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  1. Hey everyone. I'm new to this forum and I'm not exactly sure how it works yet, but I'll give it a shot. I've got a question. Do INTJs prefer INFPs or ENFPs? Because I know that the ENFP is the INTJ's natural partner, but based on the behavior I've seen from some of the people around me, I'm not exactly sure that this is accurate. For example, my good friends from work that are male (an INTJ, INTP and an INFJ) are all head over heels in love with the same INFP girl. But I've got this other friend who's an ENFP and none of them can stand her. They think she's got her head in the clouds too often and they say she needs to act more like an adult. The thing about both these girls is, their introversion and extroversion is very weak. The first girl is an unhealthy INFP who is very insensitive and somewhat rude. She's also a social introvert, and holds a lot of extroverted traits (but she's still NiFe) The ENFP girl deals with depression and she claims because of that, she feels the need to be alone a lot. However, she is very ENFP, albeit less demanding of spotlight and less impulsive. She fits the sensitive writer description much more than the INFP girl. So here's the part that confuses me. Aren't introverts more attracted to extroverts? And aren't ENFP's the natural partner of the INTJ and INFJ? Why is it that they much prefer the INFP?
  2. I think there are lots of good things and lots of bad things about this pairing. But, that is the same with any pairing. I think if you go into any relationship thinking it is going to be smooth sailing all the way you are on your way to setting the relationship up for failure. The good: -He is one of two men in my life that has managed to "melt" the ice around my heart and personality, so to speak. When we first talked, the chemistry was almost immediate. -He is able to get me out of my bubble enough to go have fun. I can definitely say this has been the relationship in which I have had the most fun. -Devotion is an understatement. I have never once doubted his devotion to me, and he shows it consistently. I can easily say he is probably the most romantic man I have ever met, and that romance hasn't died after nearly five years. Through the good times and the most abysmal times, he has stuck it through. -With that, they are incredibly forgiving. It as if he genuinely believes I can do no wrong (which may or may not be a good thing.) -I love that he has grandiose ideas and ideals. I make big, structured plans for the future, and he goes along with them readily. It is really refreshing to be with someone who believes in your ability to make things happen. -A lot of our strengths and weaknesses offset and balance each other. He spends money like it's water, but I enter the picture and we have made a very successful financial plan. When I need to leap and take a risk to better myself or himself, he is there cheering me on to take the plunge. He may be slow to getting around to his great plans, and on his own he may never do it, but together we're able to sit and plan and get the ball rolling, so his P-ness hasn't been an issue at all in our relationship. The bad: -Sensitive is also an understatement. Or, I suppose the converse, my insensitivity. What I see as a harmless critique to help him he takes as a personal affront. A lot of time I get the 'I don't even know what I said to make you upset' feeling. -He does have a tendency to have his head in the clouds sometimes. This is minor though, it doesn't take much for him to come back down to earth, though every once in a while we have the "wait...you did WHAT?!" conversation. XD -I've noticed he has a tendency to be a little bit emotionally unstable (in my opinion.) Blowing things out of proportion, ranting and raving and crying without stopping to think about the situation or thinking about how to fix it. There are some days where its just drama drama drama and I have a really hard time dealing with drama. -My need for personal space is in a very sharp contrast with his need for closeness. Sometimes it hurts him to know that I am capable of being emotionally independent from him, and conversely I have a hard time gauging exactly how much I need to compliment him, tell him how much I appreciate him, etc. -Two totally different arguing styles. He is wildly emotional and he wants it settled NOW when I like to have a calm discussion and often need to just take a break to collect my thoughts to avoid saying something that will hurt him. While I think this relationship is the best I have had, the arguments we have are, by far, the WORST. Overall, I'm hoping it will work out, I think it will. (I just don't go around pretending I'm psychic.) Even on our worst days, I realize I am lucky to have him.
  3. I've recently been going over the people I know and I realised that such a huge proportion of my friends as well as women interested me have been INFP's... I'm sort of baffled because I rarely initiate anything with them... But none the less the women for example are not shy... what do INFP's like about INTJ's? Are they interested physical appearance etc?
