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Borntothink

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About Borntothink

  • Rank
    Member

Personality

  • MBTI
    INTJ
  • Enneagram
    1W9
  • Astrology Sign
    Pisces

Converted

  • Interests
    Analyzing, walking, road biking, thinking, and making sense of things
  • Gender
    Female
  • Personal Text
    Dancing/music has become my new way to quiet my mind long enough to take in my surroundings with awareness & digest learned lessons of life which in good time bring me enlightenment

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  1. Speaking of my recent experience of learning to be myself since I left an environment that squashed my whole sense of being ! I found we all have a place where we can be completely ourselves & you might find it in the oddest places . I found it in bars listening to live bands & dancing .... and I only drink water . Life can be full of contradictions but there is a place for each sincere person . You can call it a calling or just a sense of belonging . I am certain you will find yours out there in a social setting away from your work & every day persona . You might become a parachuting instructor & find the love of your life . Maybe it's not so much about others accepting our quirks & idiosyncrasies but us being okay with that we might be considered a goofball or out there at times . Maybe we don't need someone to embrace that in us but be tolerant enough to let us be us which goes both ways . Maybe us fitting in means being ourselves in the best sense possible and it will eventually fall into place if we are willing to listen to the signs & lessons along the way!!! I hope this helps a little @EchoFlame
  2. Well @Dohavior you definitely have a way with words . By going through sharing on this thread & starting a few subtopics along the way , I did realize more about myself more internally like another conclusion that feels like an epiphany. I knew it all along but I really didn't know know it ... Feeling & internalizing is far different than just uttering the words . I guess any period after leaving a long term relationship can be deemed or labeled as being on the rebound ... still not completely sure what that exactly is & how it is truly defined , but it became clear to me that the relationships I picked or the people who picked me were known temporary periods of interactions like an intersection ...and a fork in the road & like knowing soon I will have to catch a train with a new destination in mind . Maybe I picked the emotionally unavailable because I knew I wasn't going to stick around . I still was hoping that both parties could just care & embrace each other's differences, learn & then move on but still sincerely care ! I found most have to choose one or the other . I was still in the midst choosing people who reflected my past "lives" and reliving my last 30 plus years was necessary to sort it out so I can finally let it go . Doing it just plainly in my mind or talking about it really is only affective with a very limited amount of success rate in my personal opinion ... by not doing it I believe we only engage a pause button only to continue where we left off ...once we push the on button again . After all practice makes perfect ... so they say ... I turned people away who wanted a real commitment & basically ran from them but held on to the ones who couldn't & weren't able to reciprocate any sense of true caring etc for that moment in time maybe because they were burnt , still in love with an ex or just simply petrified of being hurt themselves once again . Maybe I needed to relive my past in order to let go off the notion that I deserve that someone is cabable of truly caring about me . I now care about myself enough all on my own & this feels perfectly grande . Now it doesn't seem to matter since I feel completely happy just being me ! I no longer have the need to convince the emotionally unavailable or try to stop someone else from hurting internally or alleviate their pain by being persistent since it was never up to me in the first place. I found my new foundation of knowing myself better & embracing the me in me while still being a work in progress . I no longer need to fix but know I can help in a healthier detached kind of way !!! Knowing my boundaries & respecting someone else's emotional boundaries are the key ! I am learning slowly but surely ..... a heck of a painful process to dissect those layers of our onion of our emotions & life to get to the core of our subconscious & self-awareness. If fear rules us than we lose sight of what we tried to accomplish in the first place ! Digging into our own psyche can be very scary indeed because who knows what we might find & have to admit to or just accepting that we need other people but in a completely different way we ever thought of is admitting we are indeed vulnerable & human .
  3. I rarely cry but I agree it's very cleansing & therapeutic. It can release all the hurt we stored up until our cup spills over which can take a very very long time for us to occur .
  4. Funny 😂 Well now you burst my bubble about why I supposedly look 10-15 + years younger . I thought it was due to my healthy life style choices & happy thinking lol . Your focal point was blatantly apparent on your first post on this thread ... Just kidding ... I did not take it seriously especially since we have never met ...etc Maybe it's more the hunter looking at their prey ... how & what the prey is saying is only used to come back to mimic caring by repeating what they heard & mirroring gestures but they never even tried to understand the words or the story told by their prey / focal point . Does that make any sense to you ? Nope never lift with my legs ! Yes the dating sites are a hoot ... and an education in itself . What are you looking for when it comes to dating ? Maybe I wasn't ready for real dating yet ... the thought of it sounded good but ... the actual meaning what it means to commit to anyone again, I might not even have been ready for in the past year . Maybe I should go around & reverse the table and now say to the guys , let's have an awesome friendship, age doesn't matter & you are one of my favorites.... etc . oh let's not forget to throw the word gorgeous around to ice the cake & let's see how many hearts I can break .... lol Karma can come back and bite someone soon or later but I despise games & misleading anyone so I will just practice watching actions & words & vice versa & of course the body language especially the feet !!! @Dohavior
  5. What classifies as ill intent then ? Because being a woman that could mean something completely different to me ... lying & pretending to care to get to be intimate with one is ill intent in my book. No offense but men can be excellent at faking that they care long enough to obtain what is at their focal point . Never understood or noticed that men seem to operate in a focal point mode !!! I used to hear age is nothing but a number etc ... oh boy ... not true at all . Like I said soon I will get my T-shirt made that states I will be still the age I told you the night before . What blew my mind that the pursuit can be up to a year ... but with the same end effect .... it meant only physical attraction , curiosity who knows..... an extra notch etc ... Very puzzling and shocking to be single again ...... The hands do like to move down to my hips etc .... I will slap them next time lol @Dohavior
