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About changos

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    Male intj living in Central América
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    Male INTJ - 30 years old.
  1. My take is it depends on culture and what your surroundings consider normal. We all have a choice but very often is molded upon what we see around us. In some countries each one minds their own thing while also having a relationship, in other countries the trend is: usually you end up absorbed by the other person activities and plans. Besides, there is the: you are intj. I had my share on relationships and while I had several short, mid and long term, I kinda still feel like what you describe on your first post. I've noticed it goes beyond your selection, it's also: you. Many of my male friends watch soccer football more than playing it (rarely!), and their favorite sport is actually watching sports on TV (usually just one or two), they work and that's it. For intjs (the ones I have met) and me specially because I know me: I have practiced lots of sports, have lots of different interests, usually have my day filled with so many things to think and do, etc, so different that my exGF had a bit of trouble catching up whenever I allowed this to be seen. In short words, most people are one trick pony. Compared to INTJ, no wonder you get bored and feel they are taking your time, space and resources. It's not just about the relationship, it's also who is in it :)
  2. I don't see any single clue that would make me think on being aggressive, or having trust issues, your wording is very calm and lacking those emotions. In fact you are explaining that other people find this confusing, not saying people are hurt or whatever. I don't know, there is little info but I would think more about memory, long term memories or relating what was discussed with people (some sort of empathy problem). Why? because you are not exactly saying you don't remember. Introverted individuals have, usually, a very good long term memory. I fit that scenario, in my experience I remember way too much and to me it's like we are back to where we paused, to me it's just natural memory, to people around seems to be a very good thing, they feel important or that I care more than average people because I do remember their stuff. I knew a few people kind.. of... fitting what you describe, and there was one who used to say "please remember I forget stuff, I will cat up eventually don't worry" and this solved the awkwardness, people no longer felt disconnected.
  3. Being perfect supposed to be a goal on being a better person, and in some ways universally accepted to X degree in many or all areas etc, but perfection it's not something possible, there are many opinions, in fact imperfect people might adore a "perfect person" just as to hate this "perfect person", what is perfection? What about Anxiety??? There was a time where I was very into my church, and we were told every time "don't sin, no sex, no nudity" etc, well I still like naked women and sex, but since I stopped trying to stop those ideas, they rarely come to my mind. The more I thought on not doing it the more I thought about it :) it was torture On the other hand what you mention is something that sounds familiar to me (regarding some religions, ideologies and even family) several members of my family think of that being an ideal: don't get angry, don't get mad, etc, practically: don't be human. Sure they are far from what they preach. At my age whenever I hear those words, they come from people who don't want to allow other people emotions (while they show and express what they try to stop) that's not fair.
  4. I agree with most comments here, yet Supposedly: our parents love us, and we should FEEL loved (loving and having the other person feel loved are not the same thing). It's not only "supposedly" its logical and should be considered natural. If miss this... is like cats imprinting on pigs or humans, it's not natural and consequences will come. While I never wanted to believe such impact, well over the years I didn't have a choice to believe what older men say: shitty family relationships = shitty love relationships, and my brain started looking for clues, and I found them, there is this whole complex set of hints that can make me slowly think someone wasn't loved by their parents. Too difficult to describe, sure. Just one example: had a relationship with a woman who sad her parent's didn't care or loved her, I didn't believe it until I has way too many evidences not only of indifference but also abuse. And sure she manifested some clues. Guess what? over the course of my life got to know other people we can group on the "indiference-abuse-don't-love-their-children" thing. Sure they share similarities (as we grow older we might see more stuff, and sure we can also grow into thinking we can see hints that aren't exactly that). Anyway my grandpa suffered a lot, didn't receive too much caring, instead he suffered abuse both physical and emotional, still he was the "father" of this brothers as he became an absolute caretaker, he shouldn't behave the way he did, pure kindness. At this point in my life there are many things I still don't understand.
  5. One of my constant conclusions that I bring to my daily self exam is "careful with self denial", @doll link (article) talks about it, how can you fix the mind (hammer) if you need the hammer (mind) to do it?. My take is we all fall into self deceiving in one degree or more stating "oh not me I'm ok". One of my long time/years friends just made a mess yesterday about a banking situation, the main problem is, she thought was finally doing things as in the past, BUT... she fail to realize her own mistakes. Her "self diagnosis" was "I'm finally getting better". Funny, we manage some business together and ONE simple question of mine brought an issue to light, an issue she thought wasn't there. It was just plain luck that I made the right question that brought that to life. I share this just as one of multiple examples of how things happen without being 50 or 60, and we being so sure it was 100% ok. Thanks, interesting sharing, I understand the pros and cons you talk about. I believe there is positive conclusion of that: being aware keeps you alert on those pros and cons, and that's good. Very... very interesting sharing. I believe we all start loosing some screws and it´s up to us to practice and being aware. Thanks, and your wording echoes in my mind as something that happens inside my head. We all (all!) are who we are but it's just a group of actions, reactions, etc, a lot of that changes while we are still "us", but there are key elements that make us ourselves and even that can change.
