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About Cinder

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  • Brain Dominance


  • Biography
    Married, 1 child, geek, bibliophile, music lover
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  • Occupation
    Head of IT
  • Interests
    Music, books, sociology, psychology, history
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  1. I am guilty of the same. I will resolve to do better at keeping in touch and do so for a week or so, then my usual routine drifts back and I coast along without initiating any contact. Those close enough to me know that this is just how I am and have grown used to it. This sums it up nicely. I do enjoy talking to the people I am close to, but I am also guilty of not thinking about doing so.
  2. I noticed the same thing. When I first moved to Indianapolis, I got the oddest looks from people when I would open doors for them. I grew up in a small rural town and courtesy was drilled into me by my grandparents, as were acts of service. Regardless of where I live, I cannot ignore what their expectations would be in certain situations. On a side note, I was very relieved to be back in my home state & around people who were less likely to react suspiciously to assistance.
  3. We have one dog that sleeps with us & one that prefers her dog bed. As bawb said, the only opinion that matters is that of the person/people in the bed. This. We have an old quilt we use to keep dirt & dog hair out of the bed as much as possible. Our shepherds shed like crazy though, & I have become resigned to dog hair on & in everything in this house.
  4. OP, do you live in a larger city? I ask because I have noticed a distinct difference in how neighbors interact (or do not) between cities and smaller towns. His reaction to your act seems to be the result of not having experienced something like that before. I understand why you would feel awkward to receive such effusive thanks for something that wasn't noteworthy in your mind. Before buying our current house, we lived in a village with a population of 400. It was not at all uncommon for neighbors to be helping neighbors. My husband & a few other men on our street made sure that the heavy tasks (shoveling, mowing, etc.) were handled for the elderly people, and everyone pitched in when someone was injured or ill. It was not expected or assumed, but everyone knew they could count on help when/if needed, so flowery thanks never occurred. We now live in a larger area (4500) & although we casually know the people around us, the same reciprocal relationship doesn't exist. When we lived in a large metro area, we didn't even know our neighbors' names. Anyway, the thanks might be uncomfortable but don't let it dissuade you from future acts.
  5. This is an excellent suggestion if the statement is made honestly and she doesn't feel as though she has been put on the spot. @KidC keep this in mind please: Regardless of her response, you are not screwed. You will either achieve the objective or you will have gained a bit of experience and some knowledge that you can apply to future situations.
  6. Well that's no good - I only wish to bust out the big guns for something major. I suppose I can leave the house occasionally if it means not having to resort to manipulation
  7. Does this count as enabling? Peer pressure? Both? Haha
  8. I keep telling my husband that, yet he insists that leaving the house is "healthy"
  9. I do agree that the mentality can be beneficial at times - look at the history of social change & you can't argue it (unless you happen to have been on the "losing" side). The herd mentality hurts quite often, though, and not just in the sense of mobs. Look at all the "unicorns" who have risen spectacularly thanks to herd mentality, only to crash just as loudly. Theranos comes to mind here. Everyone was so obsessed with the idea the company was selling that they failed to look behind the curtain. You couldn't look at business news without seeing Elizabeth Holmes's face plastered everywhere. If you read the news, you know what happened next. For a while all the trade magazines and papers talked about the "lessons we could learn from Theranos", but that faded as well, as soon as the next hot company started making waves. We whitewash the reality, make someone or something else the scapegoat (it wasn't our fault we fell for it...it was theirs for being untruthful, even if we did ignore all the warning signs) and promptly join in the next "mob". I believe that, as a society, we have developed an irrational fear of missing out. We crave being a part of history, and that desire often overrules any common sense we might have. The niggling voice in the back of our head that is asking "why" gets drowned in the roar when we add our voices to the throng. That fear of being left behind drives us to act, even if the action is counter to our best interests.
  10. I am not one to stop and say goodbye when I leave for the day. I'll say something if I happen to encounter someone on my way out, but I do not make a point to otherwise do so. I have had bosses in the past that expected me to stop and check with them before leaving, but my current one has no such expectation.
  11. Heh. I once did the awkward shoulder pat with the even more cringeworthy "there there" to my sister. She looked at me with the most incredulous expression and yelled "there fucking there?! THAT was your go to?! Unbelievable!" She stomped off muttering about emotionally dense people. To be fair, though, she did stop crying In all seriousness, I am similar when it comes to the cry-bullies. They don't elicit the awkward feelings in me once I have identified them as such. And once I learned that my best course of action in an emotional situation is to listen, I became less likely to panic. My struggle was usually with my fear of saying the wrong thing and making it worse, as I have done just that in the past.
  12. Your new avatar is beautiful, Cinder :) 

    1. Cinder


      Thank you MissJ :)

  13. By definition of normal, no it is not. It is neither typical nor common for older women to have sex with 15-19-year-old males. Given that you do not know that they did indeed have a sexual interest in you, assuming that they did or, if they did, in fact, have an interest in you, that it was due to ephebophilia is absurd. Given the threads that you have posted in the past, picking social cues is not something that is a strength. I would caution you not to immediately leap to such extreme conclusions.
  14. ^This. I am able to firewall my emotions from my decision-making, and I prefer to do the vast amount of my grieving in private. There are 3 people in my life that I trust to expose to my rawest emotions: my husband and my two sisters. No one else, no matter how close, will ever see anything beyond a glimmer of mist in my eyes. I am still working on ^. I'm better than I was - I no longer go into panic mode if someone crumbles in front of me - but I'm still moderately awkward when attempting to provide comfort. If I am doing so via email/text, I am far better at it than I am on the phone or in person.
  15. Risk in our house almost always ends in a stalemate after months of play. We set up one end of a table for the game, and there it stays until we all agree that no one is ever going to win or someone surrenders. Our record so far is 9 months.