  6. I still like my onion theory .... I believe we are born knowing what we feel ....might not be able to express it verbally but learning to cope in dysfunction masks what our subconscious is really trying to tell us . Overcompensation of primal instincts to cope with what we cannot escape & things that potentially hurt us . Freeze , Fright , Flight & Fawn all serve a good purpose but in dysfunction we tend to overuse one or two modes which eventually masks our true feelings & why we react the way we do . @Amore & @Dohavior ...... added to this post 3 minutes later: Very interesting @Dohavior Can you tell me more about the feet ... like pointing towards someone supposedly means attraction etc . Jumping up & down , shoveling can too. But how to know they are lying ...
  7. Check out the other sites ... and let us know what you find out ... Being determined & stubbornly insisting on my point of view since I put so much thought into it couldn't be mine at all @zonsop
  8. Lol 😂 I like that @Amore since we must be so very illogical ... my kids would be so happy if that would be true !!! ...... added to this post 4 minutes later: Wouldn't the unconscious be like the theory of that our feelings are like an onion . Layers & layers of survival mechanisms & coping skills that we took on & adapted to during a crisis which eventually mask the true root cause of why & how we respond the way we do . I found a lot of answers researching how to deal with PSTD . http://pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm @zonsop & @Dohavior
  9. Yeah cynical is a better word ... had to compare the definitions. Observing a person's mannerism , words & actions is new to me . I used to believe why would someone make all that up ... it does not serve any purpose or make any sense . I also had to let go of the idea that eyes are windows to the soul.... I too often just see a twinkle which can mean anything in my book ... I think now the hands are a better indicator..... but still gaining my new reference to life since I am currently letting my freshly broken bones heal in the new cast I just poured . Lol @Dohavior ...... added to this post 1 minute later: This might not help you since you were asking @Dohavior but here is a link that helped me tremendously. http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INTJ_per.html
  10. That doesn't sound imperial or anal retentive at all .... since we can agree on our natural talent of biting sarcasm if it is mutually exhibited & appreciated.... We always knew there is that sort of love-hate aka hate-love relationship between INTPs and INTJs :) or are we being anal here ?! @Dohavior
  11. Well you had me rolling .... nice to know . I guess I have lots to ponder here ... since I am more anal than analytical !!! Granted I might get stuck from time to time like a pitbull on an idea but I do let go after I found my conclusion and looking at it from all possible views & perspectives . Call it my confessions to let go.... of what I need to ... so I can move on Give you credit for at least reading most of it !!! I am glad you possess such great analytical skills are not anal retentive at all !!! Yes trying to gain how others perceive one is also understanding how one comes across gaining a better self awareness ! I will have to read your answer over later due to its explicit nature etc ... lol @Dohavior
  12. That's so interesting you brought this up @JuxtAposE . As a child I was merely an observer (extremely quiet in nature ) of things & people's actions that did not make any sense to me . I came up with theories how it should be but of course it was based on my very own personality & did not take in account the huge grey zone of life & personalities which encompasses strengths & failures & human frailties .During that process I lost sight of my own needs & desires ... for sure ... I saw so much dysfunction but did not know that's what is was in actuality but it did not feel or seem right ... all was so subtle & behind the scenes but one thing was clear to me no matter how young I was at the time .... Something was severely wrong & I couldn't change the life of my parents & my family except my very own .... and I did in huge magnitudes of choices of letting the wrong people in my life & the impact was severe . I wanted to help my mom (INFP) & couldn't!!! And she died a very lonely & bitter person but always had possessed a kind heart when I was a child but could not get passed her depressions & sadness Now I have become so much more than an observer & learning more & more to become the director of my own play of life & might even spread a bit of happiness along the way & learning not to waste it on the wrong / toxic people any longer !!! I love love my moments of epiphanies as well !!! Very rewarding indeed & a sign of growth :)
  13. Thank you @toki initially I took it as personal rejection since some pursued me so long that I thought that my personality & thinking was something they saw & liked ... but I am learning often in the getting to know phase people solely operate in a tunnel vision mode which I don't fully comprehend. They want something because it's different but when they get it , they often don't know what to do with it because they never read or listened to the owner's manual per se or to the words that came out of my mouth . I am learning to decipher & recognize that time only will tell or look for the signs I used to miss . I am aware now to stay away from unhappy people who only are curious & want to use / possess or only let them so close ! Happiness can only be achieved from within & often it is simply just a state of mind for me despite & in spite of it all !
  14. Yes so true @asnivy I found this webpage below very helpful understanding a bit more about myself but also in regard to other people & personalities in my life . http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INTJ_per.html I have an ENFJ roommate & a daughter of the same personality. When off center they are both proned to verbal outbursts etc but when balanced the best motivators to have around . I think gaining my natural happy self back that feels connected to the bigger universe out there has been my biggest gift & blessing !!! I believe this was in me ever since I was little but somehow never "allowed" to be due to circumstances & people in my life !!!
  15. I like that @JuxtAposE What was puzzling to me that often people are drawn to it but once they get closer to it , diminish it .... maybe because by simply being around happy vibes does not make them happy & with my analytical nature might spark them to ponder which so many I met want no part of it & it all the sudden looks like work to be happy . I am working on finding people who can embrace & combine positive energies or compliment each other . Pull out each other strengths etc . I give back in small ways by putting smiles on faces of random strangers & people I know . And everyday is a free hug day .... anyone who needs one can have one & I believe both benefit . This is something I just learned to do about a year ago .