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About changos

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    Male intj living in Central América
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    Male INTJ - 30 years old.
  1. One of my constant conclusions that I bring to my daily self exam is "careful with self denial", @doll link (article) talks about it, how can you fix the mind (hammer) if you need the hammer (mind) to do it?. My take is we all fall into self deceiving in one degree or more stating "oh not me I'm ok". One of my long time/years friends just made a mess yesterday about a banking situation, the main problem is, she thought was finally doing things as in the past, BUT... she fail to realize her own mistakes. Her "self diagnosis" was "I'm finally getting better". Funny, we manage some business together and ONE simple question of mine brought an issue to light, an issue she thought wasn't there. It was just plain luck that I made the right question that brought that to life. I share this just as one of multiple examples of how things happen without being 50 or 60, and we being so sure it was 100% ok. Thanks, interesting sharing, I understand the pros and cons you talk about. I believe there is positive conclusion of that: being aware keeps you alert on those pros and cons, and that's good. Very... very interesting sharing. I believe we all start loosing some screws and it´s up to us to practice and being aware. Thanks, and your wording echoes in my mind as something that happens inside my head. We all (all!) are who we are but it's just a group of actions, reactions, etc, a lot of that changes while we are still "us", but there are key elements that make us ourselves and even that can change.
  2. Nice wording. I guess this sounds (and will keep sounding) alien to most people, unless is too evident, and even so if they join the group at the same level, it becomes less evident!!! So, while still alien for most, cognitive decline, loss of lucidity and lack of sharpness... at some point become kinda like the loss of the self, we stop looking like ourselves mentally just like physically. Then again, it's more easy to grasp (concept) about older people, not peers, but it does happen (even if some can't see it). Oh, not enough sleep, that's dangerous. I can tolerate great abuse on that area but it pays... badly (is what I've been told) but so far, it seems more like far from torture or bad habits, it's just like my mind can't stop thinking and has heavy cycles, so, it seems different. But... taking note to protect my brain, I will need it specially when older.
  3. Interesting, while not the same perspective I believe you really understood the angle. In general: I see most people misunderstanding, and confusing this matter with academic performance, it's not about that. A lot of people can perform intellectual tasks and even take extra university courses and studies at old age, ok!!! but who starts forgetting (constantly their keys), or parking on the wrong side, and talking means nothing, because they say "oh yes you are right" but they do it again. It's a different type of deteriorating. I remember many of my friends making mistakes, and talking helped, they got better, etc. But as years go by, no matter what is discussed, they stick to the old same tricks they already know and can't learn new ones. (even if they are studying, winning courses and even making a lot of money). It's like loosing everyday simple tasks intelligence. 100 points at the exam? excellent surgery? well life happens outside the classroom and outside the surgery room. Most people to notice this are the CHILDREN (relating their own parents) and sometimes wives and husbands, but chances are, people age at the same rate so they just understand each other or fail to see those details.
  4. @doll: thanks for the article, right from start, this lines were solid: Friends and me were in situations were we noticed the problem, after years I saw many failing to see what's missing and finally they are not aware of certain type of "mistakes". Talking about it lead to "having to prove it". It's really messy. Many things appeared, things I found on readings about elder people, and experiences with my own family: false memories, inaccurate comments on critical moments and people not being aware of what was just said. Things like saying "right" instead of left were left behind as a distant joke and becoming a reality. It happens, but most people won't even notice it and sometimes they don't see the critical importance, why? because they said something different but their gut feeling... is sure that they did the right thing (and said the right thing). A lot of people underestimate such things at young age failing to see how important it is on a daily basis my guess is, equal changes (balanced) on both partners make this less noticeable and easy to manage but the sharpest mind will always (ironically) get the worst part This is so important and easy to miss, I see most people getting this as "oh you can't play math games anymore with them", it's not about that, it's about misinterpreting important things on a daily basis. It's the beginning of the "we can't understand each other anymore" path.