  4. So, as some of you may or may not know I have been dating an INFP for just over two months now. We've been taking it slow, and that has been a decision both of us made together (although I'd say that she is more the driving force behind that than I). We are exclusive, and I really like her a lot. She seems to really like me as well. My question isn't super specific, but I just wanted to know/see what some of the INFPs and those who have been in relationships with INFPs have to say about what I have termed for myself the 'INFP ebb and flow'. It seems that we go through various periods of growing closer, staying at that level for a bit, then I seem to sense a bit of a backing off from her. The pattern then follows that we grow a tiny bit closer than we were before. Currently, she's been asking me a series of questions about myself. For example 'what kind of reputation do you think you have', or 'Do you feel you need to drink alcohol every day' (she's not a huge drinker, and I've a beer snob/owner of a hard cider company. Don't think her family drinks much and she's not been exposed to it much.) Anyways, it just feels like the same sort of pattern as has been going on. I'm not irritated by it at all. After a couple of times of this happening in various ways, I noticed she opens up to me a tiny bit more, so it not concerning to me really. I'm just curious as to what people might have to say about this, and is it really an INFP thing? Looking forward to hearing what you all think :-)
  5. I would like to ask INFPs on this forum about the following: I have started to date an INFP lady. We met online 2 weeks ago. We have exchanged several letters so far and I met her for the first time in person only yesterday. It was a life changing experience for me. I´m absolutely positive that she is the woman of my life. Within an hour of our conversation we had both tears in our eyes and it was no better when we were parting. She was holding back as much as she could but she was almost unable to do so and in fact INTJ or not-a tear ran down my cheek which she gently wiped with her fingers. Now I´m really lost to her. She is everything I dared to dream of: She looks beautiful, but her sensitivity and inner beauty is beyond words, she is a doctor, marathon runner and the most admirable person I´ve met in my life. Our value system is in complete union. Our families even come from the same place! I never believed in fate, I´m focused on hard data, facts, but I can´t see just coincidence in meeting each other. I can´t imagine losing her and I believe that she could feel the same way! I stated my feelings and admiration clearly and very respectfully but not aggressively both yesterday and today and I intend to do so in the future. Is this the right thing to do? I feel that she is also very shy and somehow insecure, underestimating herself although she is extremely competent. What should I do to make her feel at ease? What would help you?
  6. My first real boyfriend was INFP, and most things people have already said were certainly true. Both idealists, both striving to be genuine, the IN connection was very important. The F can bring out the more romantic/loving side of an INTJ that is easy to suppress. The P was a problem though, he had all these ideals but did nothing at all to make them happen. And when things went bad, it was the most nightmarishly dramatic breakup I could possibly imagine- never going down that road again.
  7. I apologize if there is already a thread about this, but I have some questions about INFP/INTJ friendships. I have an INFP friend who lately seems to be drawing away and even becoming a bit antagonistic/aggressive. The only thing I can think is that I inadvertently stepped on the INFP's core values, but am not entirely sure what they are. Do any INFPs have any advice on what to do in the event that someone messes with your values? Have any INTJs run into similar problems?
  8. Alright, so I haven't seen one of these floating around. INFP's, how would an INTJ go about attracting your type romantically?
  9. And seriously, folks, he's mastermind INTJ to the hilt. ;) I'm new here, here to learn more about my DH's personality so that we can further improve our marriage. We have a good one, but that doesn't mean we're not looking for betterment! For those Mastermind-INTJs out there, I have a question: how do you best connect? On what level do I approach him? How do I REACH him? I think that is my one (secret) hope. Wish. Heart's desire. I just want to feel CONNECTED. Is this even possible in an INTJ-INFP relationship? I read that our two personalities aren't very compatible but will genuinely WORK to make it work. LOL, ain't dat the truth! :) Thank you in advance!
  10. (Sorry if this is tl;dr. I rant way too much.) I'm not sure where to start, really. I'm not in some sort of crisis. I'm in love, at least as far as I've experienced, but I'm still young and therefore everything has the potential to be transient. And, as expected, the person I'm in love with is an INTJ I have known for many years. I'm in a relationship with him, in fact. I was four years ago as well, but we were much younger in a sense and like most juvenile relationships, it dissipated. I suppose I'm like most INFPs - despite everything, I want to know more. I want to understand. He fascinates me in an array of ways, but I still feel as if I'm missing a lot to his mindset. A thirst for the undiscovered land of the mind; perhaps that is what I'm feeling in that regard. But I digress. He's a very distant person by nature, and I don't want to mess anything up, so I come to all of you hoping for a better look at him. Since you don't know my INTJ you can't know for sure, but I suppose I can fill you in some. He's very good at putting on masks. He has just about one for every person, which he does admit: save for his best friend, his parents, and me as I've learned. I know that in itself is very important. He can put on a show of extroversion, but you won't see him for days after. Recovery, I suppose, because I know he doesn't put much stock in