  6. Nice wording. I guess this sounds (and will keep sounding) alien to most people, unless is too evident, and even so if they join the group at the same level, it becomes less evident!!! So, while still alien for most, cognitive decline, loss of lucidity and lack of sharpness... at some point become kinda like the loss of the self, we stop looking like ourselves mentally just like physically. Then again, it's more easy to grasp (concept) about older people, not peers, but it does happen (even if some can't see it). Oh, not enough sleep, that's dangerous. I can tolerate great abuse on that area but it pays... badly (is what I've been told) but so far, it seems more like far from torture or bad habits, it's just like my mind can't stop thinking and has heavy cycles, so, it seems different. But... taking note to protect my brain, I will need it specially when older.
  7. Interesting, while not the same perspective I believe you really understood the angle. In general: I see most people misunderstanding, and confusing this matter with academic performance, it's not about that. A lot of people can perform intellectual tasks and even take extra university courses and studies at old age, ok!!! but who starts forgetting (constantly their keys), or parking on the wrong side, and talking means nothing, because they say "oh yes you are right" but they do it again. It's a different type of deteriorating. I remember many of my friends making mistakes, and talking helped, they got better, etc. But as years go by, no matter what is discussed, they stick to the old same tricks they already know and can't learn new ones. (even if they are studying, winning courses and even making a lot of money). It's like loosing everyday simple tasks intelligence. 100 points at the exam? excellent surgery? well life happens outside the classroom and outside the surgery room. Most people to notice this are the CHILDREN (relating their own parents) and sometimes wives and husbands, but chances are, people age at the same rate so they just understand each other or fail to see those details.
  8. @doll: thanks for the article, right from start, this lines were solid: Friends and me were in situations were we noticed the problem, after years I saw many failing to see what's missing and finally they are not aware of certain type of "mistakes". Talking about it lead to "having to prove it". It's really messy. Many things appeared, things I found on readings about elder people, and experiences with my own family: false memories, inaccurate comments on critical moments and people not being aware of what was just said. Things like saying "right" instead of left were left behind as a distant joke and becoming a reality. It happens, but most people won't even notice it and sometimes they don't see the critical importance, why? because they said something different but their gut feeling... is sure that they did the right thing (and said the right thing). A lot of people underestimate such things at young age failing to see how important it is on a daily basis my guess is, equal changes (balanced) on both partners make this less noticeable and easy to manage but the sharpest mind will always (ironically) get the worst part This is so important and easy to miss, I see most people getting this as "oh you can't play math games anymore with them", it's not about that, it's about misinterpreting important things on a daily basis. It's the beginning of the "we can't understand each other anymore" path.
  9. On the physical side, always been and look healthy/younger. Years go by and friends look older (and now kinda terrible) while I don't look so different, then people say "ohhh you don't change" but we were all the same, friends, etc whatever (the minds) But now, since a few years ago, the mind... is different. people I know tell me the same "you stay sharp!" while they are slower and some unable to keep up some even say "you stay sharp (mind)" with a noticeable sadness and some with even a noticeable anger!! WTF!!!! frustration? Several situations and misunderstandings lead to discussing the matter just started getting confessions on "I now take double time to understand some things" VERY FEW say this with easy, in peace (acceptance) and so they take measures like "what did you say?" and "can you explain this again?" but most are taking this with a dark twist, with anger very few explain "my mind is not the same" and look really angry We all get old, but it's different to see this change on older people, family, years of difference, versus your peers and even younger people. I care about them all, but it's getting annoying having to explain things twice or multiple times because they can't get it. My EXGF used to say with sadness "I notice since two years ago... I need double effort to understand things I used to get easily". such is life
  10. Love and friendship are a mind thing, syncing heart beats (a thing of the "heart") is impossible, we relate to each other with our neurons like it or not. At some point in life our brains start fading, failing, we might be aware of this regarding our parents or grandpas. But being at that level of awareness doesn't make it: you know their personalities you know their "limits" you get used to their limits and speed you didn't choose them most responsibilities go from one hand to the other (yours) and mostly: you were too young when there were at their max speed ** and depending on your country/culture, many won't keep constant touch with their elders, so they have even less idea of this matter (constant relationship) As INTJ or whatever, always felt a gap with other people, while I'm not that good at math or some things, always felt the SPEED of many things inside my brain. I'm reaching the 40's, and been getting A LOT the "you are still sharp" (brains) for the last years and no, I don't look my age. I never paid attention to such words until now where most my friends males and females are showing a... decay? (english is not my first language, hope is the best word). So, I'm feeling this gap growing. I should be on the same train but it seems my brain is keeping details, at least in more areas and ways than my friends. This is even more noticeable when we all start getting less hours of sleep, and the gap is more noticeable over weeks. In some cases (a few friends) I can even say I know they are "them", but such decay is making them appear on critical areas as if they were not... themselves. Feels weird. There are huge differences that affect this gap, not just "oh we are getting old". I don't know the age rage o most members (hell there was a time around here when asking got you an infraction, still today?) depending on age you probably don't know what I'm talking about here, or do you?