  5. On the physical side, always been and look healthy/younger. Years go by and friends look older (and now kinda terrible) while I don't look so different, then people say "ohhh you don't change" but we were all the same, friends, etc whatever (the minds) But now, since a few years ago, the mind... is different. people I know tell me the same "you stay sharp!" while they are slower and some unable to keep up some even say "you stay sharp (mind)" with a noticeable sadness and some with even a noticeable anger!! WTF!!!! frustration? Several situations and misunderstandings lead to discussing the matter just started getting confessions on "I now take double time to understand some things" VERY FEW say this with easy, in peace (acceptance) and so they take measures like "what did you say?" and "can you explain this again?" but most are taking this with a dark twist, with anger very few explain "my mind is not the same" and look really angry We all get old, but it's different to see this change on older people, family, years of difference, versus your peers and even younger people. I care about them all, but it's getting annoying having to explain things twice or multiple times because they can't get it. My EXGF used to say with sadness "I notice since two years ago... I need double effort to understand things I used to get easily". such is life
  6. Love and friendship are a mind thing, syncing heart beats (a thing of the "heart") is impossible, we relate to each other with our neurons like it or not. At some point in life our brains start fading, failing, we might be aware of this regarding our parents or grandpas. But being at that level of awareness doesn't make it: you know their personalities you know their "limits" you get used to their limits and speed you didn't choose them most responsibilities go from one hand to the other (yours) and mostly: you were too young when there were at their max speed ** and depending on your country/culture, many won't keep constant touch with their elders, so they have even less idea of this matter (constant relationship) As INTJ or whatever, always felt a gap with other people, while I'm not that good at math or some things, always felt the SPEED of many things inside my brain. I'm reaching the 40's, and been getting A LOT the "you are still sharp" (brains) for the last years and no, I don't look my age. I never paid attention to such words until now where most my friends males and females are showing a... decay? (english is not my first language, hope is the best word). So, I'm feeling this gap growing. I should be on the same train but it seems my brain is keeping details, at least in more areas and ways than my friends. This is even more noticeable when we all start getting less hours of sleep, and the gap is more noticeable over weeks. In some cases (a few friends) I can even say I know they are "them", but such decay is making them appear on critical areas as if they were not... themselves. Feels weird. There are huge differences that affect this gap, not just "oh we are getting old". I don't know the age rage o most members (hell there was a time around here when asking got you an infraction, still today?) depending on age you probably don't know what I'm talking about here, or do you?
  7. That's what I fear, I'm good and perhaps even awesome but not in the front line, at least in my region is not easy to find a salesman, hey, one that one can trust on doing the right thing and not overselling what can't be done in the right time. ---------- Post added 09-07-2015 at 03:04 PM ---------- I'm on my mid 30s, enjoy mostly building and solving rather than engaging on social stuff and selling. Previous jobs pushed me to do that and they were happy, "I was damn good" they say but I strongly disagree, I consumed too much energy to provide those results, while tech stuff just comes easy. I've been a one man band for quite a while with great results but this is different, it's a "company image" and I'm seeing a lot of people trust that only if you can project having several employees, a big office (even if nobody goes there for meetings) etc.
  8. Hi there, so this intj is now facing going solo and becoming a boss, managing my own company. Sounds better than it is: "I never wanted to become a boss, and still don't want to". Past: worked for years on diff companies, some huge. Did a lot of things from design, 3d, coding, planning, copy writing and story telling, photography, video production, etc, and mostly: even if I didn't know how to, I found the way, the usual problem solver, you know the drill, most intjs have been involved in a long story of things. What's the problem? sales & dealing with people. On last jobs people liked the way I handle plans and project management, I didn't like that but it was due to emergencies. Ended pushing me on job positions due to good "performance". Been on diff job interviews, some ignore me (that's natural) and most want me for positions alike. No I'm not trying to sell myself for that, I guess my age and experience give that smell and ideas. It's stressing. I prefer and like handling technical challenges, building things than dealing with people. I'm better as a peer than as a boss (despite people telling me I'm good at it). My last job demanded me due to necessity to become "the one in charge" due to the owner decision. People were happy overall with great hopes, I was not. I entered that job to work and ended up facing the handling of it. After that decided to try going solo (it's not just my decision, I feel things are pushing me to this). Can't actually solve the selling, me doing part of sales (I can hire one but launching demands me being there for quite a while) I even suck at introducing myself to people, I rather say "copy writer" than owner, manager, director, blah blah. And it sucks how people can treat you differently if you are not a power-person in a power-position. Worst problem: zero interest on money making... I rather pursue building stuff than trying to sell it or making money out of it. As many of you I have built lots of stuff. Any of you with any stories alike? * It's easier for me to post this here being unknown, tried to talk about this with people who know me and they are happy, they believe in me saying lots of things about "oh yes that's going to be great", what???? I feel them talking about a diff person.
