain me.

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Okay, major lack of sleep kicked in. I read the title as INFJ's and ENFP's which I had been trying to figure out the differences of after reading their descriptions and realising that most that was written about ENFP's was true also of INFJ's.

I obviously need to get some sleep to stop hallucinating. :rolleyes: heh.

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My ENFJ sister is also of the very interesting (purely theoretical and biased) opinion that Introverted NFs are unnatural creatures. It doesn't make sense to her that you could be an NF and not crave and thrive on lots of interpersonal interaction. She says it makes sense to her that a thinker would need lots of independent time, and that a feeler would need lots of interpersonal stimulation.

This is the basic contradiction of an INFx. We are drawn to the very thing that drains us. It's a big problem.

BTW I think one instance of an ENFJ philosophy, or at least a dominant Fe philosophy, is exactly what you described with your sister. She may have meant it jokingly, or she may have an intellectual sense that people can be different, but her lack of understanding about how an INFx would work is exactly based on primary Fe - it charges in and asks why everything isn't "normal" or "right". It's also somewhat concerned with logical consistency but not especially. Her Ni shows a contradiction, though her primary Fe is more inclined to push the problem onto the other person than to question her own assumption.

I think we're probably more prone to listen first and speak second. Maybe INFPs more than INFJs.

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Different sources of frustration, I've noticed.

Enfj - if someone disagrees, there's a personality conflict, it messes up the Plan, the idea they have of how things should be working interpersonally. But I've noticed that it's less about offense and taking things personally and more about how these difficulties involve people being uncooperative.

Infj - if someone disagrees with them, they must be implying that the infj is be stupid and by extension all infjs and also implying that they're smart themselves and by extension, for example, all intjs and omg how could they generalise about people like that? So unfair! Seriously, you criticize one idea and somehow you've insulted millions of people. It's very confusing.

(caveat generalisation personal experience exceptions exist caveat caveat blah blah blah don't kill me)

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Infj - if someone disagrees with them, they must be implying that the infj is be stupid and by extension all infjs and also implying that they're smart themselves and by extension, for example, all intjs and omg how could they generalise about people like that? So unfair! Seriously, you criticize one idea and somehow you've insulted millions of people. It's very confusing.

Now, now. Let's not base our opinions of INFJs on JohnDoe alone.

Edited by Rudy
spelling

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Now, now. Let's not based our opinions of INFJs on JohnDoe alone.

Oh no. Multiple people. People I've met irl too.

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... primary Fe - it charges in and asks why everything isn't "normal" or "right". It's also somewhat concerned with logical consistency but not especially. Her Ni shows a contradiction, though her primary Fe is more inclined to push the problem onto the other person than to question her own assumption.

When we were teenagers and together (and hence in conflict) much more often than now, I found that she'd infringe on and irritate me, I'd call her on it, and she'd give a heartfelt apology... but that once that was out of the way, she'd try to keep on trucking exactly as she'd begun.

To me, her apologies for trespassing generally mean "I'm so sorry... that you have a problem."

(caveat generalisation personal experience exceptions exist caveat caveat blah blah blah don't kill me)

I'm considering printing a t-shirt that says this.

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...They are great as friends and coworkers but if you're closely related to them, they'll make a project out of you and have expectations and stuff. This is a generalization, there are exceptions.

This is true, though it can be very useful, if you can tame them to your purposes a little bit; win them over to your cause.

Even then, it may be a constant battle to keep the unwelcome elements of their "help" at bay.

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What about a memory for names ?

Does an enfj have an amazing memory for names ?

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Well...I'm thinking...I'm not by any means drawn to people...but, as I sit and listen to things going on around me, I want to help/comfort those who need it. For example, I see a little old lady in a grocery store struggling to read her shopping list...I kindly approach smile, and say, "Please allow me to help you." I find all the stuff she needs, then quietly go on my way. I help and then get out of the way. It's not for ingratiation...and I hate indebted behavior...it's excrutiating.

This is the basic contradiction of an INFx. We are drawn to the very thing that drains us. It's a big problem.

BTW I think one instance of an ENFJ philosophy, or at least a dominant Fe philosophy, is exactly what you described with your sister. She may have meant it jokingly, or she may have an intellectual sense that people can be different, but her lack of understanding about how an INFx would work is exactly based on primary Fe - it charges in and asks why everything isn't "normal" or "right". It's also somewhat concerned with logical consistency but not especially. Her Ni shows a contradiction, though her primary Fe is more inclined to push the problem onto the other person than to question her own assumption.

I think we're probably more prone to listen first and speak second. Maybe INFPs more than INFJs.

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My ENFJ sister is also of the very interesting (purely theoretical and biased) opinion that Introverted NFs are unnatural creatures. It doesn't make sense to her that you could be an NF and not crave and thrive on lots of interpersonal interaction. She says it makes sense to her that a thinker would need lots of independent time, and that a feeler would need lots of interpersonal stimulation.

