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Cinder

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  • Content count

    917
  • Joined

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About Cinder

  • Rank
    Member

Personality

  • MBTI
    INTJ
  • Astrology Sign
    Capricorn
  • Brain Dominance
    Balanced

Converted

  • Biography
    Married, 1 child, geek, bibliophile, music lover
  • Location
    Wisconsin
  • Occupation
    Head of IT
  • Interests
    Music, books, sociology, psychology, history
  • Gender
    Female

Recent Profile Visitors

837 profile views
  1. Yes it will - I get very different times at home than I do at work. On my cell the time is just horrible.
  2. I use hand written thank you cards when I want to emphasize how much a particular action meant to me. It tends to impress because it takes more time than firing off an email. I cannot count how many times I have received an email thanking me for the thank you. Like you said though, not as follow up to an interview. I use email for those.
  3. I disagree with this. He obviously attracts you, so he is plenty good enough. The problem is not his in any way; it is that he would not be considered a good match by your family. I understand that in many cultures this is a significant issue, and I am sorry that you are in this predicament. This answers your question though. The person who can defeat an INTJ female is herself.
  4. It does get challenging, especially if you try to beat your last time. I have seen another version using shapes and words in a similar fashion. That one was a bit easier than this test though.
  5. Heh - I use them quite often for other situations, especially in "above and beyond" cases. Not for follow-up purposes, but they can be an effective tool.
  6. I always send a thank you. If I interviewed with multiple people, I do as Billbb noted and vary the emails. If I do not have their email addresses, I email the HR rep and say something like "please pass along my thanks to the rest of the team". It isn't a deal breaker if a candidate doesn't email, but a well crafted follow-up does get my attention when I am the hiring manager.
  7. I was oddly entertained by the game - it is an easy time killer/brain break test.
  8. You don't seem to need to defeat him as much as you have to gain control over yourself and your own thoughts. You either mean falling or feeling...felling = to cut down So you are disgusted with yourself for feeling attracted to him? Is it only due to his coming from a poor country, or because you are unable to concentrate on your studies because you continue to think of him? The details you have shared this far do not point to any sign of his being a true "psycho", so, I assume you are using this term in a non-clinical sense.
  9. That is attraction though, not love. I have had such situations occur over the years, but never felt them to be love. Lust, intrigue, interest, yes.
  10. I am married to an ENFJ, and we have had similar struggles. He thrives on closeness and words of affirmation whereas I prefer acts of service. We took the love languages test as well, and have been using that to find a place where we are both happy. Initially I felt much like you...that I had compromised far more than he had, & I resented it (and him). However, an astute friend pointed out that I was looking at the situation all wrong. I was making the assumption that introverted pursuits were not as exhausting for him as extroverted activities were for me, when in fact they were. He thrives on having people to talk to & my much quieter pursuits were akin to damping a flame. Too much alone time leaves him stir crazy and feeling caged, much like I feel with too much people time. As shotzy suggested, her having other people to enjoy activities with will help. Ultimately though, she looks to you as her partner for the deepest, most meaningful affirmations. The question is how to do so. One thing I do is randomly email my husband or leave him a note to tell him how much I love him. I am specific with reasons as to why. For example, something like "I really love how you put so much effort into dinner last night. It means so much to me that you help out when I am feeling overwhelmed" or something along those lines. I randomly send cookie & coffee baskets to him at work, slip notes in with his lunch, & find other ways to show him that love without going too far out of my own comfort zone. The more confident he feels in my love, the more comfortable he is with my need for alone time. I used to have moments where I wished I wasn't in a relationship. In my darkest moods, those thoughts do still float through from time to time. However, I also recognize that living with me can be a struggle at times as well, and that he has to compromise quite a bit too. You are feeling ill used, as if you have done all the compromising. Take a step back and look objectively at what compromises she has made. Find ways to recognize her efforts rather than dwelling solely on your own. If you still feel it is too one sided, address it. Letting your resentment continue to build will only lead to pain.
  11. I am not vehemently for or against marriage. I just had one note on this...marriage doesn't guarantee that someone is there at the end of the journey. We have some family friends who remained unmarried but committed, all the way up to his death. They were together for over 40 years, & even 9 years later she refuses to date anyone else, saying that no one could ever fill his space in her head and heart. On the flip side, I have seen couples divorce the minute their kids are out of the house or even later in life. In my opinion, the piece of paper isn't a guarantee for anything outside of legal purposes. I did remarry, though I hadn't had any plans to do so. My reasons were primarily legal. That doesn't mean I don't love my SO, just that I didn't find a ceremony necessary to prove that. In the end, it boils down to the two of you and what you want. The pressure to marry has always irritated me - while friends and family most likely mean well, they are applying their values to your relationship, & that isn't always a good fit.
  12. @MissJ You are incredibly talented! I especially liked the blond in blue, but also the Impressionist paintings. Have always loved them, and your work resonated with me. I hope you keep posting what you are doing!
  13. The analogy I came up with last night was that you were trying to communicate in French when many of us only spoke German. Misunderstandings were rife on both sides. Initially your focus was solely on understanding him - on the surface. Underneath, though, you were trying to figure out your own reactions. We were trying to answer the wrong questions, which led you to reject the theories. We talked ourselves into circles and didn't get anywhere. A less intimately involved version of the NT/NF death spiral, haha.
  14. It is interesting that you feel intellectually superior to ENTJs, given that they are typically regarded as being very intelligent. Certainly not mediocre in any way. I have not encountered any evidence that suggests that INTJs are any more gifted in that area than ENTJs. This article gives a very thorough breakdown of the differences between the two. Intelligence is not one of them. As for helping you figure out your type, I will defer to those better suited to the task than I.