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About Holli

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    Benevolent Inventor
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    Travel, adventure, psychology, sociology, science-fiction, craft beer
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  1. Snakes are awesome. I'm also not afraid of insects, but I don't like them in my house. Or on me ... if there's something on me bigger than a ladybug, I will start flailing. Once I looked down and there was a roach on my stomach/shirt - WTF? Not okay. I've otherwise picked up roaches to freak people out. In my last relationship, I was the one who would have to remove the spider from the wall while my ex ran away. I'm not fond of bees/wasps, though, and will run away if they're flying around me. If they don't try to eat my food, land on me, chase, or sting me ... they're fine.
  2. I think, at your age, most men are used to dating women who have dated enough to be comfortable with having sex pretty early on in a relationship. They may not want to have to deal with someone who may act like an inexperienced teenager when it comes to sex, like if you say you're "not ready" for it after you've already been dating a while. I think if you were to meet someone who REALLY liked you, they'd be okay with going at a slower pace (if that's even the reality), but those two men may not have known you well enough to feel as though you stuck out from the crowd. Do you have much experience with guys at all - as friends? Have you ever had a close connection with a man? I think if someone were to really get to know you as a person, they'd be willing to give you a chance even if they had reservations. I really don't think the virginity is your problem - I think it has more to do with your confidence level and, if it applies, the fact that you may be reserved or difficult to get to know. So even though they used that as a reason, and probably believed it, I don't think it will be a deal-breaker to very many if they otherwise really like you. I lost my virginity at 28, but I never had a single man, who was interested in me, suggest a problem with the fact that I was a virgin. Some were turned on by it, others just didn't care. I'm a very open person, so it wasn't something I kept hidden. I was a virgin because I wasn't interested in sex or relationships (I did consider myself asexual) for 10+ years. So, when I finally decided to be open to relationships/sex, it wasn't something I was frightened by and I don't think any worried that I'd be weird about it or that they'd have to guide me through the experience. It's not something you need to be embarrassed about. There's nothing wrong with waiting until you really like/love someone. It's really difficult for me to find someone that I would want a relationship with and I had no interest in having sex with someone outside of a relationship. And I was also never embarrassed about it because I had no reason to be. You have no reason to be, either.
  3. I'm stubborn when I need to be. Also sometimes when I don't need to be, but choose to be anyway. In times where I should compromise, I do. In times where I should forgive, I do. I was considered very stubborn as a child. But I'm also reasonable, so I will consider otherwise if it makes since to be less stubborn on whatever it is I'm being stubborn about ... unless I feel like someone is being controlling, even if they're right, then I will stick to my guns. I'm extremely opposed to someone attempting to control or influence me (for their benefit and not mine) ... THAT will cause me to be stubborn as hell. I was not affected by peer pressure, for instance.
  4. Why is it covered in plastic? Actually ... I don't want to know.
  5. Club her over the head and chain her up in your basement? I'd also agree with cat.
  6. I went through this in my LDR - the feeling disconnected, especially as time went by. Ultimately I moved in with him, a year later, and that solved the concerns I had. We've been together for three years now.
  7. It's a very admirable decision to take in someone else's children and raise them in the event the parents can't. However, I don't think that someone choosing not to shoulder that responsibility makes them an indecent person. It's not only about finances - there is a lot of effort involved in raising children. Someone shouldn't be forced into that position or shamed from deciding that it isn't what they want for their life. It's great for a person to decide to live their life selflessly and devote themselves to helping others ... but that's not how everyone desires to live. If that is what makes someone a decent person, there are plenty of parent-less children out there ready for you to adopt them. They need you. Or are you too self-centered to do that?
  8. Your result is: INTP INTP - 65% INTJ - 35% On the other tests from that site: INTP - 65% INFP - 35% INFP - 59% INFJ - 41% INTP - 59% ISTP - 41% INTP - 59% ENTP - 41% ESFP - 59% ENFJ - 41% INTJ - 59% ISTJ - 41% INTJ - 53% INFJ - 47% ISFP - 53% ISTP - 47% Type me
  9. Long story - emotional breakthrough (from many years of have little to no emotions), physical changes that increased confidence, lots of mental changes, etc... It occurred over a couple month period and lasted for maybe 1-2 years in full force, then dwindled down to zero. True. Hard to really remember.
