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Remszarvas

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About Remszarvas

  • Rank
    Member

Personality

  • MBTI
    INTJ
  • Astrology Sign
    r u kidding?
  • Brain Dominance
    Balanced

Converted

  • Location
    Europe
  • Gender
    Female

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  1. @coineineagh I wonder if these are your friends how do your enemies behave? Respect or not, they sound like my extended family who pose as elite and school us and show off all the time. In one word jerks. We have the "protocoll" meetings once a year but we "have to" ...you do not, do you? I can't give you usefull advice... I'd burn the thing to the ground without flinching an eye. I'm a jerk too, I know. :D To be fair in my real friendships it had a healing effect to bluntly adress things. If it does not, it wasn't worth the time anyway. You make it sound like you are constantly dancing on eggshells. It is one thing to respect* other people but an other is to be clear over why you want them in your life. If your wife is good friends with the wife in the other family fine... let them be friends (but be sure they are actually...). But do not push your kids to be friend with the other kids or endure the husband's hurt feelings. If I were them I'd hate to go, just as I hated to visit my aunt and get schooled there and see my parents be silently humiliated every time. It is unhealthy. Surely there are people who can disagree and take disagreement with dignity. Go find some. :) * I think THEY do not respect YOU (either?). I know nothing about the culture clash you have there but I think not standing up for yourself when they school you might solicit disrespect from their side. On the other hand if they are not willign to let their hurt subside and will punish you for ever for it ...Walk away! Nobody, has a right to do that. It is a sort of punishmend respect fetish tightly knit societies (Chinese as one of those) can execute as the victim has no escape. You most likely have.
  2. I wonder what is trust and/or sympathy for you. What do these people do to earn it? Why would they want your sympathy in the first place? I wouldn't call them friends. What is friendship to you? In the long intervals between some talking with my friends I do forget any detail about what we talked about (unfortunately even the important ones) - I would even forget that we argued and got upset - the only thing I do not forget is my good will toward them. I am the one getting surprised if they moved on and got indifferent toward me.
  3. The rare pleasure of hitting common ground. :) Those people do not bother to consult a dictionary. This is why definitions have to be addressed before any argument can even start... and what does not happen nearly often enough to not slip by eachother in treads like this. For added bonus, I know people who are simultaneously feminists and sexists, they internalised enough of the sexist narratives to slip every now and than. Some can be made aware others don't but the discussion is needed to have the slightest chance for change. ...... added to this post 34 minutes later: One more thing: Somehow I get the feeling that this topic is approached the same way as many situations in history. As if there was a group of people with a sinister and clear aim in posession of a crystal ball at one point in time IN a idyllic/perfect society and they planned to fuck it over. It is obviously not true. Society is an organic developing construct and it may or may not develop in a way we like. I think in any time in history people try to navigate the best way they can both personally and morally, but some ideas which were even usefull at one point can turn disastrously interfering after milennia passes by. The beneficiaries and the disadvantaged both get the frame handed down to them, none of them is to blame directly or inddirectly even. However in many cases the beneficiaries do not realise that both inmates and guards are necessarily in a prison and not free, so giving up their privilege more often than not would set them free too. I blame this false understanding of how history works on how it is taught, in discrete chunks and cherry-picking the decisions and points that seem to have mattered in retrospect, omitting the chaos and unpredictable continuous nature of events.
  4. Why not? Discrimintation based on sex is sexism, full stop, regardles of the sex of the person who does that. Saying that women cannot be sexist is in line with claiming people of colour cannot be racist too....why would this be the case? Not making any sense stops the fewest of people. ...... added to this post 1 minute later: ...and it is not mens fault it is societies fault and we both pay the price and are at fault perpetuating the misconception.
