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Carot

Members
  • Content count

    226
  • Joined

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About Carot

  • Rank
    Member

Personality

  • MBTI
    INTJ
  • Global 5/SLOAN
    RCOAI
  • Astrology Sign
    Leo
  • Brain Dominance
    Right

Converted

  • Biography
    Single, weary, looking for an answer to a problem. Reader, fantasy enthusiast, geek.
  • Location
    Fairplay, CO
  • Occupation
    Postal Employee
  • Interests
    Warhammer, Motorcycles, Swordmaking, Housework
  • Gender
    Male
  1. I'm sitting here, drinking a scotch, just the one glass, slowly. It's been brought to my attention that you might be around this next week and that worries me, even scares me. I don't want to have to tear you down verbally, not in person. I've barely skated through conversations with you the last few times....barely remained civil. It will be worse in person. You were wrong about things in your letter; those were not "miscommunications, or misunderstandings", neither were they "petty arguments". Nor are they temporary. Those things you seem to consider so trivial...heh...those accidental half-truths, they were the end. They were the last straw, and those moments and words will remain indelibly inscribed in my brain as a final testament to a mistake I will never make again. If you wish to try and...."reconcile our differences" in person, then I shall be forced to speak more plainly....and more firmly. I have already shamed myself enough in this matter, a shame that will stay with me till the end of my days. A shame brought upon by your deception. I knew better and I let my baser emotions get the better of me. I hoped for the truth in your words more than I should have, saw in you a chance for something I'd longed for my entire adult life...to my shame. I owe your....fiance....satisfaction. If you bring him before me I shall offer it to him freely, but I think he'd prefer me remain away, rather permanently. Leave me with that last, vile letter, you sent to me. Let that be the end of it. Let me be.
  2. I've been through a few betrayals, and though I wouldn't compare mine to another's as better or worse I found myself in that similar spot at the end of it all; emotionally turned off. I have absolutely no urge to open up anymore, and at this point, I'd be rather happy, staying alone and by myself till the end of my days. To the OP, I'm sorry you went through such a traumatic experience, it sounds truly heartbreaking. That dumb saying about time healing wounds isn't totally correct, but it does help. Ciao.
  3. I thought of you tonight, on the way home. Thought of how much I missed the way you used to lie to me, how you tried to convince me that I was okay, that I wasn't such a troll. It was a pleasant fiction for the time it existed. I hope you're doing okay. I've mellowed a lot, but not the way you might expect.
  4. Honestly, in the situation you describe, if I were him, my interest in you would be reliant upon your (perceived) interest in me. Knowing that I was mistaken, even gently, would end up with me simply fading away slowly. The gentlest way to allow for you to even have a chance of becoming just a friend would be for you to reveal yourself to be in a relationship, which may or may not be a lie and can feel shallow. But at best his interest in maintaining communication will dim. Either way, best of luck.
  5. It's strange. I'm waiting to see if a friendship can be repaired or not....I worry that all common ground is lost. I'm trying in the tiniest of ways, the most gentle of gestures I know. Am I such a horrible creature now? ....I will simply wait and hold out my hand. I can only do the best I know to do. But I hope that we could stay friends..... ....waiting, as always.
  6. In a few weeks I'll find out if the choice I made today was redundant or not. I never meant to loose you as a friend. But with all that happened I could never be the friend to you that I once was. Was that really too much for you? Was my need for distance and space so terrible?
  7. Honestly, every so often. No matter what you do or how you say it. Some people just won't accept that you need to be alone. It happens, but learning to communicate it better still helps.
  8. All I can hope for is that you go without hating me, that you live well with lessons learned, and that you never come near me again, lest you might see the truth that I will bear forever. You did break my trust, my heart and my hope. Forgiveness is not something I'll ever come quick to. And for that I'm sorry. Goodbye beloved.
  9. The less talk there is, the greater the distance becomes. I've grown so tired of being the one to go first. Even at the end, when the lies all come un-done, I still have to make the first move. It's exhausting. For all the women I've ever loved, I felt the most for you. I gave you more of me than I'd ever shared with anyone. Somehow, that was my worst mistake. I'm not going to repeat it, and I'm not going to give you the opportunity to observe the damage done either. Maybe I've become toxic, maybe I'm filled with so much pain and rage that I've become blind. But that seems all the more reason to avoid dragging things out. This isn't healthy or good for either of us.
  10. Honesty helps, even when it hurts.
  11. Like they were a really bad idea.
  12. Lack of self confidence, previous failed experiences, previous unpleasant experiences, over-analyzing....and once more with gusto!....lack of self confidence. A personal example: I don't play the lottery because I lose money. I don't approach women anymore because previous attempts have been emotionally painful and I'm currently (and hopefully permanently)not willing to risk going through the same again simply because I'm lonely. Circumstance is also important, I require there to be some form of common ground established/observed before I even attempt to make contact. The lack of self confidence is probably the largest obstacle though, and that takes time to build. Time, and honestly, success.
  13. A toast! To all those that have hurt me, that I might not be hurt again. To all those that have yet to hurt me, and the adventures that lay ahead. To those that hurt me now, and know not what they do. You have all been many, none, and few. Salut
  14. It's strange having no one to talk to, no one to trust. They all continue to talk at me about their issues and problems. But I can't tell them mine anymore. It makes me feel very conflicted.... and sad. Still better than the alternative.
  15. A life of celibacy hasn't been much fun. I recommend you avoid it.