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About Chiaroscuro

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    New Member


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    faithful analyst


  • Occupation
    Health care worker
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  1. Anyone have any experience with narcolepsy? I'm starting to suspect that while I'm definitely sleep-deprived, not all my symptoms are attributable to just that. I don't have any symptoms of cataplexy, though.
  2. Depends entirely on who you're dating. Do you like anyone enough to date them exclusively? If not, why get exclusive?
  3. Hello "Lightdark" :D . Nice username.

  4. INTJs, how do you know you're in love? Is that feeling different depending on who you're in love with? Or is being in love the same regardless of the person you're in love with?
  5. Under what circumstances do long distance relationships work?
  6. I don't have a problem with dating "dumber". While my IQ (ie, the number on a test that's supposed to quantify intelligence) might have been higher than theirs, my partners have all had strengths and interests in other areas where I am quite weak. Intelligence is not very interesting to me - a zest for life, common sense, and passion are far more attractive.
  7. MadCatter: I'll keep this in mind! I can be pretty brusque (sometimes intentional, oftentimes not) so I try to choose my words carefully so I'm understood. We've had one little verbal misunderstanding so far which was easily straightened out when I backtracked and started all over again, but I was surprised at how personally he took it while we weren't on the same page. I'm trying to figure out how thin his skin is. mieu: I really enjoy his relaxed and warm personality! It's very comfortable. sadf: I suspect he's got a dark side, but I'm not quite sure what it is. I think I'm going to wait to see if he'll show it to me, rather than for me to go ferret it out. In your experience, what exactly is "dark" about them? Winklepicker: I had to laugh when reading some of the things you wrote because they're often what I'd say about this guy, too. Connection: of the people I like, there are those it took me time to warm up to, and there are those I liked and felt I "clicked" with right away. He falls into the latter category, and the feeling was mutual. Acceptance: I work a lot and I've been pretty upfront about how big a role my job plays in my life. I was half-expecting him to be scared off, but he's taken it in stride. I need some emotional space in a relationship, and I wonder how accepting he's going to be about that. Sounds like some ENFPs can be very smothering. Feelings: Initially his openness and "touchy feely" side was startling to me. If he was your average Joe Schmoe, I would've been seriously put off, but somehow on him it's charming. Flakiness: He readily admits to having had trouble following through or staying motivated when he was younger, but it's a flaw he's aware of and seems to have overcome in his personal and professional life. He's called me "intriguing," and I do wonder if his interest will drop off if I keep opening up to him. Immaturity: we've only briefly alluded to each of our own relationship histories during our time together, but he's said that he was not very serious about things when he was in his twenties. He's older now, and I get the impression that he would be interested in something long-term now. Reassurance: I prefer showing people what they mean to me through actions, but since reading that many ENFPs crave compliments or other verbal cues to let them know they're appreciated, I've tried to vocalize a little more. It feels awkward to me, but I guess it takes practice. He doesn't strike me as the needy type, but I'm not a good judge of these things.
  8. There are quite a few threads about INTJ + ENFP relationships, but most of them seem to focus on male INTJs and female ENFPs, which I'm finding of limited utility in my situation. I recently started seeing a male ENFP. (ENFP is my best guess - it seems to suit him well.) My last serious relationship was with a male ISFP, and while it was great when things were going well, towards the end things became incredibly dysfunctional. While my ex and I each had our own issues going on, I think things were made worse by the fact that we didn't recognize that our differences stemmed in part from our innate personalities. So, has anyone got any good stories or advice about dealing with male ENFPs in a romantic relationship? Do's, don't's, and/or humor would be much appreciated.
  9. I think the most baffling thing about OKCupid so far is the weird messages I occasionally get. Someone once messaged me to ask me (with poor grammar and punctuation) if I would mind someone to give me daily footrubs or at least any time I wanted. Why on earth would you ask a complete stranger that? It's creepy and disgusting. I made a o_O face and deleted the message.
  10. To me intelligence is one of those "bare minimum" things: once you've got enough to cross my threshold for acceptable, then I don't care how much more than my minimum you've got. Intelligence is far from the only thing; I also like ambition, consideration for others, a sense of humor, a team player attitude, and understanding of my INTJness for what it is. But really gets me is someone who can engage me in the type of banter where we each give as good as we get, who calls me on my bullshit, and can take it when I do the same.
  11. It turns out I've been freaking out co-workers and superiors at the workplace with my death stare. It's come to my attention that when I look at people a) to read their facial expression or body language, or b) because they happen to be there when I'm staring off into the distance while thinking, I often seem to be sending a defiant, hateful "fuck you" message. I'm naturally a serious-looking person, and I'm aware that I look more severe when I'm fatigued. Other than getting more sleep, is there anything else I can do to be less frightening to people around me?
  12. What does it mean when an ENTJ, someone you don't know at all, stares at you? Is it like the INTJ stare, when we're sizing someone up and figuring them out?
  13. If I had to choose, I'd change I to E. I'd be unstoppable then! :D
  14. The stresses are different. I'd rather deal with the stresses of modern life in the Western world than worry about a dire wolf eating me alive.
  15. Does anyone else find Tim Tebow irritating? I do, and I've just figured out why. 1) In my very limited life experience, I've found that people who are so publically demonstrative about their faith use it as a cover for something. Tebow's behavior sets off alarm bells in my head and makes me wonder what he's hiding. I readily admit that he might really be as pure as the driven snow, but I can't shake my feeling. 2) On a more rational level, I find his persistence in crediting his God for everything successful and good in his life to have some deeply disturbing corollaries. As I see it, if God gives you great success, then you must personally enjoy his favor. Then folks who don't have the good things that you do must not be well-liked by God. So what does that say about people who've been dealt the awful hands in life? I'm talking about the boy I treated at work who was raped and beaten within an inch of his life by mom's boyfriend or the women and children who flee famine and war in Somalia only to encounter worse. I refuse to believe in a God who metes out misery and suffering to innocent kids with one hand while with the other, he gives Tebow another football victory. (For the record, I believe in a Judeo-Christian God who cares about humans but is distant and allows the machinery of his creation to function according to the rules defining its existence, and I readily acknowledge the irrationality of such a belief.)