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About INTJ-123

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  1. I can relate to having high expectations of my friends as an INTJ female. What helps for me is to compartmentalize my friendships. I know that you want a deep connection and understanding but sometimes you either need time to build it with someone who has a potential to understand you such as some intuitive type for example (another intj would be ideal), either accept that not everyone is capable to give you what you ultimately want and need in a friendship. Over time I just learned to ''organize'' friends in my head and know what are they for. To some of them I can tell secrets and others are only for chilling. The less unrealistic expectations that I have of my friends, the happier I am and my friendships are better.
  2. @MadScientist123 which book have you read? I want to read it too. Hm, I've experienced a happiness loop but for me I think that it was still a part of ni fi loop. So instead of repealting circles of negative thoughts I fell into an idealistic loop of impossible outcomes and fantasies.
  3. I am an INTJ and I can relate to your points that you listed. You indeed might be an INTJ. Maybe take the test few more times? Here are things that help me if I am depressed: -watching comforting movies that make me cry because it feels cathartic to cry for me -go for a long walk in nature -journaling about your feelings/making sense out of them/ understanding their root -being productive/focusing on some goal that you have such as academic one or some of your own creative projects -talk with someone who understands you -reading articles about depression and finding out what resonates with you -meditate -exercise and eat healthily : this is a big one. It is a simple way to get back on track. I tend to overlook this one because I forget about the Si aspect of life but it is actually very important for your wellbeing. I know that I get depressed if I don't have a direction and if I don't work on my goals for long periods of time. If nothing of this helps, seek therapy and be patient. Depression sometimes can be situational or in a certain period of your life and it can be eliminated quickly but sometimes it takes patience and time. Also if the reason of your depression is self loathing learn to accept yourself and work towards loving and appreciating the character traits that you have. You are unique and you don't have to be anyone else. If you pretend to be someone who you're not you Won't be happy in your relationship. It is easier said than done, but I guess, just put things in a perspective and make learning to love yourself your goal.
  4. @Deprecator this is what I was referring to. I don't see the validity of that argument. Couldn't you just block the person and cut her out of your life instead of cheating? Your argument to me is funny, because that just doesn't seem serious to me. I am sorry if I offended you. Plus, by cheating you will get even more drama. Maybe I completely misunderstood your argument?
  5. @Deprecator I understand. I am open to a discussion, whether it is an objective one or based on personal experience. If you want to share your personal experience you can PM me.
  6. @Deprecator have you ever cheated? What is your perspective and experience? I don't agree with societal norms about portraying cheaters as villains because that is not always the case. I even have some empathy for them and their internal pain if the cheating was a poor coping mechanism. ...... added to this post 26 minutes later: @Deprecator I read your comment about cheating haha. It is a funny argument. Your ISTJ agenda I see, is to avoid drama and get out of the relationship in the most efficient way possible I guess? Well, yeah, when it comes to efficiency it can be positive in that kind of a situation, but that depends on your own moral code and your boundaries. I guess if you really don't give a shit about morals and the other person then cheating is positive for you and them maybe, depends on what kind of a person they are.
  7. Yes, my parents did have conditions so I haven't had a chance to really develop my functions properly until later.
  8. @Deprecator There might be objective positives of cheating, such as recognizing that a relationship was unhealthy and doomed before so cheating made the whole process of separating quicker and other reasons like that. Outcomes of cheating might be positive in the long run.