  5. But what you do is try to counterbalance complete economy with a nuances, salary and insurance is not on par. None of your other exaples are on par in fact. I do pay insurance too on a car myself. It is approximately 1% of my salary a month. So if I get let's say only 1% disadvanage in my salary on base line (be that for n ot geting a better job, or being payed less or whatever) or after a disadvantegous developement - which is not much and won't even feel the difference to be fair (specialy n ot having a fererence to compare it with) - to be on par with your complaint paying more for car insurrance you would need to pay an etire 100% more (!)...or if you look at it from the other side mine would need to be 50% less than yours. Even if we push the numbers up a bit as I do choose the least insurrance that still covers me too, not a full CASCO and am not driving a Bentley, the numbers would stil not add up to be near the same. And again. Work is almost compulsory for survival a car is not*, so it is stil a more special case. Still I agree that such discrimination is both unfair and uneceserry *Sure in the US it might be more crucial. (2) There is also a pretty high chance that a female has internalised the patterns we talk about (See comments from Girl in Boots) and it is no way sure a female hiring manager is any better than any otehr. ...If it were the case we wouldn't have this situation as females are over represented in HR departments. ...... added to this post 15 minutes later: Why pay them less when they do work jut because they might not work for all their life? Where is the logic here? If you work 20 years, get payed equaly in taht 20 years and if you just work 15 years get payd equaly for 15 years....what you do with the other 5 is your business. What the hell is the locic in not paying as much for the same time because you might take time off too when you do NOT get payed or not by the company anyway. This is what I asked a couple of times already. In the US you do not even have a propper maternity leave not in leght not in payment so where is the comapnies loss at it? ANY employee might stop working there any time they like and change to an other place or to a tripp around the globe...
  6. I skipped insurance because it is a pile of -sims and discrimination of all sorts. If you are too young, too old, too statistically reckless... (men drive more and faster and ...and ...and you name it) Insurance is closer to a scheme as a business modell than anything else. It is there to get rich on you paying for nothing.
  7. This comes up quite often and I think many do not realise that as much as it can be true (and I do believe it is) that men get discriminated agains in these SPECIAL situation...they are special! The "If you are a man" stands after the filter of what you want/not want not before it. Not all men go to jail....if they go they might get worse sentence, sure. On the other hand with the case of women in the workforce the "if you are a women" is the first thing. Surely not everyone need to work but a whole lot biger persentage of the population needs to than how many go to jail or need to fight over custody.
  8. Do you think that a wrong desing in a system allowing such misuse should justify treating ALL women of all ages (including my 60+ mother who didn't do this and is quite unlikely to get a second chance at it) in your country like "ticking time-bombs" including you yourself too? What if you never even want to have a child to begin with? Should you be responsible for others actions...or anecdotal actions*? Do you subscribe to other group level discrimination as justified too similarily? If not, why not, why is that any different? *BTW this is just an anecdote, to justify and rationalise bulshit. I never met anyone who actually did this, never even heared of, as it would be stupid; maternity pay is not as good as normal salary and nursery is accessible. The only situation it is better against is being unemployed.
  9. strawman strawman strawman strawman strawman strawman strawman strawman Go imagine you are a schoolteacher who hapens to be a women and you get payed less than your colleague who is a man becaus you have kids or you might want them one day and you are the one who would give birth to them in that case. Imagine you go to the principal and tell him/her that you want the same salary as your colleague gets for the same job. You may even go as wild as imagine that your colleague happens to be you spouse too. ...You painted yourself in a corned Chord, you cannot rationalise this to be fair. Actually you also demonstrate how one reads the message or content wrong to fit what one already believes the other is saying. I'm not saying any damn where that "Mothers should be payed more then non-mother women." This is a strawman of YOUR creation. I said women and man should be payed the same not mothers and men ....for a very good reason!
  10. But HEY, we argue about WHY they are currently less payed . Your argument was that they might go on maternity leave, others say because other jobs are more dangerous or physicaly demanding. I agree this should not matter. Right, it should not. Anyone should be payed the same for the same. Regardles of what one does with his or her free time or whatever plans one might have for the future. Payment in a job should not be subjest to anything else just the job itself. That is my point.
  11. Such fallacy ... very strawman wow... Read again! Who said more?
  12. It is relevant as this double standard (the rationalisation of irrational or customary shit in society) is what causes the whole question to even exist...
  13. Ehm, are you having an argument with yourself? ....don't do that, it's creepy. Whose point is it not? Yours? Ok, maybe it is not yours. But be honest and think about it how many time do we get that we are physically weaker and all those OTHER jobs are so hard and dangerous to do thus suck up being paid less for even the same job done. ...and the argument agains childbirth being hard on women is "it's natural". If you don't see the double standard in this I can't help you see it clearer. So what is the point? Let's not pay the women the same however we won't even need to employ her so long as she will go on maternity leave anyway? What is the point in this? ...Does the employer pay the maternity leave in your country? In mine the country does, as part of the social security like sick leave and sorts, still we keep whining around this question with the same rethoric.
