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About MissJ

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  1. Lol. I was thinking the same thing. This is so black and white. And sex is supposed to be an interaction between two people, I hope OP will want to sleep with the guy as well, and not see it as a necessary "sacrifice" for companionship. OP, I think the fear in thinking you'd be a bother to ask for help or don't want to be "useless" might have some clues in your anxiety in dating as well. How do you feel in your daily or alone? What were some other traditonal thoughts/rules you have received from your upbringing about dating and marriage and such?
  2. Detachment sounds a bit cold. What you describe sounds more like being able to care healthier and in a more constructive way both for yourself and the other. I would not call that selfish no! The self needs to be first or else no one's gonna win anyway. I'm so glad you feel whole and connected with yourself! It's amazing, all the stuff you've been through and now standing here, feeling whole and your own entity. I still have to say your transformation is inspiring and motivating to me.
  3. @Borntothink Thank you!!! Yes... it's incredible how much there is to feel!!!! And yet, just like you say, everything is still ok and even better afterwards... It's really amazing how much one can handle actually. Thank you for the link!! I will definitely check it out. I also did something curious yesterday. So I made this list of my ideal future husband, it was pretty big, and then how I'd like to be treated and feel with that person. And suddenly I realized that ideal person is what I want to become myself and I ultimately wanted to treat myself in that way! So I made sheets to rate in what percetage of the ideal traits I was already hitting. I'm planning to fill this sheet in again over a month. Sort of like tracking my goal progression I guess. I'm curious how it'll feel then.
  4. 29 You are as frightened as a cat on 4th of July when you think about the moment you're going to turn 30. Relax, 30 is the new 20! So, how did we do? Did we get it right or wrong? tell us in the comments! 4 years older than I am . Does this even work or is it random. Saw a 12 year-old-kid in the comment get 62 LOL.
  5. Breaking down and building up anew from the inside. It sounds frigging cool BUT IT HURTS SO BAD. Since I started keeping a feelings logbook I've been experiencing a lot of these: Here are the three other forms of experiencing emotions the author noted, as it's quite interesting: I have been crying so hard every single day since I started realizing where my negative cores really come from and what I have missed in my childhood. I'm scared and at the same time I feel relieved, because I know that this is the only way to free myself. I also realized that many people have gone through abuse or other forms of dysfunction and that emotionally flailing is a very human thing, which makes me feel more connected. These days I often feel like I'm floating in a bubble, that I'm unable to grasp anything to regain footing. That the way I've been looking at the world, my world, is crumbling around me, which makes me feel scared. At the same time I am very aware that this is an enormously positive thing, because "my world" and the values of which I thought were important were a lie anyway. I guess this week's just gonna be extra hard with all the resits going on as well. I am doing fairly well keeping myself on track. I do a lot of journaling, self-soothing by taking on a personified role of self-compassion. Even though my emotions are honestly all over the place. Like two days back I was running around the room dancing half-naked, experiencing utter peace and bliss. Next day I'm crying in utter misery, grieving the ungrieved. I go from emptiness, numbness to utter despair. It's awful. Awfulawfulawfulawfulawfulawful. LOL. That looks hilarious. Like some kind of monster is trying to make crying noises. Anyway. I really wanted to get that off my chest. I felt quite alone in this struggle with all the stress building up and not wanting to bother my besties with constant heavy, traumatic psychological stuff. If you've gone through positive disintegration (or have not gone through it for that matter), I'd love to hear some inspiring stories, words of support or any advice :) Or if you're going through it now, feel free to share your experiences and get if off your chest as well :) I also encourage everyone to just add anything related to the topic of positive disintegration since I really appreciate any new input I can learn from! :D I know that Daniel Siegel's Mindsight is good, I have read a little bit from it. Also, some people coined Dabrowski. I will look him up. Any recommended readings related are welcome! Thanks for reading :)
  6. Is it not the anguish of not knowing your identity? Regardless of type, intelligence etc etc. Since you opened up a bit about your depression and such. Depression means feelings of emptiness and locked feelings right? Well, I can relate to the anguish of not being certain who I am. My type ENFP was clear, but I kept looking and searching for that fleeting hope that something or someone could tell me who I was: enneagram, enneagram wings, IQ results - gifted or not? -, other people's validation, anything to try and gain a feeling of identity. I can tell you, you're not going to find it in an MBTI type or anything else... It's gonna be within you. Types, tests, they are never going to cover your complexity as a full on human being with all your bad, good traits, with your background, all your experiences and who you really are deep down to the core.
  7. 5 seconds is really too short. But having a decent conversation, seeing body language, comfort, discomfort, the way they speak and move, I find that it often gives a bit away in a short conversation. To see the rest, more time with that persons would be needed to see how he reacts and interacts with the world around him. But months seem a little long. Unless, like after the first 5 second conversation you have not talked to them again . Then it makes sense to still have no definite conclusions, since you are missing further info. Perhaps it has to do with me being extroverted and quicker to ask and interact with people, resulting in getting more info to understand them. Or like, you could accidentally hear someone talk to himself, thinking he was alone, and you get a direct view inside his mind XD I had that happen once with a High School teacher of mine, while I was painting at the top floor of the staircases, he walked by a few stories below me and was muttering to himself, unaware of my presence. I was shocked at that time, but now I understand that he was actually doing a very common thing for a human being under huge stress
  8. Overwatch (videogame) if you haven't gotten your answer.

