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About leafylampshade

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  1. I've been wondering about this too. It's currently a popular look in my city. On one hand I agree with that sentiment, but on the other hand a lot of women just follow trends and wear whatever their peers are wearing and whatever the stores are selling. I think skinny jeans and leggings look bad on a lot of women, but I also think a lot of women don't actually know (or care?) how to wear them in a way that's flattering. What's frustrating is it's hard to find new pants that aren't slim fitting nowadays, which might be part of the reason why some women are resorting to leggings, since they are less constricting than skinny jeans. The fabric of women's clothing has gotten a lot flimsier in general too - stuff that I bought 5-10 years ago is so much better quality than what the same stores are selling now, whether it's jeans, t-shirts, sweaters. But of course all those old but good quality shirts I own are completely out of style and don't go with any pants I find in the stores when I've needed new pants. Not a fan of any of these trends.
  2. My cat enjoys sleeping on the bed, and I consider it a benefit of cat ownership to have a snuggly cat that likes to sleep on the bed. To want me but not be open to the whole cat thing kind of says that person isn't going to understand me. So when I was dating new people last year, I was fine with people writing me off simply because I have a cat. I would not want to be with someone who gets annoyed by the mere fact of her being on the bed, or that, yes, her fur gets on things, and sometimes the litter smells. My apartment isn't any dirtier than some of the people I know who don't have any pets. I'm pretty sure I clean it more often because I have a cat than I would without the cat. And even though I'm not a dog person and was not interested in dating guys with dogs back when I was dating, some of the cleanest houses I've been to have been houses of dog owners. I do think having any kind of pet is a big enough deal/responsibility to have that be a deciding factor in whether or not you'd consider dating a person.
  3. I remember that thread your husband posted. It sounds like he's just emotionally checked out. When I'm in a relationship that I care about with a person that I love, I work my ass off to make sure the relationship is good and that everything is copacetic. Open communication is extremely important to me. The moment I seem to stop caring, and take a passive role in everything that happens in the relationship, and just give off a "whatever" vibe - that is doom. It is very, very hard to come back from that. I would read your husband's previous words, and the ongoing behavior that you've described, as a sign that he's checked out but doesn't know what actions he should take. Also from your husband's thread, I got the impression that he tried to talk this stuff out with you over the years but never felt like you truly understood where he was coming from. That can be really demoralizing, when the person who is supposed to be your most intimate partner just doesn't get you. Bear in mind this has nothing to do with IQ. I'm not saying he doesn't have his own problems he should work on. He did strike me as not appreciating the value of quality/family time without some sort of detailed research or skill-building activity being involved, and his actions as you've described them aren't conducive to trying to improving this situation. And I know there's more going on than either of you has said here. But if he has checked out, maybe he thinks he already tried his hardest to fix this, and now he doesn't know what to do so he does the escapist stuff you describe. I still think you both need to get professional counseling if this has a chance of ever getting better.
  4. What makes you think this? I know you posted this a few days ago, but have you heard from him since? Regardless, know that 2-3 months is a reasonable time to try to determine if the person you're dating wants to be in a relationship with you if they are at all serious. And if he seems to have suddenly lost interest after you broached the subject, it probably isn't simply because you broached the subject.
  5. I just prefer being quiet unless I'm really interested in discussing something specific with whatever person I'm around, or if I feel like I have something important to add to a conversation. When I'm in a situation where I know I should be making smalltalk, like an office holiday party where it would look bad if I were just standing around staring at people, it's like I have to flip a switch and no longer be myself. It feels weird and false. I understand the purpose of smalltalk, but it feels so empty, and usually when I'm engaged in smalltalk with a person the relationship won't ever progress beyond that anyway.
  6. Realize that you are idealizing her, and it's an image that isn't based on reality. You didn't get a chance to get to know her very well, but rest assured that she had flaws you never even knew about, just like everyone else. Keep an open mind about other girls, and don't compare every other one you meet to this one girl. When I was younger, I was briefly the girlfriend of a guy who had an "ideal" previous girl, one that he even dated for a while, and it was a rather shitty feeling for me. I felt like I could never live up to this other girl, and it made me resentful and jealous. So, feeling this way isn't fair to other girls or you, and it's putting you in a position to fail with any other girl you might have a chance with, who might be special in her own way.
  7. I think you should give online dating more of a chance. Writing it off after two days, before you even finished making your profile, isn't exactly giving it a fair shot. This isn't to say it's not a bizarre experience or that you won't get a lot of dumb messages or meet guys you don't like, but it can take time and some strategic sifting before you find anyone you're really interested in. That was my experience, anyway. And don't be afraid to do the initiating. It doesn't sound like your standards are unrealistically high, just that you aren't finding guys that share your sense of humor and worldview.
  8. Unless you decide you want to be involved with him again, it's not worth your concern. He's none of your business anymore, and your life and emotional state are none of his business. While I don't know the guy, his email strikes me as more emotional manipulation, especially since you already described him as manipulative. If you are able to work on your loneliness, stuff like this won't bother you nearly as much.
  9. I agree, I just couldn't resist a little tongue in cheek jab at the feminists :)

  10. Eh, in my experience, men and women in power are pretty much equally capable of being awful. Sure I get moody in the pre-period week, but I don't go doing terrible things and I'm also aware of it when it's happening.
  11. I had the opposite experience. The pill made me feel emotionally dead. It was a very even feeling, but I missed having moods. I never felt terrible on it, but I also never felt great, and I didn't care about having sex. Sucks, because my period and my complexion while on the pill were quite nice (no cramps ever! no mood swings! highly predictable!), but I didn't like feeling like a robot.
  12. To be fair, this might also depend on personal experience and/or age. I never had a problem with PMS until I reached my late 20s. And until that point, I thought the whole idea of PMS was incredibly exaggerated. Then it started to hit me, and then I started to notice the patterns, and then I was like "Ohhhhhh... this is what PMS is." It has definitely gotten much worse with age. And now I feel like I'm losing my mind for one week out of every month, culminating in the day/night the period actually starts, at which point I feel I am the most horrible, wretched, worthless person on the planet and I should just go ahead and die. The next day, I feel completely better mood-wise, but then I have all this blood pouring out of me. It is a ridiculous experience.
  13. I'm sorry about the breakup. Sometimes it can take a few months of a relationship before one or both people can really figure out if it's working for them, once the early excitement and newness starts to wear off. His reasoning strikes me as dubious - that he hasn't dated anyone else throughout his 20s simply because he has very high standards - but that's moot by now.
  14. Yep. It's natural to reject all the advice of your friends and people on message boards that you've confided in, all of whom are telling you you're in a bad situation that you'd be better off getting out of. I was once a college-aged girl who went to an internet forum asking for advice about a relationship, only to be roundly told to dump my boyfriend. But I didn't listen. I thought they just didn't get it. After all, they didn't know him. They weren't there. Why would they know better than I do? Of course, they were right. But I didn't understand and accept that until much later. When you get yourself into a situation like this, you think you're being objective and logical, but you aren't. What you are doing is rationalizing your emotions, and you can't change your emotions all that easily. It's possible for bad relationships to look good from the outside, but I don't think it goes the other way. If it looks to everyone around you like you're in a bad relationship, you are in a bad relationship. Even if it's only FWB.
  15. Your Aspie score: 81 of 200 Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 139 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical Well, alright.