socializing. INTJ is often quiet, precise about every word, and enunciates in such an exact manner that it seems as if English isn't his first language when it is. Everything is meticulous and almost delicate. He is very gentle about everything, but only in mannerism; you can feel the strength in every word, every opinion. He's witty enough that people don't mind his silence and want him around. He hates physical contact because "it incites a sort of emotional connection with the individual", a connection he would prefer to keep away from. He is generally unreliable when he doesn't care about you, but the opposite when he does. To someone who doesn't make an effort to understand INTJ, he comes off as cold and unfeeling, which I know a few of you have mentioned. I try to understand him as best as I can. It's easy as an INFP to associate his distance with a lackadaisical mentality toward our relationship, but I like my space anyway and in any situation with anyone, really, I have to remind myself frequently to not fall into a spiral of insecure questioning. He bothers to talk to me, to ask about how I've been, to want to hold hands and be physically close and despite his general distaste of PDA, went through the trouble of putting an arm around me almost proudly in front of his friends. I realize all of this translates into "I care about you, I like you a lot". But I want to understand what's going through his head. I remember after I'd told him up front about my feelings, after he'd asked "out of curiosity" who I was interested in (this came after a string of discussion around the topic, as per usual), he and another friend and I were hanging out downtown. INTJ had informed me that the other friend, a good friend of his as well, had intense feelings for me and that he recommends I not ignore them. I told him that my feelings for him weren't going to be discarded anytime soon, and it's not as easy for me to move from one person to another. I don't flit. The entire time we spent time with friend, he would text me with "fallen for him yet?" and other comments I took as some sort of teasing, encouraging gesture. Nearing the end of the night we and a larger group of friends were watching a movie, and INTJ sat across the room from me, away from most of the others. He texted me once more, asking the same, and I replied with a "no" once again, to which he replied "Hm. Would you prefer to date me instead?" I turned a fine shade of red and frowned, thinking I'd been picked on. "Nice joke," I replied in text. He continued to watch me from across the room, face repeatedly moving from a tiny smile to a stoic look. I received a "I am serious." from him, and agreed, but my defeated look of embarrassment produced a wide grin from him on the other side of the room. He had planned this. I tell you this story because it makes me think. Several of my friends who have heard it frown at the idea of INTJ "toying with his friend's feelings" in such a way. In one way, I agree. In another light, I feel it was maybe a way of testing the waters with me, seeing how committed I was to my feelings for him. I realize texting me from across the room was a safe way of studying my reaction. I have some questions for you all. Do you think it was what I guessed it was, or... was there some sort of jealousy involved with the fact that someone else was pursing me? I realize INTJs are not often jealous creatures. Was it, maybe, just the possibility of losing his chance? Do you think he was aware that he was toying with our mutual friend's feelings? I can never tell how strongly he feels for me. The girls he has been slightly romantically involved with in the past few years he never dated, but he asked me. Is he experimenting? Another thing; I try to be a little distant, so he speaks with me when he wants to, in case I bother him too much. Do you think this is a good approach? What can I do to help keep this relationship healthy and balanced?
  11. ok, well...i'll try to summarize this. i've had a weird sort of relationship (as in friendship, not dating) with an INTJ for the past two or so years. i developed a crush on him rather quickly but he didn't like me that way (he claimed to have never liked anyone), etc etc. (this was 2 years ago when we were 18 and i feel as though we've both grown up a little since then). so for a few months we just kind of stopped talking, but somehow we always end up talking again (we did not meet online, but we talk online and live far away from each other, and it's just kinda complicated). anyway, fast forward to now. for the past 2 or 3 months, i guess, he's been showing what i interpret as interest. he initiates conversations (quite often), subtly tries to find out what kind of things i'm into, asks my views/opinions on things, etc. we used to talk at least once or twice a week, and we would go back and forth with who initiated the conversation, but lately he's been doing all the initiating, and more or less every day. and we recently had a few really long conversations (like 6 hours long, which he also initiated), and afterwards i felt as if we had actually connected sometimes he'll say things in a flirty way, or something that makes it seem really obvious (to me) that he's into me, but he'll quickly counteract it with a joke of some sort. but i still get the sense that he meant what he said. and i don't want to get my hopes up and be like oh he likes me! but my gut just tells me he does. but i don't want to come right out and ask him, because i don't want to scare him away or make him think i'm demanding some sort of emotional needs or whatever from him. i just want to know that he LIKES me...agh. anyway, so after our latest really long convo, we haven't spoken. i'm interpreting it as though he's backing a way for a few days, and i'll give him his space. so from the abridged version of my situation...does it sound like he's into me at all or not? or is he not sure if he likes me? and i'm not sure if i should just be direct and ask him. i really like him and i'm willing to be patient, i just don't wanna set myself up for a letdown.
