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Moraycity

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About Moraycity

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  • MBTI
    INTJ
  • Brain Dominance
    Balanced
  1. Thank you for your input. I agree with the things you're saying. However this is not quite the proposition I'm making. Drawing from a previous post of mine, Certainly, adults and kids go through emotional experiences and feel them, though in different context as you proposed. I would like to put an emphasis on the word process here, also in the topic title. What I mean by that is integrating your childhood experiences and past traumas etc. to your current self so that they no longer cause as much turmoil in your adult life. The kind of work you do in therapy. Not feeling current emotions such as love, but processing the underlying emotional undercurrent of childhood and life. Maybe it was misleading for me to compare child's emotion processing with adults'; perhaps these are both best discussed separately to avoid simplifications. My central point is: is deep processing one's emotional history a conscious choice of effort to be made in adulthood? To shed light my view on this question a little (I'm in a bit of a hurry now), I'd say maybe, but it's not always a possibility. Some phenomena like full narcissistic personality disorder or rigid defense mechanisms shielding from major trauma legitimately prevent active engagement with one's emotional background. Also traumatized people are not responsible for what happened to them. So in that sense, no, it's not a personal choice to not (be able to) deep process it. But how about adults who resist therapy? In the paragraph above I would like to point out one counter-argument to yours: if an adult is traumatized in childhood and is now blocking their emotions, then no, a 40 year old might not feel the same as a 14 year old does. They might experience their present moment emotions as more jaded than the adolescent. Also, @Sammed and @mllebrie, I appreciate your responses.
  2. Thats true, they needn't. In fact I perfectly agree with you in that emotion regulation is an important aspect of life in order to function as an adult (which I edited into my previous reply to you since I forgot to adhere to that point, sorry!!) I'm not saying that overwhelming emotions are a good thing as much as I am using them as an example to compare a child's way of being thrust face to face with their emotions to that of an adult's more controlled emotional maneuvering. A child faces them by necessity, an adult has a choice of whether to process them or not when privacy permits. Or do they? Is it a choice? I think this thread is now a bit closer to asking the right question. EDIT: Oh, and what I'm also saying is that as people get older, the magnitude of what we have to go through increases. No tantrums about lollipops any more, it takes a bigger event to throw us back. And those events don't come by that often; therefore, less frequent confrontations with the feels. Amirite?
  3. @ kintsukuroi: Thank you for the advise! I'll definitely look into it. @ FORE: I'm a 20 year old kid just entering their tertiary education. I'm sorry if I came off as arrogant, it's not my intention to judge. I'm going to grow older and have to face these things too, right? @ Distance: Maybe I didn't manage to communicate my point clearly. By regulation I by no means mean repression. But if older people tend to regulate their emotions more often, doesn't that imply that they are also faced less frequently with overwhelming emotions, and therefore don't feel the immediate need to deep process their emotions right away? (i.e. "It's not like your mother dies every day" type of thing) Also not speaking for succumbing to emotional decision making, gosh no! I think I understand that what you mean is that if we wouldn't regulate our emotions, we'd be emotional decision makers, and yeah, I agree. You are right, its and important aspect of maturity to regulate one's emotions. But the question still remains: is deep processing in later life left to be a personal choice? Thanks all for your contribution!
