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About MyotisLucifugus

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  • MBTI
  • Enneagram
  • Global 5/SLOAN
  • Astrology Sign
    Earth Horse
  • Brain Dominance


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  • Location
    Pittsburgh, PA
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  • Gender
  1. I stop by every once in a while. How've you been?

  2. Hey, the {{{little bat}}} is still around ^^

  3. <-- This kind. It's been hit or miss over the years, but it's been worth it.
  4. 80 miles each way. Eventually it became a pain, so he asked me to move in. #winning
  5. My ESTJ ex did almost the exact same thing to me once, on my birthday. He's a turbo extrovert who always wanted to do stuff with me, even when I was completely uninterested. I didn't care if he wanted to go see movies I didn't want to see, but I cared that he would keep trying to guilt and/or drag me places to hang out with people I didn't know when all I wanted was some private time with him. We were together for ten years, and it was a constant issue. One year, for my birthday, we were going to have a party at his house and invite our close mutual friends. Most of the parties we'd had there were low key, and people mostly spent the evening hanging out around the grill, eating and enjoying a few beers. I was pretty happy with that idea, but for some reason he decided for this one occasion that he'd bring down his entire Rock Band setup and we'd all play and have a grand old time. The only problem was that I hated (and still do) playing multiplayer games, especially the kind that revolve around making a huge ass out of yourself in front of your buddies. I told him I really wasn't down with playing Rock Band and would rather just chill, but he chose to ignore me several times and continue setting up the XBox. I wound up going upstairs and hanging out in the guest bedroom reading and surfing the internet the whole time, while I could hear downstairs my own birthday party guests singing off key and banging away at plastic instruments. I don't think I ever let him plan another birthday again as long as we were together. In fact, I'm not sure I had any more official "birthday parties" after that one. Sheesh.
  6. It sounds very similar to my experience and I truly appreciate what you have shared with me. I find that it helps through this silence. The irony with his and my depression is that he lived his life because he was afraid to die and I don't live my life because I figure, what's the point and I'm not afraid of death. I can only see one blessing through all of this, and it's that I need to get some serious help to deal with my own depression. This break up, in particular has pushed my self worth up to the front burner and can't be ignored any longer or suppressed as it has been. In fact, if he didn't break up with me, I wouldn't be seeking help and it would never be getting addressed. I have also had the blessing of people on here caring enough to offer their help and support and that alone has pulled me out of despair. I don't have family to support me and my friends are great, but I do not feel like they truly understand my situation because it's not really the break up itself, it's all the accumulation of my life being triggered by current pain as well. I do hope that one day I can also look back and feel as though I have really healed and be in a healthy, happy relationship as you are. A part of me wants to still check on him because I feel like it's fear and depression that is ruling his life. That is certainly his burden to carry, and I can't change that, but I do care. If I do, it will be after more time has passed. Thank you again for sharing and helping me, it means a great deal.

  7. It was terrible all around, and the way he handled it (especially since, on our last date, he told me to take the weekend off work so we could go out of town for my birthday, and then dumped me on a day or two prior, leaving me alone and with nothing to do for several days but think of him and feel gutted) was extremely painful. I hope you don't find yourself going through the same situation, but if you do you have my sympathies and any support a stranger can give on an internet forum.

    When people are convinced that they're crazy and/or without value, as I've experienced through my own depression and through caring about my ex, there's not a whole lot you can do to convince them otherwise or prevent them from doorslamming you. It sucks, and I'm sorry.

  8. Sorry it took me so long to reply. I'm on the forums via my phone most of the time, and it's almost impossible to write anything out at length without a bunch of typos and autocorrects. Its been a hectic few days here.

    As far as depressed people go… Years ago I was heavily depressed and suicidal and nearly went the distance with it before I had a nervous breakdown and decided to change the things that were causing me to feel like there was no point in anything but death. I'm glad I went through all of that, because I wouldn't be the same person now, but none of that made any difference in my relationship with him. He had a similar background, only his depression required some serious medication, and that in his mind made him "crazy." We had one evening of minor stress (it was early in the relationship, we weren't on the same page sexually, and something very unimportant to me apparently caused him to panic and cut communication -- if you want additional details I'd be willing to PM them, but they're really mundane and were never really serious in my eyes) and the next morning, as I left to drive the two hours back to my hometown and go to work, he gave me a hug and a kiss and everything seemed fine. I never saw him again.

    He refused to answer texts, emails or voicemails (I sent one apiece the first day he went silent, thinking something terrible had happened to him) until two days later, when he told me he "needed to think things through." A few days later, I received a five-paragraph breakup letter about how his father called and told him that he may have potentially fatal skin cancer, how he felt "crazy" and how, even though he felt that he could possibly be in love with me, this was not going to work. I was devastated, emailed a reply and told him how I felt, and waited. Nothing. Months later I met someone with a lot of the same amazing qualities I'd seen in my ex, and sent the ex another email, wanting to hear how he'd been since we broke up and to get a feel if he was still interested, assuming that his life had settled down a bit. I never got a response, and I moved on. I live with the "new" guy now, and I think that the only reason I ever even emailed the ex, since I strongly suspected he'd refuse to reply a second time, was so I could feel free to leave all of that behind and move on. Closure via silence, I suppose.

    [iNTJf won't let me post anything past 3k characters, so I'll split this up.]

  9. The ones who'd run their course and were falling apart made me feel sad, lonely and disappointed. The one that cut communication out of nowhere and sent me a five-paragraph "I almost loved you, but I'm mentally ill and scared" email out of nowhere devastated me for months. I didn't gain perspective after that until half a year later, when my only sibling died in an accident. It's a terrible way to finally understand real pain and snap out of it, but it worked.
  10. Bao zhong straight or with fruit (Adagio has a nice coconut and Lupicia has a white peach that's amazing), tikuanyin or puerh. I drink and do a lot of baking with matcha, as well.
  11. No worries, I appreciate your thoughts and perspective and hope that whatever you are going through moves smoothly and well in whatever way that it can. Thank you for helping me with what you have already as well.

  12. I've been dealing with a lot of stuff at home and whatnot. Long story, ugh. I haven't been using much but my mobile phone, but I will respond at length ASAP, hopefully in the morning. Many apologies.


  13. A guy on OKC offered me $250 to jerk off on my foot tattoo. I declined.