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About Amore

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    Me, myself & I
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    Piano, hiking, tennis, dance
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  1. I relate with wanting others to love me how I want to be loved. I won't speak for you but often for me, nothing's been good enough. It's the "emotional deprivation life trap." I guess it's a deep belief that I'll never get the love I need & searching to prove myself right. And also maybe a continuation of anger & sadness for feeling neglected as a kid. As an adult now, I do want healthy relationships, but I need to find that love I crave within myself (spirituality for me), and which nobody else can give. I hope you get through this, being wiser and more ready to invest your love wisely.
  2. Lots of good comments. Emotions are a major part of oneself. Ignore or repress them at your own risk. Often, "dis-ease" is the body attempting to process emotions that have been ignored or stuffed down. I struggle too. It's like I got used to stuffing feelings down - in favor of pleasing others or distracting myself. But it helps when I write or play music or otherwise process how I feel.
  3. It hurts to be betrayed. It's difficult to trust again. Generally, forgiving isn't going back to how things were before, but moving on - "giving" to go "for"ward (forgiving). My impression is that this guy (like most guys it seems) can't handle long-distance romances. Don't expect that - have realistic expectations for the next potential lond-distance relationship. Think of it more like friends plus a little, and you'll be better off. Also most importantly, find a way to DEEPLY believe that you are lovable and of great worth, no matter how good or bad others treat you. If it helps, imagine someone you respect a lot - and how they wouldn't let others treatment affect how they feel about themselves.
  4. Heavy gave you good advise. Somehow, you believe that your depression & narcissism help you write poetry & I do think there's some truth in that. However, that's not all who you are - only 2 parts of many. Writing well - so others relate - involves exploring all parts of yourself and as much as you can about the world (looking outward not just inward). Think of music lyrics or notes - if all they do is repeat, it's not as interesting as some variety, right? Writing about your experiences as a human being will be richer when you also consider more.
  5. Well put, Cacao. To some, I might be considered Atheist because I don't believe in the typical God - yet I very much believe that everything has purpose. Each evolving moment calls for an ideal thought, motive and action - and sometimes we actually get it right and life progresses with a kind of intuitive flow. Pleasure is not really logical in the big picture, because it fails to realize that we are not islands - but influence and are influenced by others. So lasting happiness is about smart selfishness, not stupid selfishness (like wasting a lot of time playing video games for momentary pleasure). I know 2 guys who divorced & left their family because he wanted to play video games more than care about them. Video games have their place - but they're addicting and then can be damaging to lives. Not very logical.
  6. Who knows how much time you have - live it up! Even if you don't have a lot of money - there are ways to travel cheap - like work for room and board. There are also things like "couch surfing" where you basically let someone stay with you and someone else lets you stay with them. Once I had a baby, I had kind of the baby-blues in realizing that I'd never be as carefree and self-centered as I was able to be before. So in a way, that wild partying and crazy time of my life was over after having a child. But that's life - a series of graduations.
  7. I don't know how you'd really clearly distinguish which aspects are situational and which clinical. Both, I imagine, happen, because of a lack of tools in handling things. Life involves stress - and ups and downs - so it could always be situational. Clinical, in my eyes, seems to be when it has become such a habitual way of thinking, feeling (inspiring hormonal & neurological patterns) that it becomes a regular tendency or even part of one's physiology.
  8. Depress means to "push or pull down into a lower position." The opposite is to invigorate or stimulate - basically MOVE! Based on my own recent experience with Toastmasters, depending on the club, it may or may not be the best way to begin practicing. It is a good way to develop skill, but maybe not so much confidence (except as in learning to not let others' negative comments affect your confidence). Maybe you could start by just practicing communicating one-on-one - like on this forum, but also in person. Also, figure out what else you enjoy doing and are pretty good at - and get better - to increase your self-confidence. About the narcissism: Practice doing random acts of kindness - imagine how others might feel and practice being considerate.
  9. Makes me wonder about the different ways of hoping between humanity as a larger group of organisms - thinking as a whole... and each of us human beings (still a group of smaller organisms/microbes/body systems) thinking as a whole. Societally, we depend a lot on each other for our needs of food, safety, shelter etc. So, that's hope in each other. Individually, we're born with incredible hope! No matter how many times we fail - to eat, to walk, etc. - we get back up and try again and again and again until we nail it! With each success (even if it takes months or years), we grow in confidence and hope that yes, even if it's tough and I fail, I will master this! Circumstances will improve - because they have many times before. It's as if the need to learn and grow and improve is deeply programmed into us - a very profound hope that remains even against repeated failures and opposition. The challenge is keeping that hope alive! While as little ones, we had so much hope and fearless curiosity and drive - we also were very dependent on others, and they had power to deflate our hope. I believe even in the most depressed person, there remains hope, it's just covered up and needs to be recovered, which can take a lot of work.
