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About AOA

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  1. I feel demoralized listening to them everyday. These are people in my department (maybe 6-7 people) who I've worked with for years and consider friends. They've all grown increasingly unhappy with the company recently and are looking to leave. I hear about this at lunch and during coffee breaks. I wasn't unhappy with my job or anything, until it seems like a lot of my friends are considering quitting. Out of the seven: 1. One has already left for a job that paid more, her replacement will start soon. 2. One has been there for 5 years and was approached by a recruiter who offered a job $20K more. Pending interview. She is casually looking for something that pays more. 3. One is moving away because the cost of living in our city is too high. 4. One is actively interviewing and could be gone any day. 5. One just celebrated his 1 year anniversary, he's unhappy and feels overwhelmed, but he has a wedding to pay for in the fall and likely will not leave this year. 6. One is a bossy know it all that the rest of us have trouble getting along with, he's happy. 7. Me. So this year there will be a 3/7 turnover at the minimum, possibly 4/7. Next year the 5th person will probably go. Some reasons for my coworkers wanting to leave are: 1. Lack of growth opportunities 2. Underpaid compared to market 3. Shifting company culture - from flat to more structured 4. Feels underappreciated I don't find that those things apply to my job. I've been with the company for 5 years now, which is pretty long for a millennial, and I thought I saw at least another 2-3 years. Now with so many people leaving I'm wondering if I'm on board a sinking ship. No one is really motivated to work hard since they don't see long-term with the job. Is this just something that comes with being a longer tenured staffer? Have you guys experienced this?
  2. Last time I made a thread about a friend who I started resenting. After evaluating my feelings towards her and reading some of the advice given to me - I really started to improve my relationship with her. Part of it involved letting go of the obligation of our relationship, I told myself that if she couldn't see my value as a friend if I say no to her more often, then it's not something I need. so what's the problem? Well, she is currently doing a personal development seminar called PSi. Its format is large group learning where people pay $600 for a weekend of self improvement. She had asked me to go with her to one of the 'free' nights, where there's a brief overview of the course but really consists of a bunch of past students trying to convince the guests to sign up for the paid program. My friend is heavily involved in the program and volunteers in it. In the past, she's asked me to go and I said I'm not interested or I'm busy. Now she has said, "It would really mean a lot to me if you could attend. You don't have to sign up, but I'd like for you to see what we do. I'm only asking for two to three hours of your time, I want you to come support me as a friend." So I said ok, I'd attend one of the free nights in the future but that I would not be obligated to buy the full course. I'm starting to feel resentful again. I feel as if my desire to be 'supportive' is being taken advantage of. A part of me says, ok maybe I'm reading too much into it and she really believes in this pop psychology and thinks it'll help me. Another part of me thinks that she should respect my previous comments that I'm not interested and not be pushy - I am a lot busier than her, this is the truth. Yet when I tell her I'm busy she doesn't seem to understand. what do you guys think? Should I just stop whining and go, or is this my boundaries being pushed again.
  3. That's a really amazing attitude you have ... even though the hand you've been dealt has been sucky recently. There's a lot I can learn from your mentality, volleyballJerry, 85% of the time I think I'm ok but other times I just get so frustrated. I appreciate you sharing. :)
  4. Incompetence is my number one pet peeve.
  5. I think I've just reached the "I don't have energy for this" stage. She asked me to see a movie three times (!!!!) I told her I'm having a stressful week and that I'd rather not. But the fact that she just chooses to forget this and asks again. She called me to vent about something last weekend and I listened. Then the following day she wanted to talk about the same thing again so I just ignored the call. I've previously mentioned that my week is busy. Yesterday my grandmother died and I felt really bad. I just wanted to be alone. She called me twice at night, I texted her what's up and she said she just wanted to make sure I was ok. I get that it's coming from a good place but I just didn't want to talk. I've said multiple times that when I'm sad I prefer to just sort through it by myself. So I don't know if she chooses to ignore me or just forgets.
  6. I've never heard of this before, but compared to the more common fetishes like BDSM, this one seems more normal lol. It's like swinging minus one person. Or a threesome with one person watching instead of participating.
