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About Danielw

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  • Biography
    Swedish Phd candidate
  • Location
    Umeå, Sweden
  • Gender
  1. The key thing people seem to be forgetting is that Frank is a psychopath. That should make him come across as calculating and insensitive to the needs of others, while very charming, regardless of what other traits he has. Given his own emotional repertoire and his ability to manipulate the emotions of others I'd say he's ENFJ. He only seems like an ENTJ at times because he is also a psychopath.
  2. Maybe smoke a reasonable number of cigarettes? I smoke five cigarettes a week and that works fine for me. Gives me the pleasure of stepping outside and having a smoke on most days while hopefully avoiding some of the major health effects.
  3. God repeatedly shows in the bible, through his actions and the commands he gives to various people, that he wants a number of other things besides love. That we commit genocide for example. That we don't have other gods, that we don't work on the sabbath, and that we refrain from homosexuality. It is stated plainly in a number of places. You could argue that we shouldn't enforce God's various commands but instead let him to the judging. But you can't rely on the bible to justify the statement that "gay people are great". You'd have to use common sense and secular values to reach that conclusion.
  4. Plenty of studies have shown that people find other people of the same race more attractive that people of other races. This doesn't really explain why people should try to forcibly change the color of their skin (skin-bleaching soaps in Asian communities), but does explain why predominantly white consumers would prefer to see predominantly white models. Also, I would assume that most of the big modelling agencies, and the companies that pay for their services, are located in the western hemisphere.
  5. I have noticed that looks are more important than I believed in the past. I guess most INTJs go through the phase where they self-righteously claim that only minds, reason, and great personalites matter. Looks are illogical and impermanent anyway. But now I know that I need to be physically attracted to my SO and in that respect beauty is a key component. Pretending that it doesn't matter would just waste my time, and hers, since the relationship would be doomed in the long run.
  6. My initial impression was that he is INFJ and even after reading the other comments in this thread I think that conclusion still fits. He is clearly J because of his interest in telling people what to think and N because of his fascination with theories. So xNxJ seems pretty clear, which is also what most of the other typings in this thread has settled on. The other letters are more difficult (and hard to discern in a short video) but he seems emotionally involved and personally offended to an extent that you don't normally see in T-doms. And I agree that some of this extroverted energy seems as bit forced. Plus, INFJs are among the most extroverted introverts. So my guess is that he is an INFJ with a good media coach and the brains to hide some of his more annoying quirks.
  7. I prefer not to tip. In Sweden, where I live, tipping has traditionally not been part of our customs, but now, thanks to our overzealous enjoyment of American movies and TV shows, people have started tipping in restaurants and in cabs. When I was in the US last year I learned that tipping could not be avoided if you wanted to come to same place twice, so it had to be done. I don't understand the system though. The only reason drinks are cheap is because you are expected to tip - otherwise they could never keep costs that low. In my book that's false advertising because the actual price I am expected to pay is 20% more than what's written in the menu. They should just charge me 20% more so that I don't have to tip. The same goes for all service jobs. Charge me the actual cost of doing business so that I know the full price before using your services. And you should treat me well even if there is no financial incentive for you after the completion of your service - if you don't I won't come back and you'll be out of a job.
  8. I am more or less done learning German so now I'm just trying to keep my knowledge fresh by watching German TV, reading "Der Spiegel", etc. I have recently turned my attention to Russian instead but that's a seriously difficult language - we'll see how far I'll run with that project. If you haven't already discovered "memrise" that's a great way to improve your vocab.
  9. On the one hand I agree with you Carnal, and I do trust my partner since our 10 year history has generally given me little reason to suspect otherwise (but if all I knew about our relationship was what has been conveyed in this thread I would also be suspicous). Still, I am trying to imagine what could happen down the road. What happens if these late night encounters become more frequent, more common with one particular guy or if we are having some other relationship issues? It just seems like a dangerous practice that, asymptotically, could lead to problems even if things are fine now. Thanks for the constructive advice napsack. I guess realistic enforcement is the thing I am struggling with the most and I am still hoping that we can reach some kind of agreement through constructive discussion. That way she would censure herself rather than just being deterred by some kind of potential future retribution. But stating that I would take action if the boundary is crossed would at least signal that this is important. The key problem otherwise as I see with enforcement is that I simply can not know what she is doing when I am not there. If she doesn't willingly convey truthful information about what happened during a night out it is very difficult for me to find out (and I obviously don't want to have to keep track of such things). Therefore we have to agree on some kind of system that works for both of us so that compliance always is voluntary.
  10. I agree with both of you. What I am struggling with is this: "The purpose of boundaries is not to change another person's behavior; rather they are to clearly establish what you will and will not tolerate from other people". If I "clearly establish" what I don't tolerate then the expectation on my part is that it won't happen again. It doesn't make any sense to establish boundaries that are not abided by in real life. So the only argument I can use is "I feel very strongly about this and I therefore want you to refrain from similar behaviour in the future". And emotional argumentation has never been my forte.
