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About Borntothink

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    Analyzing, walking, road biking, thinking, and making sense of things
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    Dancing/music has become my new way to quiet my mind long enough to take in my surroundings with awareness & digest learned lessons of life which in good time bring me enlightenment

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  1. I know that I work best in bursts . I know it will get done even if I waited to do so . I call it mental preparation. It has worked for me & I don't miss deadlines . Beating myself up on what ifs & I ought to do that when it comes to doing tasks is counter productive because it uses up energy unnecessarily & without good purpose. Acknowledging will suffice . I might wait but I will swing into motion & not stop until it gets done once I started .
  2. In closer relationships I was told I am too blunt .... Enemies I don't think I have but people who either don't know what to do with me or my thinking gives them a headache .... I take that with a grain of salt I have improved in feeling more comfortable wherever I am & therefore step on less toes so to speak by just belonging with my own sense of being because awkwardness can attract all the wrong attention ...and to me awkwardness is not knowing how we can be perfectly just ourselves but still can contribute something positive with our very own aura even if it doesn't fit into the current norm per se.
  3. Thank you @byhisello99 I agree :) I also had to go through a Do process first to build a new foundation what I call my internal reference point to life before I was able to practice acceptance in a better way & being able to recognize what I am actually dealing with .
  4. I think you are ignoring the traditional roles of a homemaker who does make a woman more vulnerable just by not earning an income or that time spent is not even considered as any valuable experience to one's futue career & the age factor can come into play as well .... Are you saying that it is equal in nature when society favors the ones who earn a monetary income . Last time I checked , money still makes the world go around ... so if we don't care for our own children fulltime and only entrust them in the care of others so we don't lose our own earning potential that might be a solution to gain an equilibrium.... and nowadays men do stay home with children as well . It has never been about painting men as the evil doers but the question arises is a traditional family a dead concept & whoever stays home fulltime with small children puts themselves in a disadvantaged position @rickster
  5. I don't think it's so much about sacrificing, it is about trying to take care of the needs of others . Children especially when little need to be nurtured & without family support which is more common nowadays results in a bigger load on the nucleus of the family. True challenges arises when there are events , occurrences that might impact your family negatively and trying to fend those factors off to protect , to nurture or yes even fix ( trying to get away from that one & guide with detachement or just not interfere depending on circumstances) Often in life it's easier to focus outwards because it is so much easier to see the missteps others take but taking an honest look inwards digging deep can be a very scary & painful process indeed . So sometimes we take the path of least resistance in our emotional life without even realizing that is exactly what we just did . We are trying to fix the outcome not completely understanding the source of things & since it is such a convulated endeavor involving so many players it can become quite complex & time consuming in nature to recognize & find a healthy way to deal with it . I do believe once we have more time due to children growing up we are given the opportunity once again to face ourselves honestly and without guilt once again ...... since we might find ourselves alone more often & not distracted by taking care of small children who obviously needed our 24/7 care at one point in their lives !!! @rickster it's nice to hear from you :)
  6. So true @MissJ & I understand completely
  7. Interesting & true @volleyballjerry I guess it resembles the empty nest syndrome after kids grow up or losing a spouse after a divorce or death as well . Everything you have known changes & you no longer have to think of your spouse's or kids' needs & wants any longer . It's like you are spinning the wheel back to a life before marriage & children etc. And if you got married very young how long of a span did we have to learn what it means to think of one's own needs first . Maybe we never truly learned it .....? Eventhough we would assume as children we are wired to think of our own needs first .... but as adults we might lose the oversight to take care of ourselves first but it is essential to know what we need so we can be there for others in a healthier way .
  8. I think having been married a total of 30 years & raising 4 kids & do to other circumstances, we sometimes lose our own identity along the way . It might caused by trying to make sure other people's needs are met first for too long , that we neglect our own somehow .... and eventually don't even know what we would define our own needs & wants to be . Progress to me is now that I no longer identify myself with how people treat me or how I think I should be treated like . They have become to separate entities. I am my own person now & feel just fine with who I am . I am responsible how I perceive & process other people's actions and they no longer define my well being . I am finally able to let go off trying to determine the root cause why people exhibit certain behaviors, actions , have certain boundaries or the lack of them . I came to realize that it will not change the outcome of other people's actions if I try to understand the why and often I might even enable them to continue hurting others and vice versa by probing , doubting & questioning .... If we take the actions personally we often lose sight of what is really happening & to what extent it is occurring .... and even might cross the line from reality to imagining this might happen next . Even if it does it did not help anyone predicting such behavior because we lost the presence while doing so . Maybe I finally understand & have internalized that often I need to just be aware of how actions & words match up with others , no more or less. Staying in the present in personal relationships might be a key to form healthier bonds . And at the end of the day I am only responsible for why I do things & how I treat others , what I am willing to accept & when to practice detachment & check my own motives while doing so !!! All this gives me internal peace & I am no longer searching for the "right" one to spend time with since my greatest joy is spending it with myself first of all since I will be wherever I go & carry myself along the way for the rest of my lifetime . I believe the right people will cross my path & now I might even be able to see them if it is to be the case . I actually enjoy my autonomity in even a "romantic" kind of way you might say . It is no longer just narrowed down to my thinking but to my whole being of just being me . I no longer need to have a person to give me a sense of belonging or purpose etc. and their actions of the past & present no longer define my sense of who I am . I would like to know if anyone else went through this process & how it changed their life ....
  9. Yes so true !!! @ENFPEACE And knowing when to step out of the way to let each child find their own way eventually was my saving grace with my two youngest & also my oldest children .... and still guiding them until they can stand on their own two feet & are legally grown .... the most difficult balancing act nature has given us is to be a parent in my opinion!!!
  10. Lol 😂 @ENFPEACE a teenager with an old soul but an impulsive nature one better hide from until that moment passes .... 😜😉..... those moments do lessen over time since we are each striving for our very own equilibrium.... and the better I do the better they seem to do !!!
  11. Very interesting & helpful @ENFPEACE . I guess my daughter & I will have to learn to listen to each other in a better way but so often she feels a bad aura of the few select people I seem to introduce to her ... in my personal life ....hmmmm could be many factors coming together there as well but I do think she has a natural ability if not skewed by fear !
  12. Being in equilibrium does feel great @Madden wished I could maintain it for longer periods of times !
  13. Can you spot the so called kind or genuine people too ? Or only time will tell @ENFPEACE if they have a good soul ? My daughter being an ENFJ says mom you are blind to people's aura . She says she can feel the bad in people , I on the other hand saw the good ..... but I am learning .....
  14. Yup I agree @pavulon . In real life we all struggle .... it's more about leave me be when I am happy and don't criticize that I am because I am not bothering you . So it is not announcing it but just wanting to left be or find flaw with the How & When !!! If I space out and am not disturbing you , I don't want to be told I need to snap out of it as long as I take care of the things that need to be & am there for my children etc . Sitting and pondering might be my sense of happiness from time to time for others it might be their favorite TV show .
  15. When does narcissism become a personality disorder ? If all methods of diminishing one's personality is geard towards killing off another's personality to feed their own ego with no true regard of the well being of another ..... Maybe it might be stated under the umbrella of saying it is for the greater good but only to make themselves feel superior at the end & they seemingly derive some pleasure out of seeing others suffer while still being miserable themselves all along . It feels like someone is trying to suck the very life out of you slowly forcing one to go into self protection mode shutting down internally so they cannot successfully destroy your "being". I used to call it putting your heart in an armor since I could not stop him at coming at me !!! @Continental Op