  14. I'm sorry I did not read the whole tread (I'll do it later), but I am so sick of this...^^^ No. We are not talking about paid less 'in their whole lifetime' or any of that shit. Not even about how much or little one gets paid on maternity leave. We talk about women getting paid less for the same time spent and same job done per month by the sole virtue of being looked at as less... for whatever reason. My mom worked as a quality inspector of maintenance works on a heavy industry facility. Her colleague who was doing the same job at the same place and danger level, who also happened to have less experience being 10 years younger, just by the virtue of being male did earn more than her, a lot more. She did complain every year (as at that place you had one discussion on this matter per year). One year she got to hear "Your husband earns enough to make up for the difference." (??!!). An other year she was told, "Oh we cannot change it now this much we have to stay within X%-s, we'll do the some extra correction next year". Sure... The next year a male colleague had to stand up and hit the table saying "You did promise the extra correction to her I was here, I heard you say it! Do it NOW!" (*) to actually get it. You can imagine working with what she worked with she wasn't the shy bunny type, still it wasn't enough. There is no rational reason to this, regardles how much we wish there was. (*He is regarded as a hero ever since and he was, but I hate the fact that he needed to be one. How on eath does it make any sence) 2: It is also an interesting question how is giving birth to the next generation is not looked at as physically heavy work worth a shitload of money payed for it. I: not anyone is capable of doing it, not even all women. II: It is quite dangerous, one may even die or ger damaged in the process. III: It is as physically demanding as anything can be and takes lots of time. How many times did I read that it does not count as women are naturally designed to do it so it is not hard, full stop. If we take this logic than that heavy dangerous work men are so drawn to do is not hard and does not deserve any extra respect as men are naturally designed to like danger more and be stronger so they just should do what they "like" for "free". How is this not a perfect example of something dangerous and physically demanding getting discounted for just and only beacuse man never do it...and the excuse is "natural...
  15. The situation I'll describe here and try to figure out how to act in has not happen just yet, so I can't know some of the details here. The frame. I used to work in a company where people were very very friendly and some of them including my boss used to hug me when I came back form a long holiday or I had birthday and so on. Not everybody did it but it was quite usual and I did roll with the flow as found it bit weird but did not mind too much. I was fired from there long ago due to mostly redundancy, but why I was selected had a bit of personal spin on it too - it's complicated and I'm not sure it is of interest here. Now I do not know exactly what I feel toward those people I just closed that chapter for the most part and did not think about it much. I'm a bit more disapointed at my ex-boss than the rest and also don't have the foggiest idea what he thought of me for real. We were so damn nice all the time. The rest I did meet once or exchaged a couple of likes here and ther with some of them in the last years, that's all. We still work obviously in the same field and lately extreme proximity. If I sat at an other window in the same building I would be able to wave to them sitting in their offices. Now there is a venue regularly organised to our branch, some presentations or discussion events. As any "I" I hate it, but I know it were usefull for networking and if handled correctly it could be even pleasant to go and be social for once. So I want (but don't feel like) to go. Also I want to prove to myself that I do not shy away...not any longer at least. I need to be a little more active... What I am hesitant about is how should I handle if I meet my ex colleagues or boss. When we met once he was the same big hug "how are you doing?" super friendly ...ehmm horror to an INTJ. I think - but don't know - he is honest about it but it is soooo fucking weird to me. I don't want to be a complete jerk and say to his face that we were never friends and I know it so let's not overplay this hug thing. Also don't want to come off as "still angry" (as I'm not but I don't forget reality) by not letting him and the tone stay friendly, but how tone down to a just friendly but not friends tone? He is ENTP/ENFP if you ask me...but who knows. I know, whatever happens it will be a lot less drama then it seems it could be when I think about it in advance. I want to come of as composed, relaxed and content as I actually am while keeping my distance. How does such an encounter look like with a hugger like him? It would be great to have a mental image, a plan if you like where I do not roll my minds eye.