  9. My two cents: the description doesn't match the intention of the title or question, we all are X while singing, loving, making love and Z when we get mad, discuss, etc, but I think I understand your angle, you are having very high highs and kinds low lows on the relationship. Besides is difficult to get a real measure of how he qualifies the sex. Talk, but anyway you could never know because some people just won't say the truth. I've seen a lot of people concerned by the same thing as the original post and going into "no sex so I can find out if you still love me without it", I would advice you not to in case you think about it. Why? relationships get worse when it becomes about taking things away and involving you not getting something you enjoy. My approach would be to analyze what kind of discussions you have and why you discuss. Discussions are discussions, but some are worse than others and that's why some people do even get violent, and when we watch the movie well it makes sense.
  10. Hi there been cracking my head about this one. It's a "Matrix" short film with all the look of The Matrix, nice production, nice color and special effects, about a guy who thinks there is no such thing as unique chosen one, that there are other and in fact he thinks HE is the chosen one. As the story goes he proves to be able of the magic only Neo showed before, then faces Neo and starts a battle. Proves to be a close match, in fact above the clones. As far as I remember was not an USA production, I think it was european. Neo (Keanu) does not appears on the film, he is recreated by digital effects but the result is pretty good. The official website was online years ago, can't find any clues so far and they included a MOUSE doing some crazy stuff and had a short animation of the mouse. Anyone? thanks in advance. ---------- Post added 07-03-2015 at 06:35 PM ---------- Edit... After many efforts, bless the INTJ memory, found it, Kaydara. Enjoy this old thing if you didn't know about it http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1869509/
  11. Over thinkingis tricky to discuss, the problem is wasting time on the wrong things, things that will not happen or things that beyond possible are just fears. I understand what you say but sometimes when we face that list, we match some, not in a bad way, it's just that several scenarios are just... potential scenarios for everyone. One problem on our side is... many times we see things people take a loooong time to see. Research, ask opinions and make up your mind, still there is risk because every situation is diff but there are patterns (and there we go with over thinking) Don't know if this sounds familiar to you but we intjs might store tons of information about bad answers, no answers, non convincing answers, etc... forming a "this is not good"... this sucks and it's quite difficult to overcome while we focus so much on those details Some people say that's the best approach, been diving into that lately A LOT. It means discussing might feed bad relationships with no future (discussing what you want and don't want) while just absorbing information without showing your cards doesn't sound fine but proves to be a good approach given the many problems around, I don't like it but over the years... it proves to be positive or at least having strong basis for doing that (not saying I support it). I'm slow at many things... but I proven to myself and others how amazing fast I can be at many things... this doesn't seem people can cope with it. Meaning? sometimes we intjs want a ton of answers FAST.... not possible.
