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About Holli

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    Benevolent Inventor
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    Travel, adventure, psychology, sociology, science-fiction, craft beer
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  1. I am tough, but I don't know that I come across that way to others - it's not really overt in my personality. I'm rarely, if ever, aggressive, though there may be some forum members that see me that way (it's pretty obvious when I don't like someone). I would also never describe myself as a "go-getter", but I'm not very ambitious for this to really apply. If I want something, then I'll typically get it, but I guess the "wanting" part isn't often there for me to feel that way. My boyfriend will often send me on quests to get him things HE wants, though. It's not unusual for me to be like, "Watch this" and come back with something he wanted, that I convinced someone to give me. He's pretty impressed by it. I absolutely want total control of my own life-path. Attempting to control or influence me would be a mistake. I don't have many friends, but it's because I don't want them, and not due to my temperament. I can be self-absorbed, but not really at the expense of others. I try not to involve others in my life, for the most part, because I am pretty absorbed with my own life and interests. I don't have much energy for other people. As for acquisitiveness ... I'm not interested in money/material objects at all. I'm more of a minimalist and "greedy" would never describe me. Thank you for the reading! It was fun.
  2. And how many women have you, personally, known that have done this?
  3. I'd also be curious if by "social life" she means directly interacting with people or just being in a social setting (rather than at home doing solitary/quite/homebody things). For instance, I go to all kinds of social events (baseball games, beer fests, fairs, conventions, release events, other fests, etc...), but I mostly only interact with my boyfriend, unless I'm approached by strangers - which I often am and don't mind. I don't really include my boyfriend in my definition of "social life", though he's my activity partner in everything, but I am very often in settings where I'm around many people.
  4. This is a really dumb thing to continue to post on an MBTI forum - which I've now seen you do numerous times. People are clearly going to reference MBTI, since we're on an MBTI forum. It doesn't mean that anyone is staking their life on it. If it bothers you that people reference their type, don't join an MBTI forum.
  5. I'm attracted to guys who look like they don't care about clothing/fashion. Jeans/t-shirts, mostly.
  6. Yep, I'm absolutely terrible at initiating contact. And sometimes can also be pretty bad at responding if someone else does initiate ... depending on my mood/state of mind. I don't have a need/desire to keep in constant contact with friends or family. I am not needy or lonely.
  7. "A Planet Called Treason" (or "Treason") by Orson Scott Card. Maybe about 10 times? Not entirely sure.
  8. - I like going to parties with middle-aged professionals (45+) who stand around and drink and have conversations, but not younger people. I don't think I've ever been to a party that was just loud music and getting drunk. - I am quite fond of drinking alcohol, though didn't start until I was 23. - I like those other activities. Mostly if I spend time with people, we're drinking and playing board games at their house (or just drinking and talking). Otherwise boyfriend and I are active outside of the house and we also go to the bar usually twice a week (technically breweries for their beer), but don't really interact with anyone else.
  9. I had an ESFJ office mate for a couple years, which was awful. She was a nice woman (if you were on her good side), but she was obnoxious as hell to be around that much. Super nosy, talked too much, judgmental, crossed boundaries, etc... My boss was next door and she would tell her to leave me alone, that I'm working, and that worked out really well because it wasn't coming from me. But it never lasted long. After a bit of time, and constant interruptions, I started to lose my patience. I can't remember what happened (if I said something to her), but she got nasty and started making all sorts of intentional noises ... singing, tapping her foot on a plastic surface, acting all smug, etc... Thankfully I ended up going to another program and didn't have to share a room with her anymore. I do like her as a person and she'll contact me every once in a while to catch up (she's also on my Facebook), but I do not miss our time together. She also had a reputation for doing spiteful/vengeful things ... like someone had flowers on their desk and she cut all the roses off the stems. She never admitted it, and no one ever knew for certain it was her ... but they knew it was her.
  10. Yep, this is true for me, as well. ----------- I can be really bad at replying to texts/messages/e-mails ... often after a period of being highly responsive. Often, in early relationships (including friendships), I'll just "Let it go" when I don't have the desire to respond immediately. It's not an intentional ghosting, it's just procrastination that I may give up on. I actually did that shortly after meeting my current boyfriend online (random message board). After a week or two he followed up, apologizing if he'd unknowingly offended me or crossed a line (he has Asperger's), since I hadn't responded. I replied because I felt like an asshole and wanted to ensure him that he didn't do anything wrong. If he hadn't sent that message, we would have never spoken again, and wouldn't be together today. In other situations, though, I may not respond if I'm legitimately uninterested in someone ... with hopes that it fades away. If they follow up again, I'll likely express my disinterest in some way.
  11. I'm female.
  12. It is not easy to offend me, so don't worry about it (and not sure what in your post would be offensive). If I didn't care, I wouldn't have made the thread. I care about my father as a person and I don't want him to feel abandoned or unloved because I am absent. I want to be there for him, but I am struggling with accomplishing that. My post included a lot of information, so not everything was really "associated" with the sentences before it. It was mostly just listing various bits to give context to how my parents are, how I was raised, how I feel about my family in particular, but also how I can feel differently with other people, and how/why I have issues with emotions/connections. I have secure attachments with specific people (like my boyfriend), but have an avoidant/dismissive attachment style with my family. I used to have avoidant attachments with everyone, didn't cry for years, asexual, and had very limited emotions in all aspects of my life ... so I have come a long way from where I was. Yes, I do tend to rationalize (and intellectualize) ... and I am aware of that. They're my highest used defense mechanisms. As for empathy, I am quite empathetic in general. I try to disassociate emotions from my family, so can come across as less empathetic while referring to them. If you read other posts I've made in the thread, I do mention that my pain/sadness in this situation stems from how my father must be feeling rather than experiencing my own sense of sadness at the thought of losing him. Likewise, I felt nothing with my grandmother died, but I felt sad for how it affected others that had a close relationship with her. I'm a "cry when others cry" kind of person, but I don't feel many personal emotions. Sure, my brother's intentions are to help. I don't think he's specifically attempting to shame me, but there is definitely shaming involved (for instance, a text saying, "What the fuck, dude? You're going on a road trip but won't visit your dying father?"). My boyfriend and I are going to see his mother in FL next month, who he hasn't seen in over four years (and I've never met). This trip has been planned since last year and wasn't some spur of the moment trip. As for improving our relationship ... I don't really care to. We don't have a poor relationship, though we also don't have a close relationship, either. I have no desire to have a relationship with my brother that is any "more" than it is now ... which is basically just occasionally commenting on each other's Facebook posts and texting if we have a question of each other. I saw a therapist for a couple sessions about a year ago, but didn't like his non-directive style (where he basically wanted me to sit down and start talking on my own). I prefer someone that will take the lead, ask questions, and determine what is talked about. I'm definitely open to therapy, but I'm lazy and terrible about making appointments. Plus, it's expensive.
  13. I got Chimpanzee (ENTP) again.
  14. I don't think it's the women that have this preference. They're only doing it because they know that's what a lot of men are attracted to.