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About Lilie

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  1. Dumbest person I've met in recent memory was probably an ESTP. Yes, even though the type has a T in it. Second dumbest ESFJ. Smartest I guess ENTP. I don't know who the smartest person I've ever met is. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes and can be dumb as a brick in some areas while being brilliant in others. The older I get the more flexible I get on the definition of intelligence. But some people are still just dumb.
  2. You asked me out and I wanted to meet up a couple hours earlier, for sex reasons. I hope it isn't too rude to basically invite myself over to your place like that. I've never had a really enjoyable sexual relationship before so I don't know how to act.
  3. This. It should be easy to persuade him of anything important because, as you said, you think similarly. He is the only one you have to convince, forget trying to get support from the other group members. Like he is going to listen to any of them if he isn't listening to you. Charisma is not generally an INTJ strength, so of course you're going to stumble trying to take control of the group that way.
  4. First impression is of an incredibly insecure tryhard, according to a secure coworker talking about another coworker. Me, it took months to catch on, during which time I worked AND LIVED with the person in question, who had narcissistic traits though I think not a fullblown disorder. Healthy people can absolutely pick them out and keep their distance. Everyone attracts narcissists, but the healthy people don't encourage/feed them so they move on to juicier prey.
  5. The similarities between the guy I'm seeing now and the one that got away in high school are eerie. The missing ingredient was maturity, apparently, on both sides. NTP type, and similar-looking as well, at least compared to other people I've dated. I don't know if it counts as a change to be attracted to people my own age now - so, they stayed the same age, but I got older.
  6. My first boyfriend was ISFP. Complete disaster of a relationship. We were perfectly horrible for each other. In our case, the big flaw that he constantly brought up was "not spontaneous". Good luck changing your personality, I had no luck with it.
  7. It's been very rare, and I don't expect it to ever happen again thanks to my last round of therapy in which I learned that crushes are just fantasies of a personal or perceived lack projected on to the other person. Not that I'm no longer lacking anything, but there are better ways of finding whatever it is you need.
  8. I'm very physically affectionate in a relationship, starting from about date 2 or 3. Holding hands, arm around the waist, cuddle from behind, lots of kissing, and so on. When I was younger it wasn't really like that. I'm early 30s now and with the current guy I can actually fall asleep while touching him, which has never been a thing before. There's been a definite progression from not wanting/caring about holding hands in public to feeling comfortable with enthusiastic face-sucking at the park in the middle of the day. I talk about feelings too, now. Before it didn't work because I didn't know how I felt. Now I do, and if we are dating, you are going to hear about it. I was NOT raised in an affectionate home, which may have more to do with all this than type. My relationship with my parents is so bad I cut them off awhile back because the only difference therapy made in our relationship is developing my awareness/feeling of how inadequate it is, and how badly they treat me.
  9. I skimmed the link and my eyes glazed over. Socionomics-based, which I find nonsensical. MBTI doesn't group all the types together like this. If you read the original book, he has SJ/SP and NT/NF as distinctive groups. A categorizing system that ignores this is a flawed system and you get nonsense like ESTJ being a good match for INTJ. I'm sure there are people out there who can make it work, but it is far from ideal for either person.
  10. Bullet dodged. Eww. Testing the waters is normal, I think. I'd only see it as sticking up for myself if I told him no, and he argued about it. Up until that it's just communicating. I'm not super experienced, but I can say that if you think a guy who is not used to having women throw themselves at him will be more grateful or malleable, you are deeply, profoundly mistaken. If anything, they tend to have a chip on their shoulders and not a damn clue about having a mutually satisfying relationship. Don't put anything into the profile to put people off, only put things that will attract the people you want. Then ignore the others who message you anyway, even though they should know better. Decide what's important to you and filter filter filter.
  11. 1. Run for the hills. 2. Still running. 3. .....
  12. The issue is that stating preferences about physical appearance in particular closes a lot more doors than you want closing. Whether height, weight, or anything else physical, people who meet the requirement are going to be turned off by your attitude. I am thin, and would never go out with someone who specified thin girls in the profile, because I'm not into guys with terrible social skills. These guys get filtered out.
  13. I'm not crazy about bums, but breasts are uninteresting when small and a turn-off when big. So bum wins by default.
  14. Having a lot of experience with real live narcissists, I find INTJs charmingly obtuse and bumbling in their (our) lack of empathy. The big difference is that if you take an intellectual approach to criticize them for any of the traits listed here, the INTJ will at least think about it, provided they haven't already decided for other reasons that you are a moron. The narcissist will pick up on one turn of phrase to rage over, change the subject, or just flat out ignore you like you never said a word.
  15. Last time I had this feeling, I told him politely but clearly that I was not at all interested. So he changed the locks on the day I was supposed to move out. It's a bad feeling, any way you can get the drop on him and escape a bit earlier? Take it.