  9. I see this from so many angles and I am overthinking myself to death, so yeah, I really think that the best option is to go to a therapist and see what she has to say. I trust her judgement. We had a nice thing in the beginning. He did stuff for me, come to my country for me, buy me gifts, we talked every day for hours etc. I felt loved and understood really, but this cheating thing really rocked the boat completely. I didn't plan to look for someone from the other country. We randomly met on the internet and fell in love. It was mutual but then it got complicated as hell and got unhealthy. We talked 3 months before meeting irl and both talked about how what we have is really special every day and then when he cheated it completely changed my view of him and broke the trust. He carries the burden of his actions too. He is full of guilt whenever he sees me and has a hard time with it too. I saw a potential in us but now I am really wondering if I should call it quits. It is hard to find an INTJ and I feel lonely and misunderstood by others as well. We think alike and have thousand topics and interests to talk about. He does recognize his instability and talked about looking for professional help. I will deffintely hear out my therapist to get some tools to deal with this mess inside of my head and heart better. Love can really suck sometimes, but I think that he is a valuable person because he supported me always in my goals and was helpful and loving. We are really close. We were trying to figure out together weather to break up or not because he knows that he fucked up and it was hard to separate since we had our little safe space that he ruined and since we know so much about each other and are indeed close, we have a really friendly, brotherly relationship besides the romantic aspect. I rarely get so close to anyone. If we weren't that close I would just cut him off easily. Thanks a lot to everyone who commented :) it is helpful to hear perspectives outside of my head
  10. @SirJamesIII Well, we both ended up being abusive to each other. I don't think that I need to completely cut him from my life. But I sure need to distance myself from him. Well. my guy saw in my inbox on fb (I gave him my password to change some option on my fb willingly) that I talked with another guy and he got it wrong. Me and the other guy were strictly friends even though that guy did like me romantically I think. My bf didn't tell me about it but then one night got drunk and slept with that girl and did it 3 or 4 times, getting drunk on weekend, repeating the same situation and then he couldn't lie anymore about it and told me the truth. I reacted horribly. I was angry and sad and I was lashing out. Then later he cut her off. But I felt horrible about everything and I sexted with one guy recently and am thinking about hooking up with him, but not sure if I should do it or not. I plan to visit my therapist before I leave my country to hear her professional opinion since I am very confused. To everyone else: I did notice that he has emotional issues and told him to go to a therapist. I will not get involved with him if I don't see a change in his behavior and if he really doesn't go to a therapist. But I won't hope for much. He probably won't do it, but maybe he does. I will see
  11. I am actually angry at myself for being naive and stupid and trusting him. It is hard to have an internal conflict of loving someone who copes with life in a shitty way. I seriously am considering saying goodbye to him for my own sake. But whenever I do, I start missing him because he is the person who understands me the most. If I want to keep him as a friend I will probably need some time to really let romantic feelings wear off. Is that even possible?
  12. @Amore thank you a lot for your advice :) I need to work on redefining my definition of self-worth. I think that my crushing feeling of worthlessness comes from the wrong belief that I have about it., and that is that I base my self-love on the ability of others to love me in a way that I would want to be loved. I intuitively believe that he loves me, but not in a way that I would want to. I wish I knew that before about a LDR. He kept suggesting to me to open up the relationship and I was against it because it didn't go according to my standards, so at some point I guess he just gave into his needs without caring about my feelings when the opportunity arised. I don't plan to have LDRs anymore LOL. Too much time, effort, money and bullshit. It is not worth it when you get so burned in the end.
  13. Maybe yes, but all the negative aspects outweigh the positive ones, so if you use math, you get zero, so the answer is NO. There is nothing positive about cheating, at least from my experience. Maybe there are people who had positive consequences of cheating, but those situations are statistically very rare.
  14. In my situation, my LDR boyfriend cheated on me and told me that after a month of doing it. Now, I don't need critical comments about cutting this person off because I tried it and it is not as easy. We really do have a deep connection and I believe that we still love each other. I reacted very badly after he told me that and I was verbally abusing him telling him all kinds of ugly fucked up insulting shit. Now I feel really confused. Ironic thing is that I am moving to his country to study (not because of him, that is how things played out, I got a chance to study there). I am very excited of course to move out and turn a new page in my life, but this situation with him scares me and confuses me. I definitely learned that things are not black and white always, especially in love. What bothers me the most is this suspicion that I might waste my time on him and that he might just hurt me one more time and cripple me of ever getting into another relationship for the rest of my life. He is regretful, but he didn't show enough initiative and effort to fix things. That was because he is emotionally unstable and not because of the lack of love for me, I believe. He was somewhat in the middle with his efforts, going back and forth, having doubts about this relationship and then I was displaying a lot of negativity and resentment so things got complicated and tough. I don't even know how to react in this situation? I am thinking a lot and analyzing and I would like to have him in my life, at least as a friend.. Because I really care about him deeply, but if he doesn't reciprocate then maybe I could hurt myself by having even a friendship with him. I don't want to end up being hurt and betrayed again, but I want to be close with this guy and keep him in my life. I truly hope that time will show me answers and his true character, but I am seriously very scared and confused and I wish that I could just know everything right away. This feelings of doubt, incompetence, uncertainty and suspense are slowly killing me and I am full of negativity that I don't know how to get rid of.