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About l345l

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  1. Yeah, how we evolve and deal with this stuff long term isn't smooth or simple, but it's life. Good luck :)

  2. Thank you Samueza - what you wrote is really reinforces some of the things I've been thinking and makes me feel very encouraged. :) positive and self-affirming thoughts and positive self talk are definitely techniques I've been looking into, trying out and will continue to implement. They require constant effort that needs to be renewed every day and it takes a lot of practice. Sometimes, I feel like one depressing day can cancel out all the efforts from days before. But I hope that practice allows it to become habit eventually.
  3. awake - yes you are right. When you are receiving, you are letting others feel needed and helpful and allowing them to feel fulfilled. So receiving is giving from a different perspective. I feel better thinking theoretically like this right now, but I wonder how my thoughts and interactions will play out in practice. I do need to relax and not get so tied up in my head.
  4. Thank you all for the perceptive and encouraging responses. mee - I don't know why I feel that I don't deserve love and kindness. My feelings do not correspond to experiences of being told that I am a nice person and having friends who like to be around me. As TheStranger has hinted, there is an incongruence between my sense of self and reality... but my warping thoughts are sometimes SO very convincing, especially if I am in a bad mood to begin with. As Savior and Looksupordown have said, yes, doing the things I love and helping others definitely relaxes some of these issues. But the way I act in these situations are affected by the belief I have that I am undeserving. As a beginner in dance class, I feel strange when the more experienced dancers are sympathetic to my struggling with the steps and are extra helpful and kind. As a university student, I am reluctant to approach lecturers because I don't want to be a burden. As a tutor, I feel good. I feel esteemed and I like the cyclic nature of knowledge and trying to get into the student's brain to remember what it's like to struggle with a concept and to try to engage them. Perhaps I am uncomfortable with receiving but happier with giving. This is the issue of reciprocity that Savior touched on. mieu - could you please say more? what kind of assistance did you get and was it helpful?
  5. I've come home to see my parents for the past few weeks after being at college for a while. Everything is good - we talk a lot, laugh a lot. I got the flu and they took care of me. I went shopping with my mom and she put up with the hours of my dithering about details and costs.Thinking about all of this makes me sad, and this is what I don't understand ... the fact that they care so much about me and are so nice makes me sad. WHY? Why do I feel this way? I should feel happy to have such great people in my life. On some level I think that this comes from some belief that I don't deserve any of it. It makes me hold back in friendship and relationships... Sometimes, I can't shake the feelings that tell me that I'll be a bother or a nuisance. If I'm speaking to someone, I can't help but feel that they may think I'm trying too hard. I like offering to help people and giving gifts but sometimes, I'm afraid they will think that I am try to make them indebted to me. So this makes me shy away or make an excuse to leave. The worst part is that I find it hard to confess about problems like this because I convince myself that I will be a burden on others, or I convince myself that these issues are minor, or that I'll get over it soon enough on my own. It's not purely a matter of confidence because there are situations where I am naturally confident and others where I do a pretty good job of faking confidence. I don't know what to do about this. It's normally not as bad as it is today. I've tried to do mindfulness meditation with self-compassion in mind. I think it is beneficial but I found it hard to do continuously without guidance. I've tried using soothing and "feel-good" techniques, like taking a bath or a walk or cooking or listening to upbeat music with self-assuring lyrics. These are nice in the short term but once I'm in a rut it's hard to do feel motivated to do these things. Does anyone have a similar experience or any suggestions?
  6. I've struggled with it myself and I know how depressing and debilitating it is. How long have you struggled with this? Binge eating is definitely a coping mechanism for dealing with emotional difficulties. By stuffing yourself with food, you become all-consumed in thoughts about calories, weight and feeling fat, and you effectively distract yourself from thoughts that you were running away from. It's important to adopt a mindset of self-compassion. If you do binge again, be kind and patient to yourself ... try to go about your normal daily routines without letting the binge earlier in the day ruin your plans. Hating and 'punishing' yourself by attempting to starve will only aggregate the cycle. Try to adopt a mindset that is not 'black-and-white' ... if you do have a little more food than you planned, tell yourself it is fine ... don't tell yourself, "oh crap, might as well eat everything in the world and start over tomorrow." Meditation and mindfulness approaches to eating may help you immensely. There isn't a quick fix - but learning strategies to cope with difficult situations without turning to food will be useful in all areas of your life. Also, try to talk to someone about this. I know it's difficult and may even feel shameful, but it is important that you don't feel alone.
  7. It's the fantastic feeling of being at one with the activity. It happens to me with biking and more so with math problems. The key is that the challenge of the problem needs to match my abilities well. If it is too challenging, this will cause discouragement. If it is too easy, concentration will falter.
  8. Thanks, I'm glad I'm not alone and that that approach has worked for others as well. :)

  9. very well said and true. took me a long time to discover this!

  10. great response and attitude... i've discovered the same.

  11. I'm at St. Andrews :) What do you study?
  12. I wholeheartedly agree. In the TED talk below, a cool dude did exactly what you described; he looks at what makes videogames compelling and discusses how they may be used in education briefly towards the end of the video: And another fascinating one: Great topic.
  13. another consideration: those who wait until marriage to have sex may be in a religious/cultural context where divorce is stigmatised, perhaps even more so than premarital sex. Those who view premarital sex as unfavorable tend to see divorce in that light too. In general, those who see one night stands as morally neutral may also see divorce as morally neutral. The results of the study seem quite natural from this perspective.
  14. woooow pretty picture

  15. fear .... ... that all will collapse otherwise