  12. Hello INTJ forum, I would like to ask for your input on a reoccurring problem I have with my INTJ. We are in a long distance relationship and we are both in our early 20s. A few days ago, I was having a discussion online with my INTJ. I'm not sure if it's important or not, but basically he said I don't like challenges and I argued saying that I do. I thought our conversation was going fine; I was trying to prove my point and him his. He told me, in the middle of the discussion, that he had to leave and signed off. The next time he signed on, he didn't message me first like he usually does. And when I messaged him, he was giving me one-word answers, far and few between. I told him that I would appreciate if he told me what was wrong but his response was that he just didn't feel like talking. It's been this way for a couple of days now and even though he claims nothing is going on, I can’t help but feel like there is. He continues talking to me so I suppose it’s not really the silent treatment, but it seems forced and things definitely feel different. There have been numerous times before when he has treated me like this for weeks at a time, even. I get extremely frustrated with his behavior but I feel there is nothing really that I can do except wait for him to get back to normal, which he always eventually does. The times I have brought the issue up in conversation (when things are fine between us) he doesn’t really have an answer to why he acted the way he did and showed no interest in changing the pattern. Can anyone help me understand why he is possibly behaving this way or perhaps what I can do about it? Please tell me if you think I’m just being naggy! Thank you so much in advance C:
  13. I have known an INTJ in for a couple of months now... There was an initial attraction before with us... but things didn't go well after we become intimate little by little everyday. We both withdraw to our own shells... and then the last time we talk, we're having bad feelings with each other. I told him lets just be friends, coz' things would get complicated and impossible between us. Then we didn't contact each other for a month. I contacted him first in chat.. I just said "Hi".. It was done out of thought. He responded to me, and now we are back friends again... My interactions with him is just friendly, I only talk impersonal things, and don't want to wish for anything more...and don't want to have discomforts again between us. We're starting back to enjoy each other in conversations... But I get vulnerable when he calls me "Baby" or "Hunny-hon" ( I already told him I am not comfortable anyone calling me endearments) But he seems continuing it.... And he's just there always to hang out with me, and it's very obvious he likes my company too. I try not to mind it. Maybe I am just over-reacting. ... Just want to know how do you show romantic affection, and how do I distinguish it from a friendly or something more? ( It's a general question)
  14. Hello all, am new to the forum and hoping to get some sound advice in the relationship department with a fantastic INTJ man that I have met. I find him very attractive, not in a physical way, but on an intellectual level, and need to know how to interact with him. Here is the history: We met approximately a month ago, at work. Approximately 30 of us starting work the same day and we were given an orientation tour. While we were receiving our orientation - walk about - I was unavoidable detained, causing me to fall behind the group tour. Running to catch up to the group, I rounded a corner and there he was, standing alone. I asked if he was waiting for me. Yes, he replied. I thanked him quickly and gave a very brief description for my delay. He then asked me about my past work experience, appearing to me to be genuinely interested in my responses, which again were brief and to the point. We continued chatting, talking about our past work experience. Our jobs are in the same area. But we have little interaction or time for discussion. That's ok with me. He approached me severely times in the weeks that followed, quizzing me on my likes of movies and restaurants. Eventually I asked him out for lunch and he immediately agreed. Lunch was waaaaay too rushed due to time constraints imposed by our work schedule. It was still enlightening and I thoroughly enjoyed being in his company. A week or so later he passed by me in the lunch room and commented, very quickly and in a low tone of voice, "nice jacket." "Thanks." I said, turning to see him duck through the office door. I have often caught him looking at me and he always quickly looks away. Hmmmm. Last week, he asked me for my phone numbers which I willing gave! The next day he phoned and we talked for about an hour or more, laughing so hard I had tears running down my face and he was breathless. We spent the time finding out about our likes and dislikes - how we see people in general, how we approach a project, how we interact with others, goal planning, etc. Then he asked me if I liked coffee. I bell went off in my head: Should I take this opportunity to say "yes, let's get together for coffee tomorrow."? And that's just what I did. He immediately agreed!! The following morning he phoned and wanted to go for brunch then coffee. I had to cancel brunch due to an engagement but coffee was still a definite option. He said that's fine and we set a time and place. During this coffee meeting he quickly asked me if I had any children, (he knew that I'm divorced. Office gossip, I guess.) No, I don't have children, I told him. Raised eyebrows and a curl to his lips was his response. So I posed the question to him: Married? Children? And he promptly explained to me that he has a girlfriend of two years that he wished would find her own way in life. Apparently she is talking about marriage - which he's not interested in - and children - which he's not interested in. He said he wished she would call him and tell him she is getting on with her life and leaving him alone. Said she is not independent enough for him. He actually talked for for quite some time, sharing quite a bit of intimate details. During the next 30 minutes we talked in depth about this relationship. He said he cares for her but would rather she leave him alone. I got the impression he was quite annoyed that this woman is just way to needy and not able to be independent. I can completely related to the smothering from another individual!! Makes me want to run for the hills. I value my space and independence. Anyway, he has phoned me every night since the "2 hour coffee", spending at least an hour laughing and getting to know each other better. It's fantastic!! Today at work, he passed by me and touched my arm!! Took me totally by surprise, I was speechless. So, dilemma for me is that I am very attracted to this INTJ - intelligent, reserved in his emotions, shows great confidence (others say he's "different, aloof"), loves his independence, we have the exact same sense of humor which is a first for me!! and more. BUT he has a girlfriend. I want to ask him out but he's attached, (even though he told me he would rather not be), I'm not comfortable with going on a date. At least it would be a date in my mind! But he touched me! And that I think, is HUGE, for him. So, what should I do? What signals are being sent my way? Is he interested in me? Any advice you can offer will be greatly appreciated.