    1. MissJ


      Ah yes! Thank you!

  9. Is it not: Street smart = learning from others and circumstances = experience --> knowledge, but could be enhanced with books School smart = learning from books and teachers (also others) --> knowledge, but lacking direct experience I'd swing both ways
  10. Thanks for letting me know what I wrote to Cak resonated for you. I meant it, and if she were near I'd listen, no condemnation at all. 

    1. MissJ


      Oh! You're welcome! Yes, I tried it myself and it touched me deeply XD 

    2. ness2361


      I used to do a daily one, LovingKindness: When I woke up, throughout the day, before sleep, for an enemy, someone who hurt her children to an intolerable degree, so I said something simple, basic like this:

      May she be at peace; may she know joy; may all good things be hers; may she not suffer; may she learn to love.

      i did it for six months.

      It worked.

      After that I could look at a photo of her and have no ill-will toward her.

      A Vipassana meditation teacher has something similar he called Loving Friendliness to do before meditating, and it's basically the same, only I start with myself, then go on to loved ones, my teachers, enemies, those who are "indifferent" (not interested in growth); and end with "all living beings."

      It's to be done as I did the other: When I wake up, throughout the day, before meditating, and at bed time.

      It works, too, for replacing the negative, false and hurtful mental recordings with positive ones. 

      The recitation is inside a book called Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana.

  11. I love shopping. Not only clothes but small cute stuffs as well. Whether in store or online, I can browse and compare for hours. I bet my Ne has a part in it! It's like it's taking in every option to roll around in and be enthusiastic about
  12. @El Cas Thanks for sharing that . I'm glad you like them!
  13. GIVES HUG. Despite you not seeing it, from what I've collected from the forum you are witty, smart, strong, funny, kind, supportive and pretty damn amazing. Please don't judge yourself for not being able to tell people the truth. I believe you are trying to protect yourself from even more pain by withholding the truth, so in that sense you are trying to take care of yourself. Pride connects to dignity, it is only normal that you cling to your dignity in what you are going through at the moment! That said, it is fucking brave how you're spilling your pain out here in the open. And you deserve to let these pent up feelings out! You deserve to be heard, understood and finding safety! All your feelings are ok, despite your fears that they are bad or unjustifiable. Let yourself feel anything you feel, it's ok! You are ok. ...... added to this post 2 minutes later: This was great... thanks for sharing it.
  14. I'm currently dealing with lots of painful realities... And these feelings constantly come back in my mind as visualizations as well. I decided to pick up my pencils to give expressions to some of them. I felt like sharing this. I still wonder whether emotional expression through art is a form of working through hurt as well. To me, it doesn't really feel that way tbh. It feels more like a source of inspiration rather than a way to heal. But maybe I haven't consciously tried it enough. Edit: on second thought, the moment I posted this one here, I could feel the difference. Like I was somehow acknowledging what is going on within me as the truth. Perhaps I have simply always kept the most personal pieces to myself that it was not therapeutic? I have no idea. Perhaps I simply wasn't taking my feelings serious, even through art. And now it has begun to change, also in art. Edit2 (lol): Yes. I am quite certain now that it is definitely therapeutic. The longer I look at it the more emotional I get, because I know what the depiction stands for. I believe I have always run away from very emotional pieces, either too horrified or simply observing them as another expression of creativity. So... I suppose it's to do with how open I am to my own feelings then... being able to express them but not recognizing them as such! Isn't that strange?