  7. The ESFJs at my work often try to include the quieter people to go out with us for lunch. When they get rejected a few times, I've noticed that this causes a rift between them and the ESFJs so they end up being the topic of gossip at said lunches. They don't seem to understand that some people would rather be alone than be with others, even if given a choice. Good luck! This is a good attitude for you to take, might as well assume the best. :)
  8. You know she just wants to be your friend, you know that rejecting her advances will probably hurt her feelings, the rest is pretty much out of your control. If it's so important to you to not 'enable bad behaviour', you'll have to stick to your guns and she'll react however she is used to (likely passive aggressiveness). If you care about preserving harmony and her feelings, you'll have to compromise a bit. As an example of someone who 'crosses boundaries' regularly, I firmly believe I am right. Helping others is one of life's greatest joys for me because I honestly believe I'm doing a good thing. People have told me to back off before and then I do so. If they do it in a nice way, I won't be mad at them. But if they treat me badly or get annoyed with me, that's when I may retaliate with 'passive-aggressiveness'. Also, INTJs are not immune to passive aggressiveness. I worry that if you hold in your true feelings (annoyance) about her for too long, one day she'll cross that line and you'll explode at her. That will be far worse than just telling her now while you're still able to in a nice way.
  9. Everyone has an opinion on a woman's body, but what's important is how you feel about yourself. Only you know the true intentions for posting photos. Do you do it to show off? Do you do it because you feel confident? Do you do it for the likes? If it's coming from a healthy, happy place, then why not. Social media isn't just for yourself, it's for anyone who follows you. If you have family members who follow you and are more conservative, even if you don't care, they'll still talk about you, so that's something you just have to be prepared for. (Maybe block them?)
  10. Well, just ask her out and see. You're not asking to marry her. Maybe you will find her personality sooo attractive it will outshine her hoodies. If you're a spiffy dresser maybe she'll end up dressing more like you.
  11. Have you been in previous relationships? If so, were they all hot girls?
  12. The hair on the back of my neck pricked up so I came over. To OP: are you pre emptively rejecting her because you're afraid of being rejected?
  13. There have been a lot of good advice here and also advice that stereotypes all ESFJs into an annoying, mean girl persona. I don't believe that's helpful to the situation. Antagonizing someone won't help resolve conflict, it only builds further resentment and misunderstanding. If she is a good person, then be kind to her back. If it inconveniences you a little bit but makes her day better, it's worth it. If she consistently pushes past your boundaries, then tell her firmly but gently to give you more space. (In whatever fashion makes sense for your work) Relationships involve two people. Communication means we can't always have it our own way but must think how the other person understands things best. That's not being fake, that's simply trying to be kind. If the ESFJ is not a good person, well then it doesn't matter so much whether she likes you or not. (Just to add, I know many catty, fake and mean people, MBTI really doesn't matter. If you're mean, you will be mean.)
  14. There's something about strangers yelling at you that is threatening because other people can hear too. It draws attention to you which can be humiliating. It's fine to give a compliment discreetly though. One time this dude ran down the street and asked for my number because he thought I was beautiful, I declined but thought it a sweet gesture and I thanked him. If he yelled at me instead I'd probably be mortified.
  15. You’re an NT. You’re strategic and you’re smart. You should use those to your advantage rather than responding defensively every time she bothers you. She’s been pushing people’s boundaries for decades. It’s second nature to her, but when you try to block her attacks, it wears you down way more than her. Maybe you can redirect her energy. Make her play by your rules. It might be worth a shot to try to hot/cold approach to confuse her. For example, one day you might be super friendly and initiate conversation with her. The next day, you could be more curt and closed off when she tries to talk to you. Switch again. Switch back. Why this might work for you is that the ESFJ will wonder if they’ve done anything to upset you. The 2w3 ABHORS upsetting others. She can’t be passive-aggressive towards you ignoring her if she’s busy trying to figure out what she did wrong. Then she may try to please you once again, and she might figure out the way to do that is to leave you alone when you’re in a ‘bad’ mood. Also in this way, you’re not being defensive. You’re one step ahead and she has to respond to you. This might save your energy a bit. (This does involve you pretending to be interested in her sometimes.)