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About Panorama

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  1. If you're in your early forties and were married for twenty years before getting divorced, then unless you were married in your teens, you haven't been divorced for very long. Grown women do not get twitterpated like teenage girls, unless emotional pain is lending itself to an intellectual regression. You met someone online and, after chatting online with him "a few times," were "head over heels" in love with him the first time you met him in person? And you're feeling your self-esteem boosted by having him interested in you? My analysis is that you are infatuated with him because you need validation from a man in order to feel like a worthwhile woman. You need to learn to be happy as you are and stop seeking validation from sources other than yourself prior to engaging in another committed relationship.
  2. *sucking air through clenched, bared teeth* Ooooooooooo. Ow. This. Thirded. The best insults are contained in conciliatory gestures. Uncle is definitely an asshole. Do this and then efficiently excise him from your life. You will be happier for it, and being rendered meaningless and subsequently politely but completely ignored by you will infuriate someone with such an inflated sense of ego.
  3. I find that I am much happier when I don't have any knowledge of all the nonsensical things that go on in the world. To get upset about the things other people do isn't a very efficient way to use one's time. A few folks at my work did chuckle at me a couple of months ago when I asked how long John Kerry had been secretary of state.
  4. I used to experience this. Eventually I discovered that the part of me that felt a need to have some sort of "connection" with other people was a product of fearful-avoidant attachment, and that the real reason I was seeking this was in order to gain some sort of validation from external sources. Once I realized that and decided that I was the only proper source of validation of myself, my dislike of the solitude that provided me comfort disappeared. Being a "loner" is simply being able to be entirely satisfied with one's own company.
  5. I perceive his avoidance of you, and his giving nice gifts to all other members of your family while getting you a card, to be a very intentional insult. I agree that asking him what is his problem would be the quickest way to resolve your confusion. If you do so, then focus on his avoidance of you rather than his gift-giving (or lack thereof), so as to rob him of the ability to label you as greedy and use the ad hominem to avoid responding to your question. However from your description of him above, he frankly sounds like an asshole. I would not be surprised if he either lacks the courage to give you a straight answer, or cites your pursuit of a career in industry as a proper reason to avoid you and snub you in front of your entire family. If he does give you a reason for his behavior, then you would do well to evaluate carefully its validity prior to accepting it. Perhaps your uncle isn't as great a person as you had previously thought.
  6. During my psychiatry rotation in medical school, I spent some time on our inpatient eating disorders unit and ate with the patients every day. Having come from a family with Italian heritage, for which meals were main elements of family gatherings and happy occasions, the experience of seeing people sit down at a table and view eating as a very difficult chore left an impression on me. I always made a point to bring in only as much lunch as I knew I could eat during the meal, because the patients had meals prepared for them and had to eat the entire meal. I would recommend having family members avoid putting too much food on their plate and then leaving it there. Meals should be balanced, and snacks available in the home should be healthful so as to reinforce that food is good for the body. Of course, having one or two "junk food" or dessert items around is okay. Ask her how she manages her disease. Many anorexics that have received treatment have to plan their meals and snacks carefully in accordance with what they have learned is appropriate. The most important thing for you to do is be accepting, and to have her know that you acknowledge her problem, are not making any judgments about her on account of it, and want to help her be healthy while she's in your home. And if you see that she's having difficulty (which would be understandable, given regional differences in food choices and the fact that being so far from her home may be stressful), mention it to her and ask how you can help her get back "on track."
  7. That's a valid question. However, as I enjoy being single more the further removed I am from my divorce, I don't think that's the case as much as that I've become able to be happy with myself without another person to look to for validation.
  8. I'm sure that my opinion is partially colored by that I have been married and also divorced, but I love the freedom of being single. Frankly, even if I did meet another person with whom I felt I had a long-term bond, I would be unlikely even to move in with him. I enjoy having peace when I want it. I'll definitely never marry again.
  9. I explain introversion as the ability to be entirely satisfied with one's own company. Some extroverts actually "get it" for a second.
  10. Why do you even give a damn if he wants to "be friends" with you or not? It does not seem that he is interested in pursuing further acquaintance with you, and that he clearly doesn't have the strength of character to state this makes him not worth your time.
  11. I am female and, in both my work and personal life, violate normative gender roles on a regular basis. There is a formidable body of psychological research supporting that agentic women face significant backlash for possessing the same personality characteristics that are considered favorable when displayed by men. Interestingly, women with more communal and less dominant personalities take an even more adversarial stance towards me than men. That I completely ignore their screeches inflames them further.
  12. Avoidant personality traits are fueled by an experience of rejection. You must fully address your feelings regarding the experience before healing can occur.
  13. "Something intelligent."
  14. I've been married, so I can't say whether I regret not getting married. Although I am in the process of divorce, I don't regret having gotten married. However, I know that if I never married again, then I wouldn't regret it. I've never had children, and don't regret that, although that runs contrary to what one would expect of a pediatrician. While I spend a large portion of most of my days trying to make sick children better, I have no shame in enjoying calm and quiet when I am at home.
  15. Dreams are manifestations of our thinking while sleeping. Therefore, they are defined by the significance the images have to us. The images don't have a meaning external to our own values...however among a large number of people, there may be certain common themes due to a frequent association of a certain image with a specific feeling. For example, when I am very anxious or stressed, I may have one of three dreams; that I am running from a tornado, that I am in a strange place and needing to use the restroom but can't find a clean one, or that I am spitting out my teeth. I don't do this because any of these images have an intrinsic meaning, but rather because I am petrified of tornadoes, that I have OCD and fear germs (which makes my being a physician VERY interesting), and that my teeth didn't form very strong enamel and so are prone to decay. Thinking about tornadoes, germs, and my dental health stress me out when awake; therefore, it makes perfect sense that if I am feeling stress while asleep, then I would see an image of something I associate with stress. Since you are the only person that knows your prior experiences and how they affected you, or the values you place on certain memories or ideas, you are the only person that can interpret your dreams. However, if you had good times with your friends during your youth, then I think it's likely you are simply thinking about a happy time in your life, and possibly wishing that you could be there again.