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About YellowSubmarine

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  1. It means being primarily turned on by mental connection (above gender, sex, emotional connection or physical appearance).
  2. It depends on the face. Some faces are too nice to be covered with beard. Other guys pull off that rugged sexy look when they have one. Chiseled faces are accentuated by light stubble. Probably light stubble is the best to look at, and worst to kiss. The worst to look at are neckbeards.
  3. I was never abused or bullied, my parents have been happily married for 35 years, my siblings are NFPs, and I'm an intj with avoidant attachment style.
  4. Obviously you will always have to do some things you don't want to do. If you can't handle basic stuff like watching your kids play sports and be in ridiculous musicals, you have no business having kids. Kids do activities, they have birthdays, they get sick, they have homework, etc. But you don't have to be that person who talks about their kids all the time to people who don't care, and you don't have to stop doing your own hobbies and activities, or going out with your friends. As far as being super involved at school and stuff, if you don't want to, don't do it. Some people will judge you for it. But all parents will have people judging them for things, and they just learn to get over it. I'm not remotely involved in the "parenting community" because it's not my scene at all. But I'm still an involved parent.
  5. At stores like Victoria's Secret when you get to the cashier they ask, "Did someone help you today?" I usually can't remember their name...sometimes can't remember their hair color, or even their race. The most difficult people to remember for me are large groups of men in suits. Their faces all start to look generic and indistinguishable.
  6. Female. People are mostly attracted in spite of my personality rather than because of it.
  7. I prefer ENTJs and INTPs to INTJs and ENTPs, but I find all NT types fairly attractive. NFPs are attractive too, but relationships with them require too much emotional energy for me.
  8. I mean, big iguanas make scratches like that, but I don't think you have an invisible iguana living with you. You should probably get a cat, just in case.
  9. It gets easier as kids get older. Every self-sufficiency milestone your kid reaches is both exciting for them and freeing for you. You have a lot of those to look forward to, probably many you don't even realize or appreciate yet. I remember when I taught mine to open the fridge using a hand towel around handle for leverage so that he could get his little cup of milk and pour it into a bowl of cereal by himself for breakfast. And just like that, I got 30 minutes of morning sleep back! This year, I finally experienced a vacation where mine could swim and play safely without being watched like a hawk, could keep up with me on a bike and on walks so I could do things I enjoy without having to help someone else, could take tennis lessons while I ran errands, and could even take turns making meals. Amazing. The next milestone I'm looking forward to is going out without a sitter! But these are some things I recommend to maintain your sanity: 1. Regularly schedule things you can look forward to that will get you through the day-to-day grind. I take a trip every few months, and it's helpful. 2. Take random days off--don't just use your vacation time for holidays. Spend those days like you would if you were single--go check out a restaurant by yourself, binge-watch a show your wife hates, go to a movie, go rock climbing, whatever. 3. Along those lines, see if you can work from home sometimes if that would free up some time you'd be wasting in traffic. 4. Join a gym or some activity facility that provides childcare so that you can still do it regularly even when your wife is busy. 5. Consider having your own room with TV, or a small apartment instead of the separate house idea. 6. Think about what you can pay to have done instead of doing yourself when it comes to the things around the house that are taking up your weekends. Housecleaning service? Yard service? Need a handy man? 7. Find a good babysitter.
  10. "Genetics" doesn't equal immutable biology...Evolution is a thing. You can disagree all you want, but it's a fact that organisms adapt to their environment, both consciously and unconsciously. Sure, our genes adapted to store excess fat in times of scarcity. But that adaptation clearly isn't immutable (by definition); it also isn't a significant reproductive disadvantage to be overweight in our current environment; and furthermore, the obesity trend has hit a plateau in the developed world, and is now in decline (in a rather short period of time, by evolutionary standards). Also porn. I don't think $4 billion/year in wasted sperm means what you think it does. To extend this point, check out the herbivore male culture in Japan. This phenomenon would never exist in a primative culture with a scarcity of resources and a population on the brink of extinction. In a stable, secure environment, humans do things that make us feel happy and mitigate discomfort because we can. When we select for traits that make us happy (or opt out of selecting mates or reproducing entirely), this changes the makeup of the gene pool. I don't have to select a strong male as a mate because being physically strong isn't important in our current environment. I don't have to select a mate who can provide for offspring because I have the capacity to do so myself. I don't have to procreate young because I can harvest my eggs and/or afford a surrogate if I want kids. I can have sex with anyone regardless of reproductive potential because birth control exists. I don't have to have a bunch of kids, because the infant mortality rate is low. I don't have to reproduce at all. I don't have to fuck men at all if I want sex. Stimulating genitals still feels nice, and relationships with other humans still seem rewarding, but I'm more controled by what works for me than what worked for cavemen thousands of years ago, so I'm going with that. When a bunch of people select for what feels best because they can, genetics change. People evolve to reflect those changes.
  11. What is the point of a "purely biological" mating discussion? There is no such thing as pure biology. The environment shapes everything--resources, scarcity, reproduction urgency, desirable genes, even genetic expression itself. Reproduction strategy will look vastly different in a primitive environment where resources are scarce, infant mortality rate is high, life expectancy is short, physical strength is beneficial for survival, etc...vs. an environment where resources are plentiful, infant mortality rate is low, life expectancy is long, physical strength is irrelevant for survival, etc. Add industrialization, female breadwinners, birth control, overpopulation, artificial insemination, artificial wombs to the environment. There is no underlying, immutable biological programing that is unresponsive to massive shifts in the environment. We are both consciously and biologically responsive to these shifts on individual and macro levels.
  12. I can when I first meet someone, but it isn't really small talk, it's information gathering. Once I gather all the info that might be useful, I can only maintain conversation if the info has yielded some common interests.
  13. Meh. What people are saying about the shortcomings of these studies are correct, and I also don't think altruism is the number one trait women select for. Besides, it isn't an either/or thing that people are altruistic or selfish. I'd rather pick someone logical and pragmatic than someone who automatically defaulted to one end of the spectrum or the other. And I haven't researched this, but with the prevalence of online dating, I don't think the cliche pics with a puppy, baby, or hoard of third world children from a service trip actually work, though stuff like that would hypothetically be indicators of altruism. As a career nonprofit person, I wouldn't use pics like that myself, and they don't do anything for me. I like intelligent, open-minded people who don't take themselves too seriously, and none of the people I've dated have turned out to be assholes. "Don't act like a selfish asshole" is obvious to everyone, but trying to be or appear more altruistic to improve your relationship odds is not a great plan. I wouldn't suggest it.
  14. Pretty much what holli said. Mental anomalies are "treated" when they cause the host to suffer, or could potentially harm others. When their condition doesn't have the potential to harm others, the goal of "treatment" should be to alleviate suffering in the most effective and efficient way possible. "Normalizing" isn't an inherently valuable objective, and often fails anyway. Irrespective of who pays for treatment, I'd imagine the most effective and permanent treatment would be preferable. Many people would gladly cut off an arm if curing depression had that easy and cheap a solution.
  15. The US is the only country in the developed world without mandatory paid parental leave. Other countries (and US-based companies like Google, Amazon, Facebook, Netflix, Microsoft, Adobe, etc.) don't do it because it's "the right thing to do," but because there's a significant return on investment, and it makes logical sense.