  15. Long story short, I know this INFP girl and we live quite far apart. We chatted about meeting up in real life, or going on a vacation together. So my INTJ part of me thinks, 2 strangers meeting would be way too risky and awkward. First we need to get to know each other better by talking and webcaming to determine chemistry. Went ahead and bought a webcam. We have an 11hour time difference and not only that, I only see her on Live Messenger like once or twice a week. When I do get to see her, she doesn't seem too keen about taking steps to make that meetup a reality. When I point that out it makes me look real pushy..
  16. I'm not sure if there's another thread about this combination but I'm interested to know of your own experiences with INFP's. I'm a female INTJ and the most recent guy I really liked is an INFP. We've already hooked up a bunch of times a few months ago and there's a lot of physical attraction. I'm not really sure how to approach the situation without trying to plan and control everything I do the whole time. He's more emotional and "goes with the flow." I find him to be plain ole' confusing but it intrigues me... Anybody else been through this?
  17. Hello everyone, Its been quite some time since i visited this place, but then again, I had quite a busy life recently. Right now I'm stuck with the voices in my head asking me various questions and when i get to the core it makes me so sad that tears start coming from my eyes by themselves. In search of help the only place i could turn to are ones who think and see the world like me. Sadly there is no chance to meet such individuals in real life but here.. I hope you can help me out with the problem i haven't yet formulated myself. Let me start from the beginning. So 3 months ago i started dating a girl. We were classmates for 3 years and knew each ocher for 1 year extra on top of that. I had a crush on her for some time and then when she made me very mad, i somehow managed to burn all the emotions i had for her. It was quite a relief not caring about someone you cared bout for so long. But then she started talking to me daily and being nice and flirty sometimes, Then she said that she likes me and it all led to the start of the relationship. I didn't have any interest of going further with her except of just seeing how i can play with her mind at the moment of burning. She is an infp in case it matters( which certainly does), i made her do the test a year ago and so far its pretty accurate to description except for 1 thing(I'm not sure if this is actually something not matching the infp profile, i just assumed introverts enjoy staying away from social masses and i might be wrong). She simply loves parties and anything social. I used to be addicted to some substances and i can see in her behavior a huge amount of similar patterns. For example whenever given a chance to participate in no matter what social activity she drops everything she was doing before just to get there. This exact feature is what has been causing problems recently(or the whole time). I am an extreme introvert and prefer to stay home if there is no vital need to go outside. Needless to say my skills in "small-talking" and "partying" are close to none. For the last months i have been attending some parties that were organized by her friends or acquaintances but in every single case i would not talk to anyone and most of the time just sit quietly observing people. Its not that i don't want to talk to them, i just have absolutely nothing relevant to say to them. My interests are connected with very deep knowledge of computers, so its kinda hard for me to find some interests i share with new people. Additionally i find it completely useless talking to people i don't know or care about, and listening to their problems just for the sake of it. My girlfriend tried to show me the "beauty" of such social interaction but every time i get lost in the part where "it starts to get fun when we all get drunk as pigs and do retarded stuff". Today we had a long talk about how this is making her very sad because such social interaction is a huge part of her life and she wants me to willingly participate in it. I very often agree with her and do stuff just so that she would be happy but in this case of parties i just can't. I cannot find absolutely anything interesting in talking to drunk people about them, neither do i want to tell them anything about myself and no matter how hard i try it always fails. I tried to explain her how i see it and why i hate going to parties and prefer to stay home as good as i could and to my amusement i just got a response in lines of "I don't understand what you mean but you must be wrong and i disagree with your points". Realizing that she will never understand me no matter how hard i try always makes me sad because she is the first person in real life that actually tried to do that. Now I come here for advice or.. I don't even know why i came here. Im just so tired of this problem being unsolved for months and i know that people on this forum are the only ones who can actually help, So, what should i do? p.s. That came out very long...