  12. Thank you monkey, this is very important (humanly). While engaging in any way IS risky, I know it's also positive not only for her: for me too (it's not easy to understand I guess, wasn't easy for me). I told this woman the same in the past: let's talk, it will be of help for the both of us, we are not negotiating or getting back. She didn't acted well so I vanished. Didn't want to talk about that here thinking nobody would understand: doing that is actually evil, psychologist know that. A friend of mine (female) experienced this, actually very similar case, the guy vanished. Results? she still has traumas till this day due to that. Why? no feedback, no talking, no nothing, just "gone", it hurts the very core of the psyche and soul. I know cutting contact is good for me but still my core values tell me life it's not only about me. but yes I know it was mostly about her always, this time I should seek my healthier state of mind
  13. Sounds like her. Not adoptive or pedophile but the rest 100% matches. Her family was/is abusive "you useless, dumb, nobody will love you" etc. I knew this, but thought she knew better. Thought we could be beyond the "I'm me, they are they". She is also a premium play-the-victim. Thank you for your post it reminds me a lot of what happens with her, I just quote bits to make mine shorter: It is revenge. She did and said many hurtful things later said "I didn't notice it" but me having good memory asked diff times until she confessed "I did it because...". She was aware of it. Revenge on her side? Imagine I give her a candy every day and a rose, she does a negative thing: I TALK nicely, she repeats, I talk then I stop giving the candy. Her words? : "you are taking revenge!!!". So everything she does negatively must NOT have a consequence? and a simple loss is considered revenge? in her mind I took revenge several times, that includes not wanting to see a movie because she was mean. WHAT???? revenge??? no way, that's her twisted view. (1) yes to everything, I was the one motivating her, giving her caring, time, attention and still she tried to say I didn't. I managed to prove she say things later changes to her favor (made up things) Criticism? she can fart in the middle of dinner and there is nothing you can say in any way because it's "you don't love me, you are attacking me", it doesn't matter if she takes it nicely one time, a week from there you will see the consequences of disliking "disapproval". (2) thanks, my friends know positive and negative parts, but I think the negatives influence them to say what they say. I need to comment on that. There are certain individuals that no matter what you do they still feel and say you don't love them. Some say they do know you love them but it's their way to ask for more (unhealthy way) Yes you are correct. Thank you, I can't really stop from being concerned how society sees that, it's easier to be seen as week, then you get the punches while one is a full grown up adult man. Such lines should never be crossed. She accused me of many things, then I noticed (thanks to friends and a psychologist) that my natural answer to being accused on being evil is holding her hands and showing caring: this means negative provocations bring something good for her. Yes we hurt mutually eventually but about annihilation, she doesn't understand how easy would be for me to hurt her, really deliberately and I-DON'T. Thank you. I know I have problems here. I could do many things but I can't, it's not in my heart. That's why I sometimes worry that evidence on not being able to do such things might appear as a very weak spot. I can fight sure no problem but my brain and heart doesn't understand why should I fight someone I love (or loved). ---------- Post added 02-02-2015 at 08:31 AM ---------- Added: The big problem = when we talk and I ask "why", when I confront her and she feels bad about it... that's "revenge" for her, that's "being attacked". ANYTHING she dislike or causes her discomfort is now interpreted as a deliberated hurtful action, revenge, attack. So boring.
  14. You're a very wise poster, you just need some diligence.

  15. Some posts are out of context, it's ok as long as they are respectful or filled with wrong projections: nope, thanks, I do not want to get back with her I do not seek revenge (to me: revenge is a word that only exists on dictionaries) Nope, I'm not 100% over here yet, no problem admitting this (but don't tell her!) Over several heated discussions I gave "love" in return to hurtful attitudes and tried to calm situations. While this was abused, most times had a devastating effect on her "I'm not like you" I used to say. I fought men bigger than me but some women do not understand ME being able to crush her but NOT doing it doesn't mean she can do whatever the fuck she wants to. Thanks I agree, actually did that but she didn't cooperate at the time. Besides there must be a time when people loose everything, otherwise they don't learn. Thanks, that's actually a parallel issue, totally agree with you. I know what I want to do but it doesn't work by many standards (it depends who you deal with) so as you say, sometimes the game must be played by it's rules... being peaceful in some situations means disaster. Thanks, after the mutual suffering I'm better, happier, even in better shape. She is worse, deteriorated, not even half the person she used to be. A friend, psychologist agrees with me that talking with friends sometimes lets you know their inner motivations, things they usually won't let you see. Thanks! Friends shouldn't motivate friends to hurt, but it gets tricky: saying this can cause them to think the same as her "he won't ever fight back". I'm sooooo confident about me perhaps among them I'm the only one who notices it: not weak at all. About their agendas? well being close friends they saw me hurt during the final chapter and break up (and after) so it kinda makes sense in some way. I've seem several going for revenge, men and women I do not get it, that doesn't seem I will let myself be crushed but some of you nailed it up there, why? because sometimes I think one must do... something that sends a powerful message, not revenge... off course we have no control on how the other person takes it