  4. An excerpt in an article in Wikipedia caught my interest. It completely ran against my preceding beliefs about how human emotional experience changes during the course of our lifetime: The article is Regulation of Emotion. Is this really how it is?! The article sure gives some compelling reasons as to why adults might prefer to regulate their emotions instead of processing them (hedonic motivation, conformity etc), but?? Doesn't peoples' capacity and willingness to deep process their emotional experiences only increase by age? Older people have more self-insight as to how they process their own emotions and how to fulfill their needs. They know from experience they have survived from emotional hardship alive, which should make them less afraid to go through it again. Even most professional illustrators over 30 attest that they expand more from their authentic inner worlds in their work and less from superficial aesthetics as they get older. Just, doesn't emotion processing lead to this thing called wisdom which older people are so notorious of?? Anyway, is it true? Do adults get tired of processing their emotions? Is it more of a conscious choice of effort for each of us to keep on expanding our emotional understanding? Is getting into the habit of not processing your emotions the reason why some older people are so rigid? To why some resist therapy? Is it the reason for "getting caught in a rut"? D: So many queshons of a youngling
  5. I'm not sure if the topic's title is comprehensive enough, but here goes. Now, to give a little background, I dream of writing, drawing and publishing a full comic one day. As an artist, I always carry a notebook with me, but it often fills up with musings, insights, observations and ideas far beyond those find employable to a single fictive story. Yet trying to incorporate everything I wish to discuss into a few pieces of work is simply impossible. I feel a sense of loss as I'm not able to shape, express and discuss all that's inspiring to me. But to me, simply conversing about them isn't enough: I want to present my thoughts in a form as worthy and enjoyable as the process of exploration itself is. I want to share with a wider audience that's not restricted to neither space or time. (And frankly it's quite unreasonable to expect a few individuals to engage with me about all these topics so..) I have been considering putting up a blog of personal essays, which leads us to the questions I want to present here: Is it enough? When do you know? A single spark of curiosity can incite a whole career - how do you know how far you should go with each? How to determine which ideas are worth the labor of a story, a painting, a song, an essay, a career, an everyday conversation? How do you evaluate its usefulness to yourself and others? Is discarding some ideas always inevitable in the creative process? Do you record your ideas? What are your methods of sharing them? Do you feel that is enough, or have you ever thought about it? Do you ever feel overwhelmed under the multitude of possibilities for exploration before you? All the nice snippets of life that would make a cool so-and-so! And a sort of craving for sharing? Just how do you deal with too many ideas in general oh god i'm suffering I need alternatives to a school in which to discuss and improve help Vamos! Let's discuss!
  6. Oh boy. I wouldn't say there's anything I particularly hate about being an INTJ. Not just every personality type, but also every individual has aspects to them that is in discord with a thing or another in the world. Anyhow, I think the wish to acquire some traits that other personality types are stronger at sometimes flashes in my mind when these communicational mismatches arise.. One being that it would sometimes come in handy (or ease general conversing and chitchat and the like I guess??) to be more aware of my surroundings. Whenever in the midst of a conversation someone interrupts the flow to make a mention about, say, a passing bird or something that's on the radio I'm made awkwardly aware of how disconnected I'm from everything but the abstract realm. Chances are I didn't even notice there was a radio on. Any of my attempts to make a similar remark to the physical in response is just pathetic. :D That, and I'm terribly good at making all sorts of rationalizations to -not- take on the simplest task if I don't see a benefiting process and an end to it. Can't randomly go to do some exercise if it's not part of a program. Can't pick up a book if it's not part of an ongoing project or doesn't relate to a ~theme~ of things that I'm currently interested in. Huh, you want me to drop over there, right now, without any specific reason? Dream on! Things like these make it easy to interpret my intentions as condescending or purposefully rude. Lots of explaining has to take place, and people still think I'm doing it out of arrogance.
  7. Are you seeking external validation for your bigotry?
  8. Be fucking grateful for whatever life circumstances you are in: everything is full of possibilities if you only make the decision to look for and open up to them. Your surroundings, the people in your life, the places you go, the things you do. I still have to remind myself of this every day.
  9. I'm backing up everyone who stands on the side of your rights as a person. What your father is doing, it seems to me, by "nicely" guilt-tripping you to watch sports with him is emotional manipulation. I don't know if it's been brought up in this discussion yet, but the best explanation to your parents' condition to my mind is codependency - research the hell out of it, you're probably somewhere on the dependency wheel with them, too. Learn to discern signs and different manifestations of emotional manipulation and gradually become conscious of the ways your communication might be indirect, unclear or subtly hurtful. (In a family of very pressuring parents it's common for the kid to develop a victim or a martyr mentality. This might make you passive-aggressive and on the edge.) From what I read, you seem to be doing considerably well trying to communicate your needs across already. Hold on to your needs, but stick to your responsibilities around the house as well so as to not make your parents resentful. (This way, if there's no other choice left, each time your parents demand you unreasonable things you can explain that you have done or will do the chores, school responsibilities etc etc that you and your parents mutually have agreed upon and even give evidence of it. You can argue that for the rest of the time you have the right to give your time to yourself as long as it's not harmful to other people in the house.) Keep calm and kill them with kindness if your parents get upset for standing up for yourself. The best you can do is to accept that you cannot change your parents (and that it's not your fault!), take care of yourself, hold on, and try to get out of there as soon as you have sufficient financial and emotional resources to do so. Might help if you got someone nonrescuing and trustworthy person to speak to meanwhile. Good luck!
