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Antares

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About Antares

  • Rank
    Core Member

Personality

  • MBTI
    INTJ
  • Enneagram
    5w4
  • Global 5/SLOAN
    RCOEI
  • Astrology Sign
    Pisces
  • Personal DNA
    Reserved Creator
  • Brain Dominance
    4

Converted

  • Biography
    An unspecified number of years ago, I was born. That's about it.
  • Location
    The Known Universe
  • Occupation
    Master of the Universe
  • Interests
    Calligraphy, Fountain Pens, Violin, Mendelssohn, Mathematics, Literature, Physics, Astronomy, Arts
  • Gender
    Female
  1. This is how I see it as well. To me, marriage and the family within in the marriage comes first, even if the family is just the two of us. Unless we're the last people on earth who are qualified to take care of these kids, if my partner is unwilling I would totally be okay with them declining. Before the kids are adopted, they are outside of the marriage/family, and thus their adoption is contingent on its not hurting the marriage. I think people who are unwilling shouldn't adopt children anyway. Not only is it bad for the kids, it's bad for the unwilling person. There must be other candidates.
  2. My priorities were to not fail at school. In many ways they still are.
  3. Or not being Japanese. I find it almost impossible not to offend a Japanese in some way inadvertently if you just spend enough time talking to them.
  4. Just because she prefers his baby doesn't mean he's obligated to give her one. If he says yes to this, the benefit is that she will have HIS sperm over all others. But the drawback for him is that he can potentially be on the hook for the next 18 years. I'm not sure there really is a way for most reasonable people to reproduce without being tied to each other for a LONG time.
  5. Ahhh. He might have made a fool of me then. I concede the point.
  6. He's not making a scientific statement though. He appears to be making a moral statement that summarizes as "We should do what's best for those molecules in the centers of our cells so they can continue to exist in this world." To which I say: Good for you, if that's what you want.
  7. The rest of what you're saying I get. But where did the word "enemy" come from? Is that really relevant in the parenting/teacher circles? What would being an enemy to them even look like?
  8. I don't think this is on men, to be honest. Coming from a woman. I have never met a man who really cared how your nails are done, for instance. I think what many men are not mentioning is that you must be attractive, but nobody ever said you had to be perfect and immaculate, ready to grace a magazine cover or go down the runway. I think sometimes women get competitive with magazine covers rather than other real women though. I don't think you have to put in a lot of effort to be competitive. My experience is that a man has to find you attractive enough, not that you have to be perfect or always be the hottest. Being enough is not really hard. Wear feminine/attractive clothes. Have good hygiene. Smile. I've asked my boyfriend (and exes) for things like nails advice in the past. They look at me like: "are you kidding? What makes you think I would have an opinion on THAT?" I don't even think they care about make up all that much. Once I asked my boyfriend which color of chapstick I should get. He was visibly annoyed. I told him to pick. He just went in there, picked out a random color and was like "THERE. Now can we leave?" So I would say they really care about the big picture but not the minutiae. In fact the only time my boyfriend has ever raised an opinion about my appearance was the brief spell I took to wearing baggy shirts and sweatpants everywhere. The obsessive perfectionism is something we do to ourselves though.
  9. That's quite a gamble you're making with the life of a child.
  10. In mathematics we frequently talk about necessarily and sufficient conditions in order for something to be true. For most men I think attraction is necessary. But not sufficient. As such it's hard to say what's the number one reason for a man to commit himself with a woman. Personally I think the number one reason for a man to commit himself to a woman is if she has the right combinations of virtues and vices, namely virtues you really want or NEED in a relationship (like physical attraction) and vices that you can tolerate (different way of squeezing the toothpaste vs. stealing from old ladies). And taking care of one's appearance seems to be a necessarily but not sufficient virtue. I have not seen many men who commit to a woman by beauty alone. If she has a horrible character they "next" her all the same. Let's say a man needs more than 70/100 points to be committed to a woman. A woman's extraordinary beauty might give her 60 points (but let's say her mean spiritedness gives her -40 points) whereas a kind, compassionate, smart, and pretty (but not super beautiful) woman gets 90 points. Of course how many points a woman gets for her beauty (in his eyes. beauty is in the eyes of the beholder blah blah blah) is dependent on the man evaluating her. With a wise man she might get fewer points. With guys like my cousin he'd commit to her regardless of her terrible personality.
