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About bluemoon73

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  • Location
    Mid-atlantic region USA
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    Reading, writing, fixing stuff, drawing, walking
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  1. One person at a time for me. If I am unhappy and feel that things aren't working out, I will end one relationship (and take time to myself until I am ready) before I seek out another person. But as it is, I've only been cheated on, so my take on it at the time and always, is if you cheated, you've checked out already. GOOD BYE. No such thing as another chance because usually it means you no longer give a shit about me.
  2. Regardless of how it was ended, you still go through the stages of grief and loss. When I go through the end of a relationship, my mind will tally up all the reasons why it was probably for the best, but the other part of me will still FEEL every bit of it. It is a constant battle until I just give up and allow myself to feel what I need to to feel to let things go. It takes time, and for myself I give myself as much time as I need to clear the old from my mind before meeting someone new. Nothing worse than comparing your new person with the old.
  3. Absolutely not. Unfortunately politics is polarizing because of of basic ethics, and what you believe is the right thing to do. If both of you are of complete polarizing politics, it will only end in flames. People rarely change, and if they do it for a relationship, then you wouldn't be asking this question at all.
  4. It can take a long time to heal, I can tell you that. Dropping the mother fucking POS was easy, but getting over the anger and learning to trust and allowing a person into your life.. takes a long, long time. And it also depends on what kind of person you meet and date after. Guy #1 lasted 2.5 years, who finally left the relationship because he felt I wasn't able to give him the feelings he felt should be in a relationship. Current guy, we've been dating 7 months, and I never felt more connected and open to someone. Part of it, being with the right person to feel comfortable enough to open up, and possibly, enough time has passed since the divorce that I am fully ready to be with someone. I didn't date until 4 years after ex-husband left. And the current guy is about 9 years after that time. How and when you are open to trust again (or if you are ever able to do so), is different with every person unfortunately. Wishing you the best.
  5. I still have my HS boyfriend's cut-out patch from his shop uniform. Apparently a tradition in his HS (we went to diff HS.) One of those things I didn't think would be right to return to him, and felt wrong to throw away. We're still good friends today, but one of those things I won't ask if he wants back. Other than that, I don't have anything sentimental from any other significant others. Most were good about giving useful items. I remember that after I married my ex-husband, I found a huge bundle of old love letters written to my last high school boyfriend. It didn't feel right keeping it and would be awkward for ex-husband to find it and think otherwise, so I threw it out. But I kept it for years. Just something I would smile when rereading.
  6. I've only used OKCupid. Met last and current boyfriends there. The important thing to do? Answer those questions, as much as you can and as honestly as possible. I think I did over 1000 of them. And when it came down to those I got matched with, the 90+% folks were very similar to me. By that I mean things like religion, values, politics, etc.. It was rather uncanny how they understood a lot of the stuff I discussed. It was also wonderful. Now chemistry and attraction is a whole different thing. I met a 90% and 96%, and ended up with Mr. 96%. Nothing wrong with Mr. 90%, just that he wasn't fully ready to date post-divorce and I noticed. We're still email friends. :)
  7. I have a rule of being completely honest. If something is bothering me, I will ask. The worst thing is to assume. One almost always assumes wrong.
  8. Huh.. The only times I broken up with someone was when I was in HS and early college. The guy I broke up with in college basically dated someone that really wasn't me. During my early college years, I finally realized that I wasn't the person he thinks I am.. not even close. My first long term relationship was 6 years long. He broke up with me because he felt we were nowhere in the same mindset of our future. He was right, he wanted a partner that was ready to build a career and family.. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do after college and was in a rut. Ultimately, a good thing. He was a bit of a control freak and I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. We reconnected years later and are still good friends now. My ex-husband left me and basically told me he was going back to his ex in a VM. Super thoughtful. But I think it had a lot to do with my personality clashing a bit with his. He needed someone who can understand him, and that someone wasn't me. Best thing ever to happen, because it was a crushing marriage. It literally felt like the sun was shining in after he left, and I can think clearly again. Last boyfriend broke up with me because he felt I was unable to show him I love him. Basically, unable to give him the type of affection he was looking for. This was the first time I asked someone to take the typology test and he was ESFJ to my INTJ. We had communication issues and our values were completely different. However, he told me in person and we just went our separate ways. Still friends now. I do think my personality is a big factor in much of the break ups. I think most guys still want to be with someone nurturing and comfortable. Unfortunately my first reaction is to try to understand the situation, not hug and say things that are completely unhelpful. Or at least not helpful to what they need at the time?