  10. You changed your name on tumblr, huh?

  11. Bah didn't read the whole topic, but here goes... I believe that cutting out your friends is a manifestation of your incapability of standing up for yourself. If these were toxic relationships, I'd encourage you wholeheartedly to cut free, but from loved ones? You see positive growth in yourself, but perhaps you are afraid of your acquaintances' reaction to the change; the fear of not being accepted? If you declare you'll want to go this way instead of that, many may protest, and eventually even turn to hate you enviously for racing past. That's just inadequacy. True independence and self-sustainability can be achieved even though there's friends in one's life. To me, it'd seem unnecessary to cut off all your ties. Sure, when you don't have any cake it seems like the best thing in the world, but eat a whole cake and you'll be sick. For some reason, when you cut off with a person even for a while, it is interpreted as the grandest insult and you're not likely to bond the ties again. Absolute loneliness is cruel and unforgiving, and a hard cycle to break from. Realize, that whatever you choose to do, it will have consequences; even ignoring your friends, that's a choice too. If your friends respect you, they'll give you space if you ask them. Never confronting them seems to me like shame. I don't believe, like Jourdan proposed, that we are in some way responsible for our friends. That kind of thinking only leads to codependency, a need to please others and be accepted - yet strangely enough the majority of peoples' perception of a healthy relationship is just that. To quote Albert Camus: “Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” Leave your peers behind, whether they rebel, follow, or notice change or not, but leave them mentally. Or more so, burn the part of you who feels suppressed by other people. By the time your time spent together with your friends feels to you like babysitting the other, I think both of you will realize you no longer enjoy each others' company, and the wound will close seamlessly. You could take this as a challenge to win your fears, follow the voice of change in you, and let the rest of the world adjust to you this time. I may be projecting, but maybe spewed some fruitful thoughts you can taste. Was in a similar situation to yours not too long ago, took the rocky path. Wouldn't have gained this perspective without one brilliant INTJ in my life.
  12. Ha ha ha ee I do this in a subtle, less aggressive way, with self-irony, in fact I've done it as far as I can remember! I like to rattle the authority standards a little in a group in which I recognize one and don't feel threatened in. In high school, whenever a creative project or a public presentation was at hand, I often stretched my subject to the extreme, just so that it would still meet the requirements of the assignment. In art classes, I might've chosen a technique or a tool nobody else used, one that wasn't necessarily forbidden but not verbally permitted either! In writing class, getting an assignment to write a fictitious love letter, I was the only one to write from the perspective of a fly who flies toward what he thinks is the beatific vision of his love; only to get scorched by a burning night light. Having to give a presentation in any science in English class, I was glad to advocate, speak for and educate my audience on human-chimpanzee or human-bonobo hybrids (for which I, shamefully, got a little spanking). Sometimes simply taking the complete opposite stand on any given, commonly accepted opinion is enough to cause one hell of a hullabaloo. I was sent for the school trustee for this in middle high - they suspected I was potentially plotting a school massacre. I also loved to make my mother (an ISFJ, law-abiding and so) babmoozled with ideas far out of her picture of reality. But, nitpicking in an irritated mood at other irritated people to make them less irritating (which is; to be less irritated) hasn't turned up with positive results the few times I have tried. (By the way, could somebody define under picking to me please? I don't think I've stumbled across the phrase yet; by under picking do you mean subtle defiant subtext or passive-aggressiveness, nitpicking, open aggressive behavior or the kind of playful wooing I prefer? We on the same page?)
  13. So! May the topic state today's discussion. I'm coming to an increased understanding of the grandeur of many INTJ's deep-seated and often unconscious fear of showing weakness. It must be the root of arrogance and judgmental tendencies in some, if not most, at least moderately immature and socially inexperienced INTJ's. Arousing any kind of sympathy towards themselves or asking for help seems to be like a sore wound to many INTJ's - I know it is for me when personal matters are concerned. Have you encountered this trait in yourselves or in other people? It's a difficult characteristic to spot. Has this kind of cases caused difficulty in your lives by you or others? If you recognize it, have you tried to unlock it?