  11. You also ignored the rules of social engagement if there can be said to have any rules. Rule 1: It's polite to introduce yourself Rule 2: If people shows they do not want to interact with you, you do not interact with them. The other person broke Rule 1. You broke Rule 2. And yes rules can conflict with each other. There's nothing to suggest that our Ape brains can come up with a comprehensive and perfectly coherent system of rules that never contradicts itself.
  12. Yeah. I see that. And I guess I don't want that. I don't mind being a devoted parent and helping with homework and meeting the teachers to make sure my kid is on track. I don't want to be their friends or even be on first name basis with them. The teachers and other parents and I should have a working/acquaintance level relationship and nothing more unless we also get along as people. But I don't want a social life that revolves around parenting more than strictly necessary. I don't want to make friends with other parents just because our kids go to the same school. I don't want to host potlucks for my kid's class and their parents. I don't want to bake cakes for my kid's soccer game. I just want to parent privately at home and get as uninvolved in the social life as possible because I'm a private person and when I get off work (which is socializing) I just want private time at home with my husband and my kids (if they also are introverts who like to stay home. If they don't like saying home until dinnertime that's fine with me). I don't want a public life at all. I guess I want to do what my parents did. They had their jobs, they helped with homework, they met my teachers during parent teacher conferences and they drove me around so I could hang out with my friends but they mostly stayed out of my school life.
  13. This behavior looks like the other person WANTS to ignore you and you're not letting him. Hence the weirdness. People always act weird when you call people out. By going up there and introducing yourself when the other person was passive-aggressively trying to ignore you means 1. you noticed their avoidant behavior 2. you chose not to honor that. It's sort of like a teacher calling on you specifically because you did NOT raise your hand and was religious studying your thighs to avoid eye contact. It causes all kinds of weirdness. Or maybe that person's religious cult has always prophesized that the Antichrist looks like EchoFlame. Who knows. ...... added to this post 11 minutes later: I don't do this with my name but with my nationality. I'm a Chinese who was raised in American culture and has a strong American accent. But I am not an American national and didn't really grow up in America either. When I tell them one thing or the other I always get asked: "Wow how is your English so good" (If I tell them I'm Chinese) and if I tell them I'm American, "How come you look Chinese" and then ask some other question that would require me to either give them my life story or shut them down and walk away. Look. I don't really want to talk about it. Go away.
  14. You're right. He doesn't take pressure well and is a bit conformist even when he doesn't want to be. I have less of a hard time saying "fuck that" but he's a people pleaser. He complains about being used too. To quibble on this (it has nothing to do with the rest of the thread), it's because most people have a limit well of energy and a limited number of things they have the mental resources to be smart about. And yes, working smart is great. It seems like you have it figured out. Unfortunately most people haven't and it's unclear that they can really implement your methodology even if they learn it. This is why there is a literal cacophony of books investigating why google, facebook, steve jobs, etc. were so successful and what habits CEOs have and millions upon millions of people have read them but they can't implement it to the same effect. Studies show that we're awful at multitasking. This is why single mothers don't tend to do well in universities. So for a single mother she's not only taking on the job of two people (mother and father) she's also doing a part time job and taking a demanding courseload, whereas your average university student find it hard to work smart enough to even take on one of these roles (the courseload part). For instance I don't know "10,000 Hour Rule" is true but I do think it's true that a big part of mastery is just putting in the hours. I won't quibble over exactly how many because I don't know, but it's MANY. Children also require many hours. Sleeping/eating also require many hours (some might argue the most hours of all). Along with exercise, housework, vacation, break, etc. You can work as smart as you want but if you want to master anything, parenting or otherwise, you need to put in the hours. And number of hours in a day is absolute. And energy is absolute. it's entirely possible that CEOs who are also great parents and poets and such are simply more energetic than your average joe. So its entirely possible that your average-energy Joe needs to put in more hours than you to succeed at everything on the same level. So let's say you have a time pie. You burn through things quicker and more efficiently so you can do 5 things in th allotted time. Joe can only do 2.
  15. Who gave us that objective?