  10. I wasn't in love for my first three relationships. I met my current boyfriend online, in a message board, while I was in my last relationship. Totally platonic for about seven months, almost professional in our conversations. We sent very, very long messages to each other and really talked about ourselves and got to know one another. It was a real, genuine friendship. Oddly, there wasn't even any sort of flirtation, which was unusual for me - because I'm usually very flirtatious in general. We discovered how alike we were, how we enjoyed the same things, and had the same goals. He made me remember myself and question whether my relationship was right for me (it wasn't). After months, I became attracted to him - kind of hard not to be. He later admitted feelings for me (love) and we discussed ending the friendship due to his feelings, but decided the friendship was more important. More time went by ... I decided my relationship needed to end (due to coming to terms that it wasn't right for me). At that point, once that decision had been made, I fell HARD. The protection bubble of my relationship (to keep me from actually developing legit feelings for anyone else) burst and feelings for my current boyfriend came pouring in. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt and we hadn't even met yet. At that point I made myself completely vulnerable to him. I told him my deepest fears and darkest secrets. I told him things about me that no one else has ever known - completely exposing myself (not like that). We were both completely lovestruck. I lost 10lbs in a week. It was overwhelming. I was a mess and could barely function. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. It was maddening. That all went away, thankfully, but we've been together since. We met, made plans to move in together, and have been together now for ... nearly three years and living together for a little more than a year and a half. I love everyday I've spent with him. I am completely myself with him, something I've never had with anyone else. In general, though, it takes a lot for me to love someone. I really have to get to know them. I don't love based on physical/sexual attraction or anything like that.
  11. Several years ago I went through a really confident, really positive phase where I was super outgoing and social. For the first time in my life, people were referring to me as a popular and a social butterfly. I was regularly texting about 10 people a day, hanging out with several different friends quite often, and really enjoyed meeting/talking to new people. I went out of my way to run INTO people rather than avoid them. It's quite different from how I'd been my entire life and most of my time was spent interacting with other people in some form. Eventually that stopped and I fell back into my hermit ways of not wanting to interact with anyone and, instead, do solitary activities. Both modes were enjoyable in different ways, but the hermit life is definitely a lot more quiet - which I do like.
  12. Yeah, it doesn't seem like you have friendship compatibility. I'm actually similar to him, from what I can tell from his friendship style, so I'll speak on that. When I have a lot going on in one area of my life, or I'm stressed, then I kind of shut down and don't have the energy for anything else ... which definitely includes friendships where someone has "needs" of me. When I'm in a state of mind where my focus isn't being split, then I can be a great friend. In the times where I'm distracted by other things going on in my life, I'm a terrible friend. I tend to isolate myself and have a hard time "being there" for someone who is having troubles of their own. Being needed makes me withdraw. If you're someone who doesn't really "need" friends often, that may have been what was appealing about your friendship to begin with. I know I tend to avoid being friends with people who are needy or have demands/expectations of their friendships. The reality is, simply, that I'm not a good person to count on ... so I need friendships that are, not necessarily "shallow", but low expectation and highly independent. I don't use my friendships for emotional support or for advice. I'm happy to share details of my life with someone (and hear theirs), or have deep conversations, or to hang out here and there ... but when someone starts having expectations that I be there for them, then I know it's just not the right kind of friendship for me. And, really, why I tend to avoid friendships altogether. I think that you need someone more like you and he needs someone more like him as a friend. That way you're not disappointed and he isn't feeling as though he's being disappointing.
  13. I have a piece of metal/shrapnel in my left forearm that is tender to the touch and hurts like hell if I ever bump it against something (targeted pressure to that spot). It has been there for nearly 20 years. One of these days I ought to just get it removed so I don't have to deal with it anymore.
  14. You're awfully presumptuous of what other people are thinking and what their/our motivations are. First, you imply that the women posting are sexually/socially threatened by you and now that people are forgetting you're a human being. I'm not sure if you're new to message boards, but people do quote/comment/reply to each other in threads, even referring to the author of the thread as "he/she". This occurs in essentially every thread where people want to comment on another person's posts. No one has forgotten you're a person.
  15. Or if she's actually fat then it's better to break the news now.