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i feel dumb. This is my 1st time here and I'm trying to make sure my reply goes through. Self esteem/ need to win seems to be at the root of this. I too have these issues which may explain the attraction. I know I seem like a dick. This whole thing started with a conversation in which she expressed her rape fantasy (I was not comfortable with it. She wouldn't allow a safe word). I have talked to her normal the last 4 or 5 months then last week she said she was feeling bad to I tried to listen to give support like a friend would do. She disappeared again. That brought me here. I guess I'll just be nice to her and let her go. Sorry if this pissed you off. I was just looking for an objective psycho-analysis and I got it so thanks.
I've been talking to this girl for about a year and a half. She's okay to keep around that long because I don't ever have to try. It's natural because I don't care if she stays or goes so I just say whatever I want whenever I want. Nothing seems forced, except 1 strange element- the meaner I am, the more attracted she is. My questions- Should I let her go? What's up with her mentality? I'll be brief. I realized early on when I do things that would push any normal person away, she comes back harder. This isn't just being mean. I've experimented. I've sent her creepy pictures from reddit mid-conversation and put the phone down for the night, only to wake up to her not addressing the pic, but instead telling me how she's never been more attracted to anyone in her life. Once I built her up so much to get her to come over. Made her get someone to cover her shift at work so she could come over. She did. Then after she raced home to get ready, saying how excited she was to come over I just said "forget it." and put my phone down for the night. I woke up to 20 texts with her freaking out. The last 5 were super long with her apologizing, calling me her god and all she wants to do is serve me. I'll do it all- throw off the rhythm and vibe, start acting like I can't spell and am dum, act deep and spiritual then later start talking about how stupid people are for thinking planets exists since no one has ever seen one. She just holds on and tries to go with it. So I enjoy the freedom but now she's super depressed and it's seems self-esteem related. I was over my little experiment and tried to actually listen to her and be sweet as she seemed desperate for help. Now she's gone cold. Oh that's the flip side. When she gets too attached and starts getting crazy, I just say something nice or something subtle that has a very understated potentially "approval seeking" tone to it, like I'll ignore her for 3 hours then be like "Just got home from the gym. What's up" and she'll just lose all interest suddenly. She's been writing me these long and deep journal-like texts about how in love she is with me for the past month or so and saying she loves me. She doesn't though. 1 sweet text and she's ghost. So... I should probably just be nice and let her move on? I feel kinda bad upsetting her when she's depressed and desperate for help because I've been depressed and desperate myself and know how much it sucks. But she gets so turned on when I'm mean and will cut my throat if I'm sweet. I don't know. I don't really care about her so maybe I'll just ignore her issues or be nice and let her go. What's up with this mind set? Self esteem issues? It just boggles my mind sometimes.