  9. Your intuition is usually right. Things were off and I was confused why certain things are so off. (ie. why does my bedsheets smell of a different deodorant? where did all your underwear go while doing laundry? why are you having receipts of going to a bar when you told me you went to some other place? where are are you on saturday mornings?) Sadly, it didn't fully kick in until he up and left and had to be told by his aunt that he spoke to her about leaving me earlier. You just don't think someone you are "married to" will do that to you. You don't believe until it hits you in the face. But if you even FEEL something is wrong, and certain things don't add up, chances are.. you are right. Sorry to hear that. Probably best to ask straight up, but very few people will be honest about their infidelity. Even to the end, my ex-husband refused to fess up that he cheated on me on the entirety of our marriage. But like others said above, if the distrust is there, this will be a failing relationship.
  10. I don't think your situation qualifies as a crush. More like a big tease and then you dropped her completely. If anything, she probably wonders if you played her for your own benefit. A long letter/email may be helpful, but don't expect reciprocation. We rarely go back.
  11. Depends, but for me for both work and socially, no make-up, and casual (I work in IT) clothes and shoes. I tend to wear polos and jeans for work, nothing that shows cleavage because uh.. I work with guys? LOL. I do get dressed up if I have to be somewhere that requires me to be dressed up. That includes light make-up. With my SO, no make-up because who wants to wake up next to someone you don't recognize the morning after? :D
  12. I think everyone has already pointed the obvious, but if you are happy with this arrangement and going without labels that may or may not make you feel comfortable, then go for it. But as it is, looks to be a friend with benefits arrangement, should he want attention from you when he is available. Even a friend should be there for another in times of need, shouldn't that worry you? I was dating someone for about a month and half. Communication was very sparse, meeting up was usually dictated by what is the right time for him. It never quite felt right, and I finally pointed out that we're more friends than more. And that would be true, he's a nice guy, just never saw me more than just friend. Since then, I was able to meet someone who IS there for me, who talks/texts to me whenever he is free, who meets me on a regular basis, and who also has a busy life. You make time for those you really want to be with. Otherwise, sorry.. you are not important enough for this person. I wish you the best of luck.
  13. Really simple, traditional women expect traditional expectations. No marriage = no sex, no maintaining a home for you for $0 = NOTHING. If you don't plan on marrying her, don't bother. And don't bother with churches either, I expect none would be interested in partnering up with you without the promise of marriage.
  14. My ex is ESFJ, but his SFJ side definitely clashed with me. How we interpret the communication is the issue. As many have said, we INTJs are pretty direct, and focus on the logic aspects of issues. When something goes wrong, I would try to break things down to understand what happened and how to resolve the issue. I don't really deal much with the emotional parts of the issue until much later. How I show love is different from someone with F.. I would do nice things, cook stuff, clean things, try to make things easier for the person I cared about. When giving gifts, I give things that I think the other person would need, not necessarily sentimental things. It's quite different from how he would handle things. So I'd suggest that if you say.. are having a problem, express what you want from her.. help correcting the issue or to just listen to you because that is what you need. Always ask, never assume because much of the time, you'd be really wrong.
  15. How did you guys know each other? High school, junior year. How long did the relationship last? 2.5 years.. we ended up going to the same college. Has it changes you in any ways? Very self conscious about who I am? Who I was perceived by him and who I knew I was was two very different things. How does it affect the way you view relationship? Things were so innocent then, and it was young and simple love? Something my later relationships never had, and lately I realized finally why none of my relationships really worked. It's great to have a sensible mind going into a relationship that seems like the right relationship, but without that "feeling", it doesn't work.