  18. I am really in some desperate need of perpsective with my INFP husband. He has been in an emotional down-slope for a couple of years. Some background info - he is in the Navy and we are stationed far from his family and two best friends. He went on deployment for 7 months after 8 months of in-and-out port calls and workups that totaled about 2 months home out of 8, and he is dissatisfied with the management of his department and is unable to get a transfer until the Navy says so. He has shared feelings of hopelessness in regards to his job, which he said transferred to his feelings for home and his lack of desire be engaged in our home life. We unexpectedly conceived a month before his deployment, and while he was gone I was left with several large construction projects on our house that he left unfinished (INFP procrastinator, much? ha ha), and received an email or phone call about once every 10 days even though he had access almost every day and he was normally very angry or frustrated when we did speak and told me he was unable to be more supportive because he was not physcially present. Understandably, I experienced a considerable amount of lonliness and stress due to the lack of support and the additional burden of tasks. We discussed this when he returned home from deployment, but he told me there was nothing he could do about it so I had to just accept that he was unable to support me because he was too sad to contact me. We decided to agree to disagree and to move forward. I had 33 hours of labor, but first night after we had our daughter he slept all the way through and did not wake up to get the baby even once. His reason? He was tired after being up for 33 hours. I had to get over that, too. I must admit that when we got home from the hospital he was very attentive and helpful and as a result we were extremely happy in our marriage and home life for the next six months. This past June we tried conceive a second child, and were successful. The day after we tested positive for the pregnancy I lost the baby. When I started having the miscarriage symptoms I asked him to take me to the hospital, but he was reluctant to do so and tried to convince me to wait until the next day so he could get out of work. I eventually explained the need to go that evening and we went to the hospital. On the way home I asked him how he was feeling about the loss and he stated that he felt like he lost something he never knew he had since he hadn't quite come to terms with the pregnancy. The next day my husband had to work a 24 hour shift on his ship. He didn't even call me to see how I was holding up - physically or emotionally - and I had to take care of my one-year-old daughter on top of still experiencing the physical miscarraige symptoms and trying to keep it together emotionally. I was devastated by his lack of care and support, and physically and emotionally exhausted. I approached him when he came home the next day, and his response to my question about why he didn't bother to contact me was that he knew he was being a shitty husband, but he didn't feel he could put forth effort to be a good husband because he was no longer "in love" with me and he didn't want to give me "false hope." He decided that he ultimately didn't want to dissolve the marraige since he cares for me and our daughter and didn't want to separated from us. We started going to counseling, which produces motivation and active effort on his part for about a week, then he starts slipping back into his old ways of no follow-through, procrastination, and distraction. So, here is the big question: How much of this is typical INFP behavior and will not change over the course of time and maturity? Is his lack of ability to be supportive of me when we have major life events typical of INFPs or is this unique to my husband?
  19. Hello All! Jeez how time flies, it seems like only yesterday I was posting for the first time about my INTJ BF and now a year later we're moving in together! So, as per somewhat typical INFP behavior I'm nervous, excited, overemotional, hot and cold, happy and sad (sometimes simultaneously) about the whole moving in together thing. So, with that said any sage advice? Open to all, but I'm particularly interested in INFP/INTJ couples with experience in living together. Also, INFPs is my rollercoaster of emotion normal here? Knowing myself, I'd say yes. But sometimes when I get into doubting mode I think "Oh crap, it's not supposed to be like this I'm supposed to be happy, I shouldn't be getting all emotionally crazy like this..." Gah! All advice and words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
  20. Hi all.. I have been lurking here for 1 year.. the discussions here have been very helpful to my understanding of my intj friend. There is no easy way to start this, so I will just unload and hope you will be able to understand. Basically early on, after we met for around 6 months, I began to have feelings for my INTJ friend. He then reciprocated by telling me (by sms) that he also had feelings for me. This pretty much surprised us both cause I'm not exactly great at seeing INTJ's hints & he was unconvinced that I liked him. 18 months on, he has been giving me a lot of mixed signals. Often when we go out, he mentions he does not want to be in a relationship. Yet he does not shy away when I touch and flirt with him. I would suppose if you found someone unattractive you would put an end to that. I decided to finally ask him tonight if he felt uncomfortable with me liking him. My INTJ friend, lets call him A, naturally feels awkward. The reason I wanted to know was if my flirting was making him anxious... I wanted to let him know that since I respected him, I would stop doing it if he tells me so. (I am weird that way) He then tells me that he likes my company, & that all along he has liked me, but he doesn't need a relationship, doesn't need the drama, he thinks he is probably asexual like an amoeba (that was a random idea I gave him).. and tells me how selfish he is, unsuitable for any relationship, needs to concentrate on his career, don't want to ruin the friendship..etc. I understand each and every idea against a relationship that he has proposed.. but i can't see how he arrives at this end conclusion. It seems to me that there is a very strong psychological issue/s disturbing him to not want to form a close committed relationship. I asked him, but it seems that this part is opaque to him. (and he has been quite honest