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This is a community where INTJs can meet others with similar personalities and discuss a wide variety of both serious and casual topics. If you aren't an INTJ, you're welcome to join anyway if you would like to learn more about this personality type or participate in our discussions. Registration is free and will allow you to post messages, see hidden subforums, customize your account and use other features only available to our members.


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About cizzo

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  1. Sweet! another INxJ

  2. As stated the direct approach would be your best bet as being subtle very rarely works, especially if you think he is an INTJ. The only reservation I would have is this at work, school? That could be the only thing I would factor in, but simply asking to go somewhere or hang out even if rejected wouldn't be that bad in those settings. Also please don't get hung up on if he is an INTJ or not, you want to date a person not a particular MBTI personality type. You like him, that should be good enough.
  3. I used online dating a bit ago and met a few ladies off of there. I screened them first by pictures then their profile. How is their spelling, grammar, what things do they list as interests, is there any common ground? What kind of "vibe" are they putting across? Flirty, intelligent, trashy etc. From there messages, spelling/grammar again is important. How are they conveying their personality, is it easy to message them back and forth or is it a chore. After a few days of a couple messages back and forth I would set up a date in a public place like a coffee shop. Then it's to see if there is any chemistry and how you get on with the person irl. Pretty simple -> do you like their profile? -> do you like their messages? -> meet them in public and take it from there
  4. Giving up is the best thing you can do, I'm in the process of that right now. Funny enough I've noticed that people respond to me more positively the more centered I am with myself and less caring of their perceptions. And I don't give a shit.
  5. I cut out my best friend of years because he was being malicious and making fun of me behind my back and in-front of others. It obviously wasn't 100% his fault he was doing that, and yes I should have stood up for myself more but I was not in a place to do that mentally at the time. It was causing me a lot of turmoil and angst, but in the end it was for the best. Most other friends I've lost contact with it's just a natural drifting apart. I wouldn't cut out people because you need more space, I would try to set boundaries first. Like for instance if you really don't want to go out just say you are busy and leave it at that. If they are normal respectful people they will have no problem with it. Some might if you for instance always accepted their invitations. Main thing is do things for your own sake not for theirs, prioritize your own needs first. Some friends will naturally fall off while others you might get closer to.
  6. The only cure for this (not getting an STD with a condom that is) is investing in yourself and finding a way to care less about not being with someone. People live like this all the time and still find happiness. Eventually you might (or not) attract someone. Live genuinely for you not because you want to be with someone, impress someone, or get something out of someone. This thing goes pretty deep but as an INTJ you have to find a way to have an internal source of reward. For me that is meditation, exercise, walking my dog, music and taking care of myself day to day. For you it might be different, but find those things that make you happy outside of others. Perhaps you already know what those things are but you are not giving them the attention and important place in your life. Once you do that, or at least at the same time, you can start looking to others for rewards or validation. You must have a solid basis first.
  7. Someone obviously trying to dominate someone else, even in small interpersonal matters. Throwing ones weight around in that fashion comes off as completely fucking ridiculous to me.
  8. Like stated by others those are profound questions you have to answer for yourself. I get into those mental funks as well, probably a lot of INTJs do where you question everything. All your motives, decisions, actions, relationships. I think it's beneficial at times but a lot of it is mental masturbation and there are deeper issues to deal with... These questions are hard for INTJs because there are no clear-cut logical explanations to them, they have to do with personal beliefs and emotions. It is not enough to understand or explain them logically but you need to grasp them on an emotional level. That is big for instance in relationships. After much soul searching I have to come to a place of humility. For me life is about living day to day and investing in myself with an understanding that if I am emotionally and mentally healthy then I can support or impart something of value to others and not when I cannot even look at myself positively. As introverts our main source of motivation is internal so we need a healthy internal world. Simple things like eating healthy, exercising, taking time out to recharge are just as important as the purpose of life. I am fortunate right now to be able to invest in myself so I know when hard times come where I might not have the time I will have that mental resolve to weather the storm, or be a strong pillar for someone else. Good luck on your journey.
  9. Facebook is my own personal version of hell. I only have a an empty lurk account that let me look up people and I realized very early in the game it was not for me. I don't want to be influenced by others more than I already am, I do not want to judge or be judged for what I do outside of work or what I like to do on my own. I am a very private person. I do not want to use it to "stay in touch", I keep well in touch with those close to me through phone/txt/email. I realize I might be missing out on social opportunities and I don't care, in the end it's a fools errand.
  10. 1. A person will become jealous of how much you make and resent you for it. 2. A person will feel superior to you because they make more. Don't tell people how much you make. On the point of being concerned if you are not making enough there are many tools online that show how much a profession in a certain location makes.
  11. I quit smoking about 2 months ago as well, was not a heavy smoker and didn't smoke for long. Every morning I would feel discomfort in my lungs and would hack and cough sometimes quite a bit sometimes one or two coughs but I always felt it in my lungs. No more! I have not had that feeling since quitting and it feels great. A very subjective benefit is I think my general appearance has improved too, I noticed after a cigarette my face would look more haggard but now whenever I look in the mirror my appearance is generally better. I think that's due to the oxygen being cut off etc.
  12. Yes I've struggled with depression from early teens to well into my adult life. Anywhere from feeling a bit blue to full blown suicidal. Like a lot of folks stated exercise/diet helps. I find I need a good routine of positive things on a daily basis. I walk my dog, meditate for a few minutes, listen to music, read a bit, occasionally call family to chat, lift some weights, cook a nice meal... you get the idea. If I keep that stuff up consistently by mind is more free and I'm living more day to day instead of contemplating existential themes which can be depressing. I've also come to realize some days if I don't get enough sleep (like today) or get into a negative thought pattern or socially anxious I'm going to be depressed and have a crappy day... and that's ok. Some days I'm not going to want to talk to anyone and just hide away, sure it's going to hurt my chances with employment or relationships but that's the way the cookie crumbles. That's who I am and some days or a string of days are going to suck. I've wanted to desperately hold on to my good moods but that's not possible in the long-term. The more time has gone by the more accepting I am of my depression and it does make it easier.
  13. The horizontal relationship is superior in that it is more inline with respect and equality. In my opinion it is more difficult since it is individualistic and up the individual to draw their own boundaries and not necessarily use cookie-cutter social hierarchies. Vertical relationships are easier because that is how things have been done for thousands of years. I believe they are beneficial if the person of higher status is honorable and obviously terrible when not. The horizontal relationship is somewhat new to our social evolution and I believe it is still evolving but ultimately it is the way to go.
  14. Your friend is fucking crazy and retarded and you should tell her that, maybe not in those exact words. What if the drug is tainted or he has a severe reaction to it? You could be an accomplice to a crime.
  15. Hello fellow INTJs. I figure this is probably the only place where I can confide these thoughts. I would like to ask of you that are 30+ years of age and have not been in many long term relationships and are currently single how you have reconciled being so. I'm going to hit 30 soon and realized (well many times before) I have never really been in a meaningful relationship. There is a sad realization within me that fueled by my logical way of looking at things that I kind of intuitively know I am destined to be forever alone knowing my emotional and physical makeup. And yes being hyper aware of this is an issue onto itself, what you resist persists and what you think will become reality etc. I've done a lot of self improvement and will continue to do so but at this stage of life being so "behind" in relationships and I suppose socially is the main thing that is making me sad. I find with older age being more aware of these things makes it a bigger burden then when I was younger and more care-free. I feel the pressures of society, family, friends and myself to date but I hate dating and find it emotionally devastating at times. I am not looking for advice on how to date or connect with girls, I am looking to those of you in a similar situation and how you have and do deal with it.