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Amore

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About Amore

  • Rank
    Member

Personality

  • MBTI
    INxJ
  • Astrology Sign
    Leo

Converted

  • Biography
    Me, myself & I
  • Location
    UT
  • Occupation
    Teaching
  • Interests
    Piano, hiking, tennis, dance
  • Gender
    Female

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  1. So, do you still FEEL in love? It seems that a lot of relationships begin with the hope to share the rest of one's life with someone - but then it becomes more a relationships based on comfort and habit - unless they're really working toward progressing together.
  2. I think you're more right than I and many others want to admit. What is it about love - or really infatuation - that is like a addicting drug? We want it - we crave it - we prioritize it, we sing or listen to hymns (love songs) of it as if it were a god that would meet every need and desire we'd every have - the answer to all of our problems... the ultimate love we always craved but missed. A Greek myth suggested that creatures used to be both male and female, but one of the gods, fearing their power cut them in half - and so they spend their lives looking for "their other half." It's a myth, yet it seems that there's some truth - like we need the opposite gender to complete us - not just sexually, but in many other ways. Yet, it's as if we're group consciousness - like a herd of animals - where males and females don't care which male or female they hook up with - and when it stops working, they just find another. On the other hand, it's ideal that we progress and if a couple doesn't work hard at progressing together, they'll grow apart. I was infatuated many times. I was in love with the idea of love. One time, I may have been in love - as someone mentioned, I only know now, looking back. It wasn't about being in love with the idea of the other person. We fought a lot - we were not shy about seeing & saying what pissed us off, yet we both sacrificed a lot for each other - we did things we didn't really want to do, but we did them because we knew it meant a lot to the other person. Years later, we still love each other - yet we also hate each other - or we hate certain things about each other that are simply not compatible. We've grown in really different ways. Maybe being truly in love is a bit of a miracle - because it seems to require paradoxically both infatuated focus as well as a willingness to look at someone - warts and all - and still love. Maybe it's only born from having experienced a time without that, so when you get it, you fully, deeply appreciate and are more loyal.
  3. I'm curious if you don't mind me asking... why haven't you dated more? I don't mean sex - seriously I think it's way overrated - like it's everyone's god - which ends up not being so great (hurting one or both because of unrealistic attached expectations etc.). It's good and it can be a healthy essential part of a relationships - but it's not the most important part - otherwise people would be screwing each other more than doing all of the other things they do all day every day couples are together. What has kept you from dating more? Deep down - were you with your girlfriend forever? Were you scared of rejection? Late bloomer - a bit immature - more interested in video games etc.?
  4. Good points. I think it's programmed deep inside us to look for the bad - even if it's only 5% bad out of 95% that's good. Our taste buds are more sensitive to poison than nourishing things - because a little of the wrong thing can mean death - same idea with a general focus on the negative - meant for survival originally but often gets to the point where it hurts more than protects. The other day, my son was saying, "I'm an idiot." I sat down with him and used the analogy of dog poop we have yet to clean up in our yard. There's some, but to say that our yard is completely covered in poop is neglecting to see the other parts of our yard. And similarly - he may have made some mistakes but that's not all who he is - just a tiny part. And we listed 13 things he had done well that day. We could've listed many more - but he got the point. I think the biggest aspect of self-love is being kind in how one talks to oneself - and in forgiving ourselves. This can be really tough - but it's the only sane way to live. I realize I'm often my own enemy but I don't want to be anymore. Even when someone's words or actions almost convinces me I'm worthless, deep down, I know they're wrong! All I need to do is remember the many times when I've been capable and when I felt and knew I was worthy of happiness. Carl Jung mentioned something similar: "...the acceptance of oneself is the essence of the moral problem & the epitome of a whole outlook upon life. That I feed the hungry, that I forgive an insult, that I love my enemy in the name of Christ - all these are undoubtedly great virtues. What I do unto the least of my brethren, that I do unto Christ. But what if I should discover that the least amongst them all, the poorest of all the beggars, the most impudent of all the offenders, the very enemy himself - that these are within me, and that I myself stand in need of the alms of my own kindness that I myself am the enemy who must be loved - what then?"
  5. It's normal to not automatically trust someone with your deepest feelings. Personally, I haven't had the best experiences with counselors - though I'm sure there are some good ones out there. I'd suggest at this point - to begin, start with being honest to yourself. Write, or record yourself - just let it all out - no filters - just express how you think and feel - even if you're not sure. Many of us, especially women, tend to think as we express - so it will come out more and you'll understand more about yourself. A couple of things that I've gotten from therapy that have helped: http://psychcentral.com/lib/fixing-cognitive-distortions/ http://www.tunnelukkosi.fi/en/lifetraps.htm Know that you are not alone - there's a lot of support for you and your baby. If you feel overwhelmed with the idea of caring for this baby, adoption can be a honorable option. Or if you want to raise your baby, there's support for that too... https://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/women-infants-and-children-wic http://www.babycenter.com/0_help-for-low-income-pregnant-women-and-families_10320594.bc
  6. :) Well, they already often load patients up with other-mind-numbing substances. And the mix of alcohol and some of those meds can be disastrous. Personally, when I've drank, I'm not the different, but legally, judgement is impaired. So the way I see it, it's best not to make any important decisions while under the influence - and I'd include many of the other legal or illegal mind-altering substances.