  11. That's what I fear, I'm good and perhaps even awesome but not in the front line, at least in my region is not easy to find a salesman, hey, one that one can trust on doing the right thing and not overselling what can't be done in the right time. ---------- Post added 09-07-2015 at 03:04 PM ---------- I'm on my mid 30s, enjoy mostly building and solving rather than engaging on social stuff and selling. Previous jobs pushed me to do that and they were happy, "I was damn good" they say but I strongly disagree, I consumed too much energy to provide those results, while tech stuff just comes easy. I've been a one man band for quite a while with great results but this is different, it's a "company image" and I'm seeing a lot of people trust that only if you can project having several employees, a big office (even if nobody goes there for meetings) etc.
  12. Hi there, so this intj is now facing going solo and becoming a boss, managing my own company. Sounds better than it is: "I never wanted to become a boss, and still don't want to". Past: worked for years on diff companies, some huge. Did a lot of things from design, 3d, coding, planning, copy writing and story telling, photography, video production, etc, and mostly: even if I didn't know how to, I found the way, the usual problem solver, you know the drill, most intjs have been involved in a long story of things. What's the problem? sales & dealing with people. On last jobs people liked the way I handle plans and project management, I didn't like that but it was due to emergencies. Ended pushing me on job positions due to good "performance". Been on diff job interviews, some ignore me (that's natural) and most want me for positions alike. No I'm not trying to sell myself for that, I guess my age and experience give that smell and ideas. It's stressing. I prefer and like handling technical challenges, building things than dealing with people. I'm better as a peer than as a boss (despite people telling me I'm good at it). My last job demanded me due to necessity to become "the one in charge" due to the owner decision. People were happy overall with great hopes, I was not. I entered that job to work and ended up facing the handling of it. After that decided to try going solo (it's not just my decision, I feel things are pushing me to this). Can't actually solve the selling, me doing part of sales (I can hire one but launching demands me being there for quite a while) I even suck at introducing myself to people, I rather say "copy writer" than owner, manager, director, blah blah. And it sucks how people can treat you differently if you are not a power-person in a power-position. Worst problem: zero interest on money making... I rather pursue building stuff than trying to sell it or making money out of it. As many of you I have built lots of stuff. Any of you with any stories alike? * It's easier for me to post this here being unknown, tried to talk about this with people who know me and they are happy, they believe in me saying lots of things about "oh yes that's going to be great", what???? I feel them talking about a diff person.
  13. My two cents: the description doesn't match the intention of the title or question, we all are X while singing, loving, making love and Z when we get mad, discuss, etc, but I think I understand your angle, you are having very high highs and kinds low lows on the relationship. Besides is difficult to get a real measure of how he qualifies the sex. Talk, but anyway you could never know because some people just won't say the truth. I've seen a lot of people concerned by the same thing as the original post and going into "no sex so I can find out if you still love me without it", I would advice you not to in case you think about it. Why? relationships get worse when it becomes about taking things away and involving you not getting something you enjoy. My approach would be to analyze what kind of discussions you have and why you discuss. Discussions are discussions, but some are worse than others and that's why some people do even get violent, and when we watch the movie well it makes sense.
  14. Hi there been cracking my head about this one. It's a "Matrix" short film with all the look of The Matrix, nice production, nice color and special effects, about a guy who thinks there is no such thing as unique chosen one, that there are other and in fact he thinks HE is the chosen one. As the story goes he proves to be able of the magic only Neo showed before, then faces Neo and starts a battle. Proves to be a close match, in fact above the clones. As far as I remember was not an USA production, I think it was european. Neo (Keanu) does not appears on the film, he is recreated by digital effects but the result is pretty good. The official website was online years ago, can't find any clues so far and they included a MOUSE doing some crazy stuff and had a short animation of the mouse. Anyone? thanks in advance. ---------- Post added 07-03-2015 at 06:35 PM ---------- Edit... After many efforts, bless the INTJ memory, found it, Kaydara. Enjoy this old thing if you didn't know about it http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1869509/
  15. Over thinkingis tricky to discuss, the problem is wasting time on the wrong things, things that will not happen or things that beyond possible are just fears. I understand what you say but sometimes when we face that list, we match some, not in a bad way, it's just that several scenarios are just... potential scenarios for everyone. One problem on our side is... many times we see things people take a loooong time to see. Research, ask opinions and make up your mind, still there is risk because every situation is diff but there are patterns (and there we go with over thinking) Don't know if this sounds familiar to you but we intjs might store tons of information about bad answers, no answers, non convincing answers, etc... forming a "this is not good"... this sucks and it's quite difficult to overcome while we focus so much on those details Some people say that's the best approach, been diving into that lately A LOT. It means discussing might feed bad relationships with no future (discussing what you want and don't want) while just absorbing information without showing your cards doesn't sound fine but proves to be a good approach given the many problems around, I don't like it but over the years... it proves to be positive or at least having strong basis for doing that (not saying I support it). I'm slow at many things... but I proven to myself and others how amazing fast I can be at many things... this doesn't seem people can cope with it. Meaning? sometimes we intjs want a ton of answers FAST.... not possible.