The statistics back your sister up: INFJs are the rarest of the types. After that are ENTJ and INTJ, respectively. (Statistics apply to US only.)

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I think the difference between extroverted and introverted types is probably more pronounced with ENFJs and INFJs than any other I have encountered. I have to say, having an ENFJ brother and several INFJ friends, that while there are similarities, in many respects those similarities are superficial.

INFJs in my experience are far more likely to reflect on their beliefs, and are willing if not eager to explore the truth of those beliefs. Its rarely enough for an INFJ to simply know the right course, they must know why it is the right course. The lack of a "why" will not stop them from doing what they feel is right, but it will give them serious pause, if not cause serious internal strife.

An ENFJ seems almost entirely free of the affliction of conscience. Something is right specifically because they are the ones who believe it is right, which is by their reckoning a conclusion beyond reproach because they wield greater authority of character (and in their own eyes, they almost always do). Don't get me wrong, they are often very caring, creative, and, in their own way, supportive individuals, but they vary quite significantly from INFJs on the manner in which those attributes are ultimately articulated.

Both types have something of a talent for manipulation, but I have almost never seen it employed by a healthy INFJ without serious remorse (although I have had the distinct displeasure of running across one or two seriously unstable INFJs in my life, that embraced manipulation with such fervor that you'd think it was their religion). Where as ENFJs seem to employ it almost subconsciously in everything they do even at their strongest, and rarely have any qualms about doing so consciously if that is what they feel is necessary to achieve what is right by their reckoning. The question of sound mind for ENFJs seems to lie more in the intent of conscious manipulation, where a healthy ENFJ has only "everyone's best interests" in mind, an unhealthy ENFJ seems quite capable and willing to bend their talents towards a much more malicious end, and is capable of convincing themselves (not to mention others) of the righteousness of their action no matter how convoluted the justification need be in order to do so.

Indubitably added to this post, 29 minutes and 56 seconds later...

The statistics back your sister up: INFJs are the rarest of the types. After that are ENTJ and INTJ, respectively. (Statistics apply to US only.)

I haven't checked keirsey's website in a while but last I checked ENTJs were roughly 2% (as were ENTPs) of the population and it was more or less a wash between INFP, INFJ, INTJ, and INTP at 1%.

Edited by Indubitably

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INFJs in my experience are far more likely to reflect on their beliefs, and are willing if not eager to explore the truth of those beliefs. Its rarely enough for an INFJ to simply know the right course, they must know why it is the right course. The lack of a "why" will not stop them from doing what they feel is right, but it will give them serious pause, if not cause serious internal strife.

An ENFJ seems almost entirely free of the affliction of conscience. Something is right specifically because they are the ones who believe it is right, which is by their reckoning a conclusion beyond reproach because they wield greater authority of character (and in their own eyes, they almost always do). Don't get me wrong, they are often very caring, creative, and, in their own way, supportive individuals, but they vary quite significantly from INFJs on the manner in which those attributes are ultimately articulated.

I don't know about that. I can say that I very much need to know the truth behind what I believe to be right. It has to be much more than "it is right because I think so". It drives me crazy when I feel someting is right, but I don't know why. Finding out the truth of my beliefs takes up a lot of my thoughts, actually.

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One likes to be in the spot light, the other does not.

One is competitive, the other is generally not.

One likes dictating, the other generally does not.

A good representation of an accurate, stable INFJ might be Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter.

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Some visual aids

INFJ

(Male)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQE6ebD5AfU&feature=related (Female)

ENFJ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_7vYO047go (Female)

[Couldn't find a male]

Notice: These people don't appear to have a full grasp of the MBTI and may not actually be the type they claim; although, they are rather convincing.

I like this one better since it's more of a normal INFJ you'd met.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVtDc20QJiY

The guy you posted probably is one but seems to dwell on the bad traits and not to bright. He's seems like a good example of a unheathly depressed INFJ.

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I like this one better since it's more of a normal INFJ you'd met.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVtDc20QJiY

The guy you posted probably is one but seems to dwell on the bad traits and not to bright. He's seems like a good example of a unheathly depressed INFJ.

That is a good video.

I'd also recommend this one:

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I like this one better since it's more of a normal INFJ you'd met.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVtDc20QJiY

The guy you posted probably is one but seems to dwell on the bad traits and not to bright. He's seems like a good example of a unheathly depressed INFJ.

That is a good video.

I'd also recommend this one:

These specimens seem much healthier than the ones I provided.

That's kind of a weird phase don't you think? I mean, who goes around calling people "specimens" anyway?

I do, apparently.

This is probably the first time I've actually referred to people as "specimens". It sounds kind of cool, but also like I'm above them or something.

Do you think I am arrogant? Am I arrogant for calling people specimens?

You know what?

I don't care what you think!

Or do I?

I don't know.

THIS IS SPARTA!!!

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