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About Async

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    Just read my posts
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    Quid Est Veritas?

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  1. wut? if my SO hits my car and then I have to appease his/her feelings too? Puuuhlease! if my SO storms off like that, i would let him/her go.
  2. I am not saying that you are taking this lightly. It is a very important decision and it sounds like you are considering it from many angles. Why wouldn't you consider people's suggestions of having a mother's helper (or variations of) for few hours each day. If you have some time for yourself during the day (before he comes home), you may be more willing to spend time with him after he gets home. Also, it is known that many wives have no interest in their husbands since their tactile needs have been met by being with children all day long. Being INTJ, your tactile needs is probably quite low to start with so it is not hard to understand that it gets fill pretty quickly with kids. I can find citation if you are interested. You are frustrated, I get that. But there are some small changes that you can make to see if the situation improves before implementing a nuclear option. ...... added to this post 2 minutes later: I am saying that you are not looking at this clearly because somehow you think you get more alone time when you are divorced. I don't think you will, not for a long time. And yes, I am a single mom.
  3. I've noticed that you respond more positively to the people who feel sympathy for you. It sounds like you don't even want to consider the practical points that other posters brought up (some of those posters are women with children so they do know the plight you are in). - Time alone may not improve at all - Finding someone else who can connect with you, but yet settle for only part time with you, is a very tall order. Get a divorce if you feel you have come to that, but the grass is not necessary greener on the other side. You are frustrated with your situation but I think you are not looking at the situation with clear eyes. Don't confuse the time alone requirement with the other needs. Time alone most likely won't improve, not for a long time. If you can hire a baby sitter when you are divorced why can't you now? -- this is what I mean by you are not looking at your situation clearly.
  4. It is her body, if she wants to sell it, I don't see why not. However, like others have said, there are ways to raise money. But who knows, this may be an easier way to raise money. Plus, publicity is good for driving price up. As for the cut, has anyone ever been a consultant who work for a major firm? Depending on the firms, but for many, it is like 40-60% cut. No news there. Selling virginity makes news because .... we are supposed to give it up for love? because it is icky to talk about it? because women are not supposed to sell their bodies? ... The thing is, selling virginity is supposed to happen only once. What would she do if her family gets hit with another calamity? The solution is not repeatable.
  5. Tell them nothing
  6. it is like this, you come here, presenting a problem. People peek at it and said, the answer is 256 and it is round. You wonder how did you guys get 256? We said, 256 because of all these factors and walk away. You said, no, tell me, exactly how did you get 256? most people here aren't interested in being hand holding teachers, we won't tell you how we get 256. We tell you what we think the factors that can possibly contribute to that answer. It is up to you to reconcile these nuggets of information to the given answer. We can afford to be "lazy" because it is not our problem to solve. Btw, 256 may not even be the right answer, but it could be round though.
  7. This "claim" was made by many people, including NF fellows. It is like having a form of color blindness. We say you are wearing a red shirt. You said, I don't know what you are talking about, I am not wearing a red shirt, where do you see red? Can you at least conceded this is a possibility? Secondly, this is how most INTJs speak when they do so without filters. If you feel this way of speaking is too harsh, then I would suggest that INTJs (as a group) are not good potential partner.
  8. If the scenario is exactly the way you described it (meaning, if there are no other reasons for him acting strange) then, sure, his behaviors are completely understandable. I value my partner's independence, so much so that if he has to uproot and move because of me, I would scrutinize everything. We want our partner to do everything under his own will, yet moving/move implies there I am the cause. There lies the tugs. If there is one principal that I hold dearly and get assaulted everyday is this one: wanting my partner to be completely independent of me, yet his/her daily actions are sometimes because of me. The reasoning is this: if I am not around and be part of his/her life then he/she won't have to do this. Never mind that they are willing to do these things. That is not the point. Second point is also easy to understand. If i am so invested in something and my head envisions doomdays scenario then the first thing I would do is to distance myself from anything that can give me pain. You've heard many INTJs talk about having a cold/gruff exterior, it is to protect the inner state. We don't let people in but once they are in, they can do a lot of damages. The first thing to do is to erect a cold gate and boot the other person to the other side of the cold gate. Once you had your talks, your bf is back to his cheerful self because his inner state got the assurance that its needs. You are are willing to do this, and under your own directive. He probably is glad that you brought this up, he probably wouldn't. If you like functions, then this is the dread ni-fi loop.
  9. Assuming that your husband has to work, are you saying that your husband doesn't raise your child at all?
  10. @AmoreYou said that it wasn't your intention to put anyone down, however, this is the second (or even third) time you used the emotional-ladden word "raised a child" in day-care situation. Let's agree on a definition of raising a child, shall we? According to some website, raising a child encompass most of the following items. 1. Developing a Healthy Routine: - Put parenting first - Read to your child everyday - Eat dinner as a family - Set a bedtime routine - Encourage your child to develop skills each week - Give your child enough play time every day 2. Loving your child: - Learn to listen to your children - Treat your child with respect - Know that you can never love your child too much. - Be involved in your child's daily life - Encourage independence 3. Disciplining Your Child: - Know that children need limits - Reward your child for good behavior. - Be consistent - Explain your rules - Teach your child to take responsibility for his actions 4. Building characters: - Do not reduce character education to words alone - Be a good role model. - Develop an ear and an eye for what your children are absorbing - Teach good manners - Only use the words you want your children to use - Teach your children to have empathy for others - Teach your children to be grateful. Would you say that it is entirely possible to do most (if not all) of these things outside of 8 am - 4 pm, the typical day care hours? In fact, some of these "raising" items have to be done outside of the 8-4 time frame. Putting a child in day care doesn't mean that the parents get to outsource these teachings/tasks to someone else. If they do, they are shitty parents, regardless of day-care or not. Some of these items have to be done consistent day in-day out 24/7, this means it is the parents' job to find a day care (should they need to find one) that treats the child in consistent with their values and teaching.
  11. I was grumbling about how to do things in the new forum, until I read about customize activity streams, holy batman, this is just awesome.

    1. Whoops


      do you a setting toggled, so that people can't post to your wall (what are now called status updates, rather than vm's) ?

      regarding how to use quotes now... i find it's much easier to highlight the text i want to quote rather than use the quote button. when you highlight the text you want to quote, the software has a pop-up that asks "quote this?" click that, and it works better, imo. but i haven't attempted multiple quotes that way, as yet.

      also :wave:

  12. Who knows what just happened. Maybe a boss just walked in or he had to concentrate on something. Maybe he runs out of things to talk about.
  13. Yes, incessant repeating questioning would make the most patient parent loses his/her cool. it is quite ok to point it out to him that you guys already discuss this topic, is there something else that he wants to know. Or defer it a bit, hey, why don't you look that up and tell me what you learn. Turn the student into the teacher.
  14. There are several reasons why a child may ask about a topic again and again: - He wants to hear your opinions and he tries to reconcile that with what he already knows. - He also may want to show off his knowledge - He wants your attention and this is one way he knows he gets it. If he gets anxious it is because something else is bothering him. For example, a child may be afraid that one day he goes to sleep and he will be in a coma. If my kids ask me something that I don't know I would tell them that we will do some research later. Also, they can detect judgement or anxiety in our tones so try to keep it as neutral as possible.
  15. They are speaking a language that is different than yours. A language that is driven by social rules.