  10. Simple, but effective - practice makes perfect (or close enough).
  11. That's a healthy approach I think. People are messy - all of us. When I spend too much time alone or thinking and not enough time relating, I tend to begin imagining unrealistic expectations. There's no feedback to correct me - and so it continues. This is why, as much as I cherish solitude, I need social interactions to keep me balanced and more realistic about myself and others. I know it's cliche - but this idea has wisdom: "The truth is everyone will hurt (or annoy) you, focus on those worth suffering for." And then as you mentioned, the more times you and another stick with each other through highs and lows, the more trust and caring.
  12. If I allow myself to just observe enough, I can sense that too. No matter who it is, I'll be kind - especially if they reach out to me. But as far as investing, I think it's first trust. Most people don't pass this. And those who do pass with different grades (so to speak). I have a friend who I can tell anything to, but I don't trust her follow through - she flakes a lot. Another friend, I can't tell her anything but she never flakes. Another friend I trust to understand me really well, but I sense he cares a lot what others think and tries to impress me when I'd rather he just be himself. Nobody's perfect. Sometimes I intimidate people - or so it seems. I don't mean to - and I often specifically try to help others feel comfortable and relaxed, but my mind is so often going going in analyzing everything and everyone that it's hard to hide that. Yesterday, I heard good advise: you'll be more compassionate if you have good boundaries - you'll maintain energy for good things rather than stressing with resentment of not keeping boundaries.
  13. Yes, and other things (like a sense of safe familiarity) are wanted more. ...... added to this post 0 minutes later: Is it always best to keep changing circumstances to chase happiness? Could it be that sometimes being content in whatever circumstances is a deeper joy than fleeting happiness?
  14. I agree that we each should do what we can to be conservative in resources - recycle, use water, oil, etc. sparingly. And I too wish we'd just keep it simple. But climate change is too big of business to - $$$$$$1,500,000,000,000 ($1.5 trillion/ $4.5 billion a day). What does the money do? Can anyone legitimately point to things and say, "Yes, this was money well spent"?? Nope. "In the headline I call the climate change industry a hoax. That’s because, on any objective level it is. I don’t mean that all the scientists and businesses and politicians promoting it are abject liars — just most of them, even if it means that in order to keep earning their living they have to be dishonest with themselves about something they know in their hearts not to be true. Alex Epstein, author of the Moral Case For Fossil Fuels, sets out the fundamental problem with the climate change industry here: ..Increasing the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere from 0.03 per cent to 0.04 per cent has not caused and is not causing catastrophic runaway global warming. Dishonest references to “97 per cent of scientists” equate a mild warming influence, which most scientists agree with and more importantly can demonstrate, with a catastrophic warming influence – which most don’t agree with and none can demonstrate. That’s it. If you accept the validity of that statement — and how can you not: it is unimpeachably accurate and verifiable — then it follows that the $1.5 trillion global warming industry represents the most grotesque misuse of manpower and scarce resources in the history of the world." http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2015/08/08/climate-change-the-hoax-that-costs-us-4-billion-a-day/
  15. When I first heard of this, my thought was, "It's good it's not close to me" and I actually felt bad for thinking that and I prayed for those who have lost loved ones or are in the hospital with injuries. I realize that prayers mostly work on the prayer - it's like telling my subconscious, "Help them or others like them when and how you can." And I don't think that empathic people are full of shit, unless they're trying to fake it and manipulate with a facade of empathy. But true empathy is as authentic as you can get. I suppose maybe it's human nature - or especially American nature - to look out for #1 and not worry so much about the rest. There's so much suffering going on right now - extreme poverty, wars, addictions, abuse - and some of it isn't on the other side of the globe. People getting sick and dying because so many are too afraid to look at the fact that homosexual practice prove harmful statistically. Children are being killed close by - "legally" in abortion torture facilities. For a while, I focused on this - feeling morally obligated to try to educate people so they wouldn't suffer or promote more suffering. But it seemed to not help - just pissed people off, and my energy is better spent in other ways - at least for now. Yes, I'm empathic at times. Yes, you may not be at times. But "in each of us is a bit of all of us" and at times, you would likely be more emapthic than me and visa versa. It just depends on what moves you - we all have potential for many thing we have no idea of because we haven't experienced it before. Obviously, if you were there, at the scene - and saw what happened - bodies being killed and hurt, you'd have a different idea than sitting at a computer on the other side of the world.