  7. You're welcome, glad you liked it.
  8. Yes, I think happiness is a struggle, and must be, otherwise it wouldn't be appreciated for what it is. Economic security is necessary to a point - for basic needs and some wants, but beyond that not really. Each person is different, but for me personally, I need a balance of solitude and socializing. And I also love knowing a variety of people of different ages, nationalities, beliefs etc. Still, to feel really connected with someone, we both need to be on the same page for some issues. "Gratitude is not just a good virtue, but is the parent of all virtues." Everything's relative - often I've compared my worst to others' best - but that's not a fair comparison. Really, we each are too unique to be compared. I think a happy person doesn't compare him/herself to others, but only to their previous self. A well balanced individual constantly considers goals in a variety of areas - psychologically, financially, socially, spiritually, physically, practically, intellectually.
  9. As a friend explained, often laziness is when a part of you kind of died - and for me personally, it's been because of perfectionism and negative thinking - feeling overwhelmed "so why try" etc. It can be paralyzing. I really have to keep active - to do more than I talk or write. But I love to write - I love forums and thinking about ideas - and there's a place for that - but too much can get me in the habit of just planning and never following through. "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." Start small. "Be the change you want to see in the world." Begin by managing your own internal chaos... learning to handle a bad hair day. Of course nobody's going to become perfect, but I think that some self-awareness and emotional intelligence is essential to be effective in helping others. Learn to balance thinking and feeling to maintain motivation and enthusiasm. There are already a lot of organizations with which you can volunteer. No need to reinvent the wheel. Let go of any control or introverted issues that prevent you from delegating. In a way it can be considered selfish to not allow others to help.
  10. "Lonliness is the worst poverty" - Mother Teresa It sucks to feel alone. Yet, I think there's a part of us (or at least me) that sometimes wallows in self-pity. Focusing on how alone I feel can be easier, less scary than reaching out. A friend explained that loneliness is really an internal personal thing (unless you're the only one out in the middle of now where). I have opportunities all around to connect, to feel less alone. But often, when I communicate with others based on the idea that "nobody's understands me" or "nobody really cares" - I make myself feel more alone than I really am. It's like someone can say "I love you" but what matters is if it's effectively communicated so the other feels it. Feelings are based on thoughts/interpretations. So much is symbolic - so little is literal communication. So personally, I'm trying to focus on the symbolic ideas that inspire me to feel and be more connected.
  11. I agree that it takes some time and mental-note taking to really get a sense of someone - and even then, there are countless unknown potentials. For me, I watch for patterns. I realize that some people have had tough lives and it's understandable that they are angry etc. But if they make it a habit to hurt me and/or others - to take out their pain on others instead of responsibly dealing with it, then I make a mental-note to maintain boundaries with them. I still have hope that they'd change and be kinder etc., but I have to remind myself to take people "AS IS." Expecting them to change after so many years of a certain pattern is unrealistic. And anger/frustration/pain is often the result of unrealistic expectations.
  12. I define success in similar general terms, because each of us are unique. To me success is the "maximum use of the ability you have." For my friend in a wheel chair who's almost quadriplegic, to a CEO/Olympic Athlete... it all depends on our individual abilities.
  13. This is why I think it's so good to travel to new places, especially "poor" countries. It puts things in perspective. Or, of course, if you have some traumatic event happen - that too puts things in perspective, but why not be proactive rather than reactive?
  14. Agreed. It's nice if you can spend a lot of time together and still enjoy each other. That implies being able to relate through a variety of different experiences... to be able to laugh when the other shares something funny, or to empathize when emotional, or to think through and give their own perspective on some more complex thoughts. No one person can be everything to someone - that's expecting God and is unrealistic and maybe why a lot of relationships fail. But I think if both are willing to compromise when needed in order to grow together - then there can be continued relating. Intimacy for me at least, is very much based on feeling connected - feeling a mutual interest in and understanding and appreciation of one another. A long-term relationship is about relating as both inevitably change. I think it's true that most people want from their significant other and even friends to generally see the best in them. They want to feel good about themselves around others - not in a fake way, but to genuinely feel that they are seen in a good light. This is healthy but only to an extent. A healthy self esteem must be in tact for a healthy relationship - because intimate relationships tend to bring up a lot of buried issues. A relationship ought to be more positive than negative - but it cannot be the source of self esteem.
  15. I wish more were like you as far as more consciously investing. For most of my life, I thought it was women who became so emotionally attached after sex, but I was reading a study that found men did too - and often to a more intense feeling. It's just that men tend to hold in feelings and so they come out kind of sideways. Still, I think there's a balance... be selective and go slow - but not too much. Give people a chance - get to know different types to see what you like. And when you find someone you really like - invest, yet in the back of your mind, try to always maintain your self-esteem independent of her or what anyone else thinks. That way, if it doesn't work out, it won't feel like the end of the world and you'll be able to bounce back better. (I'm just saying what I wish I would've known before.)