with me so far). As a friend, I care enough for him not to insist on a relationship.. but I am quite concerned that he sees himself so negatively. Yeah he seems to want me around to like, & 'go with the flow'... I am not such an narcissist that I don't believe that my personality plays a part in why he prefers to 'just be friends'. He has in the past thought I was a drama queen. (which turned out to be a misunderstanding..) We influence each other a lot and enjoy talking random funny things. When I first met him I was really surprised at how similar we were, it was like we were mirror images (inverse) and could read each other thoughts. We also had our issues, but have come to a mutual understanding towards each other. He is also one of the sweetest people I have met. He has told me he feels the same towards me.. A is probably a INTJ with a strong Ni & Fi & weak T (has only 1 prior short relationship, ran away when the girl asked for more commitment) I am an INFP with a weak T/F (has only 1 prior short relationship) & much older than him. So my questions are: 1) Why does A think so negatively about committed relationships, & is it normal as an INTJ to dwell this way? Esp if they never really dated? If not, as a friend, is there anything i should/ can do? 2) Does the number of reasons A gives means that he will never consider a committed relationship with me, but may just want my friendly company, and that I, should stop holding a torch for him? i.e. its hopeless... Or should I do something..? 3) Do you think A is just an immature INTJ? (not in the bad sense, just not having learned certain things mature INTJs should know?) Hope kind souls out there can give me some good insight.. I'm treasure this friendship a lot.. but I also really hope we can be more.. added:: 1) I have some insight into his past relationships and childhood, so i'm not really seeking an answer from the psychological past.. I'll just like to know more about individual INTJ experiences... Thanks for taking the time to read. :)
  21. well, -ish. who knows what tomorrow will bring! but i've stalked a few threads about this particular dynamic, and gotten a lot of great insights, so i thought i'd throw out a ray of hope for anyone (particular those intj ladies) who might still be figuring it out. summary: me = intj, him = HARD to read infp. the long and the short of it...it paid off. after almost a freaking year. holy crap, i'm not kidding, it took forever. i gave up a few times, threw my hands up in despair, moved on, got sucked back in, decided i couldn't take the ambiguity anymore...etc, etc, etc. i put myself out there time and again, and while i was never denied, i was never met with the open heart that i sensed was just beneath the surface. it would have been dramatic and slightly pathetic, i think, if it weren't for the fact that the chemistry, when we were together, was undeniable, although hard to put into words. from an objective point of view...i had absolutely no reason to stick it out...except, in my heart, despite my thinking head, it felt right. and now...its the best relationship i've ever had. the boy is sweet like none other, and the good heart i sensed throughout is finally open. the switch is on, and i don't know what it took, maybe just time, maybe just persistence, but his light envelopes me. and i trust him, and i know him, and he suits me ever so much better than the typical sort of guys who used to wine and dine me. it feels real, made up of things that matter, and i like him completely. who knows what will happen from here. but even if it ends tomorrow, it'll have been well worth the wait. good luck, ladies : )
  22. This is an interesting question - worth it's own thread. What advantages do you see on both sides? Which problems?
  23. I know it has been done to death on these forums. But that will not stop me from asking anyway: How can you tell if an INTJ is interested in you? My story is complicated. I will try to describe it as best I can without going off on too many tangents. I have known a particular INTJ (a girl) for over a year and during that time we never were very close but we always seemed drawn to each other and would make small talk on occasion (which is like pulling teeth for an IFNP, but I did it). In the last four months, however, we fell into a sexual relationship that we both had doubts about (not the sex, mind you, just where the relationship would lead to afterwards). Despite this,we eventually declared our relationship official (which was her idea) and I felt as though everything was OK. About a month after this, she told me that she could no longer deal with the underlying pressures that came with the label of relationship and ended it. In typical INFP fashion, I was devastated. I wondered exactly what I had done wrong and what I could do to correct it. In fact, if it were not for this situation I would have never realized that I was an INFP. I am not your typical INFP, however. I will not let myself be ruled by Fi. I spent long and hard thinking about whether it was a good idea to continue pursuing this relationship that had caused me so much pain. I came to the conclusion that it was more than my emotions driving me to pursue this. I can't quite explain what it is about INTJs, but just draw me in. Maybe it is the Fi, but I have a feeling that it has more to do with the fact that you are able to see things more logically than I ever will. Fast forward to a week ago. My INTJ invites me over for dinner and a movie. We eat dinner while watching the movie and enjoy some drinks, laughing at the ridiculousness we are watching ( I don't know if any other INFP/INTJs have noticed this, but we seem to be entertained by the same things, whether it be for different reasons or not). The first movie ends and she suggests that we watch a second one. I can definitely notice that she is tired by this point, but at her suggestion, I choose another movie. While we are watching this movie, she begins to touch my hair, commenting on how much she enjoys the feeling (something she used to do while we were romantically linked.) After that movie ended, we ended the night. I gave her a hug and went on my way. During this hug she complimented me on how great I always seemed to smell (again, something she did all the time while we were romantically linked). In short, can anybody tell me what is going on? Am I just imagining that she is still interested me and making up signals that don't exist? Or am I actually on to something?