  11. That characterization of events makes me seem a bit too magnanimous though... My main concern wasn't actually with her safety (we live in northern Sweden and crime isn't really a problem here) but instead stemmed mainly from some kind of primal jealousy. Even if I was 100% that she would be safe I still wouldn't like the idea of her getting shitfaced with some random dude in his apartment. But I agree - maybe we can find some common ground without having to sign a legal contract about what she can and can't do. It's difficult to draw the line though. I also don't want to put her in a position where she feels she has to downplay (or "cover up") what happened during a night out due to fear of my reaction. That can easily happen I think if I try to force the issue in a direction she is not comfortable with.
  12. Not outright, no, but I have no reason to suspect that she isn't happy. She seems just as content as always (aside from a few other life changes that I will discuss below) and often and sincerely expresses her affections. We have always had good communication too - if she wasn't happy I am quite certain that she would just say something. That's probably true, possibly because jealousy and our relations with people of the opposite sex have never been issues before so she's never had to give it much thought. Therefore it seems as if just doing whatever we feel like is the default option (which is a healthy sign, I guess). Also, I would argue that putting in restrictions on your SO's behaviour is an extreme measure and the idea should only be entertained as a last resort - which means that the burden of evidence in this case must be on the person asking for the sacrifice. So in this case, if I want her to change her ways I think it's up to me to present a compelling case for it. Now that you mention it, it has gotten worse over the past 6 months or so. We moved to a new town last year and she doesn't know that many people here which is more difficult for her than it is for me. Also, she has been struggling which deciding on a career path for the future. Maybe those two factors have led to a need for more immediate pleasures in the shape of fun interactions with people? Also, given that she is seeing fewer friends than she would like, I guess it would make sense for her to get as much as possible out the friends/coworkers that she does have (e.g. by staying out until the early morning hours with them).
  13. Thanks a lot for the advice. It is appreciated. One clarification though, I have discussed the matter with my wife already so I am not really asking about how handle the situation in that sense. What I am wondering is whether you think it is reasonable to react when situations like the one I described above occur and ask her not to do things like that in future. I don't want to be the overbearing husband that limits the quality of life of his SO but I also think that I am entitled to drawing the line somewhere. And her response to my concerns in the discussion was basically that I have nothing to worry about and that she can't promise to adhere to fixed boundaries in advance. Part of her enjoyment of a night out comes from the spontaneity and unpredictability of it so she can't say for sure what she will and won't do (except for not being physically unfaithful). So how much can I demand of her now? Do I try to put my foot down and say the the buck stops here?
  14. 1. Well, when I say that I am not the jealous type I am mean that I have never been troubled by jealousy in the past. Since we have been together for 10 years I figured those feelings would have emerged at an earler stage if I was predisposed towards jealousy. Also, when talking to friends, I get the feeling that they get jeaouls over things that I wouldn't really care about. 2. My immediate reaction wasn't that negative, since I don't really care if she stays out and gets drunk. My annoyance only emerged the next morning when I found the full story (i.e. that she want back to that guy's place and they spent the early hours of the morning drinking alone). I have noticed that there usually have to be three ingredients in the story for me to get jealous: alcohol, staying out late, and time alone with another guy. If only two of those things happen I don't really care but when all three happen simultaneously it gets too much.
  15. So I've been having repeated discussions with my wife (who is an ESFJ) about how far it's alright to push the boundaries when it comes to socializing with the other sex. Neither one of us is really the jealous type and we both value our freedom, so up until this last year it's never really been a problem. But a series of minor indicidents have led to a situation where I now need some external advice on how to respond. An incident from last week can serve as an example. She went out with some colleagues after work, and they were drinking and having a good time until the pub closed at 2am. After the closing of the pub she didn't come home though. Instead she and one of her (male) colleagues went back to his place and continued drinking half a bottle of whiskey. So she took a cab home from his place at 4.30 in the morning and was ridicuously drunk when she stumbled into our apartment. Similar incidents have occured in the past, and sometimes I know for a fact that the guys have been interested in her (they have made inappropriate remarks when I am not around and sent drunken text messages). Now, to her defence, I don't think she would ever actually be physically unfaithful. Being an ESFJ, she is extremely committed to the people she loves and she views marriage as a kind of sacred bond. Secondly, I want her to go out and enjoy herself. She sometimes gets these fierce spouts of extroversion (that I, for obvious reasons, cannot satisfy) and she is a lot more pleasant to be around when that side of her is satisfied. Still, when incididents like the one described above transpire my reptilian brain takes over and I have been unable to reason myself out of this one. So my question is this - how would you respond to a situation like this one? Is that something you need to accept in a marriage in the 21st century or can you make demands on your partner that go above and beyond mere physical fidelity (including that they avoid situations that annoy you and that are high risk when it comes to infidelity).