  24. As suggested by the title, there's alot of uncertainty on my end. The INFP is a girl that I've been friends with for roughly four years now, so I'm very comfortable around her. But since sometime last year, I started to really see her in a different light: the potential to be the one for me. So i began dropping hints that I really like her and want to know her in a different light, and it seems to be working. The first overt hint I remember giving her was last year April when I'd casually (and only half jokingly) said I wanted her to marry me during one of our conversations. We chatted on and off for months to come, mainly via IM, and I think we got pretty close, but I was never sure. We'll have this seemingly "special" (to me) connection once in a while, and another time I'll be TOTALLY ignored, throwing me back to square one. Things got to the point where there were at least two occasions where I really think we were heading for pretty intimate moments, but I either backed down or didn't rise to the occasion fast enough, because I wasn't sure if I was reading the signs right. Then things seemed to really change this year, throwing me off even more. She's gotten more "social friendly" with me, and I noticed the absence of those little things I always wondered about. Weeks would go by without us contacting each other (I think of her though) and when I do call and say I miss her and when I'll see her, a typical response would be "you'll see me when you see me". However there were a few cases where we spoke on the phone for as much as a couple hours, yet it's just not the same as last year to me. There have been a couple notable events however. A few months back she was entered (unwillingly, but she respects the persons who did it and went ahead) into a competition - synonymous to "Miss World" - and I went to the practice once (our greeting was really enthusiastic) to support her, and there was this guy there that I'm acquainted with, so I watched the vibes when I noticed they know each other. Walking her to get a cab for home after the practice, I asked about a minor disagreement I noted (she wanted him to source a lip mic for her to use in the competition, but he was acting kinda cagey in getting it). She said he could get it, but he had to drive quite a distance (he has a car), and he was unwilling as the gas was expensive, and she was offering to cover the cost but he refused. When I asked why he'd do that, she told me directly that "he doesn't want to accept money from her because he likes her", and I could only say "oh" and contemplate a while. I'm still wondering now what her motive(s) was/were for telling me that... Then a couple of months back I took her on a "lunch date", which went pretty well (considering I was really nervous at the beginning - to the point I could hardly eat - and forgot most of my memorized "script"). We had a nice chat with her telling me quite a bit about herself (her diff personalities, approach to things, how she changes when someone starts knowing her, that she'd settle down in about 10 years, etc), and I touched on how I'd really like to figure her out (she said she'd see to it I never do), how her personality affected me (asked me why she had that effect on me, as she doesn't wish to), etc, though there were times of silence when I ran out of things to talk about. She had an appointment after our date, so when we were ready to part ways (and I assured her that I'd be taking her out again, though she said she'd prefer drinks to food) she hugged me and thanked me for the "dinner" (it was lunch to me), and we said our goodbyes. About a week after that date I was still analyzing it, my behavior and responses, and hers. I even consulted two friends of mine (one's an INTJ, the other INFP) on what I should do about my feelings about her and uncertainty as to if she likes me. The INTJ wasn't very helpful (I have to help her analyze her own r/ship issues anyway), but the INFP friend encouraged me to ask her outright if she likes me, so I eventually (after much cajoling) called her and asked her if she likes me, to which she replied "as a friend" (what I was afraid of hearing), so I asked if she thought there could be more to that in the future: "no" (even worse). I was feeling pretty awkward after that trying to make small talk (while I felt ripped apart inside), luckily my talk time expired then... I still have hope though, and I intend to pursue her as best as I can. But I would like to know what kinds of thoughts she may be having about me, if she meant what she said, etc. If there's the chance that she really likes me, how do I affirm my r/ship with her so she knows she's under no pressure/obligation (not that she'd submit anyway). If I did (or didn't do) something that caused her to lose faith in me, how do I go about regaining that trust? Her birthday's also coming up and I'm not even sure what I should get her. To complicate things further, I'm probably leaving in little over a month for college, and i won't be back except for the summer holidays and MAYBE Christmas... [i better try cutting this short now...]
  25. Are there any succeeding relationships and/or marriages of the INTJ/INFP mix.? (Preferrably, if the man is INTJ and the woman INFP.) Can you tell me what it is like: affection, connections, conversation, the overall autonomy of the relationship? The Do's and Don'ts of how to treat and care for eachother. What attracted you to eachother and how do you make it work/last? What are your opinions of eachother? Plus, whatever advice you're willing to give for me or those who want to enter into this kind of relationship/mix. I'd love all opinions if you're willing to share! Thanks in advance.